Bakugou is sitting in the classroom, his eyes cast downward as he's studying the notes Izuku had written down months ago.
The first day he had to go back to his middle school he had almost broken down right there and then, seeing the white flower on top of the boy's desk.
His friends had urged him to hang out with them more, but Bakugou shrugged them off.
He had spent most of his time in solitude after the incident, thinking things over. What he's done wrong, how he could change himself, how he could fix it… Nothing could be fixed.
As the people around him happily chatted and introduced themselves he retreated to Izuku's analysis.
Even after so many months have passed, Bakugou is struggling with daily life. He has fought hard, even harder after Izuku's passing, to pass the U.A. Entrance Exam. He came out with top score. He wonders if that would've made the little nerd proud.
Today is the first day of their classes. Everyone's excitement is buzzing around the classroom, yet Bakugou doesn't wish to partake in it. He flips over to another page.
No matter how many times Bakugou visits the boy's grave, his brain isn't capable of understanding. Somehow, it feels that he could run into Izuku at any given moment outside, or see him on the news being involved in some villain accident yet again as he liked to snoop around at those.
Bakugou doesn't quite know whether his brain is incapable of grasping the situation, or unwilling.
'Hey bro, you okay?'
Bakugou looks up. In front of him is one of his classmates. The boy has bright red hair that's standing straight up. His uniform is like any other, yet his toothy grin separates him from everyone else.
Bakugou casts his eyes downwards again. 'Yeah. Why?'
'You look kinda… sad. Aren't you excited for your first day?'
The blonde huffs. He might've been in any other situation, but ever since he heard the news, he has become numb to any kind of emotion except for pain.
'My name's Ejiro Kirishima, by the way,' the teen adds, smiling widely at Bakugou.
'Katsuki Bakugou,' he responds.
'Nice to meet you!'
Bakugou looks up again. It doesn't seem like this guy will leave him alone any time soon.
The door to the classroom slides open, revealing an tired looking man in a yellow sleeping bag. The man introduces himself as their homeroom teacher Mr. Aizawa.
Bakugou puts the notebook away as Kirishima walks away to take his seat and classes start.
As Bakugou lies on his bed staring at notebook number nine he only realizes how impressive this is. Izuku has not only written down typical analytical things like how their hero outfits look and how their Quirks function, he has also added own analyses on which attributes would enhance their power and what more they could do with their Quirks to become even better heroes. Bakugou has to give it to him that the boy was a lot smarter than he looked.
The blonde rolls over on his side as he puts the notebook away.
The letter Izuku had written had haunted him for months. Every second of every day the words would replay in his head.
You always told me I could never become a hero
You were right
Bakugou grits his teeth. He had blamed himself for a long time, but had begun to realize that it wasn't his fault. The small teen could never have become a Pro Hero like he was trying to become, but he could've done so much more with his life. He could've entered General Studies or the Support Course.
After reading his notebooks Katsuki was sure the boy was smart enough to help any hero reach their full potential. That the nerd hadn't been able to see that and was so caught up in his own unachievable dream hadn't been his fault. Had the teen ever even considered any other part besides becoming a hero?
From the first day Izuku and Katsuki met, the smaller boy couldn't shut up about heroes. He had gushed about how he wanted to be like All Might, strong and a reassuring presence wherever he went. How he would become the next Number One Hero.
As soon as he got his Quirk, the boy would prove Katsuki he was wrong. But he didn't get one. His dreams were shattered that day.
The green haired boy hadn't spoken for over a week, still haunted by the fact he was Quirkless.
Bakugou huffed and rolled over again. Just because Izuku couldn't reach his initial dream, it didn't mean his life was ruined.
It's true, Bakugou was blessed with a Quirk so wonderful it literally blew everyone away, but if by any chance he would've been Quirkless like him, Katsuki wouldn't have given up. He would've found some other way to make himself useful. Stop striving for dreams that were out of reach. The little nerd just never knew when to give up.
And besides that, it isn't Katsuki's fault the boy had been bullied for so long. The boy kept hanging around the blonde, as if wanting to provoke him. The green haired boy would always be around Katsuki, even years after the older teen had stepped on his heart many times and had given him so many bruises and burn marks that he couldn't even keep count anymore.
Izuku had never shown any signs of being as intelligent as his notebooks suggest. He had always pretended to be invisible, kept his head low as Katsuki would rise above everyone else.
Bakugou brings his knees up to his chest and hugs them tight. It isn't Katsuki's fault that Izuku is gone. Even though the boy's notes blamed him, Katsuki knew that a big part of it had been the boy's own fault.
Katsuki takes deep breaths as he tries to control himself. It had been his first day at U.A. and he hadn't made very much of an impression because of the younger teen's death still haunting him.
Tomorrow, he would do better. Katsuki would no longer tear himself up over the boy's suicide. He wasn't to blame after all.