Chapter 31

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Staring quietly at the man that now had found his way back to her thoughts, back to her heart, she couldn't help but feel a flutter in her heart as she watched the man she loved.

"Rachel.." Still repeating her name for the second time, she wasn't sure what he wanted to say.

"Tom.. I'm sorry for your loss." She let the words out, her voice truthful as she met his gaze, seeing the pain in his eyes.

A simple nod was what she got as she placed her right hand on the railing, facing his as he stood in front of her, his left hand on the rail as well, just inches away from hers. It would have been so easy to reach to touch his hand, but she couldn't, not now. He had just lost his wife.

"How are you doing?" He asked, her heart skipping a beat as she listened to his soft and rough voice. Why was she suddenly so captivated by him? She wondered as she glanced at the skyline of the city once more.

What could she say? She hadn't lost a loved one, she had feared for the worst, but she still had Kara, she still had him. Although he wasn't hers, but in her mind she thought she had him.

"I'm doing just fine." She gave her unsure answer. Her thoughts still in a knot after the recent events, but she didn't want to burden him with her thoughts.

"How is Ashley and Sam?"

"And your father?" She added. Wondering how their meet up would go. She wasn't exactly his favorite person.

A heavy sigh came from him as he glanced at his feet.

"They're okay I suppose, but I got to them just in time." He told her and she heard the tone of his voice. He was upset, just like she was. A shiver went through her as she thought that he might have lost his entire family if he hadn't got to them in time.

"My father didn't know how to tell me." He revealed and she kept silent. Listening as he obviously felt the need to tell someone.

"How can you tell your son that his wife has died?" Tom stilled the question, his eyes teary at the thought of his wife.

"Especially when you feel it's your fault." He said and she felt bad for Jed even if their last contact had been filled with words she was sure they both now regretted. She wondered if Tom had told him about her? Did he remember her?

A moment passed as they both remained quiet, she was staring at their hands, his hand was still close - But yet out of her reach - The golden wedding band a reminder why she kept her distance. She didn't want him to rush into something, and despite of their feelings for each other, would he even want her? A question that puzzled her mind, but then again this was Tom. Her doubt was foolish, she thought. One day he would be hers once again. But the hope of their future came crashing down as she remembered the loss of his wife. Feeling ashamed that here she was hoping to be the next Mrs. Chandler!

"Penny for your thoughts?" Tom asked, his gaze going straight through her, she didn't know what to say.

"I was just thinking about.." She started to say, but didn't get around to finish what she wanted to say.

"I know." Surprised to hear his voice, she couldn't help but feel a blush come on her cheeks, despite of her best efforts to fight back the emotions she was feeling in his presence.

Meeting his eyes for the last time, she reached to cover his hand with hers. Giving him a gentle squeeze. Hoping that by this gesture he understood what she felt and wanted, before leaving his company.

"So hows the daddy-to-be?" Tex smirked over the breakfast table and Danny immediately felt a blush come to his cheeks as he glanced the few people dining in the mess.

Deciding not to reply, hoping Tex would leave it at that, he continued on as if nothing had happened.

"You know buddy. When I told you to up your game, I didn't mean you should give them a grandchild. Although that works too." Tex lowered his voice a bit, but the humor behind his meaning didn't go unnoticed, and this time around Danny met his gaze with an annoyed look.

"How long did you think of that line?" Danny asked trying to cover the slight smile escaping to his face as he couldn't help but smile at the thought of having a baby.

Tex only gave a puzzling wink at him and then they both saw Kara enter to the room, looking slightly pale, which wasn't that surprising given that she now had started to feel a bit nauseous. He still remembered how she had looked when she had been seasick back in June, not used to being on a ship.

"And hey! There's the mommy-to-be." Tex added with a smile and Kara must've been too exhausted to fight back the obvious feeling of throwing up since she didn't have any sharp words to give to Tex.

"You alright? Can I get you something?" Danny asked as he studied her appearance. She slowly sat down on the chair beside him.

Kara was sure that it was the fact that she now had openly admitted to herself that she was pregnant that she now felt the full force of the symptoms on her.

"You know it helps to eat small portions throughout the day.." She leaned her head against Danny's shoulder and heard Tex's voice as he continued on with his breakfast. Even just looking at the bacon and eggs on his plate made her stomach turn, not to mention the smell.

