Summary: After an embarrassing incident at a motel following a hunt, it has become apparent that Jack does not know the facts of life. Sam, Dean and Castiel take turns giving Jack the "the talk". Hilarity ensues, plus some drama. Brotherly/family/friendship fic, no pairings.
Warnings: Some description of suggestive sexual acts, nothing graphic. Coarse language/cursing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
A/N 1: There are no pairings, any original characters are only in passing and will not be a central part of the story.
A/N 2: Bear with me, the chapter is a little slow moving in the beginning, but you'll get it if you read down to the very end. Enjoy!
Chapter two: A talk with Castiel
"Why would I teach Jack about birds and bees?" Castiel asked.
"The saying birds and bees is just a euphemism to describe courtship and sexual intercourse." Sam explained.
"Hmmm." Castiel got up from his seat and started to pace the room. "But how should I explain it to him?"
Dean let out a loud belch as he downed the last of his beer. "Look, you were once in a similar boat, remember? Just explain it to him how you'd wish someone had explained it to you when you were tryin' to get ahold of this being human thing, you know."
"I see." Castiel pondered this briefly. "I should show him a pornographic film."
"No!" Sam said abruptly.
"Don't show him a porno dumbass. You'll probably scar him." Dean smiled cheekily lifting his eyebrows dramatically when he saw Sam roll his eyes at him. "Gotta work your way up to that, science textbooks first, upgrade to nudy magazines, then pornos."
"Explain it to him how you would explain it to a child." Sam said ignoring his brother. "You don't want to overwhelm him, but we also can't have Jack being ignorant about this, he's certainly at an age where he should know."
"Explain it to him, like he was a child…" Castiel continued to pace the room.
Dean shrugged when he saw his brother looking at him.
"Look, I hate to rush you Cas." Sam started. "But Jack was pretty rattled earlier, the sooner you explain it to him, the sooner he can make his peace with what he saw."
"Alright, I will speak with him tonight." Castiel felt at a loss, but he proceeded towards the door with determination.
"Here, give him this towel." Sam tossed a towel at Castiel which the angel caught with ease.
"He's gonna screw this up." He heard Dean say to Sam as he shut the door.
After randomly selecting a pair of clothes from Jack's bag, the angel headed in the direction of the bathroom.
He knocked on the door gently. "It is Castiel." He paused wondering if the other had heard him. "I've bought your clothes and a towel."
Jack opened the door and stuck out the top half of his body and gratefully accepted the items.
"We need to talk." Castiel said, when they made eye contact. "Finish up, I'll be waiting for you in our room."
Jack stared at him for a few seconds then simply nodded.
Back in Castiel and Jack's shared room, the angel sat on the edge of his bed in deep thought. Castiel was not at all embarrassed by the topic of sex, he didn't understand why some humans were so shy about the subject as it was a very natural act. He was slightly anxious because he was Jack's father figure and he wanted to get the explanation just right. Castiel understood that this talk would be a significant milestone in their relationship.
Jack entered the room and greeted Castiel with a nod. He was aware of Castiel's eyes on him as he deposited his dirty clothes in a plastic bag and placed his wet towel on the back of a lone chair.
Castiel cleared his throat to get the other's attention, then reached across and tapped the bed opposite to his to signal he wanted Jack to sit down there.
"Sam told us what happened." He started.
"I thought the man was attacking her." Jack said, frowning lightly. "He looked like he was trying to hit her with his whole body."
Castiel nodded in understanding. "It was kind of you to try and help-"
"But clearly I was wrong." Jack interrupted him, he couldn't help but sound a little hurt. "I get that from the way you are all acting."
Castiel decided the best way to address this was to be direct. "Jack, in this instance, no one was being attacked, they were having sex."
"Sex?"
"Yes." The angel nodded. "Do you know what sex is?"
"It is an act humans and other organisms carry out for the sake of reproduction."
Castiel felt relieved that Jack knew that much. "Well that's one of the reasons yes, sometimes people do it simply for pleasure...among other reasons." He trailed off.
"I came across it my reading, although I have never knew how it was performed." Jack studied the green carpet of their motel room thoughtfully.
"It is often, but not always a loving and intimate act, hence why the couple was so angry when you interrupted them."
