Chapter 33

x

Tom stared at the door in front of him. Almost too afraid to go in. Too afraid to feel the crushing pain that would most likely hit him when he would enter the room he had shared with his wife for years.

Slowly he reached for the doorknob and opened the door. As he stepped inside, his eyes wandered to the pictures on the wall. Pictures of their life together.

Their wedding picture.. Looking at the picture of the day when everything else had seemed so small, their joy and love was the only thing that had mattered. He touched her face with his finger, hoping that instead of a hard and cold glass he could feel her warm skin, but the reality was beginning to hit him. She really was gone.

Walking further in the room, he walked to the bathroom and stared at her tray of beauty articles. Even in the midst of the chaos everything seemed to be placed like the pandemic had never happened. Reaching out for the perfume bottle he had gotten her last Christmas, he took in her scent.. for the last time. Opening his heart to mourn a woman he had loved, he felt he could not fight back the tears, and right now he didn't have to be the steely Captain of the James. He was Tom, and he had just lost his wife.

After a moment of grief he headed downstairs, hearing that his kids and Jed had gone down a few moments earlier.

He walked down the stairs feeling the railing of the staircase under his hand as he traced the curvy rail in sync with his steps. He soon stood in the doorway of the living room and saw his family sitting on the couch, looking at him.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, about everything." Tom said as he walked over to sit on one of the arm chairs.

"There's some stuff I didn't tell you." He let out heavily, knowing it wasn't easy to tell them this. Things he had been carrying around, hoping to spare others.

"Some things that happened to our crew while we were out at sea." He continued and he could see that his father understood what it meant. He was after all an ex-Army man, who had seen his fair share of hardship.

"There are people out there who want the cure so badly, that they're willing to do anything for it, including kill. As long as Nathan James is leading the mission to spread the cure, our ship will be a target."

"And it is not a safe place for you." Tom met the gaze of his children.

"And I can't put my crew in a position where my own judgement might be affected because I'm thinking about how to protect you instead of the mission." Tom let out and felt the clench in his jaw. Was this really the right thing to do?

"So you're leaving us?" Sam asked, not entirely understanding what it all meant.

"No. Absolutely not." Tom said almost immediately, hoping to reassure his kids that he would not leave them.

"What about Kara? She's on the ship.. and she's your.." Ashley stared at his father and hesitated to continue on, the news of having an older sister was still a shock.

"Daughter..?"

Taking a moment to think about Kara, he couldn't help but worry about her, but one thing that separated her from Ashley and Sam, was that she was part of the Navy, she could protect herself, and she had Danny. And they both had something more to fight for now.

"She.. can take care of herself. It's you guys I worry about. Which is why.. I'm resigning my commission. I'm gonna stay here with you." Tom informed and saw the doubt in his father's eyes. He certainly didn't think he was doing the right thing.

"There's plenty I can do for the cause here on the ground, and I'm not gonna leave you again. It's a promise I made to you, and I'm not gonna break it." Tom stated his plan and met eyes with Ashley.

"So, we're staying here at the house." Sam concluded.

Tom nodded, telling his family that it was time to rebuild and that they would be safe here.

"Sounds like your mind is made up." He heard the tone in his father's voice. He was disappointed in him.

"It is." Tom stated firmly, keeping his cool in front of his children, but he sensed there was a difficult conversation coming up.

"Well, I guess we should start to unpack, then." Jed got up and helped Sam with his bag.

Tom sat silently and noticed Ashley turn towards him.

"Mom would never have wanted you to come home before you finished your mission." Ashley said bluntly.

"Ashley.."

"She wouldn't have wanted you to give up." Ashley stated almost angrily and he watched as she followed Sam and Jed upstairs.

But he wasn't giving up! When did choosing one's family translate to giving up? Thinking about her words, past deployments hadn't exactly been a walk in the park, but he had finished them. He had left his family to serve and he had always come back. So why was this mission different this time? He clenched his fist as he pondered over the answer he already knew in the back of his mind.

Andrea sat in her cabin on the James as she looked over the photo album she had found at her parents' house. Her eyes all red from crying already, she looked at the pictures of her daughter, her family. Would it get easier with time?

Hearing a knock on the door, she slowly got up to open.

Before she could say anything the visitor stepped forward and took her in his embrace. Burying his face in the curve of her neck. Holding her as tightly as he could.

"No good news with you either?" Andrea managed to whisper and broke the silence between them.

Just feeling the slight shook of his head against her, she held him tightly.

"It's just you and me then." Andrea said with low voice and Mike broke off the embrace and walked further into the room and stared at the photo album on the table.

Andrea closed the door and stepped beside him.

"Tex and I went to Deer Park, but it was empty. It looked like everyone had left in a hurry.. All I found of them was a old photo album and the sweater of Sophie." Mike told her and she listened quietly. Slowly placing her arm around his waist as she leaned against his shoulder.

