Bakugou is lingering around Izuku's room, picking up an All Might toy he used to adore. Before he…
The service was so peaceful, just as the boy had always been. The casket was filled with flowers in all the colors of All Might's uniform, symbolizing his everlasting love for heroes. The one thing he was never able to become.
Bakugou hadn't shed a single tear during the entire service, but his heart broke more and more every time he could hear Izuku's mother cry.
Bakugou's mom is helping her settle down at home, but the poor woman still occasionally breaks out into tears. Nobody can blame her. She had just lost her only son, her husband having been abroad for so long that he was basically out of the picture, unable to come back home for the service due to his work.
Bakugou gnarled. Which parent wouldn't do everything to make it home for their child's funeral? To Inko, it felt like she had just lost the only family she had left.
Bakugou sat down on the teen's bed, looking around. It was an ordinary fan boy's room, posters of his idol plastered on every wall, figurines on every shelf, All Might hoodies lining his closet. Bakugou's eye fell on a bookshelf.
He got up and paced over, picking up all the contents and dropping them on the bed. The first notebook he picked up was burnt at the edges, the writing on the front nearly indiscernible.
Bakugou swallowed. He recognized the burn marks all too well. Destroying this book had been his own doing.
He looked at all the others. The front reads "Hero Analysis for the Future". All of them have been numbered, all the way up to unlucky number thirteen. The last one the green haired teen has ever written.
Bakugou opened the books, browsing through the pages that were lined with information about all kinds of heroes Izuku had run into during his life. Complete analyses on their fight and rescue styles, the way their Quirks worked and how their hero costumes provided support. It fit really well with the obsessive fan boy theme.
Bakugou picked all of them up and let them slide into his bag, intent on taking them home. He isn't sure what he'll use them for, but he doesn't want to leave them here.
He picks up number thirteen again, browsing through it until his eyes landed on a certain page. In big letters written across the pages was "Katsuki Bakugou". Beneath it, a letter was folded between the crease. Bakugou folds it open, and starts to read.
Dear Kacchan,
By the time you'll read this, I'll be gone.
Bakugou slams the book shut with the letter creasing in it. This is a… a suicide note. Bakugou's gut wrenches together.
He shoves the book in his bag with the rest and slings it over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the living room where Inko and his mom are drinking tea. Inko occasionally wipes away her tears as his mom tries to reassure her that everything will be alright over time, even though Bakugou knows that's a lie. He will never feel the same.
'I want to go home,' Bakugou says.
His mom apologizes for the inconvenience and promises to come by more often as they head out.
Inko tries to force a smile on her face, but anybody can tell that she's obviously grieving.
As they head home, the notebooks in his bag weigh way more than they should as Bakugou dreads having to read the rest of the letter.
Bakugou is lying on his bed, his hair damp from the bath he's just taken. There's a heavy weight in his stomach, making him unable to eat and making him feel uneasy.
Bakugou rolls over onto his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore his own consciousness as he knows the letter is burning a hole in his bag. He doesn't want to, but he knows he has to.
He gets up and reaches into his bag, pulling out the burnt notebook. As he opens it to the page the letter falls out into his lap.
He puts the notebook back on his desk and sits on his bed, his legs crossed and his back pressed against the cold wall, as he braces himself for what the green haired teen has to say to him.
Dear Kacchan,
By the time you'll read this, I'll be gone.
It isn't easy for me to write any of this, and I don't even know how to explain myself.
Is there really a reason for me to explain myself?
The weight of the world had become a burden to me.
There was only one thing I always wanted to become, and I couldn't.
You pointed me out on that every single day.
You always told me I could never become a hero, because I'm Quirkless.
And you were right.
I guess… I just took the leap to try to become something better.
This way I'm not that stupid nerd to you anymore.
I'll never be a burden to you anymore.
Maybe I'll reincarnate with a Quirk next time around.
Maybe in my next life, I'll have a chance to become a hero.
I know that you'd never cry over someone as useless as me, but I hope you'll at least remember me as your childhood friend.
Maybe in my next life, we'll be childhood friends again. I'd really like that.
I'll miss you, Kacchan.
Forever your friend,
Deku
Tear stains are appearing on the paper as Bakugou is balling his hands into fists, crumpling the paper.
Small sparks are emerging from his hands and he quickly tosses the letter onto his bed to prevent it from catching fire.
He then brings his hands up to his eyes, covering his face completely as he falls sideways. He digs his face into his pillow as he clutches his arms around his body in a desperate attempt to hold himself together.
He had told Izuku that he couldn't be a hero. Every. Single. Day. Bakugou can't even begin to understand how much damage that must've done to the already sensitive boy. Having his dreams crushed at age four, and then over and over again every day as the blonde had made fun of him.
It's more than Bakugou can bear as he cries, stifling in his sobs in his pillow as he doesn't want anyone to notice, while he slowly falls apart.
Short author's note: I struggle extremely while writing this. I read comments saying they cried when reading this, I cry when writing this. The thought of this happening to anyone... it's pretty hard to imagine. Just so you know that I'm not taking this fic lightly at all.
If you want some more feels, be sure to listen to this: watch?v=o8X-4Q_9sQg
It helps me a lot getting into the right mood to write this.