"I see". Jack paused to mull things over. "I should apologize."
"For now, I think its best to leave them be."
Castiel watched Jack for a few minutes as he processed what had been said to him. His face displayed a series of expressions, he finally settled on a confused look. It pulled at Castiel's heart to see him look like a lost child.
"But then Castiel, how exactly does one engage in such an activity?" The younger look genuinely puzzled. "I don't understand how this leads to a baby."
The angel had been expecting that. Sam's words about overwhelming him had come to mind, so Castiel decided the best way to describe this to Jack would be through representation.
"Say you wanted to bake a cake."
Jack looked at the angel expectantly.
"The baby is the cake or the end product."
Jack nodded for him to continue.
"But first you need you mix the ingredients." Castiel stopped to find the right words. "But in order for humans to mix their ingredients or genetic material, the man needs get inside the woman to do that."
"Because the baby grows inside the woman."
"Yes." Castiel nodded, pleased that Jack was clearly following his explanation. "The female is like the mixing bowl and the baking dish."
Jack squinted his eyes in concentration, then looked back at Castiel indicating he was ready to hear more.
"The man uses his member." Castiel held up his index finger. "And places it in the woman." The angel used his other hand to vaguely circle over his lower abdomen and crotch area.
Jack made an O shape with his mouth and tilted his head back slightly. "I understand."
Castiel rolled up his sleeves, he used his left hand to join his middle finger and thumb together to make a circle then used his index finger on his right hand to demonstrate going in and out of the hole.
Jack studied the action carefully. "But then why were they completely naked?"
"You don't necessarily have to be naked…you just need to have the necessary equipment exposed."
"Ahh, I see."
Jack nodded knowingly, as though everything suddenly made sense. "When I saw the couple earlier, the man was being rather rough."
Castiel shrugged. "Sometimes humans are aggressive."
"Doesn't it hurt the woman?" Jack asked looking concerned. "Since she is on the receiving end." He added.
"Sometimes, which is why it is important to prepare."
Jack opened his mouth, but Castiel held up a hand, knowing Jack was probably going to ask more questions. "We can talk more about that later."
"I think I would like to try sex sometime." Jack said suddenly. "You mentioned that sometimes people do it for pleasure."
"I don't think you're ready." Castiel said quickly. He sighed tiredly, his body reminding him he was exhausted. "It is an extensive topic and we have only scratched the surface, we can talk more about this tomorrow when we get back to the bunker."
Jack noticed the worn out look on Castiel's face, he also felt beat. Jack longingly eyed the pillow on his bed. He turned back to the man sitting across him and smiled gratefully. "Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to explain this to me."
"You're welcome." Castiel couldn't help but feel proud of Jack for handling things so well.
"And Dean thought I would screw up." Castiel muttered under his breath.
"Pardon? I didn't hear what you said."
"It's nothing important, get some rest."
The next morning Castiel told the others that he had informed Jack about the birds and the bees.
"He knows the basics, I will start formal tutelage once we return to the bunker."
Sam looked relieved.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Kill joy. You're gonna bore him, and he's never gonna wanna have sex once you're through with him."
"He informed me that he wishes to try out sex." Castile said neutrally.
"What?" Sam eyes bulged. "Already?"
"No way!" Dean suddenly turned serious. "He's too young." He said defensively, leaving no room for argument.
"He has a young and innocent mind." Castiel said more to himself than to the other occupants in the room. "But he's had to grow up fast." He said sullenly. "Too fast…"
"Let's not talk about this now." Sam said when he saw Jack approaching them.
Jack smiled as he entered the room, his bag slung casually over his shoulder. "Good morning."
"Morning." Dean answered, as he stuffed his dirty clothes into his bag.
Jack eyed Sam for a few seconds. "About last night…" He started.
Sam held up his hands in a pacifying manner. "You didn't know, don't worry about it.
Jack nodded gratefully.
"Ready to leave?" Sam asked casually in hopes of changing the subject.
"Yep I'm all set."
"Wait." Dean stopped packing. "We're leaving without breakfast?"
"Dean, we're been living off junk food for every meal last week, we must have swallowed a whole bottle of oil each by now."
"That doesn't seem accurate." Castiel started. "To have consumed even a 500ml bottle of oil, we would have-"
Sam gave the angel a sharp look and he immediately shut up knowing his input was not welcome.
