I woke to people talking. I didn't respond because I was too tired to even try. Instead I just lay there wondering what kind of words the sounds made.

Are they shouting? Talking?

How far away were they?

Who exactly was shouting or talking?

These questions rolled across my mind along with the energy it took to try and decipher what the answers were. I drifted off to sleep with them.

It was dark when I woke. Was this the first time I woke up?

Looking around in the moonlight that the half closed blinds on my right invited in, I saw a couple of empty seats against the wall.

On my left was one of those IV lines hooked in my arm.

What the fuck happened?

Ahead of me was the door with a large window beside it. It had blinds but were pulled shut.

I tried to sit up but kept collapsing back on the bed so I went back to sleep.

"...She's doing well. Surprisingly well."

I stirred. What was that again?

"Alice!"

When I opened my eyes, Iain was staring at me with a shocked face. There was a woman too I guessed was the doctor considering her white overall.

"Iain? What happened? Where am I?" I had to hold my forehead as a massive headache overtook my senses. It disappeared after a few moments.

"You're at Rose's medical bay." Iain said. "Sam and Mattie took you here after you fainted."

"Mattie?"

I shook my head in attempt to get my brain working. I couldn't really remember much.

"Mattie… took a bit too much blood which is why you're here."

I looked at the IV line linked in my arm.

"You'll have to be on some supplements to replace the blood which means you'll be on a diet until a doctor says you're good to go." Iain nodded toward the woman opposite him. "This is Doctor Fisher. She'll be keeping an eye on you."

"Hello, Alice." She beamed down at me. "How are you feeling?"

"Immensely tired." I sighed.

"That'll be because of the blood loss. You'll feel better in a few days."

"Would you rather see some people or do you want to rest?" Iain said. "There's also something I need to ask you but that can wait." He winced as if it was something urgent.

"Tell me first." I said. Mentally I kicked myself away from the tiredness that was crawling at me. Feeling that would mean I won't be able to concentrate.

Iain sighed then indicated that Doctor Fisher should leave. "I'll be back later to check on you, Alice."

Once alone with Iain, he collapsed on the seat near the window. "Paper are visiting us very soon."

I knew sometimes Paper visited Rose. Sarah had mentioned it was just another thing they did to give the illusion of an existing, healthy relationship between the two organisations. I wasn't sure on how Gold managed their healthy relationship.

Paper would visit and randomly choose several Rose colleagues to join them for six months. To do what, I don't know.

I nodded. Didn't think I had the energy to even talk.

"Well… they've done something that they haven't done before and requested you."

"What do you mean…"

Iain looked at me straight in the eyes. "Alice Darling, you're the first to be chosen by Paper to live there for six months doing what, I don't know."

I couldn't sleep that well last night. I just laid awake wondering on what was to come considering the lack of information I had. Which wouldn't have been the first time I was dragged into something without my permission, so technically I should be used to it. Paper was predominantly research, right? Why did they need me? And why choose me in the first place!

I got to see Mattie and Sam the next day. Well separately.

Sam came in wearing last night's clothes except with a few creases in the shirt, as I sat up in the hospital bed with a box of chocolates saying I need some sugar.

"Hey, Sam."

"Alice! How are you feeling?"

"Better than yesterday."

A frown crossed his face. "Really?"

"Yeah." I said it as if I wasn't too sure. Considering the night before and my being at the hospital, it was strange. "I don't really feel tired and I don't feel confused."

"I see."

Shit. Did I say something bad?

"I think Mattie might have something to do with that." Sam said.

A fleeting remark flickered through my hand but it went too fast for me to acknowledge what it said.

"Oh." I didn't know what to say so I decided to change the topic. "What happened at security then?"

"Just the usual." Sam pulled one of the seats near the window over next to my bed. He leaned back on it. "Nothing. There was a rumour going around that Hartley was going to be hit but it looks like that was it - just a rumour."

"What do you mean by… hit?" If someone was going to attack vampire society then they would target at least one of the pure blood families… if that's what Sam meant.

