THAT PARIS WEEKEND CHAPTER 9 - Please note, a little more graphic in places. This is a long chapter - happy reading!

At 7 o'clock, the familiar knock echoes across Donna's hotel room door. She opens it to see Harvey dressed in her favourite dark suit and a new Hermès necktie.

"Well, don't you look handsome," she says looking him over.

Harvey steps in.

Oh my God, Donna.

He can't control what she's doing to his body right now, so he desperately tries, but fails, to keep his eyes above her neckline.

Donna is wearing the same sexy, black dress she had on the night he first came knocking.

"That dress, it's very… you look amazing, Donna. It was made for you."

Harvey is trying to be a gentleman, but all he can think about is how quickly he would take it off if he was given the chance.

Red hair, porcelain skin and black lace. He's not sure he's going to be able to last the night.

His eyes tracing her curves, he teases, "I think there are going to be a lot of French men trying to learn English tonight."

"Merci, Monsieur," she says, her eyes twinkling.

Then, sounding a little shy, she admits, "I didn't want my memory of this dress to be a bad one, so I figured if I wore it tonight, and we have fun, then it might cancel out the last time I had it on."

"We'll have fun," he promises, finding it sweet and also funny that Donna would think this way about a piece of clothing. Just one more quirky thing about her that he's now discovered.

"Because you definitely need to wear this dress again."

Donna takes a step towards him. Without thinking, she adjusts his tie and smooths his lapels. Her palms are firmly planted on his chest and they linger longer than necessary.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she says. Hazel eyes affectionately meeting brown ones.

Harvey is completely aroused now. It's only when Donna pulls away that he realizes he's also been holding his breath. Her in that dress, inches away from him is just cruel.

Completely oblivious to what she's doing to him, Donna grabs her clutch and asks, "So where are we going?"

He swallows to push down the sensation.

"You'll see. I have a car waiting downstairs."

xxx

"Ok, open your eyes."

"What?!" She looks up. "Here? Again? For dinner?"

"Yes. With the best view of Paris. No hot dogs, I promise."

Donna is so touched. She can't believe that Harvey would think to do something like this.

She had never mentioned it to him, but having dinner at the Eiffel Tower was something she very much wanted to do during her visit. After learning the restaurant has a six-month waiting list for reservations, she figured it impossible.

"I pulled a few strings at the hotel. A lot of strings, actually," he chuckles. "I thought we deserved one last night of fun."

"Harvey, I don't know what to say." Her affection for him swelling in her chest. "I've never had anyone do anything like this for me before."

"Good. Because I wanted it to be special, Donna," he says.

He pauses, then adds, "Something that no one else has done…for you… that you'll always remember."

"Well I've never had anyone fly to Paris on my behalf," she says, her eyes full of gratitude. "So I think you've got that covered."

Harvey gives her a shy nod. Then he extends his elbow, allowing Donna to link in.

"Ready?" he asks.

"I'm ready," she says, wrapping her perfectly manicured fingers around his bicep.

Upon entering the restaurant, Donna and Harvey are seated by a window overlooking the park where they had picnicked the day before.

"Oh my God, Harvey. Look at this view," she says. The setting sun casting a golden glow across the city.

Harvey smiles as he watches her reaction. Making Donna happy has always given him a sense of accomplishment. Her eyes are wide like a child's, navigating all angles of the view. Never taking his eyes off her in that exquisite dress, Harvey agrees, "It's pretty great."

After an incredible meal, a delicious sampling of desserts (Donna was happy to help herself to his), and plenty of fine wine, the pair wander outside to a private corner of the balcony, to take in the last of their Paris experience. It's a clear night. Moon and stars above and the City of Lights below.

Noticing the goosebumps on Donna's arms, Harvey takes off his jacket and holds it open. She slips in, and tucks her clutch into the pocket. Harvey leans his elbows on the railing, and turns to her.

