Chapter 19

Here I Am, Ready For You

The arrival of night had brought the silver moon and sparkling stars in otherwise, a very pitch dark sky. My heart beat fast against my chest, as I trotted over to the huge pine tree where Great Conquest was without doubt waiting for me. What was this nervousness? Why was I feeling so out of my element? He loved me. What's better than that? Being loved is something everyone strives for. Yet somehow, I had my doubts. Love is pure. Love is putting someone else's needs before you. Kind of like, the love and adoration I had for my human friend. I would never think of forcing something on him or he on me. If Great Conquest really loved me...why was he making my life so difficult these days? Was he really that hateful when it came to Spirit? Or did he just simply want me back in his life?

And what was it with this stupid jealousy!? There was nothing going on between me and Spirit!

Either way, what was done was done. I was going to see him tonight...

With a deep exhale, I plodded slowly up the path to the great pine. Was I making the right decision? Who knew!

And why on earth did Spirit's anguished words echo in my mind over and over again. "What have you done to me, mare? How many more ways are there for you to rip my heart out?"

Did I hurt him in some ways? Why are stallions so difficult to understand?! What was he getting at?

Just then, I scented Great Conquest and in few minutes he appeared standing in front of me, all tall and proud. He was handsome. There wasn't any doubts about that. But does that matter when you're not in love? I was making a mistake and deep down I knew it. It wasn't being fair to me or to him. I just didn't have another choice. I really didn't want Great Conquest starting wars with Spirit.

"Rain, you came!" The grey stallion nickered happily, upon spotting me. He trotted over to my side and nuzzled me affectionately. I felt ashamed that I wasn't feeling any of it. Nevertheless, I forced a smile on my expressionless features and tried to be polite.

"You are so beautiful." He added, circling me with excitement. "You make me so happy."

Oh no. Poor guy. Oh why oh why wasn't I in love with him ?! Things could've been a lot easier if I were somewhat attracted to him.

"We're going to be the perfect couple." He announced in determination and pulled me into a tight embrace. Again, I broke away, feeling completely overwhelmed. This was it. Might as well do it and get it over with. I didn't have time for idle chit-chat.

"Conquest," I began slowly, unable to lock eyes with him. "We should get this over with." I stated plainly. "Just remember that it's my first time, so don't go too crazy."

"What?" The war stallion was confused.

"Be gentle, alright?" I warned, turning around and flicking my tail up. I looked confident but deep inside I was so scared and so unprepared. What on earth was I getting into? I tried to remain motionless, yet I couldn't. I was shaking.

The stallion softly moved towards me, his light forelock swaying in the gentle night's breeze. "Rain." He whispered quietly. "You're unbelievable." He scoffed slightly, devastation obvious on his countenance. "Do you really think me so cold? You are not a mere tool for my pleasures. Didn't I say that I loved you?"

Oh great! I had offended him!

Lifting my blue eyes, I stared at him dumbfounded. "I don't know what else you want from me. I'm practically offering myself to you and you're upset? I don't get it." I snorted in annoyance. Seriously did Great Conquest honestly believe this was easy for me? I was doing this for him. Say thank you and do it! Jeez...

"I want you to love me, dammit!" Squealed the grey stallion in frustration and anger.

I blinked in shock, swallowing a big lump in my throat.

"This...whatever you're doing right now is disgusting! This is NOT what I want!" He insisted sternly, his nostrils flaring in fury, ears lying flat against his head. "I'm not some sort of a raging, hormonal stud!"

"Oh really? What else am I suppose to think?" I snapped in agitation. "Weren't you the one who tried to force himself on me?" My muscles were all tense as I glared at him.

I was waiting for another crazy outburst from Great Conquest, but surprisingly he pulled himself together and began in a gentle manner. "Why are you doing this, Rain? For who are you doing this?" He questioned desperately. "Yes I made a huge mistake once. And got my ass kicked for that...but I love you and I want us to work. I want you to love me the same way I love you. If that's not what you want or how you feel, then why are you here? I don't want you just for breeding. How can you not see that?"

The sense of guilt and shame crept up on me as Great Conquest spoke thus. Ugh, I was such a fool. He truly loved me and apparently had noble intentions. I didn't know what to say. I was beginning to be so confused. The only thing I could think of was "I'm sorry." I let out a soft whiny.

Great Conquest huffed, obviously not pleased with my brief and foal-like answer. "What do you want Rain? What do you feel?" He asked once more. His eyes were glued on mine, as he tried to guess my thoughts. "Do you want to give us a chance?"

"I don't know what I feel." I managed to let out a quiet nicker.

"Why did you come here, then?" The grey stallion continued relentlessly.

"You promised you wouldn't fight with Spirit if I-" I began to explain but was suddenly cut off.

"Well, would you look at that." Great Conquest mused in surprise. I froze and stared at him in confusion.

"Spirit...so that stallion, Spirit has won your heart and you don't even know it." He shook his head in disbelief.

"What?" I was stunned. "What are you talking about?"

Great Conquest's hazel colored eyes hardened as he tried his utmost best to remain composed. "You're doing this for him aren't you? You don't want me to fight and hurt your precious Spirit, and that's why you're here!" He concluded with an aching heart. "So this is how much you care for him? You're willing to give yourself up?"

