THAT PARIS WEEKEND CHAPTER 5
Rumour has it my last chapter was too short! I had this ready so I've posted. I'll try and make the next ones longer. Happy reading! :)
Harvey is still at the edge of the bed when the bathroom door eventually opens. He looks up to find Donna wrapped in a plush white hotel robe, black dress in hand, her eyes swollen from crying.
She'd been in there for a good half-hour and certainly didn't expect to see him when she came out. "This is usually around the time when you bail. I'm surprised you're still here."
He quickly sits up. That hurt, but he'll ignore it. His face is filled with worry.
"I am."
"Well, I'm still mad at you, Harvey." The anguish on her face is almost too much for him to bear.
His eyes follow her as she pads around the room, collecting her things and tossing them into her suitcase.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going home."
He stands up. "Donna, please don't do this."
"Don't do what, Harvey? Her voice trembling. "I'm sorry if I don't feel up to visiting museums right now."
He takes a step towards her, desperately wanting to touch her. "He's an asshole, Donna. New York is full of guys like him. It's not your fault."
"Do you understand how stupid I feel right now? Here I thought…" She steps back, covering her mouth as she turns from him. "They never work out. Did you notice, these relationships? They never work out, do they?"
Harvey furrows his brow. He understands this pain. With a gentleness, he replies, "Until you're with the person you're supposed to be with, then yes… I guess they don't work out."
Feeling deflated, Donna drops into the chair across from the bed. She turns away, lost in thought, and then turns back to look him over.
"Why did you come?"
"Well, I tried to call you."
"You could have sent me a text, " she challenges.
"I didn't want you to be alone when you found out."
"So you flew to Paris?"
"Apparently I did. I hear it's nice at this time of year," he says dryly, trying, unsuccessfully, to cut the tension.
"Well now I know. You've done your duty." There's a false confidence in her voice, but her angry eyes tell him something else. "God knows I've had my share of disappointing men, I'll survive this one too."
Harvey sits back down on the bed. He might deserve that. But she's not going to push him away, not this time.
"You can hate me all you want, Donna," he says, feeling defensive. "Would you have preferred that I kept my mouth shut and let you think he was a good guy? Either way you'd end up hating me. Now you won't waste any more time and I won't lose any more sleep!"
Donna takes in his words. She sits silently for a while, dabbing away with a tissue, the mascara stains around her eyes.
"I didn't say I hated you, Harvey," she clarifies. "I said I'm mad at you."
"To me it feels like the same thing," he says. His tone giving away his upset. "And for the record, I didn't betray you. I'm trying to protect you."
"I honestly don't understand you." She gets up from the chair and using it as a barrier, stands behind it. "One day you act like you don't give a shit about me, and the next day you're flying half-way around the world because I need protection?!"
Harvey tenses his jaw. He wasn't ready for an interrogation.
"What did you just say to me? You think I don't care about you?!" His emotions are taking control now and he doesn't know how to bring himself back. "I just spent seven hours on a plane because I didn't want to see you hurt!"
"And why does it matter to you if I'm hurt?" With nothing to lose, she's pushing him hard now. "It didn't matter before, why would it matter now!"
Harvey runs his fingers through his hair and takes an exasperated breath.
"Do you think…? Do we have to do this, Donna?" He's getting tired now, his palms open towards her. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry if I screwed this up."
Angry, defensive and emotionally drained, they both know they are treading very closely to that line where the hurtful things said cannot be taken back. So they stop arguing and retreat to their corners - Harvey on the bed and Donna back in the chair. He keeps glancing her way, but she won't look at him.
"Why don't you just go," she whispers, not giving him eye contact, but giving him an out.
"I'm not leaving," His tone is certain. "So don't ask me to."
They continue to sit in silence and neither moves.
Donna rubs her entire face with her hands, massaging her eyes and temples in the hopes that some logical explanation for this disaster will show itself. This holiday, this promising dream that she has been so looking forward to has become a nightmare. There will be no future with Thomas, no new beginnings, no moving on. Four thousand miles from home and she's right back where she started.
"I just feel really…stupid… and sad," Donna admits with an exhausted sigh.
"I know." His eyes are also stinging. "But you're gonna be ok."
Harvey would cross the room and wrap his arms around her, but he's frozen. Doing that would mean breaking their well-established pattern of keeping their distance, and he's not sure either of them could handle that now anyway.
So he tries something else. He goes for levity. When things go to shit, they've always been able to find some dark humour in their misery.
"You know, it's not all bad… " he starts, glancing at her cautiously. "At least he's not a murderer."
Donna remains silent and expressionless. She's huffing as her swollen eyes search out the ceiling and then travel across the room. They eventually land on Harvey. He holds her gaze, his eyes telling her he's got her and that he's not going anywhere. Her features soften a little in response.
"Murderer…well he certainly killed the mood tonight..." she says without smiling. But it's something.
Harvey softly chuckles. The Donna he knows could always make light of a bad situation. He's relieved that she's still in there… somewhere.
Clearing his throat, he moves to change the subject. "Have you eaten?"
