THAT PARIS WEEKEND CHAPTER 8 - FYI - a couple of sentences here are a little more graphic than my last.
Harvey has been awake for a while, but he won't dare move a muscle. He knows it's going to be awkward when Donna eventually opens her eyes. But right now, he's doesn't care. He's busy.
Since the early hours, it's been playing on repeat in his head. First, they are lying just as they are, and then she slowly turns to him. He can see it on her face as he loses himself in those beautiful hazel eyes. She loves him.
Next, he envelops her in his arms. His bare chest pressed against the pink flesh of her nipples. His palms are on her back, holding her to him. She's so close he can feel her warm breath on his neck.
And then… then she smiles. Glossy lips opening to deliver a deep, slow kiss to his mouth, a taste that tingles all the way to his groin.
Finally, when he pulls back, he can tell that she already knows what he's about to say. But he wants to tell her himself. And when he does, his words just flow, like poetry.
Christmases, he says. Thanksgivings and birthdays and vacations. He wants little league and ballet recitals, too. All of it… with her. Everything… with her.
His head heavy on the pillow, Harvey knows he could just wake her and confess his secrets. Donna has accused him of running from his feelings, so he's been trying to match her vulnerability, and he wonders if she feels it.
But to tell her right now? He won't, he can't. Not here. His lawyering instincts tell him he needs neutral ground, and the bed that's holding her and all his fantasies is certainly not that.
As Donna begins to stir, Harvey tries to slow his heart before it sinks.
Time's up, so he feigns surprise.
"I'm so sorry about this, Donna." These are the only words Harvey can muster as he quickly rolls away from her. Clothes wrinkled and hair disheveled, he busies himself by collecting his shoes as he tries to act the part.
"I guess it all caught up with me… and we missed dinner."
Donna slowly sits up in bed, her sleepy eyes adjusting to the morning light streaming through the window. Waves of red hair blaze across her white shoulders.
Disappointed, but not surprised that Harvey practically flew out of the bed, Donna takes this as one more sign to avoid the rabbit hole she's been circling. Wrapping the comforter snuggly, protectively, under her arms, she adjusts the thin strap of her champagne-colored nightgown.
"You were exhausted and I didn't want to wake you, so I covered you up."
Seeing him uncomfortable, she's almost apologetic with her explanation, and that leaves her unsettled.
I'm a grown-ass woman. Why the hell do I feel like I just woke up in an ex-boyfriend's dorm room?
"I noticed," he says. He's looking everywhere but at the bed. "To tell you the truth, I haven't slept this well in a while, so thank you."
With feelings of rejection swelling, Donna lets out a sarcastic chuckle.
"Just what every girl wants to hear when she wakes up to a man in her bed."
She's all but given up hope on Harvey, so she forces levity to cover up her feelings. "On the bright side, you fell asleep so quickly, it saved me from having to read you a bedtime story."
Harvey rolls his eyes. She's funny, but he can feel the tension. If only she knew what had been going through his mind minutes ago.
"Donna…that's not what I meant," he says, furrowing his brow. With his back to her, he turns his head to the side to explain.
"You of all people should know how I get when I'm worried. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks… because I've been worried about you." He exhales and then continues. "I wasn't sure how you'd take what I told you. But you're going to be ok… so now I'm ok… that's what I meant."
Donna's eyes go wide, and the butterflies awaken her stomach. This is the third time in two days that Harvey has said something completely unexpected, completely "un-Harvey-like". His words were not a rejection of her, they were anything but.
Harvey was trying to show her more of himself, and now she feels guilty that she thought less of him. He might not have covered her with a blanket or removed her shoes, but he's been taking care of her just the same.
"I'm sorry, Harvey, I didn't realize…"
He cuts her off. "It's ok, Donna."
He pauses, then he asks, "How did you sleep?"
"Like a baby, actually." she says.
His head cocked, he throws it back at her. "Just what every man wants to hear when he wakes up to a woman in his bed." She can see a half-smile forming across his profile.
"Alright, I see what you did there, counselor." Donna can't help but smile back. She and Harvey definitely have a way with each other. "Now, what do you want to do on our last day besides eat, because I'm starving."
Harvey runs his fingers through his hair. His eyes are running out of places to hide. "Let's grab something on the way to my hotel so I can change, and then the Louvre? What about you?"
"Shakespeare and Company," she suggests. "It's a bookstore. Maybe get something to read for the flight home tomorrow."
"Sounds good," Harvey smiles, finally getting the nerve to glance in her direction. He still can't believe he spent the entire night lying next to her. The mere thought sends his heart soaring.
"And Donna" he adds, "We're going to do dinner right tonight, ok?"
xxx
As they descend the escalator inside the giant glass pyramid of the Louvre, Donna turns to him, "You were right, Harvey, I'm glad I stayed, so thank you."
