Silver Moon – Book 4 Chapter 6

That night, Gintoki changed into his pajamas and prepared himself for bed. Once he was ready, he climbed onto the futon, and to his surprise, found Tsukuyo reading a book.

"What are you reading?" he asked curiously.

Tsukuyo glanced at him for a second before she went back to reading. "It's a book about pregnancy," she explained. "I figured that it wouldn't hurt to gain some more information about this whole thing. The more knowledgeable I am, the better off the baby will be."

"Oh, I see," said Gintoki nodding. He then stared at her while she continued to read. Eventually however, she frowned and put the book down.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked him.

"No reason," he replied innocently. "It's just…well, I'm really impressed by the effort you're putting forth here. Your dedication is really admirable."

Tsukuyo just have him a blank stare. "It's no big deal, really. I'm just doing what feels right."

"Still, changing your life around, and staying informed. I'm proud of you."

"I guess," she said with a shrug. "What about you?"

Gintoki paused. "Huh?"

"Are you going to change?" she asked. "So you can be a better father?"

Gintoki slowly frowned at this. "I don't know…What kind of changes are you looking for?"

"Well, nothing too big," said Tsukuyo thoughtfully. "I still want to be married to the same you, after all."

Gintoki rolled his eyes at this. "So what, then?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "Remember what you told me about changing my perspective on things? Maybe you could start with that."

"Hmm," said Gintoki, trying to think. "And something like that will make you happy?"

Tsukuyo simply shrugged again. "It's not really about me. It's all for the sake of the baby, remember?"

Gintoki crossed his arms and laid his head on down on the pillow. "I guess that's true," he agreed.

"This is for you to decide," Tsukuyo told him. "So take some time and think about what the right choices are. You'll know when you've found them."

Gintoki sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. "Since when did you become so wise?"

"Just shut up and do your thinking," she replied sternly.

"All right…"

After he fell asleep, Gintoki ended up having a terrible nightmare.

It must have been sometime in the future, because Gintoki found himself staring at his own child. It was just a young kid, probably no older than five or six. From his angle, he couldn't really get a good look at the kid. He couldn't even tell if it was a boy or girl.

"Hey," he called out to it.

The child appeared to flinch upon hearing his voice. The child then glanced at him, whimpered, and started trembling. Gintoki found this to be odd, so he approached it with an arm reaching out.

"H-hey," Gintoki said again, this time more unsure.

The child simply whimpered again before running off. Gintoki was surprised at this, and chased after it. "Hey, wait up," he called.

He continued to chase the child until it disappeared behind someone. Gintoki stopped in his tracks when he saw who it was. "Tsukuyo?" he asked.

Tsukuyo just stared at him, surprised. Meanwhile, the kid poked its head out from behind her legs. "Gintoki, what are you doing here?"

Gintoki stared back. "Huh?"

"I thought you wouldn't be coming back here anymore," she said sternly.

Gintoki felt confused. "And why is that?"

Tsukuyo also gave him a look of confusion. "Well, after the divorce, you said that you didn't care to see us anymore…"

"D-divorce!?" Gintoki stuttered. "What are you talking about!?"

"Don't play dumb," Tsukuyo replied harshly. "It wouldn't have happened if you had just been a better father. Now look at our kid. It doesn't even want to see you or be around you."

Gintoki's dream self didn't know what to say. "Well…But…I…"

"Enough of your excuses," Tsukuyo hissed. "Just get out of here already!"

And with that, Tsukuyo hurled a kunai right at Gintoki's forehead, and it landed with a hard thud.

Gintoki immediately jolted awake. He then took several deep breaths while he clasped his chest. In his haste, Tsukuyo also jolted awake.

"What is it?" she asked, grabbing kunai. "An intruder!?"

Gintoki slowly glanced at her, a little frightened by those kunai. "No, no, it's fine," he sighed. "You can put those away. There's no intruder."

Tsukuyo stared at him for a moment but did as she was told. "What's the problem, then?"