"I'm not hungry," she responds.
"I can order something, or we can sit at one of those little cafés down the street." He's hopeful he can talk her into staying. "We can even do that thing where I point someone out and you make up a story about them."
"You hate that game," she says flatly.
"I do," he admits, his lips giving way to a slight smile. "But this is the people-watching capital of the world. Maybe we can salvage something good from tonight."
Donna offers a small nod, but nothing more. She collects her clothes and heads to the bathroom to change.
Harvey, meanwhile, texts Louis to check on things at the firm. In exchange for Louis taking his meetings without question, Harvey promised to go mudding with him. He's already dreading it, but desperate times require desperate measures.
A few minutes later, Donna appears. She's wearing slim white jeans, a navy blue silk top, and silver mule sandals.
"Ready to go?" She looks to Harvey and his pupils grow large.
"What?" she asks, feeling a little self conscious.
"It's just… it's been a while since I've seen you looking so casual," he says as he looks her over. "I like it."
Donna points to her face, "Except for my puffy eyes."
"Nothing a couple of glasses of wine can't cure," he assures her.
xxx
After a short walk, Donna and Harvey settle on a charming side-street café. With a gentle hand to her back, he guides her to a quiet corner table so they can talk.
Twirling his wine glass with his fingers, he begins. "Donna…I'm really sorry.. about all of this. I know you're hurt and mad at me. After Stephen… I guess I was feeling protective."
Donna bites down on her bottom lip and nods. "You should have come to me. You could have said something."
"I didn't think I had a right to say anything. Would you have believed me if I did? We don't talk like we used to..." His voice trailing off. Donna knows he's right, and she can hear the hurt in his voice.
It's moments like this that have made it so difficult for Donna to move on. Harvey has this honourable, vulnerable and deeply caring side that few people see. She knows he would never do her wrong, even if he can't give her what she needs. And no matter what, she would still take a bullet for him.
"I won't lie to you, Harvey," her eyes welling with tears. "You totally blindsided me. I thought it might go somewhere with him."
Shaking her head, she continues, "I actually thought he cared about me. I didn't see it coming. Stephen and now him, I can't even trust my own judgement."
Harvey could feel his heart sinking. A pang of jealousy mixed in with the memory of being blindsided himself - with that kiss – only for Donna to tell him it meant nothing. That stung. It still does.
"Well you can trust mine," he assures her. Swallowing hard, he adds, "The right man is going to find you, Donna."
Just then, the waiter arrives with their plates and a refill of their wine glasses.
Harvey tries to steer the conversation to a happier place. "So what have you been doing since you've arrived?"
"Visiting boutiques mostly… as I thought I'd do the touristy stuff on the weekend." She won't say his name.
"I noticed Hermès on the way to my hotel. It's big. Did you go?"
"I did, but when I got there…" Donna explains. "I guess sometimes I miss those days when I worked for you. Hermès was something we did together. It didn't feel right to go in there."
Harvey presses his lips together. He feels his eyes misting, and in that voice he only uses with her, he says, "I miss those days, too."
Hoping to entice her to stay, he takes a chance. "Let's go tomorrow and I'll buy you a handbag, just like old times."
"Harvey, that's thoughtful. You don't have to do that, but thank you." She's trying her best to not get pulled back in.
Harvey furrows his brow, "Donna, Just stay. It's only a couple of days. Don't let that jerk ruin this for you," he says, his eyes pleading. "And it would be nice to…to spend time together."
Donna thinks for a minute. The thought of going home right now is pretty depressing and spending time with Harvey is tugging at her heartstrings, so she nods. "Ok, but I'm feeling a little fragile, I might not be the best company."
A look of relief and then a tiny smile washes over Harvey's face. He suddenly feels lighter. "So… we have a date… with Hermès tomorrow?
"We do," she says, returning his smile while tucking a red strand behind her ear.
After dinner and another glass of wine, Harvey walks Donna back to her hotel room. Before entering, she turns to him.
"It was nice to get out tonight."
Harvey nods. His throat is dry. What he wouldn't give to embrace her, run his hands across her back and touch his cheek to hers. He feels responsible for her pain. Not because of what he revealed about Thomas, but because he's to blame for why she was dating Thomas in the first place. If he had been honest with her all those years ago, there would never have been a Mark or a Mitchell or a Stephen or a Thomas. Instead, he's become just one more in a long line of disappointing men in Donna's life.
"Are you going to be ok tonight?" he asks. "I'm just a phone call away if you need."
"I'll be ok."
"Then I'll see you bright and early for breakfast?" It sounds like a question but he isn't asking.
She nods. "Goodnight, Harvey."
"Goodnight, Donna."
Before leaving her hotel, Harvey heads to the check-in desk to take over payment of Donna's hotel room. Thomas has done a number on her, and Harvey is determined to remove any trace of that jerk that he can.
On his way back to the Ritz, he takes a deep inhale of the fresh evening air.
Today was tough, but for the first time in months, Harvey feels hopeful.
I'm ready.