"You don't need to thank me," he says, giving her a gentle nudge. "I should be thanking you. It's turned out to be a fun couple of days and I've hardly thought about work."
For three hours, the pair wander the endless halls of the world's most famous museum. They stroll through the Egyptian antiquities, several portrait galleries and an atrium of Greek and Roman sculpture.
Harvey is taken with paintings of Napoleon's military victories while Donna is mesmerized by the ancient sculptures, especially the Venus di Milo, the famous statue of Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love.
Before leaving, they select some fun souvenirs for Harvey's niece and nephew, including a giant three-dimensional Eiffel Tower puzzle that he plans to build with them during his next trip to Boston.
For Rachel, Donna couldn't resist a gorgeous pair of lotus flower earrings, the design taken from the walls of an ancient Egyptian temple. After her conversation with Harvey yesterday, she's decided to book a trip to Seattle next month. These earrings will be the perfect gift for her friend.
"So, what did you think of the Mona Lisa?" Donna asks, as they stroll past the Louvre gates.
"A lot smaller than I thought, and… well, you're much better looking," he grins, once again testing the waters with a little flirtatious banter. "You really need a portrait."
"It's settled then, I know what I'm getting you for your birthday," she chuckles, taking his flirtation in stride. "And you can get me a life-size reproduction of the Venus de Milo for my office."
"Shame about her arms though. Goddess of love and a terrible hugger," Harvey volleys back, causing Donna to laugh out loud. Every time Harvey makes her laugh, he counts it as a victory.
"Considering you're quite the cuddler at night…" A smirk on her lips, and a quick glance in his direction. "I'm not sure it would work out with you two in the long run."
Harvey is flustered, and Donna can see a slight blush growing across his face.
Was she awake? Did she know? She didn't push me away.
"Don't worry, I won't say anything," she teases, leaning in with a whisper. "It'll be our little secret." Harvey is not sure if she is talking about the statue or their sleepover.
Whatever she's thinking, Donna whispering words to him are an arrow into his heart. There's something about the way she leans in with her quiet voice that makes him feel like he's the only man in her world.
"For the record, I woke up with you next to me," he contests, playing it cool while hoping to press her into showing him something, anything.
"I was being thoughtful enough not to wake you up," she reasons. "You're welcome."
He gives his head a shake and offers her a half-smile as they take in the scenery along the Seine. The riverbank is alive with artists selling their works, musicians playing and couples spending a lazy Sunday afternoon near the water.
Harvey's hands are in his pockets but his fingers are restless. Taking Donna's hand feels like the most natural thing to do. At least that's what his heart is saying, screaming actually. But when it comes to her, denying himself is also second nature.
Any other woman, he wouldn't think twice, but with her… it's just not that simple. He smiles inwardly at the irony that he's terrified to take her hand, when she's always had him in the palm of hers.
xxx
From the outside, Shakespeare and Company bookstore doesn't look like much to be excited about. Old windows and doors, the front painted dark green with the shop name above highlighted in gold. Inside, visitors are treated to a maze of hallways, staircases and secret rooms packed top to bottom with books. New, used, fact and fiction. Shakespeare and Company is as much a museum as it is a bookstore.
Before entering, Harvey orders two coffees from the café next door, and delivers them to a nearby picnic table. The neighbourhood is lively with Notre Dame Cathedral on one side and a garden brimming with peonies, poppies and clematis vines on the other.
"Did you have a favourite book growing up?" she asks.
He knits his brow in thought. "Catcher in the Rye. Holden Caulfield was trouble. My kind of guy."
"Why am I not surprised," she says, giving him a dramatic eye roll.
"What about you," he asks?
"A Nancy Drew girl all the way. I've read all 56 books." She says proudly. "She solved every one of those mysteries wearing pretty shoes and a skirt."
"So she was basically a COO in training," Harvey says grinning.
"Something like that." Donna chuckles.
Watching Donna, her red strands glowing in the sun, Harvey realizes that this weekend has really brought him closer to her in a way that he never expected. She's one of the strongest women he's ever met, but seeing her here, in Paris, without the trappings of a New York City lifestyle, Harvey can't help but fall in love with her all over again.
Yes, in her casual clothes, she's pretty. Without her make-up, she's beautiful. And when she's not wearing those five-inch stilettos, she's down-to-earth. But he's discovering a woman who is more vulnerable than she has ever let on at the office, and in a strange way, it comforts him.
As they sip their coffees, Harvey can tell by the way Donna is fidgeting that something is on her mind.
"What's up?"
"Just some things I need to work out," she says, avoiding his eyes. "You know, I've never apologized for being who I am… but now I'm starting to feel regret over so many things."