Gintoki took another deep breath. "It's nothing…I was just having a bad dream…"

Tsukuyo gave him a soft look, feeling sympathetic for him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Gintoki paused, but soon shook his head. "Nah, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just go back to sleep," he told her.

Tsukuyo just stared at him for another moment, but soon shrugged and followed his instruction. As she went to lay down though, Gintoki suddenly stopped her.

"By the way," he said slowly, "you're not going to divorce me or anything, are you?"

Tsukuyo just gave him a weird look. "Well, I wasn't planning on it…"

"Er, right," said Gintoki, shaking his head. "Never mind. Forget I asked that. Go back to sleep."

"Um, all right," she said slowly, not really sure what was up with his unusual behavior. Choosing to simply shrug it off, she went back to sleep.

Gintoki also went to settle back down. Just forget it he told himself. It was only a dream. The future won't turn out like that, right? I mean, I'll be a good dad, right? And my kid will like me and want to be around me, right?

Gintoki then just shook his head, too unsure to keep thinking. It will turn out fine, I'm sure…

However, the next night, Gintoki ended up experiencing yet another nightmare. Although, this dream turned out rather differently than the previous one.

In this future, Gintoki approached his home from the outside. The first thing he noticed was that his yard looked like a wreck, and that there were toys everywhere. He wasn't sure why, but he found this to be unsettling. He then walked up to the front door and opened it.

"Hey, dad's home!" someone yelled out.

Gintoki barely registered what happened next. He was immediately swarmed by children of various sizes and ages, all trying to get his attention.

"Hey daddy, come play with me!"

"Dad, can you buy this for me?"

"Hey dad, let's go beat up the Shinsengumi! They're just tax-robbers anyway, right?"

"What the hell's going on?" he shouted amongst the chaos. His confusion was soon interrupted though when one of the younger kids climbed up his back and began pulling on his hair.

"What's up with this stupid hair anyway?" the kid asked. "It's not appealing at all. Wouldn't you be better off with no hair at all, like that old baldy alien hunter?"

As the child continued to pull on Gintoki's hair, he tried pushing his way through the crowd of kids. This is insane! he thought. Seriously, what's going on here!? There's no way all these kids are mine, right!?

Gintoki then stopped in his tracks when he finally spotted Tsukuyo. Oddly enough, she was holding a baby in her arms, on top of already being clearly pregnant.

"Tsukuyo," he mumbled. "What the-"

"What are you doing here?" she asked out of surprise.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Why aren't you working?" she asked sternly. "These kids aren't going to pay for themselves, you know."

"Working?" he asked weakly. "I…should be working?"

"Who else is going to support us?" she asked impatiently. "Just get back to work and bring home some money this time."

"What?" asked Gintoki, feeling completely lost. "But I-"

Gintoki paused when he heard a loud snap. "Oops," said one of the kids. "Sorry dad, I broke your wooden sword."

"It's okay. He can just buy a new one," another kid suggested.

"Hey, let's play kick the can!" someone suddenly shouted. "Dad can be the can!"

"What?" Gintoki shouted frantically, waving his hands back and forth. "Wait wait wait-!"

Gintoki's dream then quickly came to a close as soon as one of his kids kicked him right in the crotch…

Gintoki quickly shot up once again, and started taking deep breaths. He soon noticed that he was sweating profusely, and for some reason, his crotch was feeling a tad bit uncomfortable right now.

Sure enough, Tsukuyo also woke up, but this time did so slowly and without the kunai. "What's the matter?" she asked rather drowsily. "Another bad dream?"

Gintoki took a few seconds to calm down before replying to her. "It…it was nothing. Just go back to sleep."

Tsukuyo just gave him a frown. "Are you sure?"

Gintoki quickly nodded. "Yeah, it was nothing…"

Tsukuyo skeptically stared at him, and gave a sigh. "Gintoki, this was the second night in a row you've had a nightmare now. Are you really sure that you're all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he insisted once more. "It was just a stupid dream."