"It's not only about him!" I argued back. "I care about you just as much. I don't want you two fighting over me. It's silly and ridiculous." Snorting in disagreement, I glared back at him.

There was silence between us. Great Conquest's pained and resentful countenance slowly changed and softened more. With a deep sigh, he began. "I can't do this, Rain. I mean what exactly is this? If you so badly don't want me fighting with that stallion...fine, I won't. Because I love you and I don't want to hurt you ever again."

He was so sweet and kind in this moment. That was the old Great Conquest I hung out with and remembered. The caring and brave stallion who put the well-being of others before him. A small smile tucked on my muzzle. "We could give us a try." I suggested softly.

The grey stallion returned the smile, but his eyes were slightly saddened as he shook his head. "No, Rain. You have feelings for someone else. I've lost and no matter how hard I might try to get you back or even challenge that mustang...you won't look at me the same way you look at him." He admitted all this with despair and lowered his proud neck.

I stared at him all frozen. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't understand it. Maybe he was right all along. I admired Spirit like no other stallion in the village. He had gotten under my skin somehow. But were my feelings that obvious and that serious? Great Conquest happened to think so.

"It's funny." The war stallion scoffed, arching his head to the side. "He won your heart in matter of few weeks without even trying that much. While I spent all these years trying to impress you." He chuckled slightly at this and turning promptly, he bid me goodnight before trotting away.

As I watched him go, slowly tears began to fill my blue eyes. I had never felt so confused and unsure about anything in my life. I couldn't deny what Great Conquest was saying but I couldn't admit that he was right either. My head was spinning, several heightened emotions racing back and forth inside me. What were these newfound tingling feelings? Why were they tormenting me? I wanted to shake him off and yet I couldn't. Again and again Spirit. I shut my eyes, trying to get him out of my mind. However, that proved to be worse. Now all I could see was him and his fiery, blazing expression. Ugh! What are you doing to me Spirit?! I was fine...I was great before you came along!

Shaking my head and snorting, I slowly made my way back to the camp. I was determined to get a good night's rest and figure everything out. My life used to be so much easier and less complicated. Now it seemed like, I was bound to get into trouble. I mean what else could a wild, untamed mustang bring me? Certainly not peace! And it was already so obvious that both of us...my sweet owner and I had become more restless since his arrival.

I was about to retire in the open fields with the other mares, when my ears perked up. Odd breaking and crushing sounds reached me. It didn't take too long for me to scan the area and realize that the disturbance was coming from Spirit's round corral. Of course, him! It's always something about him. With an easy lope, I set off towards his direction, partly surprised and partly annoyed.

I came upon an interesting sight.

There he was...in his round pen going utterly insane. He raced this way and that, attempting all the tricks he knew and trying his best to jump the large fence. In vain did he struggle. The more Spirit tried, the more frustrated he felt and kept crashing into the fence instead of jumping it effortlessly. He really couldn't do this! If he didn't stop this foolish mission right now, he'd badly and I mean REALLY badly could injure himself.

"Spirit!" I exclaimed horrified, running up to the pen. "You'll hurt yourself, stop it!" I demanded loudly.

The dun stallion was indeed quite taken aback when he noticed that I was there. But soon enough, his shock turned into irritation as he continued his ongoing struggle, ignoring me completely.

"Stop it, you hear!" I was beginning to lose it. He was going to wake up the whole village! "What on earth are you doing anyway? Have you lost all senses?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Spirit retorted skeptically. "I'm gettin' the hell outta here!"

My eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?" Didn't he start to like this place? What changed?

"Um, let me think..." Spirit began sarcastically again. "I want my freedom, I missed my mother, the herd and my best friend, Eagle! I think I have rights to live freely! How long am I supposed to stand here and look at your dumb, two-legged friends?!" With that, he charged at the fence one more time, but like before his forelegs got stuck somewhere in between the wooden bars of the fence and he stumbled over with no success.

Groaning in frustration, exhaustion and anger, Spirit rose and began to aggressively attack the walls with his hind legs. Striking the barricades with all the strength and power, attempting to break free from his confinement. I watched this insanity in complete and utter shock.

"What are you some kind of a nut?! Stop it this minute!" I insisted sternly.

"Why do you care about what I do anyway?" Spirit questioned, galloping in the arena clearly losing his mind. "Aren't you supposed to be with that lunatic war stallion of yours?!" Jealousy and bitterness was crystal clear in his loud neigh.

"I think the only lunatic here right now is you." I sassed back, shaking my head at his foolish behavior. "Settle down, alright?"

"No!" He snapped angrily, charging towards me. "I'm tired of being so close to you and yet so far. What else am I supposed to do to show you how much I-" He stopped, not finishing the sentence and began loping in another direction.

What was he getting at? I was so confused! I needed answers.

"You're hurt and you're acting out." I concluded quietly.

Spirit continued ignoring me and letting of his steam by running in circles like crazy.

"Did I hurt you in some ways?" I questioned in surprise, trying to get through this wild mustang.

Spirit stopped running and slowly trotted up to me, his mane all damp from working up all that sweat without any reason. "Hurt me? I don't get hurt that easily!" He panted, his eyes throwing fire as usual. "Go back to your abusive and insane stallion!"

"Oh so you're mad at me for going off to see Great Conquest? Is that it?" I scoffed in disbelief.

"I'm mad at you because I love you!"