"I went by the house, but no one was there. They had packed in a hurry." Andrea closed her eyes.

"I even went by St. Vincent's to check the records." Andrea let out and felt Mike stiffen beside her.

"A thick pile of papers just laid there on the gurney.. All those people.." Andrea turned to face Mike and cupped his face with her hands as she looked at him.

"But I didn't find the names of the ones we care about." Andrea said and Mike was relieved, for a moment. The knowledge of knowing they weren't infected, dead, was comforting. But.. it meant they were missing.. A fate even more worse, would they ever find out what happened to them? It would have been easier to know, to rip the bandage off without hesitation, let the pain take them away, instead of this.. Eternal limbo of sorts.

Mike gave a soft kiss to Andrea's lips before pulling her in for a hug, wanting to hold her more than anything right now. She was the only one he had left.

Rachel sat in her laboratory with a cup of tea, stirring the spoon in the cup as she waited for the video chat to come up. Tom had left the ship yesterday with his family and she hadn't seen him since. She couldn't help but wonder, Norfolk was his home, he might want to stay, but part of her wanted him to go on fighting, fighting alongside her. But he had his kids to think of, now that their mother was gone. Suddenly the screen came alive and she smiled faintly. Hearing his voice on the mic was another thing, but she still couldn't wrap her head around that her mentor was alive and well.

"We haven't had any contact with anyone from Washington since September." Dr. Hunter said.

Leaning against the table she asked "How are you holding up?"

"Well, besides the fact that the whole world is dying, I haven't left this compound in four months." Dr. Hunter brought slight humor to the situation. Rachel smiled, glancing briefly around as she thought about how for the last few months this ship has been her shelter, her safe haven, especially after Baltimore.

"Well, it seems like we might be seeing you sooner than we thought, now that there's no lab here." Rachel informed him and wondered if she should ask. But Michael was the one person that still meant something to her, after all she had lost her long time colleague and friend Quincy. Michael was the only one that was a connection to her old life.

"The thing is.. I seem to have lost track of Michael.." Rachel avoided Dr. Hunter's gaze as she hesitated to continue on. Fearing for the worst.

"I don't suppose he's reached out to you? He said that he might." Rachel looked at the screen, ready to face the truth.

"I did hear from him, uh, but that was months ago."

"Where was he?" She asked. Please don't say China.

"In China."

Unbelievable! Didn't he get the video I sent him? Oh Michael..

"Still in China.." Rachel let out with anger. Knowing he was most likely dead by now. Just like Quincy.

"He was covering a story there, which was horrific."

"Was he gonna try to get out?" She raised her voice a bit, angry that he had been so stupid to stay there after everything. She wondered, perhaps he hadn't gotten the video thus not seen the warning.

"I encouraged him to." Dr. Hunter's words calmed her down and she managed to pull herself together. Today she would be drinking for yet another lost friend.

Tom woke up early the following day. Opening his wardrobe, he glanced at the uniform neatly placed on the chair beside his bed but his hands found something else to wear before making his way downstairs.

He stood in the kitchen and watched the backyard and remembered all the good memories they had had there. Including their wedding. He smiled for a brief moment as the memory of holding her during their first dance came into his mind.

"So are you happy Mr. Chandler?"

"I am. Are you Mrs. Chandler?" Tom smiled broadly, his eyes already hungry for more of this beautiful woman in his arms as he leaned in to capture her lips.

Sighing as he came back, he got out of the house and began to work around the front yard. Placing the flag of his home country on the porch, he continued to rake the leaves on the yard. He heard the front door open and close, his father's footsteps creaking on the wood, but he continued on like he didn't know what was going to happen.

"Gonna be puttering around all day?" Jed's voice broke the silence and he heard him sat down on the steps of the porch.

"Just getting the place in order." Tom said as he placed a few bags in the trash cans.

"Well, I thought you might just be, uh, procrastinating 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting." Jed cut right to the heart of the matter and Tom froze in the moment. Standing still as he watched his father.

"Do you not realize that they can't do it without you?"

"What kind of message are you gonna send to them?"

"That you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm?"

He listened as his father voiced his concerns and came towards him.

"You think because you got a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand?"

"The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do." Jed came to stand in front of him and he met his fierce glare. Recognizing once more the strict father he had grew up with. The one you wouldn't mess with.

"And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me." Tom stated firmly.

"They need you." Jed's eyes stayed on him.

"And they don't?" Tom pointed his finger towards the house, his father giving in for a moment.

"And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?" Tom looked at his old man and wondered if it had been so easy for him to leave his family behind when they were little. Even when he had begged for him to not go. Had he even felt sad? Was it really that easy?

"You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind?" Jed started and he thought he noticed the trembling in his voice. Perhaps it wasn't as easy.

"During World War Two English naval captains put their wives and children's in bunkers in London and were sent back out to sea to fight the Nazis for years. For years Tom." Jed forced the words in the end.