Tsukuyo simply frowned again. "Well, all right. But listen, Gintoki, if you're having problems, I want you to talk to me about it. I want to be there to comfort you like how you comforted me the other night. We're in this together, right?"

Gintoki nodded without looking at her. "Yeah…"

"Well…As long as you know that," she said sincerely. She then reached over and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "Try to get some rest then," she insisted.

"Right," he said, turning away and laying back down.

As he closed his eyes, visions from his dream started to dance around in his head. He tried to shake them as best he could, but they seemed persistent in torturing him. It's just a stupid dream he told himself over and over again. It's just a stupid dream!

To Gintoki's utter horror, the dreams that tortured him in his sleep didn't seem to stop just because he was awake. The next morning, as per his usual routine, he went to do work at Odd Jobs. The visions soon started appearing after that. As he walked through the streets, he would have sworn that he saw a lot more children and pregnant women that usual. Naturally, the sight of these things only seemed to haunt him. He nearly had a panic attack when a kid threw a ball at the back of his head.

As the day wore on, Shinpachi and Kagura started to give Gintoki some very strange looks. He was acting rather strange, after all. Gintoki just ignored them. He was too caught up in his own living nightmare to care for what they thought about him. In order to try and calm himself, he twiddled his fingers together at a superhuman rate, all the while giving a concerned eyeball to every kid they passed.

I'm not going crazy, right? he asked himself with a nervous frown. Why are there so many kids on the streets today? And why are they all staring at me like they know me!? I don't know these kids!

"He is drawing a lot of attention to himself," said Kagura with a blank expression. "What's his deal?"

"I don't know," said Shinpachi with concern in his tone. "But his posture and behavior are really strange. It's no wonder every kid is looking at him like he's a weirdo."

"Hey, idiot!" Kagura called to him. "Why do you look so terrified? Did you see a ghost or something?"

"Please do not make jokes…" Gintoki mumbled timidly.

"Seriously, what is the matter with him?" asked Shinpachi as he crossed his arms.

Just then, a kid ran right up to Gintoki and called out to him. "Hey, Gin-san!"

"I'm not your dad!" Gintoki immediately shouted back.

The child simply froze in place, stunned at having been yelled at. "Uh…what?"

Shinpachi and Kagura quickly recognized the kid.

"Oh hey, it's Seita."

Gintoki suddenly shook his head and stared at the child once more. "Oh, so it is," he noticed.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Seita with a frown. "You look…weird."

"Do I?" asked Gintoki in an uncaring tone.

"Yeah, you look tired too," the kid added.

Gintoki simply rubbed his face with his hands. "Great," he mumbled sarcastically.

Shinpachi decided to address the boy. "Seita-san, what brings you here?"

"Yeah, you don't go to school up on the surface," noted Kagura.

"I came here to talk to Gin-san," Seita explained as he turned to the samurai with a smile. "I have a question for you. I tried asking my mom about it, but she just laughed and said it would be better if I heard it from a man. So, she told me to come ask you."

Gintoki lazily let his hands slide off of his face. He then gave Seita a blank stare. "Fine…what do you want to ask?"

Seita gave him a big smile. "Where do babies come from?"

A vein immediately appeared on Gintoki's forehead. "What the hell!? What kind of question is that!? Go ask someone else!"

"But my mom said I should ask you," Seita replied. "She said you would know all about it since big sis Tsukuyo is going to have a baby."

Gintoki clenched his teeth. Damn that Hinowa! He could easily picture her guilty smile in his head while Seita told him this.

"Listen, Seita," said Gintoki slowly. "Don't you think you're a bit young to know about this kind of thing?"

"No," he said bluntly.

Gintoki put a hand to his forehead. "Ugh, you live in Yoshiwara, right? Can't you just figure it out on your own?"

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi cried. "What are you telling him!?"

"I'm saying that all they do in Yoshiwara is make babies."

"Gin-san!"

"I…don't understand…" said a lost Seita.

"Whatever," said Gintoki, starting to walk away. "Look, I'm feeling kind of stressed right now. I really need to go calm myself. I'm going off to get a drink."