"Here. Take a banana." Tex gestured to the banana in front of his plate.

"The potassium in it might do you some good." Tex said.

"And how do you know these things?" She finally managed to ask, puzzled by the sudden behavior in the man.

"I have a daughter." Tex said and continued silently on with his breakfast.

"You've never mentioned her." Danny said.

"Lives with her mother." Tex raised his coffee cup to take a long sip.

"Haven't seen her for three years." He quietly added and put the cup down again.

Kara heard the underlining uneasiness at the discovery they had learned now and knew Tex would speak more when he felt he could or wanted to.

"Thank you for your concern." Kara said and reached to take the banana from him. Determined to eat it, for Tex's sake.

Tex smiled and they continued on with their breakfast as Ravit and Burk joined them along with Cruz and Miller.

The following day Rachel found herself standing in the doorway to the wardroom. Seeing Jed Chandler right in front of her. Both of them rather startled to be face to face, both of them having something to hide.

She still remembered the brief introduction Tom had made yesterday.

She had been walking on the narrow P-Way when she saw Tom coming her way with his family. No doubt on their way to the wardroom or somewhere else, she had thought.

"Dr. Scott." Tom said, the note of unsureness coming through in his voice as he didn't quite know how to address her publicly in front of his family. Behind Tom, she could see Jed recognize her. Remember her.

"Kids, Dad. This is Dr. Rachel Scott." Tom introduced her and she gave a weak smile.

"Rachel, I would like you to meet my kids, Ashley and Sam. And my father Jed you.." Tom said and gestured to his family standing beside him. She heard Tom's hesitation to continue on as she had already met his father once, but Ashley and Sam didn't know that.

But before Tom could speak more, Ashley's voice came to the air.

"You're the doctor who saved us." Ashley exclaimed.

Not wanting to acknowledge her part in saving the world when the children had lost something precious to them, their mother, she knelt down in front of them.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." She met the children's eyes and recognized the pain, pain she also had felt in her childhood.

"Never thought that the carefree girl who broke my sons heart, would be the one who would save the world." Jed's voice brought her back to the present. The stab of his words caused the familiar ache to surface in her heart, that she had indeed betrayed Tom, left him and ended up hiding their daughter from him.

But the next set of words from Jed took her by surprise, but then again she wasn't used to being portrayed as a heroine yet. So much was still to be done before they had won the battle against the Red Flu.

"Thank you."

Giving a simple nod to his sincere gesture of gratitude she walked over to pour herself a cup of tea. Hoping it would calm her nerves. She felt Jed's eyes on her this entire time as he stood on the other side of the table, enjoying his cup of coffee.

After a moment of silence he spoke on. "I know the last time we spoke, things were rather.. complicated."

Complicated! She thought to herself. Still feeling angry over the fact that Tom had never gotten her letter.

"If you mean by complicated that I was pregnant with your grandchild.." She continued calmly, knowing exactly what the old man was talking about as she turned around, stirring her tea with a spoon.

She saw the slight hesitation in his eyes, perhaps he regretted his actions after all.

"I shouldn't have told you to.." Jed continued, feeling ashamed of his words back then.

"I believe to get rid of it was your exact words." Rachel said sharply as she could still so easily hear the echo of his words ringing in her ears when he had called her - When she thought it was Tom on the other end of the line. How hopeful she had been to hear someone was calling her from America. But her hopes came crashing down when she heard Jed's iron voice, protective of his son. But now.. Years older she wondered if she could really blame him? Tom's heartache had come through in his message to her back then loud and clear.

"Are you going to tell him?" Jed asked. Rachel dared herself to look the man in the eyes before she gave her reply.

"No. He has enough on his mind right now." She explained.

"Thank you, I suppose." Jed answered, but Rachel saw the guilt catching up to the man who had kept this secret from his son all this time.

Not really having anything more to say to the father of the man she still loved, she thought to exit the room and enjoy her tea elsewhere, but before she got to the doorway she heard him ask.

"Did you..?"

The hesitation to continue the question forward clear, too afraid to repeat what he had told her all those years ago.

She turned slowly around and gave her simply reply - "No."

She left the room before more questions could be asked. She didn't know how and when Tom was going to tell his family about Kara, but it wasn't her job to reveal something that she knew he would like to tell his loved ones himself.