"It's a little out our way, but there's a town about half an hour from here." Jack informed. "I saw it on the map in the lobby."
"Perfect." Sam said as he made his way towards the door and held it open for everyone. "We can find a healthy place to eat, and stock up on our supplies while we're in town."
"Yes mother." Dean replied moodily, lamenting the fact that he'd have to drive on an empty stomach.
It had just gone past ten o'clock when they drove into town. Much to Sam's dismay, the place only had one diner and a bar, naturally filled with mostly greasy food. Sam sat down and glumly ate a sad looking kale and egg porridge, while Dean smirked triumphantly as he chewed into his foot long cheese and onion breakfast sandwich and took a swig of his coffee with extra rich cream.
"I think I'm gonna order seconds." Dean said as he thoughtfully studied the display menu on their table.
Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise at him.
"What? After this week, I've earned it." His brother defended.
"Yeah, I think I will get a double chocolate muffin." Jack chimed in as he finished the last of his syrupy waffles.
"That's the spirit." Dean fondly patted Jack on his back. "I think I'll get a muffin too, maybe a banana caramel one."
Sam scoffed in amusement. "Fine you two finish up here, I'll go get the groceries."
"Cas, you coming?"
"Yes, that is fine." He replied.
"Hey, you're not gonna pay?" Dean called after them as they got up to leave. "I paid for the motel!"
"Yeah, and now I'm going to pay for the groceries." Sam hit back.
"Could you get some ketchup?" Jack asked politely.
"Sure."
"Yeah, but none of that low sugar, low salt crap. I want real ketchup!" Dean shouted with his mouth full of food.
Sam grimaced at the visual.
About ten minutes later, Jack finished up the last of his muffin.
"Dude, you need to learn to eat properly, you're covered in crumbs." Dean said teasingly.
"But so are you." Jack pointed out.
"Yeah, but I bet I don't have crumbs on my eyebrow or syrup on the side of my nose."
Jack self-consciously touched his face.
"Unbelievable, how do you even manage?" Dean laughed, trying to figure how a grown man could get crumbs so far up his face.
"I'll be back." Jack said as he got up and rushed off in the direction of the unisex toilet sign.
"Hurry up, we gotta leave soon, otherwise Sam's just gonna buy rabbit food."
Jack cleaned himself off in the toilet quickly, conscious of the fact that Dean was probably waiting on him. He opened the door briskly and rushed out only to be instantly halted as he collided with a young woman who had been trying to enter the toilets the very same time he was trying to leave.
Jack's eyes widened, he instinctively reached out and snaked one of his arms around the woman's waist and the other around her head to lessen the impact as he fell on top of her.
For a moment they both stared into each other's eyes. Jack could feel his heart thumping at the close contact.
She observed him for a moment then frowned. "Asshole, watch where you're going."
He smiled at her sheepishly. "Sorry, that was my fault. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She said sounding annoyed, but there was no real malice in her voice. "But you can get off me now."
Jack laughed lightly. "Yeah, you're kind of crushing my hand."
"Are you trying to say I'm heavy?" She smiled teasingly.
"That's not what I meant." Jack replied pleasantly. "But I really should pull my hand out, its at an awkward angle under you."
Jack wiggled his arm that was pinned down under the girl to emphasize his point, he looked down and saw the girl was wearing a crop top. He suddenly froze, his face turning white.
"What?" She asked sounding worried. "You couldn't have broken your hand."
"You're hole is exposed!" Jack said in alarm, staring at her belly button.
"Excuse me?!" She asked sounding perfectly offended.
"My finger could have touched your hole when we fell." Jack said with wide eyes as he recalled his conversation with Castiel. "I could have gotten you pregnant!"
"Are you insane?!" She roughly pushed him off and Jack numbly fell against the wall. "Is this some kind of a joke? Obviously I'm not pregnant!"
Jack looked up at her confused. "So you cannot conceive? Are you saying you're sterile?"
"What is wrong with you?" She demanded angrily. "Are you high?"
Jack stared at her desperately, his mouth opening and closing.
"Okay, weirdo, I'm outta of here."
Jack shakily made his way back to the table.