He shrugged it off. "Just a rumour." He paused. "Has Iain told you about Paper?"

I said he sort of had.

"Paper is up to something. I don't know what. Iain wants you, me and Mattie in Iain's office for a briefing regarding it. I suggest you save every single question you have when that happens. In the meantime…" Sam opened the box of chocolates, "you should have these."

Just as I was going to take one (or maybe a few), he tugged it away, grabbed my wrist and sniffed it.

"S-Sam!" In an instant he released me. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Peering up at me with eyes the colour of blood, Sam's whole gentleman approach was shot out of the window.

"I needed to make sure of something. Anyway, I'll let you go. Mattie's in the hallway for you if you want to see him." After placing the chocolates on the seat, he left.

I touched my wrist just as Mattie entered. It looked fine. It didn't hurt when I moved it so what was that about?

"Hi, sleepy head." He said grinning. I don't know, Mattie was the sort of guy you could not be mad at. Although I do wonder if he forgave me for killing Caim. Was taking my blood until I passed out some sort of punishment?

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

I told him what I told Sam and he pulled the same expression Sam gave me. "What?"

"Nothing…"

"Mattie… you're always explaining things to me yet you won't explain what just happened?"

He moved the chocolates off the seat to an empty space on my bed before collapsing on it. "Promise you won't get mad?"

I waited for him to continue.

He sighed. "Just let me say I'm really sorry about taking so much of your blood. I didn't mean to make you faint and I did mean it when I said to 'tell me when to stop'." He took a deep breath. "I put a little of my blood in your drinks and I might have put a bit more when I bit you."

It took me a moment to realise I hadn't replied.

"What?"

This is ludicrous. Mattie wouldn't just mix up my blood, my blood, without my permission, right?

He shuffled in his chair. "Considering what happened to Caim, I wanted to see at which point my blood just... strayed from the normal transition from human to vampire."

All I could do was stare at him. That means I'm not human, right? It means my blood is tainted.

Is that why Sam sniffed me?

But I don't feel like I need blood or have the instincts of a vampire…

"Alice," Mattie said taking me out of my internal debate. He stood up and to my surprise, bowed. "I take full responsibility if it gets out."

"Mattie… what am I…" Why did I say that? That wasn't what I wanted to say. I wanted to just say that I'm not a fucking experiment for you so why the hell did you pick me?

He visibly relaxed as he sank back into the chair. "You're still human, remember? Once you get fifty one percent of vampire blood, then you're considered a vampire."

Right. That's right.

I looked at the sheets as if they could break this feeling I had. What was it? The feeling of being deceived with loneliness thrown in there. Of not really knowing yourself the way you should.

But then Mattie stood up again, took my chin with a finger and came closer and pressed his mouth on mine.

What?

All too soon he leaned back to look at my expression. Heck, I couldn't even register what was plastered on my face before he kissed me again, opening his mouth.

When he released me he smiled. "Needed to break the ice."

My brain clicked. "You've broken more than just the ice, Mattie. Rule one?"

"Don't mix human and vampire blood together. I know, but you remember how vampires see the nine rules as a guideline. I've had many feeders who've broken the rules."

"Ah."

"Well that was it. I should really let you rest."

"Wait!" Mattie froze. "Is that why I've been recovering really fast? Because I have your blood in me?"

"Pretty much. Vampire blood recovers a lot faster if injured." He then leaned down to kiss my forehead. A kind gesture but there was something eating at me. "Sleep well. Iain wants a meeting at his office when you're better with me, you and Sam."

"I know, Sam told me."

Mattie smiled before saying "get well soon" and leaving.

I think after taking a significant amount of my blood, Mattie might mistake his feelings for Caim on to me. It's the feeling of confusion, when you know it's not yours. Misplaced feelings.

I thought of those things looking at the closed door to my hospital room. It's sad, I do love Mattie despite everything I've done. I should be happy when he kissed me but I'm just… sad.