Perhaps you have heard of the phrase 'carpe diem'. Carpe diem is a Latin phrase that best translates to 'seize the day'. Of course, you cannot seize a day, in any meaning of the word. You cannot forcibly grab hold of a day, unlike an arm or a coconut. You cannot make a day stuck, like perhaps a sawblade or a rifle. You cannot be in legal possession of a day, except maybe if you happen to be a Norse god like Thor, Frey, or Tyr, although this would be up for debate. And you cannot fasten a day to a rope, unlike a woman I loved very much when we scaled buildings together.
The phrase 'seize the day' is a very odd phrase because of this, but the phrase means that you should use your day to it best advantage, whether that'd be living life in enjoyment, learning important info, or escaping the law to fight another day.
Regardless, the phrase 'carpe diem' came to Klaus Baudelaire's mind as he and Isadora Quagmire went to the basement of the Hotel Denouement, going to room 098, at the call of a certain banker.
Outside the door to room 098, was none other than Mr. Arthur Poe, vice president in charge of orphan affairs at Mulctuary Money Management. This man had singlehandedly caused a considerable amount of trouble for both the Baudelaires and the Quagmires, and I can only wonder how in the world the CEO of that bank – the CEO being the only person higher ranking that Mr. Poe himself – came into that form of power. It does however leave it rather clear why the bank went out of business six years after the events of this story, so perhaps it checks out.
"Concierges!" The banker exclaimed, both Klaus and Isadora not bothering to try and keep the disguise up. "Please, I need your help!"
"What seems to be the matter, Mr. Poe?" Isadora said, knowing that Mr. Poe would never find anything suspicious, even if she told the banker who she was outright.
"My index to a complete chronicle of all of Count Olaf's crimes, which I could have sworn I left locked tightly in my room, has been stolen!" Poe cried out, while the two orphans looked at each other. Who would steal evidence of Olaf's crimes, except Olaf himself?
"We'll find it right away. When did you see it last?" Klaus asked, no trace of disguising his voice.
"I had it right here! I was trying so hard to get it photocopied a dozen times or so, so my associates had copies of the index, but the manager kept insisting that it was too many pages. It's only just shy of one thousand pages." The banker exclaimed, as though not being willing to photocopy eleven thousand pages worth of paper was unreasonable. "Regardless, I turned around to show the manager how important this book was, but when I went for it, it was gone. Then I turned back to the manager, and he was gone."
"Excuse us, sir, if you don't mind leaving the room, me and my fellow concierge will look for the index in question." Klaus said, using an absurdly fake accent, just because it was amusing to see how much would go over the banker's head.
"Of course." Poe said, leaving. "By the way, but by any chance do you have a cold? Your voice sounds odd."
"Yes, just a cold." Klaus said in a different but equally fake accent.
"Got it. Well, surely a room in this hotel has medicine. Thank you, concierges!" Poe said, leaving the room.
The two orphans stepped into room 098 of the Hotel Denouement, a dark dingy room filled with stacks and stacks of paper, as Isadora looking at Klaus ridiculously. "Klaus, you could have gotten us caught!" she cried out.
"I doubt it, he never suspected a thing when Olaf was in disguise. I have to seize the day," Klaus said, thinking about how many times 'Stephano' had slipped up. "Carpe diem." He remembered, saying the name of the phrase he had learned years ago.
Isadora smiled at that fact, before reciting a poem she had made that fateful night at Prufrock Prep. "Though it may not be particularly wise, it's quite a thrill to be in disguise."
Klaus smiled softly. "I like it. It's good, Isadora."
"T-thanks. So, where could the book be?" she asked, turning around so Klaus didn't see how red her face was getting. Why do I get like this around him ? She wondered, but she knew the answer perfectly fine.
"Not sure... do you think Mr. Poe was talking to Ernest? It would explain why the book went missing alongside the manager." Klaus pondered, pulling out his commonplace book.
Isadora started looking around, underneath stacks of paper, under the desks, and even under the carpet, which was oddly bumpy. This whole task proved fruitless, a word here meaning 'the floor in room 098 was the oddest floor she had ever seen, as there was no book under it, or anywhere else in the room'.
Klaus meanwhile had checked above shelfs, above the lights, and even above the doorframe. This also proved fruitless, although this meaning would have been different.
There was a moment of pause, as Isadora pulled out her own commonplace book, the two of them sharing notes, trying to figure who would have been willing to steal the index.
"Hey, Isadora?" Klaus asked suddenly. "It's, uh, not exactly important... But, maybe by any chance when this is all said and done you can teach me how to write couplets?"
Isadora blushed brightly, but in the dark she doubted Klaus would see it. "H-how come?"
"I just want to try some writing out. Since you and Duncan and the only writers among us, I figured I could ask you." Klaus said.
"S-sure." She replied, excited. Suddenly, something dawned on her. "Klaus? Is there a Dewey Decimal Number for indexes?"
"20, why?" Klaus replied, confused.
"What if the index got put in there?" It seems right. After all, it would be easy for an index with no real title to get lost in a mix of more indexes.
The two quickly left, bumping into Mr. Poe. "S-sir, we think we know where your index is."
"That's miraculous!" Mr. Poe cheered, before adding as an afterthought, "Miraculous means something like a miracle."
We both know what miraculous means. Klaus thought, but bothered not even saying. The duo-turned-trio went to room 020, just down the hall, before quickly searching through more stacks of paper.
"Haha! I found it, concierge!" Mr. Poe cried out, holding the index with a sense of pride and accomplishment. The book was thick, most certainly more than one thousand pages, with a black leather binding and Mulctuary Money Management embossed on the front cover.
As Mr. Poe left, a figure came into the room, holding a similar, almost identical version of the book Mr. Poe had just left with. The only difference being the logo on the front was that of Hotel Denouement. The person holding the book was none other than Frank, unless it was Ernest.
"Hello, concierges, do you think you might want a copy of that index, seeing as the original requester left?"
Klaus smiled. That could help prepare them for the trial, right? "Yes, that would likely come in handy."
Wrong!
Wrong!
Wrong!
I am sorry to inform you that as the clock of the Hotel Denouement was powered back on, it told Klaus Baudelaire exactly what it thought of his question.
Wrong!
In a world often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult for even the most read of people to stand a fair shot in this world.
Wrong!
While Klaus didn't know it, the trial was not in his, or her sisters, or even the Quagmires favor. The trial was rigged from before the start even began.
Wrong!
If I could, I would go back to that Wednesday morning, and tell Baudelaires and Quagmires alike to run.
Wrong!
Sadly, I cannot go back and warn them, any more than I can go back and let Esme Squalor keep her beloved sugar bowl. I wish I had seized the day and found some other vessel for distressed objects to store the contents of the sugar bowl in.
Wrong!
I wish I had seized the day and gone with my sister Kit to fight the eagles attacking the self-sustaining hot air mobile home. All these years later, I can only hope that my sister is alive and well.
Wrong!
Klaus Baudelaire believed he was seizing the day getting the only copy of the Incomplete History of Injustice index, but he was wrong, as the clock so delightfully told him.
Wrong!
Hopefully, they could learn that chaos awaited them before the trial began, live the vast sea of ignorance, and live happily ever after, couples in arms and cheerful.
Wrong!
But that's not how the story goes.