"What took you so-Jack what's wrong?" Dean asked seriously upon seeing the look on the other's face.
"Dean." Jack started desperately his voice trembling, he sounded like a lost child.
"What happened?" Dean asked worriedly. He jumped to his feet, one hand going to his gun as his eyes scanned the diner for danger.
"I think I may have had sex with a girl…" Jack started not quite able to look the other in the eye.
"Come again." He frowned.
"I said I think I may-"
"I heard you!" Dean snapped as he let go of his gun and eased himself back into his seat. "But what the hell are you talking about?" His mind raced a mile a minute.
"I was in the toilet." Jack started quietly. "And when I walked out there was this woman."
"You had sex?!" Dean interrupted him, he stared at the young man before him, mouth agape. "And that quickly?!" He asked incredulously. "You didn't even know what sex was until yesterday!"
"Well it was an accident." Jack pleaded, internally begging the other would lower his voice.
Dean's eyes widened, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Jack. Tell me exactly what happened." He demanded with an unreadable expression on his face.
It only made Jack feel more anxious, he swallowed a few times and slowly started to explain what had happened.
Dean felt more and more confused to the point of being irritated. "What do you mean she was exposed?" He demanded. "Why the hell wasn't she wearing pants? Why weren't you wearing pants if you were leaving the toilets?"
Dean couldn't help but feel exasperated by the other's explanation. "You're not making sense Jack."
"Our pants never came off Dean." Jack said quickly.
Dean regarded the flustered looking man opposite him. "So…it was oral then?" Dean asked awkwardly.
"What's oral?"
Dean sighed and leaned across the table so his was closer to Jack. "Did you put it in her mouth?"
"My finger?" Jack asked looking completely perplexed.
"Not your finger!" Dean hissed.
"No Dean, I don't understand what you're talking about."
"Well that makes two of us!"
Jack regarded Dean and realized he wasn't getting through to the other. He gingerly held up his index finger. "Castiel showed me last night." Jack circled over his abdomen and crotch, much in the same way Castiel had.
Dean arched an eyebrow at the motion. "Dude, what the hell are you doing? Do you have indigestion?"
"No, I'm demonstrating sex."
"What?!" Dean leapt forward almost bumping into Jack's forehead.
Jack replicated what Castiel had showed him.
"Stop that!" Dean demanded urgently.
"Do you see now why I'm worried?" Jack said with a grave face. "The girl was wearing a short top, so when I fell I don't know if I touched her hole or not."
"Her hole?" Dean's mouth hung open. "You mean on…her stomach?" He said slowly.
Jack nodded soberly.
Dean stared dumbfounded. He felt one of his eyelids twitching, so he rubbed his faced roughly with his palms and covered his eyes because he just couldn't look at Jack at that moment. Dean couldn't believe what Jack was saying, he thought he could get a woman pregnant but touching her belly button! He didn't know whether to laugh or whack Jack on the head.
Jack stared at the man across him worriedly because neither had said anything for a minute. "Dean?"
"Jack." Dean said calmly looking the other straight in the eye. "You didn't have sex and no one is pregnant." He was surprised at how collected he sounded.
Jack looked as confused as ever. "I don't understand."
"Clearly!" Dean couldn't keep his cool any longer, he slammed his hands down on the table rattling the cutlery on their plates and startling Jack in his seat. "I knew I couldn't trust Castiel to get this right! He had one job dammit!" He seethed.
Jack stared intently, waiting for the other to elaborate.
Dean bore into the young man sitting across, he could feel his left eye beginning to spasm again. Unable to maintain the silence any longer, Dean then let out a frustrated groan.
"You and I need to have a little chat."
A/N 1: Just pretend Jack is a lot more ignorant/naïve/adorably clueless than he is on the show.
A/N 2: I didn't realize there were so many other stories on this site called "The birds and the bees" or something to that effect, I would have picked a different title if I had known. Oh well, too late now.
Anyway, please let me know if you spot spelling/grammar mistakes. I will fix then.
Huge thank you to all those who favourited and followed. And a special thank you to "Multireader", "roseofmyheart", "Hi", "Cristina", "Guest", "SallyBranden" and "daisygirl1980" for taking the time to review my first chapter. Much appreciated guys!
Hope you all enjoyed that. Until next time x