It was already evening. The day had been long as he had been busy in establishing the lab at the Avocet facility to produce the cure along with Rachel, and Mike had kept busy in making sure that Amy Granderson's people weren't a threat to the survivors in town anymore. Luckily Thorwarld's men were a good resource.

So when Tom finally came to see his family that day, he knew he would have to tell them about Kara. The longer he kept it to himself, the harder it would be to tell them.

Ashley and Sam were both drawing on the small table in his quarters when he sat down on a chair and watched his kids. His father was seated on a chair next to him, glancing at him briefly, he wondered how would they take the news of him being a father to someone else.

"Ashley, Sam. Dad.." He requested their attention.

"I have something to tell you." He had his elbows resting on his knees as his right hand caressed the wedding band on his left finger. He was fiddling, he knew his old man would want him to cut to the heart of the matter.

"When I was younger, I knew Rachel Scott." He started and noticed how everyone still patiently waited how this would unravel.

"We were in love." He then said as he met the curious eyes of his children.

"This was long before I met your mother." He wanted to reassure the kids that he hadn't done anything wrong even when he had. Still battling with the guilt that he had allowed himself to kiss her.

"Do you still love her?" Ashley asked quietly, trying to comprehend why her father was telling them about Rachel.

Unsure how to answer, he thought it was best to say the truth. "I do."

"Are you going to be with her now?" Sam asked, his voice feeling cold.

Sighing as he answered quickly. "No."

"Perhaps one day, but not right now." He added meeting his sons eyes and seeing that he felt better at this reply. Knowing his father hadn't forgotten about their mother.

"But it isn't why I wanted to share this with you." Tom continued, glancing at his father who just sat there quietly. He wondered about why he was so still. He didn't even meet his gaze as he studied him.

Turning to face his kids again, he revealed to them the secret that had been kept from him.

"She and I have a child together. A daughter. I wasn't aware of her existence until a few months ago." He said, noticing the confused looks between his kids.

His father still remained silent. He would have to talk to him in private later, he thought.

"So we have a big sister?" Sam asked.

"How old is she?" Ashley added.

"26 years. Her name is Kara." Tom stated.

"She's so old!" Sam exclaimed at the revelation and Tom smiled a bit.

And just as he was about to address his father, he heard a knock on his door. Knowing it was probably Kara. He had wanted her to come by, so he could properly introduce her to his family.

He moved to the door and opened it. He let her in and closed the door behind her.

Jed got up and watched the young woman, finding small clues here and there that reminded him of his son and of Rachel.

"Ashley, Sam. Dad."

"This is Kara Foster, well Green now." Tom introduced her to his family.

Stunned by the sudden eyes on her, Kara moved to shake hands with the older man that was her grandfather.

"Jed Chandler."

"Nice to meet you." Kara answered kindly and felt the trembling of his hand as they shook hands. Perhaps she wasn't the only one who was nervous.

Turning to face the children she looked at them.

"Hi." Sam said as he looked over her, as if he was assessing if she was someone to be trusted.

"Hello." Kara answered softly. Ashley didn't say anything which made Kara want to appear friendly, instead of a threat. She lowered herself to be at their height as they sat around the small table.

"I know this must be pretty shocking news, trust me, I was surprised too." Kara explained feeling slightly awkward, giving a glance towards Tom who followed them closely.

"But I do hope we could get to know each other in time." Kara continued and thought she noticed Ashley's demeanor soften a bit as the young girl nodded her head at her comment.

"So are you Navy too?" Sam asked, eager to know things about her.

"I'm a Navy SEAL, so I'm one of the badasses." Kara smiled which got a rather excited reaction out of Sam and even Ashley chuckled slightly at her attempt to be funny.

Listening to his son tell the rest of the story, where Kara had been all these years, and how he had learned about her saddened his mind as he stood on the deck of the James. Tom was tucking the kids to bed and he had decided to take a walk on the deck before heading for bed himself.

But there was one thought going through his mind as he thought about how the future might have been different if he hadn't open that letter. But then again there would never have been Darien, Ashley or Sam. It was pointless to dwell in the past but still it was hard not to think of the chain reaction that his doing had caused as he now had to face it everyday. Seeing the young woman his granddaughter had become. A SEAL, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. A sense of pride came over to him to have such a granddaughter, even if he had wished her gone.

