Bakugou feels like the world is collapsing beneath his feet. He's unable to breathe and he feels dizzy as his mind is trying to process the words his mom just said.
'What do you mean.. he's gone?' he asks, having trouble to push the words past his lips. He doesn't get a reply. He looks up and sees the pained expression on his mother's face. She knows how devastated he must be.
'Izuku has… he has committed suicide this afternoon.'
'How?' It's not the question Bakugou wanted to ask, but he did anyways.
'Katsuki…,' she says.
'HOW!?' Bakugou screams as he gets up from his chair. His heart is pounding and he's starting to feel sick.
'He jumped.'
Bakugou can feel the acid in his throat as he runs towards the bathroom and lurches at the toilet as he throws up all of his food of the day. He hears his moms footsteps behind him as she places a hand on his back. He slaps it away as he pushes himself upright, his legs trembling, as he wipes the spit from his mouth.
'I'm going out,' he says as he shoves her aside and runs downstairs.
He wants to get out of that house. Out of this place. Out of… anywhere. He doesn't want to be anywhere right now.
He slams the door shut behind him as he runs out of the street, rounding corner after corner, his lungs burning as he keeps on running way past his limit. His head is spinning. He pushes his legs as fast as he can, as far as he can, until he's reached the school.
It's way past dark and the street lights are only slightly illuminating the courtyard. He can see the yellow police line waving in the gentle breeze. He feels like he's going to throw up again.
Without thinking he starts climbing up the gate, only realizing halfway that in the hurry he forgot to put his shoes on.
He swings his legs over and lands on the other side, twisting his ankle from the drop. He ignores all of it as he drags his feet forward.
Between the pond and the building Bakugou can see the place where the tape used to be. In the dim light he can clearly see the stain on the ground. A huge red puddle, about three feet wide. Bakugou simply stares at it.
He has no words to say, no emotions to express. He feels like a shell, completely empty inside.
His legs give in and he crashes to the ground, not able to drag his eyes away from the spot.
Slowly he reaches out. As he touches the blood, it's still warm and sticky. How long has it been since he had lain here? Mere hours at most.
Bakugou falls to the side, parallel to the pool of blood that was slowly drying. He feels nothing. He stares at the pool for so long his eyes start to tire and he falls asleep.
When Bakugou wakes up again he doesn't feel rested. The first thing he sees is the pool of blood in front of his eyes serving as a grim reminder that yesterday had not just been a bad dream.
He pushes himself to his feet and decides he has to go home. It takes him great effort to pull himself away from the scene, but he knows he won't find any answer there. The small boy has already been moved elsewhere, and Bakugou wanted to find out where.
As he closes the door behind him he can hear someone running down the hall. The next thing he knows he's being hugged tightly as his mom cries on his shoulder telling him how worried she was.
'I'm sorry,' Bakugou mutters as he pries himself away from her. 'I'm going to wash up.'
As he goes up the stairs he's glad his mom doesn't question where he had gone off to. He isn't sure he'd have the heart to tell her.
The burning water of the shower isn't hot enough as Bakugou turns it to its max. He turns the water off and stands there, water dripping down his face. He's reluctant to get out, because getting out means he will have to face reality, and he's not sure if he's ready for that.
'Mom?' he asks when he gets downstairs.
'Yes, sweetie?' she replies. She's been kinder to him now than she's ever been before.
'Can we… can we go see him?'
She looks at me, her eyes widening. 'Katsuki, I don't know if that's a good idea…,' she says.
'Please?' he presses. He can't accept it until he's seen him. He doesn't believe he's gone. He feels like the annoying nerd can just pop up the next minute to blab about heroes again.
'I'm sure we'll be invited to the funeral so…' She looks uncomfortable.
'I need to see him!' Bakugou yells.
'I'm not sure if Mrs. Midoriya can handle that now, sweetie,' she says in a soothing voice but it just pisses him off.
'I'll go ask her,' Bakugou says defiantly as he moves towards the door again.
His mom places a hand on his upper arm, keeping him in place. 'She's grieving. You must leave her alone.'
Bakugou looks back at her, tears brimming in his eyes.
'He's my friend,' Bakugou says, gritting his teeth as he's trying to bite back his tears.
Her lip is trembling as she releases her grip. Without a word she grabs her purse and his hand as she takes him down the street to the Midoriya residence.
Bakugou stares at the floor as they walk down the hall in the morgue. He had taken a look in the empty room filled with All Might memorabilia at the Midoriya's house and had instantly felt sick. His mom pressed him not to come here, but he wanted to.
The woman leads him into a room. In the middle there's a white casket. Its lid is open and Bakugou can already see the green curls lying at the end.
He walks over there without a word and simply stares down at the pale figure beneath him. The freckles and his green curls is what makes him recognizable, but Bakugou misses the energy and life that used to be so vibrant in his eyes.
Bakugou looks to the side and sees that the hair is combed over a certain spot. He doesn't realize it as he reaches out to touch it. The spot is cold and he can feel the dent in his skull from where it hit the concrete the evening before. Bakugou immediately retracts his hand as he starts to feel sick again.
'Deku…,' he mutters under his breath.
Tears are streaming down his face as the reality of the situation is finally settling in his brain. He touches the pale, cold skin of Izuku's hands as he holds it tight.
'Why?' he asks. He knows he's not going to get a response.
'WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUMP YOU STUPID NERD!' he screams as he lets go of the cold hand. He furiously wipes the tears away as anger is building in his chest. 'YOU HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?'
He can feel his mother's hands on his shoulders and he shoves her away.
'I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.'
His mother forcefully grabs his shoulders and pulls him close as the tears stream down his face.
He pushes her back, making her stumble, as he storms out of the room, through the building, outside, as he feels like he can't breathe. Outside he takes in deep breaths as he tries to control his sobs but fails horribly.
His knees give in as he ends up on the ground, burying his face in his arms as he cries out. He can feel his mother's hand rubbing his back soothingly as he sobs.
He feels like he's been lying there an eternity, and like he could stay there an eternity longer. As long as it needs for him to get Izuku back. But he never will.
If you have time, watch this please: watch?v=ykx6yWlS8sY