Chapter 16
Rey chewed her bottom lip as she stared at the hallway Ben had disappeared down. She felt a pull to go after him, a wish to provide comfort, but did not know if he would welcome it. Rey glanced back towards Ben's parents. Han still had his arms around Leia, his eyes shining with unshed tears. Leia had her face hidden in Han's shirt, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. Rey felt her own heart breaking at their pain, feeling helpless to ease it.
"Go after him," Han said, surprising Rey.
Rey glanced back towards the hallway, and when she turned back, both Han and Leia looking at her. Rey hesitated still, wondering what help she could possibly be.
"The last thing he needs is to be alone," Han said.
Leia swallowed and nodded, dabbing a handkerchief on her cheeks to dry her tears. "Our greatest failure as parents were that we left him alone too often."
Rey exhaled, her breath shuddering as she wrung her hands. "We argue more often than not. I don't know what help I can be."
Han and Leia glanced at each other and Rey sensed an unspoken conversation passing between them.
"Your presence will provide the comfort he needs," Leia said, gently.
Rey turned back towards the hallway, wondering why both Ben's parents seemed to feel it was her that he needed. She wondered if they could truly know their son after so many years of abandonment, estrangement, and tense meetings. Then again, perhaps it was through those lessons that they knew what Ben needed. Without looking back, Rey nodded, taking a deep breath and starting down the hall, walking quickly.
As she neared the stairs, Rey wondered how she was going to find Ben. She had little idea where he would head in a time of distress. When she reached the top of the staircase, however, Rey heard the sound of breaking glass. She hurried down the stairs, noting the scared and whispering servants gathered on either side of the staircase. The commotion seemed to be coming from the drawing room. As she drew closer, Rey slowed down. She had never been on the receiving end of Ben's wrath, but she could not help but recall with trepidation the shattering of glass the night that Ben found out she had been denied a basic education. She did not worry that Ben would hurt her, but nevertheless her heart sped up as she neared the doorway.
Rey winced at the sound of yet more glass shattering. Tentatively, she stepped into the doorway, steeling herself for whatever state she would find Ben in.
He did not notice her at first, pacing the room, breathing hard, and running his hands through his hair. As he passed by the mantle above the fireplace, he grabbed a figurine and with a grunt of frustration, threw it to the opposite wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. Rey's gaze fell to the glass which littered the floor. It seemed Ben had been pacing and throwing pieces at random.
Still unaware of her presence, Ben turned back to the mantle and grabbed a vase. Before he could throw it however, Rey spoke up, unconsciously reaching a hand towards him, as if to stop him.
"Ben." She spoke softly, her voice catching.
Ben stilled, his entire body rigid. He dropped his hands to his sides, the vase falling to the ground and rolling away as his head dropped down. He didn't look at her, but Rey sensed his embarrassment.
Speaking softly, his voice cracking with emotion, Ben said, "I would prefer you leave me to my anger."
Rey fidgeted, wringing her hands, unsure whether she should listen to Ben or his parents. Perhaps it would be better for him to be left alone.
Swallowing, Rey took a tentative step into the room.
"Perhaps it would help to talk?"
Rey watched Ben's throat bob as he swallowed, noting his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
"I think it best we not discuss my uncle." His voice was not harsh, but Rey winced at the bitterness it held.
She took another tentative step towards him as he continued to keep his back towards her.
"Your parents think it best you not be left alone." Ben scoffed as Rey continued, "I am inclined to agree with them."
Only then did Ben turn towards her. Rey's heart cracked anew at the raw emotion she saw on her normally stoic husband's face. Immediately, Rey closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Ben's waist, her cheek pressed to his chest. He tensed and Rey nearly pulled away, worried that she had misstepped. Before she could do so, however, he wrapped his arms around her in return, crushing her to him and resting his cheek against her hair. Rey both heard and felt Ben's shuddering intake of breath, felt him shaking against her. Slowly, Rey rubbed her hand up and down his back.
After several minutes, the tension between Ben's shoulders began to ease, his muscles relaxing as Rey's hands traveled up and down his back in a soothing motion. With her ear pressed to his chest, Rey could hear Ben's heart slow its erratic pace and his breathing return to normal. As he calmed down, she began to pull away, suddenly very aware of their tight embrace. Ben's arms, however, tightened around her, staying her retreat. Ben raised his head and looked down at her. Rey tilted her head back to return his gaze, their faces mere inches away from one another. Rey bit her lip again at the pain she saw behind Ben's eyes, but when she opened her mouth to speak, Ben shook his head, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to hers.
