{Chapter Four}
~Jess~
Jess sat reading every detail of the passage with rapped interest. He felt the same way so many times when they were apart; he never knew that she felt the same way. She was right about him not giving her enough time to respond, he did it several times and she did it once to him that caused him to believe she didn't care. It appeared that he had been completed wrong.
'For the first time in years I was at peace within myself when you kissed me that night. Then reality came into the picture, this was you and me… I was not good enough. I wanted to stay and tell you the truth, but what good would that has done for your life? I don't deserve you and I know that; my life was still just getting put together and I needed more time to be worthy of you again. I was so proud of you that night and I knew right then and there that if I was worthy I would try, but I am not worthy. I didn't deserve the new you, so I ran as fast as I could and shut down my heart again. I had to; I was terrified of you seeing the truth…that I never stopped loving you'
Jess sighed and shook his head in disbelief; he never felt worthy of her and he left. She did the same thing and he blamed her for it. Jess digested the information slowly as he continued to read the inner most thoughts and feelings of the girl he loved since he was a teenager.
Lorelai watched him as she walked in the room and refilled his coffee while he looked up from the book "Was she really that bad after I left the first time?" He questioned in a whispered almost afraid of the answer
Lorelai sighed looking him directly in the eyes "She was worse and got better at hiding it after a while. I always known she still loved you." She said honestly "I tried to ignore, and I guess after some time I just accepted it to be true"
"I am sorry I hurt her" Jess said casting his eyes down in shame
Lorelai shook her head "You both hurt each other, but you both deserve happiness. No one will hold it against you if you leave and move on with your life. I do ask that if something doesn't convince you to stay then you leave without seeing her" Lorelai said honestly looking at the man that claimed her daughter's heart so many years ago "I don't think that she could handle that"
"Understandable" Jess muttered while Lorelai nodded and walked out of the room leaving him to his thoughts.
He paused taking his time as he let the words sink in it would take a lot of effort to understand what she felt. He was still in a state of disbelief, he never expected that he would ever read her feeling written out so clearly. She was baring her soul and heart in a way he never had been able to do. He had used her as his muse and hidden it so carefully underneath the words in his book, she was direct and too the point. She had written their love story out, a story of tragic love that never worked and the hurt that shaped her.
~Rory and Gracie~
Rory smiled brightly as she watched Gracie throwing the food on the ground to feed the ducks squealing with delight as they ate. She was always amazed by the little girl and how happy she was. She had done everything she could to be a good mother and give her the childhood she deserves. She was born into tragedy and she felt that the little girl deserved the world. Rory felt her cellphone going off sighing at she looked at the Caller's ID.
"Rory Gilmore speaking" She said slightly annoyed at being interrupted again on her day off
"Rory there is a problem with the final draft for one of our clients and I don't know what to do" Margie said on the other end of the phone in a panic
Rory frowned deeply "Which client?" Rory asked really hoping she did not have to abandon her little girl
"Patrick" Margie explained quickly, and Rory could picture her running around the office "The final draft of the book dead line is tonight, and we need it to get it to the printers"
"Did he not finish it?" Rory asked quickly keeping an eye on Gracie as she chased the ducks around causing her to smile in amusement, there was never a dull moment with her
"Yes, he did, last night but he has no way to get it to us" Margie explained quickly, and Rory should hear her flipping through pages quickly "None of us at the office can to get to him because we have our other clients already booked for the day"
Rory sighed deeply feeling bad for Gracie knowing that she would have to go it. This was too important to ignore but it didn't help the ping of guilt that shot through her chest.
"I will drive there and ensures it gets to the printers" Rory said knowing it had to be completed today or everything scheduled would be ruined for his release and tour dates
"Thanks Boss" Margie said with a smile before quickly adding "I got to go"
"No problem Margie" Rory said before she heard the phone call end and she looked at Gracie feeling so guilty for having to go in again
"Mommy has to work Gracie, so you are going to Grandma's work" Rory explained as she picked Gracie up and placed her in the stroller
The little girl just smiled happily and talked about telling Grandma everything she did with the ducks. Rory tried to feel relief that she didn't appear upset as she walked towards the Inn listening to the soft voice. She smiled as she passed by the others in town, this was home.