"Thomas…," his lips pressed tight before continuing. "I'm sure that he cared… cares… for you. I don't want you to think that he didn't at all. You weren't wrong."

"Well it doesn't matter does it?" she says, letting out sarcastic chuckle. "I could never trust him now. And without that, there isn't much is there?"

"Why did you go out with him?" The question has played on Harvey's mind for months, and it's been the source of a lot of his sleepless nights.

Donna shrugs her shoulders. "Because I was tired of wanting and not getting." She gives Harvey an uncomfortable glance. "Thomas was certainly interested. I guess you could say he swept me off my feet. And… professionally… he was very encouraging. He wanted to introduce me to his business contacts here, thought I could benefit from networking."

Her answer lands like a slap to his face. Thomas led her to believe he was prepared to offer her everything… everything Harvey couldn't. Now he really understood what a blow it must have been for her to learn the truth.

Harvey can't take this anymore. After a few frustrated breaths, he turns his body towards her.

"Donna, I need to tell you something," he starts.

His eyes shift to the city and then back, buying him the seconds he needs to find his voice. "You said yesterday that you wanted to be someone's first choice… well… you've always been mine."

"I know."

First a slap to the face, and now cold water over the head.

"You know?" Harvey abruptly straightens up, his chin falls back, the whites of his eyes glowing in the dim light.

"That's why I resigned," she says, matter-of-factly, "You had to choose between what was valuable to you at the firm and your relationship. It wasn't fair to have you lose someone you cared about because of professional loyalty."

"Is that what you think?" As intuitive as Donna is, Harvey is stunned by her answer. "You think that I asked you to come back for the benefit of the firm?"

"It's ok, Harvey, I get it. The firm was just getting back on its feet. We needed stability," she says with a brave face, determined not to ruin what has, so far, been a lovely evening.

Donna's tone might be convincing, but she's certainly not fooling herself. Harvey calling in a favour from Stu, and her resignation, are very much open wounds.

"No Donna. That's not why… everything is why… you're my first choice for everything." He holds his breath, waiting for her to process what he means, and terrified of what might come.

Donna's eyes suddenly become wide and her mouth drops open as what he is saying becomes clear. Shaking her head, her eyes moist, she backs away from him.

"How can you say that, Harvey? Zoe, Scottie, your last relationship…" Her fingers in the air, counting off his women. Her quivering voice giving away that she's not 'matter-of-fact' about any of it. "I was never a first choice."

"No, it was never an option…and that was your decision not mine." His frustration coming through with emphasis. "You made it clear we could never happen, even after you broke your rule for… Stephen. Sure, I've had girlfriends. So what? You weren't the only one trying to 'live their life', you know."

Harvey's heart starts racing. Until now, he's been in control of his secrets. But here, at the God damn Eiffel Tower, all bets are off. He's sick of the tension between them, and tired of living in fear that one day he'll lose her. One way or another, he decides, it's going to end here.

"Let me ask you something." His voice starts off strong, but then gives way to exasperation as he counts off her men. "Mark, Mitchell, Stephen… Thomas, for Christ's sake. Were any of them your first choice? Did you ever look at any of them and say, 'this is it'?!"

He's out of breath and the pupils of his eyes go dark as he zeros in for an answer.

Donna nervously bites her bottom lip and looks away.

"Tell me... were they?"

She turns and looks at him through wet lashes. Then gives her head the tiniest shake… no.

Admitting this to Harvey hits her hard. She's being backed into a corner, but she's certainly not going to let him to act like he's some sort of victim through all this.

"Why does it matter to you who I'm with? You've made it very clear on more than one occasion that you never wanted more anyway! You said you loved me and then acted like it was all in my head! Jesus Christ, I kissed you and you treated me like I killed somebody… and then you team up with Stu to fix things for you….!"

She's shifting into high gear now, calling him out on his bullshit, and using his hurtful words against him.

"'Promise me that will never happen again.' Does that sound familiar, Harvey? Because it sure as hell does to me!"