Rey at first tensed in shock, before her eyes fluttered shut. Her heart hammered in her chest as Ben's hands slid from her back, one gripping her waist and the other curling behind her neck. She gripped the front of Ben's shirt as he tilted his head to the side to better fit their lips together. Unlike their previous kiss in the garden, which had been a sudden blaze of lips and emotions, this was gentle. Ben's thumb softly caressed the side of Rey's neck, his lips soft on hers. Rey felt herself leaning towards him, closing what little distance there was between them, tilting her head back further. Her hands slowly slid up, curling behind Ben's neck, running her fingers through the dark curls at the base of his neck.
As Rey's nails scraped against the back of his neck, Ben shuddered, an almost pained sound escaping the back of his throat as he gripped Rey's waist harder. He pressed his lips harder to hers, deepening the kiss. Rey once more felt caught in a whirlwind of emotions, reveling once again in the wonderous sensations of a mere kiss. She became keenly aware every point of contact between them, his hand on her waist, his fingers curled around her neck, his thumb sliding more insistently against the side of her neck, her own fingers now gripping his hair, and their bodies pressed tightly together.
Ben broke the kiss, moving to kiss the corner of her mouth before making his way down the line of her jaw. A lock of Ben's hair brushed against Rey's face, her eyes fluttering open in response. Only then did she recall the reason she had first come. Rey swallowed as the sensation of having been doused in cold water ran through her. Letting go of Ben's hair, Rey's hands moved to his shoulders, pushing gently.
"Ben." Rey's voice came out breathless as he had now began trailing kisses down her neck.
Ben either ignored or did not hear her as his lips continued their descent.
Rey pressed her hands more insistently at his shoulders and she felt his already tight grip on her waist tighten further.
"Ben, please wait," she said again, her voice firmer.
He froze, his lips pressed to the top of her shoulder, breathing hard.
"We-we need to talk," Rey stuttered.
Rey felt a puff of air hit her shoulder as Ben made an irritated sound. Abruptly, he let go of her completely, straightening, taking a step back, and quickly turning away. Rey stood rooted to the spot as they both breathed rapidly, as if they had been running. Ben ran his hands through his hair again, his hands shaking slightly.
Rey cleared her throat, more to shake her own mind free of distracting thoughts than an attempt to get Ben's attention. Nervously, she ran her hands down the skirt of her dress, smoothing the fabric back down.
"I do not wish to talk." Ben's voice came out harsh, much harsher than it had ever been directed at her.
Rey bit her lip, nervous flutters of a very different nature now taking up residence in her stomach. Her eyes dropped once more to the floor and the glass littered there. It was by some miracle that she had not yet ruined the sole of her shoes in her haste to reach her husband. Now, however, she realized how great the danger was that the glass could cut through her delicate shoes should she step in the wrong direction.
Rey cleared her throat again, squaring her shoulders in an attempt to appear calm. "Ben, you cannot destroy your parents' property."
Ben laughed bitterly, tilting his head back. "It is not their property, but my own that I have destroyed. I have just inherited the residence, after all."
Rey shook her head. "You cannot mean to be so callous."
She saw a tick in Ben's jaw as his hands fisted, his knuckles white.
"Can't I?" His tone lacked vehemence, however.
They stood for several moments, neither speaking as Ben's words hung in the air between them. Rey hesitantly began to pick her way through the glass to lay a hand on Ben's shoulder. He turned towards her then and Rey again saw the riot of emotions in his eyes. Only then did it occur to her that his callousness was but a mask to hide his emotions, her heart squeezing in her chest at the realization.
Softly, Rey said, "It is ok to be upset at your uncle's passing. Whatever else was between you, he was still your uncle."
"My uncle whom I had not seen nor spoken to in many years," Ben replied, though again his tone lacked vehemence. Instead he sounded tired.
"The uncle who apologized in the end," Rey replied. "Who wished to be reconciled with his only nephew."
Ben closed his eyes. "If you are here to tell me I should have given my forgiveness readily, then you are wasting both my time and yours."
