Usque in Aeternum Exsilium

(Forever Home At Last)

Detective Tutuola: As Olivia's father, you have every right to know.

Captain Cragen: What do I have every right to know as Olivia's father?

Detective Tutuola: Olivia was raped. She begged me not to report it for fear of blowing cover. She is afraid that you will be mad at her, that you will hate her. It happened two months ago.

Captain Cragen: Thanks for letting me know Fin. I will wait for her to confide in me, and your name will not be mentioned…

This text exchange both infuriated and worried Donald Cragen. He was not infuriated at Olivia but rather at the person who dared to hurt her. Olivia showed up on his doorstep last night fresh from the undercover operation at Sealview Correctional Facility yesterday. Don had missed her dearly, and he wondered whether she would come back in time to celebrate nine years since the adoption. Now, he had to wait for Olivia to come to him and plan an adoption anniversary celebration.

"Dad, can we take a walk," Olivia said as she poked her head in his office door. Her voice was shaky with barely concealed emotion, and Captain Donald Cragen smiled as he arose. "Sure sweetheart," he replied, his voice laced with concern as he grabbed his jacket. Twenty minutes later, they finally sat down on a bench in a secluded section of Central Park. Olivia curled up to her dad, enjoying the safety she felt in his embrace. It helped shield her, reaffirm her belief that not everyone was bad. Don meanwhile was looking at his daughter, concern written all over his face.

"Dad, I have something to tell you, but I do not want you to get mad at me," Olivia said, and Don's concern immediately grew. Her tone of voice immediately set off his dad radar, as well as the fact she was clinging tightly to him. She was scared he would leave even if she slightly loosened her grip. "Livi Danielle, you can tell me anything. Nothing you say will make me love you any less."

"I was raped," she said in a whisper as she buried her head in the crook of his neck, tears falling down her face. He pulled her into his lap and slowly arose, not letting her go. "Shh Livi bear, I am not mad at you. Hey, it…it will be okay," he said as he walked. He was choking up at the pain of the shaking and sobbing young woman in his arms, choking up at the thought that his little girl was in pain. His anger was directed at the monster who dared hurt his daughter, and his fury would know no limits when he got near the demon…

As soon as he arrived at his place, he tucked a sleeping Olivia in his bed with a kiss to her head before he sat don on the bed beside her, a book in hand. Olivia felt the bed dip as she slept and unconsciously moved closer, burying her head in his chest. He placed the book on his nightstand and squeezed his sleeping daughter close, smiling at how peaceful and young she looked in her sleep. "No! Please don't," she screamed as she started to thrash.

"Baby. wake up! It is going to be okay. Shh, daddy is here." She instantly calmed down at the sound of his voice and curled up closer, her ear resting above his heart. He quietly eased her onto the bed with a gentle kiss to the cheek before going to cook dinner. Olivia woke up an hour later to the smells of a breakfast for dinner extravaganza. She smiled as she rubbed her eyes, getting out of bed. When she emerged into the kitchen, a heaping plate of bacon, eggs, pancakes, and home fries was placed in front of her. Her smile grew wider when he placed a cup of orange juice and mug of coffee in front of her. "Dig in sweetheart. You deserve that and so much more."

Olivia dug in with gusto, and Don looked at her as he slid an envelope across the table. Olivia looked at him, puzzled. "Today has been nine years since I adopted you, and it has been the best nine years of my life. I will never regret a single moment of it." Olivia teared up as she finished eating her dinner and drinking her orange juice and coffee. Then, she opened up the envelope.

My Dearest Olivia,

It has been nine years since I adopted you, and it has been the best nine years of my life. You are funny, smart, kind, loving, and compassionate. I cannot take away the pain you experienced or have yet to experience, and that hurts me. You are an amazing detective and even better daughter. I love you so much, more than you will ever know. You are the best daughter ever, and I am so glad that you are mine. I will always cherish the memories we have made and the ones we have yet to make.

Love Always,

Dad

Olivia stood up, puzzled when she heard music playing. She saw her father with outstretched arms, an image that brought tears to her eyes. She recalled telling him after the Tandi McCain case how all she ever wanted growing up was to dance around in the living room with her dad. She walked into his arms and laid her head on his chest, more tears filling her eyes when he started singing to her as they swayed along.

"The hurt in your eyes will never disguise the spark that lived there before, and I know that you're so much more than you're showin'. The clouds in your hair will bring you to tears, but I will catch every drop even if it don't ever stop 'cause you're worth it. You're worth it. When you fight for every breath and the waves are overhead, let me lay your mind to rest. I will stand by you when all of your dreams are shattered and your world is left in tatters. When you're lost we're lost together. I'll stand by, I will stand by you. If black is your brightest colour; if hurt is your only lover. When you fight, we fight together. I'll stand by, I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. The war in your head will shoot you down dead, so don't even try to win. Is it worth it all in the end? I don't think so. Try to embrace the lines on your face, the story of who you are 'cause I love what I've read so far. I mean it. I mean it. When you fight for every breath and the waves are overhead, let me lay your mind to rest. I will stand by you when all of your dreams are shattered and your world is left in tatters. When you're lost we're lost together. I'll stand by, I will stand by you. If black is your brightest colour; if hurt is your only lover. When you fight, we fight together. I'll stand by, I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. When you fight for every breath and the waves are overhead, let me lay your mind to rest. I will stand by you when all of your dreams are shattered (yeah) and your world is left in tatters. When you're lost we're lost together, I'll stand by, I will stand by you (I will stand by you). If black is your brightest colour. If hurt is your only lover (only lover). When you fight, we fight together, I'll stand by, I will stand by you (I will stand by you). I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you. I will stand by you."

"Usque in aeternum exsilium," Olivia murmured as she snuggled closer, her ear resting above his heart as they continued to sway along, even as the music faded out. She felt so peaceful swaying along with her dad, wished she could stay forever wrapped in her dad's loving embrace. The secret living inside of her would not allow for that because she was due to become a mother.

"We got out before I showed up at your place, and I went to the free clinic to confirm it. In seven months time, you will be a grandfather to two beautiful identical twin girls."