THAT PARIS WEEKEND CHAPTER 7

Harvey is speechless. Even worse, he literally tries to say something but the words won't come.

Just like that, in a matter of seconds, Donna has laid it all bare, shining a great big spotlight on a very secret place in her heart. How could he have not known this about her? Thirteen years… how did he not see this?

He's been feeling that a lot lately. That he doesn't know her as well as he thinks, and Paris has been a real eye-opener.

Yes, Harvey straight-up asked her what she wants, but he never expected the unfettered truth. That's not what they do. When it comes to these fragile matters, they skirt, imply, or suggest, always giving the other enough wiggle room to keep their friendship intact. They don't just come right out and say it, which is exactly why he's confused… and worried. Something's changed and once again, he feels blindsided.

Then it hits him. Donna is not talking about a future with him. In fact, her wants have nothing to do with him. Sure they've reconnected, flirted even, as friends, and that's why she's being so open. There's nothing that Harvey has to wiggle out of now, so, she just put it out there.

What did he expect, really? Every chance he's been given, he's pushed her away. The last time he insisted he didn't want more, she agreed. And before he came set to rescue her in Paris, like some knight in shining armour, she was well on her way to building a future with someone else.

"I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey"

"I thought it might go somewhere with him."

"I want someone to love me…"

Harvey asked for honesty and she gave it to him, right down to the babies that she wants. But her words never once suggested he would be part of that plan. And if he knows Donna, it's only a matter of time before she picks herself up, dusts herself off, and finds a way to get the life that she wants.

What can he say to that?

Nothing.

The sinking sensation in Harvey's stomach tells him that his time is running out, if it hasn't already. He needs to get his shit together or she really will be gone.

Once again, the tables have turned. For years, Harvey was afraid she would demand these things of him, and now he feels sick that she hasn't.

After the way he's treated her though, it makes complete sense. It was arrogant of him to assume, that he could just fly in, tell her what he wants, and that she'd agree.

So when Harvey opens his mouth to speak, the words are lodged in his throat and burning his esophagus.

I love you.

We belong together.

Give me another chance.

Why would she even believe him at this point?

Harvey turns to Donna, his concerned eyes tracing her features. She's put on a brave face, but her weak smile isn't convincing. The bomb about Thomas that went off is still coming down on her, and she's shaken.

"Maybe I'm just not meant to have a forever relationship…" she'd said. Those words warning like a siren in Harvey's ears. Her expectations of him may be long gone, but he's never, ever seen her so doubtful about herself. That leaves him shaken.

Whenever Harvey has found himself adrift, Donna has always been the one to toss him a life preserver, and to safely guide him home. In fact, she's been that beacon of light for everyone at the firm – Rachel, Mike, Louis, Katrina, even Robert. Always giving of herself, never expecting anything in return.

A few years back, just as Mike was set to go to trial, Harvey was at his lowest point. He had lost all faith, and late one night, came to her crying. Unwavering in her belief that he was worthy, Donna pulled him back from the edge. He can see her face now, confident and fearless with her words. That tenacious look in her eyes holding him and never allowing him to fall.

Now, this beautiful, caring woman has lost faith that she's deserving, that someone could ever really love her, and it's breaking his heart.

Did I do this to her? Pulling her close then pushing her away?

They have one more day together in Paris and Harvey knows he's got to fix things. Donna's hurt and he's partly to blame. It's unfair of him to just drop a grenade of his wants into the mix. First, Harvey needs to clean up his mess. And if his words won't work now, he's just going to have to show her.

So, Harvey does something she would never in a million years expect.

Sitting next to Donna on the grass, Harvey shifts ever-so-slightly closer. Without a word, he gently wraps an arm around her, steadily drawing her in, until her mess of red hair is splayed across his shoulder. He's tense, at first, because this is uncharted territory for him. They've hugged before but only because she asked. This is different. This is Harvey reaching out, comforting her, putting her first.

He expects Donna might pull away, but she doesn't, so he rests his mouth on the top of her head. There are a dozen kisses waiting on the tip of his tongue, but he just won't allow himself to go that far. So to welcome this new intimacy, he tilts his head and breathing into her, closes his eyes.

With every breath, Donna sinks deeper into his hold, until Harvey feels brave enough to wrap both his arms around her slender frame. He feels the warmth of their bodies together, and he can smell a hint of her vanilla shampoo. Taking another chance, he slowly runs his fingers up and down the length of her arm, just enough to soothe them both.

Leaning into Harvey, Donna listens to the beat of his pulsing heart. The rhythm is strong and steady and comforting. Embracing its predictability, she also closes her eyes. Soon, they're breathing in time, and it calms her.

Harvey and Donna stay this way for what they both feel is too short a time. Then Harvey finally finds his voice.