Hearing steps behind him he had already turned before the person coming towards him could speak. Old habits die hard, he thought.

"The kids asleep?" He asked as Tom came to stand beside him, looking at Baltimore once more.

"Yeah." Tom stated.

"You were quiet today." Tom added and he could hear the question behind his words. He was wondering why he was so quiet at the recent news.

"I knew about her." Jed let out the words that had troubled him for so long. He couldn't hide this from Tom.

"Why am I not surprised.." Tom looked at him and shook his head.

"You have every right to be angry at me, yell, anything." Jed turned to face his son and studied him as he seemed to be rather calm.

"Did mom know?" Tom asked as he wasn't sure how he should process the latest twist of things. His own father had known about Kara all this time and had kept it from him.

"No."

"How'd you know?" Tom asked as he held his arms across his chest.

"She sent a letter, which I opened."

"There's nothing I can do or say in my defence.. I was angry for you, I saw the pain she had caused and I didn't want it to ruin your chances in life. Getting yourself deployed and creating the life of your own. You were both so young." Jed explained.

"You always wanted to be in control of things, dad." Tom stated bitterly.

"I've lost 26 years of her life!" Tom raised his voice pointing towards the ship where Kara was at the moment.

"I could have been her father, I could have had a life with them." Tom stated, saddened at the thought that everything had been taken away from his grasp all those years ago.

"And what of Ashley and Sam?" Jed shouted back. "Have you forgotten them? Darien?"

Tom stared at his old man, not sure what to think. He wouldn't change his kids away, even the mere thought caused him agony. Feeling completely speechless, perhaps it was best to let the past be. Accept what had happened.

"Have you heard more from Tracy or Tim? Darien said you guys hadn't heard from Tracy awhile.." Tom changed the subject, hoping to avoid saying things they both would regret. The turmoil inside of him had to calm down a bit.

Jed shook his head and Tom saw the pain in his eyes, the tears gathering. Knowing all too well what no news meant.

Taking a step to hug his father he couldn't help but feel tears in his own eyes.

"I'm sorry, son. I'm sorry for everything." He heard his father plead as they comforted each other for a moment.

Rachel heard a knock by the door as she laid in her bunk, looking over her notes. Still feeling that her senses were on high alert she got up immediately and felt her heart race as she didn't know who was behind her door.

"It's me. Tom." She heard his voice through the door and exhaled, not realizing she had held her breath, afraid to let out a sound.

She pulled the Nathan James sweater over her simple top, simple long tights covering her legs.

She opened the door and met his gaze.

"Can I come in?"

She gestured him inside with her hand and closed the door behind him. There wasn't much room in the small space of the cabin. She watched as he stood his back to her before he turned to look at her.

"My dad told me about the letter." She heard his husky voice, surprised that the man could keep his calm on the matter.

"Oh.." She replied, not sure what to say. He knew everything now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, desperately looking at her for some answers.

"It wasn't my place to tell you what your father had done." She explained.

"I wasn't going to tell you, I didn't want to burden you with more.. bad news.." She added quickly.

"Rachel.." Tom sighed and sat down on the edge of her bunk.

"If you have to blame someone, it's me. I lied to you." Rachel sat beside him and took his hand. Feeling a rush of warmth go through her as she thought about holding his hand. A slight blush escaped to her cheeks as she realized her thoughts had quickly taken her further - If the simple gesture of holding his hand made her feel this much, how it would be to be feel his touch and kisses on her body again?

"I don't know who I should blame. I'm hurt, angry, disappointed, sad.. Everything at the same time." He said quietly staring at the wall in front of him.

"Everyone's been through so much already, the pandemic has changed people, the world." Rachel said, hoping her words brought some kind of wisdom to Tom's mind. He was obviously going through all the moments that could have been different in the past. The life they could have had. She whisked away the thoughts herself, it wouldn't do any good to start second guessing everything. She had made the choice to lie to him when they parted, she had made no further effort to contact him after her talk with Jed - It was something she would have to live with, but could he?

After everything that had gone between them, all the secrets and lies, could they have a fresh start?

Love all the reviews for this story! Thank you for everyone who is still enjoying this story!

The letter was hinted in Chapter 19 if you're wondering about that.. :)