~The inn~
Rory walked into the inn seeing her mom at the counter taking her by surprise. Rory frowned hating to do this as Gracie was excited over seeing her grandmother before her.
"Hey mom would you mind watching Gracie until later tonight?" Rory questioned softly running her hand through her daughter's hair
Lorelai picked up her granddaughter and smiled sadly at Rory "I have no problem but what happened? I thought you had all day off" Lorelai said questioned before kissing her granddaughter
"Emergency with a final draft of one of my company's clients and everyone else was booked with other clients; I need to increase my staff again" Rory explained frowned deeply thinking about it, she never expected for the company to get this big so fast
Lorelai nodded in agreement "I agreed, running businesses and taking care of her is hard by yourself. You do a very good job though Rory" Lorelai said softly knowing that her daughter never took time to herself, she couldn't be prouder of what he daughter was doing
Rory gave a small smile "They are all pretty much running themselves now though. I just go in for emergencies or if I am requested" Rory said honestly feeling guilty "Which has been happening a lot lately"
Lorelai smiled "Aw my child how you have grown! If I was you I would be sitting at home doing nothing because of the money you have in the bank" Lorelai joked with a smile
Rory chuckled "You would go crazy just like I would, but I have to go" Rory said giving Gracie a kiss "Bye Sweetie mommy will see you tonight"
"Bye Bye Mommy" Gracie said as Rory walked out of the Inn to go take care of the client having problems delivering his final draft
Lorelai smiled setting her squirming Gracie down "Hey Mud Pie just make sure you stay one the first floor and inside, I will get Aunt Sookie to get you something to eat" Lorelai said brightly thinking of the opportunity that presented itself now
"Yay" Gracie said taking off while Lorelai smile knowing exactly where she would go.
Gracie ran into the library going straight for the books as she always did. She ran to the bottom shelf of books her mommy and her read together without noticing anyone else in the room. She was deep in thought looking over all the books thinking which one to choose. Jess smiled as he saw the little girl and he put Rory's book down kneeling beside her needing to take a break anyway. It was a lot to take in all at once.
"Can I help you find something?" He asked with a small smile not wanting to frighten the little girl
"My mommy and I read these books together, but she isn't here" Gracie explained in a sweet voice "Mommy has to work"
"Would you like me to read to you?" Jess asked sweetly motioning to the books
Gracie smiled "Really?" Gracie said happily clapping her hands in excitement
Jess smiled and nodded "What is your name kid?" Jess questioned in amusement
"Gracie" Gracie said with a smile as she grabbed a book from the shelf and toddled over to Jess with it "What's your name?"
"My name is Jess" Jess said as he picked Gracie up and set her on the couch "Let's see which book you chose" Jess took the book and looked it over noticing the book was about guardian angels "Good Choice"
"My mommy said my real mommy is an angel with my real daddy. Mommy said they couldn't stay with me and that the angels gave me to her, but the will always watch over me" Gracie explained with a happy smile not really understanding the explanation "But Mommy loves me as much as the angels do"
Jess looked at her shocked at the explanation "You must have a really good mom" He stated in awe
Gracie nodded excitedly "Mommy is my best friend" She said proudly causing Jess to smile
He opened the book and began reading. He was a little shocked when Gracie climbed up in his lap and snuggled into his chest. He relaxed, and a content smile plastered his face as he continued to read to her. Sookie smiled as she walked into the room with Gracie's lunch along with food for Jess. Gracie looked up at her and clapped happily.
"Aunt Sookie Jess is reading to me like mommy does" Gracie explained happily
Sookie smiled knowing Jess has no idea whose daughter he was reading to "That is sweet Gracie, but you need to eat and so does Jess" Sookie said seriously
Jess nodded in agreement as he placed Gracie on the floor and she sat down at the coffee table eating the lunch. Jess took the plate and looked at Sookie "Thanks Sookie" He said gratefully
"Thank you Aunt Sookie" Gracie said with a smile getting up and hugging her leg
Sookie smiled patting Gracie's head "No problem sweetie. Now go on and eat" She directly seriously
"Yum" Gracie said excitedly as she ran back to the table and began eating while Sookie left the room.