And with that, Gintoki walked away from them. Shinpachi quickly called after him.

"Ah, wait, Gin-san!"

"He left," said Seita, confused. "What's up with him?"

Shinpachi hung his shoulders in dismay. "We're not sure," he admitted. "He's been acting strange all day."

"Hmm…" said Kagura, watching the samurai walk away. "Shinpachi, I'm going to go talk to him. I'll see if I can get to the bottom of this."

"Huh? You are?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Meanwhile, you can answer Seita's question."

Shinpachi's mouth dropped open in shock. "What!? Me!?"

Kagura shrugged. "He needs a man to answer it, right? This is your chance to be a man."

"W-wait a second!" Shinpachi shouted. "I'm not too sure if I should be the one explaining-"

"Well, I'm off," said Kagura quickly. Without another word, she darted off after Gintoki.

"Ah, wait, Kagura-chan!"

Seita simply turned to the glasses-wearing boy. "Well, maybe you can help me, Shinpachi-san. Where do babies come from, exactly?"

"Um…"

As the sun started to set, Gintoki walked into Snack House Otose, and noticed that the place was rather packed. No doubt a lot of these customers had just gotten off of work and were looking for a good time. Gintoki just frowned and quickly made his way to the bar.

As he sat down, Otose glanced at him. "What brings you here, Gintoki?"

Gintoki just held his head in his hands. "I think I need a drink," he said desperately.

Otose just gave him a curious look, but soon left to satisfy his request. Meanwhile, Kagura entered the bar, and quickly spotted the samurai. She soon ended up taking a seat next to him.

Gintoki glanced at her. "What are you doing here?" he asked somberly. "Aren't you a bit too young to drink?"

"I can do what I want," Kagura replied. "I live on my own now, remember?"

"Hmm," said Gintoki, looking away.

"Do you want to tell me what you're doing here?" asked Kagura. "You seem to have ran off in a hurry back there."

At that moment, Otose came back with a small glass for Gintoki. "She's right, you know," the old lady chimed in. "Shouldn't you be at home with your pregnant wife right now instead of going out and drinking?"

Gintoki just frowned as he took the glass. "Please don't lecture me right now, Gran. I really don't know what to do, and I honestly think I might be going crazy…"

Kagura and Otose simply stared at him for a second before glancing at each other.

"Why do you think that?" asked the old lady calmly.

"No reason," said Gintoki as he shook his head. "Just forget it."

"Well, he was acting strange all day," Kagura spoke up.

"I was not," he quickly retorted.

"Yes you were," she said back. "When we walked down the streets, you look terrified, almost as if you had seen a ghost."

Gintoki just gave her a frown. "Don't be ridiculous. I didn't see a ghost."

"Then what has you so frightened?" asked Otose curiously.

Gintoki waved his hand back and forth. "It's nothing."

"No, tell us," Otose insisted.

"No really," said Gintoki uncomfortably. "It's stupid. You'll just laugh at me…"

"Nonsense, we won't laugh at you," Otose assured him. "Just tell us what's going on."

"Well, I don't know…"

Just then, Kagura reached up and grabbed Gintoki by the ear. "Stop beating around the bush and just tell us already," she demanded.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Gintoki whined in pain. "Okay, okay, fine, I'll tell you! Just let go already!"

Kagura promptly let go of the samurai's ear, and Gintoki quickly rubbed it to ease the pain. Once he was satisfied, he then stared at both women and gave a sigh.

"Listen, the reason I've been acting a little strange lately is because, well…I'm kind of worried about…becoming a father…"

Gintoki paused after revealing the truth, only to have both Otose and Kagura burst out laughing in his face.

"That's what you're afraid of!?" they yelled in unison.

Gintoki felt a vein appear on his forehead. "Hey, you said that you wouldn't laugh!"

Otose soon tried to clam herself. "Yeah, you're right, sorry…heheh…"

"You don't seem sorry," said Gintoki, still upset.