Rey stepped closer, reaching up to place her hand on Ben's cheek. He swallowed at the contact, leaning slightly into her hand.
"I'm not," she said. She swallowed as she contemplated her next words. These past days had been some of the most confusing of her life. She was not entirely sure where she and her husband stood. There was no denying the intensity behind the kisses between them, but what did Ben truly want out of their marriage? Once more, the sheer volume of the unspoken questions and unresolved issues weighed on her, and she also once more had to remind herself that now was not the time to bring up such questions. Now that they would surely be returning to their own home, there would be time to settle things between them.
"My only reason for coming to you," she said, "was to bring you comfort. Though your relationship with your uncle was not fully mended, his passing has surely caused you pain."
Ben opened his eyes then, his expression unreadable as Rey pressed on, suddenly unsure of herself.
"We – We are friends-"
Ben interrupted her, grabbing her wrist lightly, pulling her hand away from his cheek and pressing his lips to her fingers. "I think we are more than mere friends."
Rey's heart skipped a beat, all thoughts flying from her mind at the kiss on her hand, her face flushing as she stammered a reply.
"I – well, yes. We are married, of course."
"Did you not say you wished for a marriage of love?" Ben asked, holding her hand against his chest.
Rey stared, mouth gaping at this turn in the conversation. She could not bring herself to look at Ben directly, instead staring at where her hand was held, directly over his heart.
"D-did I?" she finally stammered out. Rey closed her eyes, willing herself to remember that Luke had only just passed, that now was not the time for discussing romantic notions.
Steeling herself with reminders of the mourning period the household now found itself entering, Rey opened her eyes and forced herself to look at Ben directly.
"We cannot discuss this now. It's not proper."
Ben's expression shuttered closed, becoming the stoic mask that Rey was used to, but which now caused her distress. He dropped her hand and stepped away.
"As you wish," he replied. Bowing to her, he held out his arm and said in a suddenly polite manner, "I'm afraid I've left this room in shambles. Allow me to escort you out safely, so you do not cut your feet on a stray piece of glass."
Rey's chest tightened at Ben's polite tone, now knowing it was but a mask to cover his true feelings, which not thirty minutes prior had been so volatile that he had hurled glass figurines at the walls.
Nodding back at him, Rey placed her hand in his arm, numbly allowing him to guide her through the room so as to avoid the worst of the glass. When they exited the room, he called to one of the many servants still huddled by the stairs, asking that he clean up the glass littering the drawing room.
Ben led them up the stairs to the room in which they were staying. When they entered, Rey was surprise to note that both Beatrice and Ben's valet were already present and appeared to be packing their things. Before Rey could question the situation, Ben turned to Beatrice.
"The duchess will not be leaving tonight. She can return after breakfast in the morning."
Beatrice nodded. Turning towards his valet, Ben continued. "I will be leaving within the hour. You may follow after with my things. And please let Mr. and Mrs. Smith know they will be staying until the Duchess leaves tomorrow as well."
The valet bowed. "Of course, sir." Nodding towards Rey, the man exited the room.
Beatrice turned towards Rey. "Would you like to prepare for dinner, ma'am?"
Rey, however, turned towards Ben. "You mean you're leaving?"
Ben removed Rey's hand from his arm, straightening his jacket. "There is little point in my remaining here. I will be of no comfort to my parents. It will be best for all if I take my leave."
Rey shook her head. "Why am I to stay, then? Should I not return with you as well?"
"You have been a source of great comfort for my parents. As well, it is quite late in the day and you have been under great stress. It would serve you better to remain here for the night and return tomorrow when you are well rested."
"But then who will comfort you?" Rey asked. "One might say as your wife, you are the one who should be receiving my comfort, not your parents."
Ben cleared his throat, glancing away from her. "I am sure I will survive one night without your presence."
Rey recoiled slightly, stung by his response. "If that is what you wish," she said stiffly.
"Then it's settled," Ben said, turning back towards the door. "I shall see you tomorrow then, madam."
Without looking back at her and without waiting for her response, he walked out the door, leaving Rey to her confusion. It occurred to her then that in the scant few months that she had been married, she had spent more time in confusion than she ever had in the rest of her life. Never in that time, though, had she been left with such strange and intense feelings of hurt as she now had.
A/N: Happy New Year! Here's to the year we get to see Ben Solo redeemed! Cheers! As always, thank you for reading! :)