Jess smiled as he watched the little girl while she calmly ate. He wanted to be a father. He was never able to get over Rory and had to give up on the dream of ever being able to raise a kid of his own. No woman could compare to Rory and wasn't stupid enough to believe it would ever work with another. He had tried at first but couldn't lead another person on, they would never be her.
Gracie giggled as she ate the shaped bite size sandwiches that her Aunt made her. He couldn't help but wonder who her mother was. This kid was so polite and well behaved, even better he could tell she was loved greatly. Jess finished eating and picked back up the book he was reading to her as she reached out her arms wanting to be picked up. He smiled as he picked her up and placed her in his lap and began reading again.
With an hour the little girl fell asleep while he continued to read while thinking about everything in his life. He glanced at the book on the coffee table back to the little girl sleeping on him. He could see him and Rory raising a little girl like this one, possibly having several more. He could see them married living in this tiny town and writing together. No matter the time that has past, the only future he can see is with Rory at his side. Sookie walked back in the room at the request of Lorelai when it was getting dark outside.
"Hey, Jess I have to get Gracie home" Sookie explained looking at a sleeping three-year-old he was reading to
Jess nodding in understanding and gently shifted Gracie so not to wake her while placing her into Sookie's arms "She is an amazing kid" He said honestly with a small smile
Sookie smiled "You're right about that" Sookie said softly "Thank you for entertaining her"
"No problem, it was fun" Jess said as they walked out of the room.
Jess place the book back on the shelf and went back to the couch realizing he should have asked Sookie who her mother was. He shook his head and continued reading Rory book knowing there were only a few chapters left. He would finish it soon.
Jess went wide eyed a few chapters later with confusion learning that she had a kid, she is writing about her love for him and she has a kid to another man. Jess throws the book on the coffee table in anger before walking over to the book shelf to find a different book. He kneels and looks at the book shelf with selection the kid from earlier when he sees the name written on the shelve having already forgotten the kid's name.
"Gracie" He says after a few moments realizing who the little girl was and who her mother was
He sat back down on the couch shifting through everything he learned from the book and remembered the kid saying something about her real mother being an angel. How did she end up with a three-year-old? He ran a hand through his in confusion before taking a deep breath. He picked up the book and opened it to where he left off ready to take in her final words.
'I had an important choice to make and, in the end, I chose the one I was needed for. I couldn't let a child with no one else but me down; I couldn't let her mother down. One day I will tell my baby girl everything that happened and why they couldn't be here for her, but she will know I will always be there. I know people don't understand this situation of how I ended up with a newborn to raise and I will not go into details. All I know is the moment her fingers grabbed onto mine I had a new purpose; to give her the happiest childhood I could and the one he never had.
I couldn't make him sacrifice his life for me and I refused to allow me to be the reason he gave up something that made him happy. It was not easy giving up option of having the only person I was ever in love with. He may never understand my choice and most don't understand, but I chose to be the one person to someone who had no one left. The love I show her is the love I wished to show him. I could dream of us being a family together, maybe add a few more kids to the picture. I could dream of my little girl having the only thing I could never give her, a father. I will always love him even if he will never know.'
Jess closed the book carefully knowing that he would need time to go through everything. It was overwhelming reading every word of her emotions for him throughout the years. There were many similarities to his own emotions. He knew that he would need time to think things through, but he knew without a doubt that the ending would not do.
Now that he had read what she truly felt so clearly written out, he would not let her go without fighting for another chance. He knew without a doubt that he still loved her, but he had to do this the right way. There was too much to lose this time, this would be the last chance either on of them could take. He sighed drinking the rest of the cold coffee with a winch. He would go upstairs an read it again, more carefully this time. He would not make any rash decisions this time, his goal was to have her forever.
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