"Like what," he asks?
"Thomas for one," she says, biting her lip.
…and not putting myself first sooner
…and not trying harder for an acting career
…and not telling you how I really feel
…and Stephen
…and lying to you about that kiss
"I always wondered…" he starts. "Do you regret giving up your acting career to work at the firm?" Harvey has always felt a little guilty about that.
She shakes her head… no.
"When I was 13, after my father went bankrupt, there was so much tension between my parents. Sometimes my mother would leave for days, saying she needed her 'space'. I would go anywhere to avoid going home – friends' houses, the library, coffee shops. And then I joined the school drama club. With acting, I could become someone else for a little while. It was my break from reality."
She looks up at him, and he nods, encouraging her to continue.
"Two years before I met you, Harvey, my parents divorced, and it was a mess. Mom shacked up with this accountant from her office, and Dad was devastated. My sister, Joy, and I were left to pick up the pieces. Joy couldn't take it so she moved to California, as far away as she could…and I was all alone."
"I'm sorry, Donna."
"So… as much as I like to think I'm adventurous, the truth is there's a piece of me that really isn't. And acting, well, it wasn't stable. Do I regret not trying harder for an acting career? Sometimes. Some days I really do. But I've never regretted meeting you."
Donna looks up at Harvey. He has a pained look on his face. So, like she's done a thousand times before, she tries to lighten his mood.
"And thanks to that incredible deal I negotiated with my boss, I got to do all the plays I wanted anyway," she says, giving him a sweet smile. "Best of both worlds."
Harvey smiles back, but his eyes are sad.
"I knew your parents weren't together, but how come you've never told me all this?" He realizes he has so much more to learn.
"It's not exactly a happy memory is it? And given what happened with your family, I didn't think it would help you to hear it."
Once again, he realizes, she had put him first. "I'm sorry I never asked. I should have paid more attention, Donna. It shouldn't have ever only been about me."
He presses his lips together, and catches her gaze. Then Harvey decides to let her in on one of his secrets.
"I'm probably going to regret telling you this, but…" he pauses. "I've been to every one of your plays."
Donna's eyes go wide, lifting her eyebrows up along with them. "What?! How did I not know that?
With a small grin, he says, "I went once without you knowing and I kind of liked it…you not knowing… since you know everything. You think I haven't noticed that you've never once invited me?"
"I just didn't think it was your thing. I figured you always had something better to do than to watch your secretary try and recapture her youth," she explains.
Harvey shakes his head.
She really has no idea how I feel about her.
"So now the secret's out, why did you tell me?" she asks.
"Because if I had said you're talented, you wouldn't have believed me. Twenty-three plays, Donna… you could have made it in theatre…I just want you to know."
"You know how many plays I've done?" Donna is so touched by Harvey's words, she feels a lump forming in her throat. She wants to cry.
It's when you say things like this, Harvey, that make it impossible for me to not love you as much as I do.
"As for regrets, don't be so hard on yourself, Donna. You're human," he sympathizes. "We all have a few..."
Like not being there when Marcus was ill
…and not fixing things sooner with my mother
…and not fighting harder for you when you were fired
…and trying to take the firm from Jessica
…and sleeping with Esther
…and running away after telling you I loved you
…and dating my therapist
…and asking Stu to offer you a job
…and lying to you that I didn't want more
…and treating you terribly after that kiss
Donna can tell by the strained look in Harvey's eyes, that this conversation is weighing heavy on him.
"I don't regret this coffee though, she quips. "It's amazing."
Falling into their old routine, he responds. "Still not as good as yours."
Donna leans back, tilts her head and looks him over.
"So let me get this straight… you think I'm prettier than the Mona Lisa and make better coffee than all the cafés in Paris?" her eyes twinkling.
"Let's not forget - a better hugger than that Venus girl," he says, the corners of his mouth turning into a smile.
Maybe it's all this intense time together, maybe it's being away from the office, or maybe it's just Paris, but Donna is really starting to wonder what is going on with Harvey.
"Are you flirting me, sir?" she asks, leaning in this time. "What's gotten into you?"
"Maybe I am," he admits. "Maybe there's something in the croissants."
"Except I heard tomatoes were your thing," she teases back.
"Well, thank your lucky stars we're not in Italy then," he smirks. "Next trip, maybe?"
"Alright, Casanova," Donna retorts. "Go find yourself something to read."
Before heading into the bookstore, Harvey turns to Donna, "Since it's our last night, I thought we'd go all out for dinner. I've got a little surprise for you that I'm pretty sure you're going to like."
"What? You're gonna stay awake through dinner tonight?" she kids.
And with a dramatic eye roll, he walks away.