"My apologies," the old lady told him. "It was just so…surprising to hear that. I didn't think that the Gintoki I know would worry over something like that. Now tell me, why are you feeling so nervous?"

Gintoki sighed again. "Well, honestly, there's just so much that I don't know about raising a kid. Taking care of it, keeping it safe, making it happy. It's scary. Will I be a good role model? Will my kid like me? I know it sounds dumb, but I've been thinking about these kinds of things for the last couple of days and now I feel like I'm going insane…"

Gintoki finished by resting his head in his hands on the counter. Otose looked down at him for a moment before tossing out another laugh. Kagura simply smiled.

"What's so funny?" asked Gintoki in defeat.

"You're worried about this now?" asked Otose with a smile. "Aren't you supposed to start freaking out about that sort of stuff right before the baby comes? Honestly, you're getting too worked up way too early."

Otose then snickered again before adopting a kinder tone. "Listen, Gintoki, your fears are understandable, but they are not necessary. At one point or another, every parent will question how well they fit the roll, but you shouldn't worry about it until you've already given yourself a chance."

"Or screwed it up," Kagura chimed in.

"Honestly," Otose continued, "I know you, Gintoki, better than most. I know that you'll be willing to step up and take on the responsibility of being a parent. It's nothing that someone of your stature can't handle."

"It's true!" Kagura interjected again. "I mean, think about it! You've already raised one kid before, haven't you, Gin-chan?"

Gintoki just stared at her. "Look, if you're talking about that Kanshichirou brat-"

"Um, I was referring to myself," Kagura corrected him in an upset tone. She then sighed and went back to smiling. "What I'm saying is, you basically took care of me all this time, haven't you? You raised me, protected me, kept me happy…And hey, in the end, I turned out all right, didn't I?"

Gintoki continued to stare at the girl. "I suppose…"

"And not just that," continued Otose, "but you've already taken a few steps forward in becoming a good father. Isn't it true that you helped set Tsukuyo straight the other night after she went to work in her condition?"

Gintoki looked surprised. "How did you know about that?"

"We like to stay in touch," said Otose with a wink. "Listen, Gintoki, what we're trying to say is don't sell yourself short, and that you should believe in yourself. You'll be a good dad."

"Yeah," agreed Kagura. "And if you ever need help, we'll always be here for you!"

Gintoki stared at them both for a moment, surprised at their encouragement and praise for him. He didn't really want to admit it, but their words had made him feel a bit better if he was being honest. Maybe he was just overthinking things, and had just gone a little crazy because of it.

A small smile appeared on his face. "Thanks," he told them both. "I'm grateful for the words of encouragement."

Gintoki then rose to his feet. "I'm going to head out," he informed them. "Now that I think about it, Tsukuyo is probably making dinner for me."

"Sounds like you know what to do," said Otose, taking his still-full glass off the counter.

"Tell Tsukky we said hi!" Kagura shouted with a wave.

Gintoki just smirked before turning around and making his way toward the exit. As he did so, a stranger, unnoticed by anyone, followed the samurai outside…

And thus, the "Gintoki coming to terms with being a parent" chapter was completed. I wonder if it seemed believable. Hmm…Gintoki might seem a bit OOC here, but I guess that's because of his situation. I used this wonderful thing called "nightmares" to put him in the right mindset XD

For the nightmares, I wanted one where Gintoki unintentionally terrifies his family, and one where his family unintentionally terrifies him. A future where he grows distant from his family and one where his family never leaves him alone are both terrifying in their own right XD I guess I just wanted to portray that Gintoki felt uncertain about the future, which led to some overdramatic worrying from the goof. I hope it turned out all right.

As a side note, I wonder if Seita already knows where babies come from…He is from Yoshiwara after all, and apparently he knows what a virgin is, so it's not like he's completely uninformed on the topic. Who can say? XD

Anyways, that's all I have to say for now. Please feel free to review the chapter and look forward to the next one! Next time, things will be getting serious. I hope you're ready for some action! See you then!