Featherpaw ambled through camp with her head down, ignoring all and every whisper and curious glance.
She had only been in WindClan for three days, but it seemed as if the rest of the camp hadn't yet gotten used to her. It reminded her of her one moon deadline- she'd have to prove herself, or else, she'd be out. Featherpaw had no idea how she would do that, but, when the time came, she prayed that it would be enough.
She hated having Morningstar's wrath on her.
Whether it be the first time that she had come here, or even now, Featherpaw had no idea what to predict from the leader.
Featherpaw thought that Morningstar was incredibly intimidating, and she held herself with an icy grace. Every time she spoke, she meant business. She didn't seem the type to mess around. She was a serious individual.
And that was exactly why Featherpaw found it so daunting to meet with the WindClan leader alone. She had no idea what to expect. For all she knew, she would only receive a scolding- just like Darkpaw said.
Or worse, she could be kicked out of the Clan altogether.
Featherpaw didn't think that the last option was impossible. In fact, it was entirely possible. Morningstar seemed to share a special, mutual hatred of Flamestreak, and Flamestreak was her kin. What would that mean for her?
Suddenly, Featherpaw could feel her heart pounding. The wind seemed to roar in her ears, and she couldn't seem to get a breath in.
Calm down, she told herself, just calm down. Deep breaths.
Featherpaw did just that, focusing on her heartbeat and mimicking it. In, out. One. In, out. Two. In, out. Three.
She continued until she reached to ten, and her breathing was back to normal, albeit a bit laboured.
Featherpaw then continued forward until she reached Morningstar's den, ignoring the odd looks that other cats shot her as she went.
Featherpaw saw a glimpse of sandy fur inside, and hesitated at the entrance. Should she go inside, or just stay where she was?
Fortunately, she got her answer within a second.
Morningstar was suddenly in front of her, her posture stiff, even as she loomed over Featherpaw. Her eyes were icy, not softening in the slightest as they passed over her.
Even so, Featherpaw remained where she was, trying her best not to flinch. Morningstar was very intimidating when she wanted to be, yes, but so was her own mother, Snowfall.
All her life, Featherpaw had had to deal with her ready hate and scorn. All because her daughter wasn't "perfect" just like her brother.
So, Featherpaw wasn't going to back down.
"Featherpaw," the WindClan leader acknowledged, nodding at her slightly.
"Morningstar." Featherpaw was proud when she didn't stutter, and even prouder when she didn't flinch as the other cat beckoned her inside.
"So, Featherpaw," Morningstar drawled, "do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Featherpaw cringed at that, but she tried to keep a brave face.
Tried being a key word.
Keeping a brave face was a little hard to do when you had an intimidating cat looming over you with icy eyes and an even icier voice, with the power the easily toss you out whenever they wanted.
But Featherpaw already knew what this felt like, knew what being blamed for something that was out of her hand felt like. For example: her birth.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself! she raged, other cats have suffered just as much, if not even more!
"No," Featherpaw swallowed, her voice steady. She glared up at the WindClan leader. "I really don't see why you're so angry at me! I mean, I get it that you hate me and all, but I'm used to that! But don't go doing it to my friends, too!"
Morningstar looked vaguely shocked at her outburst, but her eyes narrowed a few seconds later. "You don't understand," she murmured, voice soft. "You can't understand."
Now, it was Featherpaw's turn to feel confused. "What?" she mumbled. "What do you mean?"
Morningstar's lips quirked into an almost-smile, before it faded to nothing. "You're mature for your age, Featherpaw," she noted. "Perhaps it's from the way you were treated since birth. The way you were hated for something beyond your control. But you're still so young, and there's so much of the world that you don't understand."
Featherpaw stared up at the WindClan leader with wide eyes. What's she talking about? she thought, is she trying to… tell me something?
"Do you want to know why I was so mad, Featherpaw?" Morningstar asked suddenly. And she didn't even give Featherpaw time to answer, just continued on as if she hadn't left off: "The den was empty- everyone but Swallowpaw and Sootpaw- gone. The Clan was worried. Flamestreak was worried. So, I hope you can understand the way that I acted. Four apprentices, gone in the middle of the night, why, we thought a badger or a fox had gotten you!"
Featherpaw blinked, and then her eyes went wide. "Wait, you yelled at us because you were worried?"
Morningstar glared down at her deeply. "Of course," she replied furiously. "Why else?"
"Uh, I thought you were going to kick me out," Featherpaw answered meekly.
The WindClan leader looked like she was going to yell at her, but seemed to think better and just sat down, breathing deeply through her nose.
Suddenly, Featherpaw realised something. She mentioned Flamestreak. But why? Just because he's kin to me? Or is it due to her hatred? Why does Morningstar hate Flamestreak so much?
"Morningstar?" Featherpaw said.
"What is it?" Morningstar questioned. "You can leave now if you want to. I'm sure Scorchfoot will be waiting."
Featherpaw cringed at the mention of his name. Uh, I don't think so, she thought, and if he is, then he'll just be waiting until no one's around so he can find a place to plant my corpse.
"I kind of wanted to ask you a question."
"Hurry up then," the WindClan leader mewed, irritated.
"Uh, why do you hate Flamestreak so much?" Featherpaw asked quietly.
Morningstar was silent. Then-
"Get out."
"What?" Featherpaw breathed, shocked.
"I said," Morningstar snarled, "get out!"
Featherpaw flinched away from her, and, like a coward, ran the other way with her tail between her legs.
She nearly bumped into Sootpaw, what with how fast she was trotting.
He eyed her strangely. "Scorchfoot is sleeping," he finally murmured. "You'll have to train some other time, because he rather hates being woken up."
Featherpaw stared back at him. "Can I train with you?" she blurted.
Sootpaw looked stunned, for the first time since Featherpaw had met him, she noted, and she cursed her wandering mouth.
Then his eyes hardened.
"No," he answered coldly.
And then he turned the other way and stalked off.