"You know… they say the course of true love never did run smooth… It's going to be ok, Donna. Don't give up on what you really want because of what happened yesterday."

He can't see her face, but he knows she's smiling.

"Did you just recite Shakespeare to me?" Her head still resting, her voice resonating on his shoulder.

"Maybe... Except the last part. I had to google that."

Donna chuckles. Then she feels it. Shivers down her spine that lead straight to the butterflies in her abdomen. Harvey doesn't do comfort like this, but he's doing it now, and she doesn't want him to let go.

After allowing herself a few more breaths, Donna forces herself to take control of her senses. Then slowly pulling away, she busies herself by smoothing out the wrinkles on her skirt.

"Thank you, Harvey. I needed that," she says, her eyes too shy to look at him. "I'm not usually this emotional."

"I'm always going to be here for you, Donna."

Harvey's candor takes Donna by surprise. She blinks a few times, then catches his gaze. There's warmth and affection emanating from his eyes. If this weren't Harvey, she'd be thinking something completely different right now. But it is Harvey, so she pulls herself together.

"Ok, enough of feeling sad," Donna redirects. "You promised me a trip up that big metal thing over there."

"I did," he says, disappointed their moment has come to an end.

Harvey helps Donna to her feet. As they make their way towards the Eiffel Tower, he playfully asks, "Do you think they sell hot dogs at the top? Because in New York, we'd have hot dogs up there."

"I'm pretty sure you're going to be disappointed," she smirks, but not before appreciating his sweet attempt to make her smile.

xxx

The view from the Eiffel Tower is breathtaking. Under the sun, Paris is a shining sea of white stone buildings that fit together like perfect little puzzle pieces. The city's grand boulevards run as far as the eye can see, each of them leading to some magnificent moment in French history.

Donna and Harvey walk the perimeter of the Tower's second level, tracing the path of the Seine River and trying to identify the sites below – the famous bridges, the Louvre, Notre Dame. They take a few selfies and oblige when other tourists ask.

"You certainly get a sense of how big Paris is from up here," Harvey says as he leans on the railing.

"I really miss Rachel," Donna admits, completely out of the blue.

Harvey turns his face to her and raises his eyebrows in surprise. The direction of this conversation is not what he expects, but he adjusts.

"You've had a lot of changes, a lot to deal with," he empathizes. "A new job, Mike and Rachel leaving… this weekend."

"She's been my soft place to land, you know?" Donna confides, her red stands blowing in the breeze. "We text all the time and she's just a call away, but it's not the same. I miss having a good girlfriend at the office."

"I thought you were getting to know Samantha a little better?" He's curious.

"We've gone out for drinks," she says. "But it's not the same, and, to be honest, I'm not sure I completely trust her."

Harvey thinks back to the time when Jessica told him that he and Donna were as close as two people could be without being "that". It's true, they were certainly an unshakeable team. There was never a day or night that they didn't talk, she had a key to his place, and he trusted her with his life.

After Donna left to work for Louis, though, it's never been the same. She had every right to go, but Harvey has never really gotten over it. When she pushed to become COO, he begrudgingly gave it to her, and she felt his bitterness. So she turned to Rachel, Louis and Mike for friendship and for support in her new role.

"You're not alone, you know." He wants her to know she's been heard. "I'm not Rachel, but I'm here."

Donna looks at him, confused and curious about what he's telling her.

Then she presses her lips together for a small smile. "Are you sure you're up for what's required to be a good girlfriend?"

"Did I not just go handbag shopping with you?" he asks with a tilt of his head. "That should, at least, qualify."

"Yes you did, I'll give you that." She offers him nothing more and turns her attention to the view before her.

Harvey is also looking out. After taking a breath, he decides to open up.

"I really miss having Mike walk into my office every morning… even though he was a pain in the ass most of the time," he says, offering her misery a little company.

"Please. You're practically brothers. And what you did for him… I bet there isn't one lawyer on the eastern seaboard who would have done what you did," she replies, gently placing her hand on his forearm. "You gave him a good life. It's one of the things I love about you, Harvey. You always take care of the people around you."

Harvey feels a tug in his chest, his arm tingling at her touch.

Did she say love?

"Well not everyone would agree…I've made a mess of things," he counters, referring to more than the just the fallout of hiring a fraud.

"We've all survived, Harvey," she assures him. "Louis is very happy, Jessica is doing great in Chicago, and Mike and Rachel… they would have never found each other if it weren't for you."

"What about you? Are you happy, Donna?" He really wants to know.

"I love my job. It's big, but I love it," she says, clearly avoiding the personal.

"You were meant to be COO, Donna, and… I owe you an apology." he admits, trying to right another wrong. "I should have promoted you sooner but I didn't because I liked having you all to myself. It was selfish of me and I shouldn't have held you back. I'm sorry."