"Of course I said those things!" Harvey snaps back, trying to recover from accusations he knows are completely justified. "It's a lot easier to hear me say them than to eventually hear them from you!"

Once again, Donna's eyes go wide and her mouth drops open. That was unexpected.

The pounding in his chest is finding its way to his temples, and Harvey can feel himself losing his grip. His eyes are burning now and his jaw aches from clenching.

They're fighting. In public. At the Eiffel Tower.

All those first dates, marriage proposals and happy memories witnessed by this landmark… Harvey is convinced he is well on his way to accomplishing the exact opposite tonight.

Donna is also starting to regret the evening. They've spent two full days here and they still can't get their shit together.

Maybe this dress is just bad luck.

For what seems like forever, they stare at one another, out of breath and out of words. Their minds scrolling through thirteen year's worth of denial, frustration and missed opportunities.

Harvey's hurt is on full display. His face is panicked, wetness pooling in his eyes as he nervously shifts from one foot to the other.

Donna bites her lip trying to quell the overflow of tears already finding their way down her cheeks. She catches their saltiness as they descend onto her mouth.

Then, she whispers, "You were my boss, Harvey, what was I supposed to do? I didn't want everyone to think I was some failed actress who became the cliché 'secretary who sleeps with her boss'. It was also your reputation I was thinking about."

Harvey exhales and his shoulders slump in resignation. Pressing his lips together, he gives Donna a small nod. He looks down at the city because he can't handle what he might not see in her eyes.

"It wouldn't have been that and you know it," he says, refusing to let her minimize the depth of his feelings.

"And if we had gotten together…," she asks gently. "Why would you think I would change my mind about you?"

"Because. I don't deserve you, and you'd figure that out," Harvey whispers back, his voice quivering as he takes a wary glance towards her. Years of pushing and pulling have come down to this.

"And you're….you're everything, Donna, everything to me. You don't even know how much…"

"Harvey…," she interrupts.

He's completely exposed now.

"You don't have to say anything…," he says, still trying to protect her, and protect them from never being able to go back. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't hold it in."

Donna draws out a long breath, allowing herself time to regain her composure. Her eyes are gentle on him.

"What I was going to say is that the Harvey I know… is one of the kindest men I've ever met… caring and loyal and sensitive. Why would you think I could never feel that way about you?"

"You forgot to add complicated to that list." He looks up, his Adam's apple bobbing. "And you had your rule. For that reason, no doubt."

"Not for that reason, Harvey," she clarifies. "Even if we weren't working together, you weren't ready."

"No, Donna, maybe you weren't ready. I would have tried if you had let me."

"Harvey, after you spent the night, you just left," she reminds him, taking him right back to where this mess started. "The next time I heard from you was when you asked me to come work for you… and you told me that you would have never come over that night if you knew we'd work together again. You were more interested in having me as a secretary than a girlfriend."

Harvey shakes his head, confused. He can see the hurt in her eyes.

"How was I supposed to take that?" she asks. "It felt like it didn't matter that much to you. Well, it mattered to me... "

Harvey is stunned. Clearly, that moment at the coffee shop has been eating away at her for years.

"I didn't handle it well, Donna. It's not how I felt…not at all. And you said to never mention it again, so I thought you regretted it. If I could go back…," he admits, his voice heavy with remorse. "You're right, maybe I wasn't ready the way you needed, but that didn't mean I didn't want it… and I tried to respect your rule."

He's out of breath and he's trying to read her face. Anything she can give him.

"We're different people now aren't we?" his eyes pleading. "And I'm not your boss anymore."

Donna is starting to feel frustrated. Is this going to end up like every other conversation about their feelings? Back to creating another twisted version of 'normal'? She's having none of that tonight.

"Harvey… we've been through this. What do you want?" she asks, her voice tired and strained.

Harvey takes a step towards her, his fingers fidgeting as he struggles to tell her what he needs her to know, and what she deserves to hear. Tonight, the two worlds he's desperately tried to keep separate are on a collision course, and he's risking everything.