"Wives and children, dad. The wives were there." Tom stated, receiving a look of guilt from his father.

"I know you and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town." Jed admitted, letting his gaze drop down to their feet.

"So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself." Jed raised his eyes to his son one more time and gave his best impression of a man in charge. Like he was scolding the rookies he was training on day one again.

"There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your ark." Jed leaned in closer and gave a firm look at his son who remained still.

Tom watched as his father went inside the house before he kicked over the trash can. Damn it! As always, his father was right.

Glancing back at the house, looking at the red and blue flag with the white stripes and stars. This wasn't over yet.

"She wouldn't have wanted you to give up." Ashley's words from the night before deeply burned in his mind, he let out deep sigh as he knew he couldn't do any less, he wasn't the kind of a man who would just give up the fight. From the very start he had fought to get this mission to where it was now, and was he really so naive to think that he could just step aside? Let Commander Slattery take over the reins, even though he was more than capable of it, but this was a journey they all had started together months ago, he had to see it through, or else he would never forgive himself, if he didn't.

Meeting with Master Chief in the front of the sick bay, he was a man on mission. It was time. Time to get her back on her feet. Along with Lieutenant Burk, they all entered to the sick bay and Alisha got up to stand in front of her commanding officers, looking rather startled.

Burk smiled a bit. Perhaps he should have had the Captain with him before so she would have gotten up from that bunk earlier.

"I told your mother, we would not be here without you. That's still true." Tom stated with a confident voice as he looked at the young Lieutenant.

"These were given to me by the Captain on the Pinckney, after my tour in Iraq." Tom gestured towards Alisha and placed the pins of a full Lieutenant in her hands.

"Sir, I can't.." Realizing what was going to happen, Alisha couldn't, she couldn't, right?

"Those words are not spoken around here. I'm promoting you to full Lieutenant for your valor, for your loyalty." Tom stated and Alisha nodded, feeling so surreal in the moment.

"Attention to promotion." Master Chief added with a smile.

"Raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Alisha M. Granderson.." Burk raised his right hand and watched warmly over Alisha as she began repeating after him.

"I, Alisha M. Granderson.."

"That went well." Master Chief walked beside Tom after they were done with the formalities.

"She deserved it." Tom said.

"Have you seen Mike?" Tom continued, hoping to greet his XO before take off.

"I believe he's up on the deck, sir." Jeter kindly informed and Tom turned to walk towards the door that would lead him to the deck.

Stepping to the cold weather he glanced around the deck and saw his XO standing by himself. Looking at the city.

"You don't have to say anything." He heard Mike say before he could say anything. Before he could offer... his condolences? Was there honestly something he could say that would comfort his friend in a time like this? After all he still had his kids, Jed, he had Kara and Rachel and.. Lieutenant Green, as strange as the thought was.

"I'm glad you're still with us, Mike." He offered as he met Mike's gaze. He was glad that he still had his friend.

"You didn't think about staying with them?" Mike asked, searching for an answer in his eyes.

"It's all I thought about." Tom let out with a heavy heart.

"You mean I could have had my first command?" Mike tried to lighten up the mood, knowing all too well what the Captain was risking, again. He was leaving his family behind, yet again, for the mission.

Rachel turned the last corner to her laboratory and stopped in her tracks as she saw Tom standing in the middle of the room, looking at her computer screen, where the picture of her and Michael was.

"I wasn't sure you would come with us." Rachel broke the silence and Tom turned to look at her.

"Someone dear?" Tom glanced at the screen and she walked over to put the screen down.

"A foolish friend." Rachel explained and still couldn't believe that Michael had been in China.

"Just a friend?" Tom looked at her and all she wanted was to kiss that man senseless right now. Was he still doubting her?

"I thought he might be something more, but I never really opened up to him." She leaned against her table holding on to the edge to steady herself.

Tom walked to stand beside her, leaning against the table as well.

"He is.. was a dear friend." Rachel let out and held her gaze in front of her, afraid to look at Tom right now.

"As I told you before. There is only one man I love." Rachel turned her gaze to meet Tom's and felt his hand reach for hers, feeling his gentle touch give her hand a tight squeeze.

"I had a wife, and I loved her."

"I had Sasha, remember I told you about her? I loved her too." Tom said as he watched closely at Rachel.

"But I never completely got over you, Rachel." Tom turned towards her and placed his hand on her cheek, caressing her blushed skin gently.

"You were my first love and you mesmerized my heart with the person who you were, and I loved you for it."

Loved? Suddenly feeling like she couldn't breath, had he stopped loving her?

"And I still love you, Rachel. I love you from the bottom of my heart." Tom leaned his forehead against Rachel's and closed his eyes.

"I'm here, when you're ready, Tom. I'll never leave you again." Rachel whispered and closed her eyes as she enjoyed his touch in the fragile moment.