Episode 2: Map of the Gods – Part 2

The next day Ethan decided it was his time to go with Kaitlin to school. Kaela only fought it for a few moments and then agreed that it was for the best that she take some time off. Ethan followed Kaitlin from the roofs, doing his best in the daylight to keep himself hidden. Crowds of students wearing mini-skirts and suits and ties – blue colored with red accents. They chattered in Japanese, the genders entirely separate as if the others were forbidden fruit.

Ethan jumped from roof to roof, his naginata tapping at his back, pushing him on. Kaitlin had a jump to her step – an enthusiasm in the way her body moved forward. He watched as she made her way to the train station and he hid on the top, his naginata pried into a crack to keep him from sliding off. When at long last she entered a cement building painted tan, he waited outside on a fence out of the way and watched her through the glass window.

Students sat in rows, listening to the teacher or writing notes. Nobody looked out the window except for Kaitlin who glanced out on occasion to make sure he was still there. As the hours stretched on, something churned inside of Ethan. He felt his cheeks wet before he realized what he was feeling and he touched at the fur beneath his eye that had become moist. He realized in the quiet that he missed home. Not just New York. He missed going to school. He missed seeing familiar faces and friends. He missed belonging to something that made sense. It was a feeling that was even deeper and he wondered if he missed a different home too. One with his Mom. One where he wasn't alone and where he didn't have to face everything wondering if things would work out for the best – if he would be happy. He cleared his throat, his voice cracking and coming out in something to close to a sob and he held himself outside, trying to pull himself back together.

That wasn't how it worked.

I'm still me. And I can be me. And I can believe in me.

He let out a shaky breath, half wishing that Kurohana would burst through the door and attack the class so he would have something else to occupy him.

But nobody came.

Nothing happened.

All day.

Kaela and Jess sat together on their futons, still unrolled on the floor. Kaela couldn't get the words that Donatello had said from tumbling unpleasantly in her mind over and over again. She thought she had faced it – overcome her feelings – but she felt uncomfortable, like something sharp was poking at her insides and she grimaced, her eyes stinging if she thought about it too hard. Jess seemed to notice and entertained her with a few card games, but now she was over by Kaitlin's desk staring intently at the cup of pens.

"Jess, what are you doing?"

Jess didn't turn her face away from the desk and instead screwed up her face with effort, her white furred fists clenched in her lap. "Shh," she said quietly.

Kaela glanced between her and the cup of pens, raising an eyebrow.

Jess let out a long shaky breath and it seemed to echo around the room.

The cup toppled to the side and a pen came flinging out from its scattered contents, flying through the air like a dart and Jess caught it. She smiled and twirled it between her fingers looking up at Kaela who whistled under her breath. "That Kraang DNA that I took in a while ago – I've bene practicing. I helped April out with a whole tower spire, but I haven't been able to do much since them. It must have been an adrenaline thing."

"I feel like stopping a tower from collapsing and grabbing a pen from a cup is a step down," Kaela teased, glad to be thinking about something else.

"Psh," Jess snorted under her breath and she tossed the pen back onto the desk, "Maybe I'm not as good as I want to be yet." Her voice was distant and she looked into the empty space between her and the desk. She slowly turned, the silence thick in the room. Kaela felt she had been talking about more than her new telekinetic abilities. "I'm worried," Jess began quietly, her face turned away from Kaela, "about Ethan."

"What do you mean?"

"We came here for answers," Jess said, "and after nothing for so long…"

"But we have something now! Kaitlin will help us solve this once and for all."

Jess glanced back at Kaela, meeting eyes, "I know," she said softly, "but I don't know if the answer will be better than not knowing at all."

Kaela started. She hadn't thought about it much. "W-well, I'm sure whatever it is, we can handle it."

"We can, maybe…" Jess replied, "But can Ethan?"

"Yes." Kaela said it almost instantly. "Yes, he can. I know Ethan. And I know us. Whatever comes, whatever we have to go through, we can face it. I know we can."

Jess smiled at Kaela. "You're right."

Once the bell rang, Ethan felt like he was saved. He wiped at his face and dropped down from the fence, hiding in the back bushes of the sandy lot that the sports teams played in and waited, the sun setting. The day had been unbearably long. Kaitlin came out of the door and nodded towards the bush. "You there, Ethan?"

Ethan stepped out from the bush, seeing no one else nearby. "Ready to go home?" She asked.

Ethan nodded.

He put up his hood this time, tucking his tail behind his coat as best he could so he could walk with her.

They left the school and walked together quietly, Ethan's hands stuck in his coat pocket as they moved. "So, I found what we're looking for," she said smiling as they climbed up the stairs to the train.

Ethan just nodded again.

"The map is at the Seto Museum. They have a huge historical record section. That should tell us where we need to go. Sadly, no digital copies – they don't allow that – something about traditions." She laughed it off.

Ethan just nodded again.

They stepped onto the train and Kaitlin seemed to get the message and didn't say much for most of the train ride but instead glanced at her phone.

Even though the train was full of people going home from school or work – even though when the train would bump Ethan would nudge the people next to him – he felt as if the whole place was empty. Like he was the only one there.

Kaitlin glanced up and ignoring the customs she said, "You okay?" quietly.

Ethan nodded.

Kaitlin gave him a look that showed she obviously didn't believe him. "What's going on?"

Ethan shook his head, biting at his lip. Emotions felt to raw to talk about.

"You're the oldest yeah?" Kaitlin's change of subject caught him off guard. "Me too. I have two younger siblings too. A sister and a brother. Its hard sometimes because I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life."

"You're in Japan!" Ethan replied.

"I know," Kaitlin said nodding, "But I don't think the feelings change just because things go great. Funny, right? Even successful people feel unsuccessful. Even happy people feel depressed sometimes. I think the fact that people keep going on despite all of the horrible regularness and loneliness is a lot more success than other stuff – like designing a new computer system, or making a breakthrough in history." She turned her phone off, the screen going black and she looked up at Ethan with a smile. "Y'know?"

Ethan nodded numbly, her words feeling comfortable like a breeze of warmth in the winter inside. "Yeah," He replied, "I know."

Once the train stopped, they walked in silence the rest of the way to her apartment and up the five floors and into her house. "We're home!" Kaitlin said, jumping out of her shoes and going down the hallway to greet the others. Ethan spent more time than was necessary at the genkan, wiping at his face, half not wanting the emotions to stir back up to the service, the other side of him just wanting to release it all like a pressure valve – unsure which would be better for him right now.

"Ethan?"

Kaela and Jess appeared around the corner.

They both immediately knew something was wrong – he could see it in the way they looked at him. "Hi, guys," He said quietly, not sure why he felt so emotional today and he hoped beyond hope that they wouldn't ask –

"Are you okay?"

The tears welled up in his eyes the moment the words came out into the open like a sting and he couldn't open his mouth because he knew the words would choke on a sob and so instead he just stood in the dark genkan as Jess and Kaela made their way down the hallway and held him, their faces against his own, their arms around his middle and his back. No words were spoken for a while and they just stood there together, Ethan still biting his lip as tears dripped into his fur and sunk in.

"We're a family, Ethan," Jess murmured. "Nothing will ever change that."

The memories still hurt, but something warm inside of Ethan grew until he could believe in himself again. The hug melted away everything that felt dark for a while and although he knew the moment wouldn't – couldn't last, he lived in it while it lasted.