Harvey takes a deep breath in and then out. He flew all the way to Paris for her, for them, and she's going to get the God damn truth.

"Donna… I love you… and before you say anything… " his voice soft, he's trying his best.

"You and me… I think about us a lot. More than you realize. Thirteen years, and I still think about our night together… and about when I told you I loved you. You were right and I know I screwed it up. I keep replaying you kissing me in my mind, and it always ends the same way… with me kissing you back."

He takes another breath, and presses his lips together. Donna can see fear and hope flicker in his eyes.

"There are so many times…" Harvey looks away, trying to put into words the feelings he's long held back, and then turns to face her.

"Dancing with you at the wedding…I didn't want that night to end. When I went to see Marcus, I missed you. I couldn't wait to hear your voice. And this morning… waking up next to you… you'd never guess by the way I reacted, but I would have stayed there all day in that bed with you if I thought you wanted me to."

Donna hasn't taken her eyes of him. She also hasn't taken a breath. Harvey is pretty sure he's rambling but he presses on, determined to leave no room for doubt.

"Look, these feelings aren't new… I love you, I'm in love with you… I don't even know what the right words are… but I know how I feel….It's not going to change and I don't want it to change. That's why it never works out with anyone else, Donna, because we belong together. We always have. It's going to work so give this a chance... I just want to make you happy…"

Donna reaches for the railing. She needs it to steady herself because she's actually dizzy. They've skirted around their feelings for so long that she's having trouble believing what just came out of his mouth.

Did he just say that he loves me?

… that we belong together?

…that he wants to make me happy?

Donna makes a conscious effort to breathe. She can see that Harvey's chest is rapidly rising and falling. It took a lot for him to get here, and his words have left him anxious. She also knows that Harvey would never allow himself to risk everything unless he was more than certain.

What's unexpected are her feelings. She's both elated and terrified. As frustrating as their dynamic has been over the years, it's one she's familiar with.

Tonight is different. They are not playing with cards close to their chests. In fact, Harvey has laid the entire deck out on the table, and Donna is unsure how this round is supposed to go. She searches his face for a hint of uncertainty, but she can't find it.

"I need to tell you something, Harvey. The truth is…," She pauses, nervous to expose the one secret that has given her a semblance of control over this thing between them. "I lied after I kissed you….I…"

Before Donna can finish, Harvey's hands are holding her face as carefully as he would a newborn. Hopefulness washes over his features, his eyes pooling with affection. Bringing his mouth to hers, he gently awakens her lips. It's barely a kiss, but enough of one that Donna knows he's left her to take the lead.

At first, she's tense, not expecting such a bold move. But his hands and his mouth and his eyes… Donna can't help but relax into him. Ever so gently, with eyes wide open, she gives him the go ahead. First to his bottom lip, and then slowly moving to his top, before completely dedicating her mouth to his.

Any second now, she expects Harvey to step back, reassess, maybe even apologize. It is Harvey after all. But he doesn't. She feels a hand slip under the coat he's given her. Warm fingers splay across her bare back, drawing her closer. Another hand firmly cradles her head.

With her own two hands now weaving their way through his hair, Donna presses his face to hers, giving him a taste of what she wants to happen. Sensing her readiness, Harvey leans in, set to deliver himself in whatever way she will have him.

The thought of Donna claiming him as her own makes him lightheaded. Like he's flying and falling all at once. His heart is pounding like thunder now.

Maybe it's the rush of no longer denying himself. Maybe it's the thrill of seeing his future unfold before him. Or maybe it's just because she's so damn beautiful.

Whatever it is, Harvey doesn't fear it. In fact, he's daring it to come at him full force. Every thundering beat tells him he's never been more alive or more certain.

Harvey's hand continues to explore the soft skin on her back. His palm is excitement, his fingertips frustration because he just can't get close enough. Her warm mouth caressing his is far beyond what his dreams have ever been capable of. So he presses for more, desperately tasting away what's left of her lip gloss.