Another surprise. Donna doesn't know what to say, so she keeps her eyes on the city below. Before responding, she turns to see that Harvey's face is full of remorse. Something is changing, but she's not sure what.

"Thank you for saying that Harvey. It means a lot. " Looking across at the city, Donna throws it back, "And you, Harvey… are you happy?"

"You know me, it's always complicated," he sighs. "But I'm happy hanging out with you right now."

He turns to look at her, his eyes sincere. "Seriously Donna, spending time like this... if I didn't tell you before, I'm really happy we did this."

"Me too, Harvey," she returns his smile.

They're both leaning on the rail now, quietly taking in the view. Her mind always busy, Donna brushes the hair from her face and turns to him once more. "If we just met each other today, do you think we'd be friends?"

"If I'd never met you before today, I don't know if I'd even be here," he chuckles. "You've saved my sorry ass so many times."

"Well if we're talking sorry asses, I think you've saved mine a few times, too," she says. "Maybe we would have just met in prison."

She's caught him off guard again, and Harvey laughs.

"They have co-ed prisons?" A wide grin reaches his eyes. Then with a quick raise of his eyebrows, he teases, "I would totally be your friend in prison."

She rolls her eyes at his poor attempt to flirt, "You're an idiot."

"Seriously, Harvey," she prods. "If you just met me today, what would you think?"

"I'd think what I think every day," he says. "How was I so lucky to meet such an amazing, smart, beautiful woman who puts up with me..."

"You really think that?" she's doubting him, not sure if they're still flirting.

"Of course I do." Then tilting his head, a shy look on his face, he presses his lips together for a second, and asks. "What would you think of me?"

"The same as the first day I met you," she admits. "Smart, cocky, but kinda pretty." A sly smile forming.

Harvey shakes his head and chuckles. "Seriously, that's what you thought? Smart, ok. Cocky, ok, but just 'kinda pretty?'" He's still trying to bring her around.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" She quips.

"Oh my God, are you reciting Shakespeare to me now?" he asks.

"Smart, cocky and kinda pretty? Yes, Harvey, that's definitely Shakespeare."

xxx

It's almost dark by the time Donna and Harvey return to her hotel. They have no formal plans for dinner, but consider finding a place along the river.

Harvey is on the bed, his back resting against the headboard, as he furiously types meeting instructions to Louis. With a new outfit in hand, Donna heads into the bathroom. She plans to use her Hermès clutch tonight, a gesture to show Harvey how much she appreciates the gift.

Twenty minutes later, gorgeous in a midnight blue slip dress, Donna is ready for a night on the town.

"Let's eat!" she says, running her fingers through her thick hair.

She turns to face Harvey, only to discover they are staying put. The jetlag has finally caught up with him and he's completely passed out on the bed. His face is relaxed, bringing out the boyishness in his features. Donna has only ever seen one picture of Harvey when he was young. She smiles to herself, remembering how cute he was as a child.

Then, she slowly takes the phone from his limp hand, turns it off and sets it on the nightstand. She carefully removes his shoes, then adjusts his pillow, places a blanket over him and gently tucks it in around his form.

Donna can't help but stare at his face. She lightly touches his hair, resisting the temptation to kiss his forehead, although that's all she can think about.

He actually flew to Paris.

Placing her clutch on the desk, Donna heads back to the bathroom to get ready for bed. After quietly changing into her nightgown, she slips into the opposite side of the giant bed. It's early, but she's also tired.

After turning off the lamp, Donna reflects on the day's events, grateful that Harvey talked her into staying. She's felt quite vulnerable, her emotions getting the best of her at times. But Harvey has made a real effort to show her how much he cares, and she's happy they've been able to recapture the friendship they've lost. With her back to him, Donna lets out a long exhale and slowly drifts off to sleep.

xxx

It's the middle of the night when Harvey opens his eyes. He's completely disoriented and then he feels a warmth across his body. Donna, wrapped in a duvet, is curled up next to him, her back pressed against his chest. Harvey's arm is resting across her waist. He can feel it rise and fall in time with her breathing.

At first, he thinks it's another of one of his "Donna" dreams, but then he feels the blanket around him… and notices he's not wearing shoes.

She took them off.

Harvey is surprised that such a kind and simple act could affect him so much. She's still taking care of him. This is a far cry from the dozens of times he's woken up alone on his couch, dishevelled and in his suit, with a half-finished glass of scotch on the coffee table.

This feels so much better.

For months, he's been tortured by his lies, regrets, and her angry words. He can't remember the last time he's had a decent night's sleep.

Lying in the darkness, Harvey embraces the warmth between them – he feels like he's finally home and able to put his suitcase down.

So he nestles his face deeper into her hair and delivers a quiet kiss to the back of her head.

Tonight he's going to imagine that she is his and he is hers.

Tonight he's going to rest.