Thirteen years of pent-up emotion, finally set free. Then, the groundswell hits him.

Wave after wave washes over him, undulating and powerful – love, desire, adoration – he's soaked to the bone.

Harvey is taking Donna with him now and her knees go weak. He holds her firmly in place. His mouth giving her breath as the wave comes crashing.

To steady herself, Donna draws her hands across his white dress shirt, grasping at the fabric along his chest. They are moving in slow motion and spinning all the same.

Each time she welcomes his tongue into her mouth, Harvey deepens their kiss, moaning at the taste of red wine on the tip of hers. His fingers are now tickling her neck, caressing her face and running wild in her hair.

Then breathless, they force themselves apart.

Donna slowly opens her eyes. Her stomach still doing pirouettes as Harvey's eyes are intense on hers. It's not a lustful look, she'd recognize that. Instead, she sees adoration and relief.

She licks her lips. They're instantly cold with him away. The sensation is overwhelming.

"Don't stop," she whispers.

Harvey pulls her in. Gentle thumbs glide across her bottom lip and tender fingers hold her face to his. His mouth is slow, intentionally slow. There's a depth to this kiss that make her eyes water.

Oh my God, Harvey.

She doesn't bother to open her eyes this time. His arms are wrapped solidly around her now, so she rests her head on his shoulder. Harvey senses a shift in her energy and pulls back to look at her. He's waiting for the doubt that he knows is coming.

"Harvey. This weekend, Paris and wine tonight…," she tries to reason as she searches the night sky for answers. "You might feel very differently about this when daylight hits and we're back in New York."

Harvey tilts his head and gives a slight chuckle. "Thirteen years? Not going to happen, Donna," he assures with a kiss to her forehead. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to give me an out. I don't want one."

Wrapping her arms around Harvey's waist, Donna, once again, rests her head on his shoulder, inhaling the comforting scent of cedar, sandalwood and him. Silent and swaying, they hold each other.

This healing hug reassures her. His mouth on hers says "I love you", but his arms wrapped around tell her, "I've got you". And she needs both.

Donna responds with a long, slow, deep kiss that sets Harvey back on his heels. He fully expects his heart to explode. Everywhere she touches now sets him off, creating an urge that leaves him wanting to tear her clothes off.

Donna senses his excitement against her thigh, and it forces a rush of heat between her legs. "Harvey…" she says, pulling away to slow things down. There's a sincerity in her glassy eyes that he knows well.

"I really love you."

Another wave of relief washes over Harvey's face. His eyes also damp. Words he's waited forever to hear from her.

"I really love you, too," he whispers, "and… I think we really need to get out of here."

Staring at one another, there's a calmness, an understanding on both their faces as this new reality sets in.

Harvey pulls his phone out of his pocket and texts the car service. With fingers intertwined, the pair make their way back into the restaurant and towards the elevator.

As they wait for the lift, the mâitre d approaches with a knowing look in his eye.

"Madame, Monsieur, this is your first time in Paris?"

"Yes it is," Harvey obliges.

With a wink and a smile, the gentleman hands Harvey a bottle of wine. "Enjoy your evening."

Their hands still linked, Harvey and Donna giggle as they enter the elevator.

"Just when I couldn't love this town more," she says.

At the bottom, Harvey opens the car door and helps Donna in. He rounds the back, enters from the other side and immediately slips his hand back into hers. To think that just a few short hours ago he was terrified to reach for her hand, and now, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

Ever the gentleman, he makes no assumption about where this night will take them, so he turns to her.

"Ok Donna… what's next?"

A smile warms her lips. She knows he's not just asking about tonight, but about tomorrow and the days after that.

"Oh, I have plans, she says, as she gives his hand a small squeeze. "But for tonight, how about we go to your hotel to collect all your things and then to mine."

Harvey leans in, places a light kiss on her cheek and whispers in that soft voice reserved just for her.

"I'd like that."