CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

I swallowed hard. I need a drink. I'm suddenly way too hot.

Tentatively I held the paper in front of my eyes as if it'll change the year back thirty years.

In a coma for thirty years… I'd been gone for thirty…

How can such a small thing do so much damage?

I looked at my hand. Clenched my hand. Unclenched it.

I'm… not human am I?

I had looked in the mirror before I set out and I looked normal. I showered and I looked normal. I should be… what… in my fifties now but I haven't aged a bit.

That means Iain's older now.

I inwardly screamed. What do I do?

I checked out of the hotel then took a taxi to The Manor since it was nearer. It seemed like forever since I had been here and the first time I took a good look at the house that took my brother and I in.

It hardly changed.

The rectangular windows that took up most of the building were still the same, apart from some leaves that rested on the sills.

The little archway just beside the house where the rented cars we rode in would be, was empty.

The small designs that had been worn down by the elements were still recognisable.

Just everything needed a bit of TLC.

I waded through the grass that was almost shoulder height. I ran through these hundreds of times.

It feels like I'm actually walking into a memory, a forgotten memory.

The door was unlocked. I had to cough as the wind caught the dust. Everything inside was covered in it like a blanket. And in the darkness, everything gave me a memory.

This was the place where I watched TV with Mattie and Caim.

Where I studied hard for the university I wanted to go in.

Where I had mental breakdowns in that corner where I was too stressed and felt like shit,

Where Mattie told me he liked me… I got a pain in my chest from that.

I shook my head. I looked around the place more. Looked like Mattie didn't even live here anymore so while I'm here, I may as well grab what Iain left for me.

I found it under the Mattie's bed and found myself blushing yet again. Iain, I know you know about us but still!
Everything was still there so I shoved it in my bag. The letter was the same.

If I found Mattie, would he want to continue living here? Where does he live now?

In the kitchen I drew back the blinds and after brushing the layer of dust away from a chair, I brought it up to the island.

I knew what I wanted to do with the money I found here. But what after?

From the darkness of the main room, Professional Alice looked at me from across the kitchen and started walking toward me and with every step, there was an unfamiliar sound coming from her. You need to take one step at a time. That's the best thing to do right now.

That was right but...

"Why are you bleeding?" I asked her. I had to stand up. The sight of her made me grab Alpha in the process, aiming it with two shaking hands at her chest.

That unfamiliar sound were drops of blood staining the floor coming from her fingers. As she got closer to the light, I could see she was covered in it. There was a huge slash across her torso. Her clothes - my clothes - were torn.

"It's not my blood," she said looking at her hands.

To me she looked at them like she had grown a third arm.

"But you're the same." She pointed at me and as she did a flick of that blood landed about a metre to my left.

I didn't know what she meant. I looked at my shirt but there was nothing there. But on my hands… They struggled to keep Alpha steady. They were wet, Alpha slipped through my fingers and fell on the floor.

They were covered in blood.

"It's their blood." She said simply. "The blood of everyone that you've killed or seen killed." She paused. "Do you remember there was a rumour going around that Rose ditches its colleagues after twenty-five years?"

I didn't answer her.

"They get replaced." With that she faded out of my sight.

It took me a few moments to control myself before I looked around for Alpha. It had bounced off the floor and laid in the middle of nowhere.

There's something wrong with me.

Seeing Professional Alice like that had me breathing heavily with my butt on the floor in a foetal position for quite some time.

I need to find Iain or Mattie soon. I can't do this myself.

I took a shaking breath before peering over the counter top just to make sure Professional Alice still gone and headed out.

I was going to go to my parent's house. I wasn't exactly sure if they were going to be there all this time but it was worth a shot.

When Caim and I were still living at my parent's house, I remember the house being average. It was sat in a small town with a small garden and it looked just like all the other houses around it with a pale brick colour, white framed windows, a garage and a porch.

But now the house had a conservatory at the back (I could see it over the fence), there was a little flower garden in the front with a few boxed hedges and holy shit-

I had to duck down seeing someone was gardening in the front.

A woman was with some secateurs nearly saw me as see trimmed the hedges. She had grey hair covered up in a hat, wore glasses, a knitted jumper and jeans. From my crouched position around a corner and through the gaps of the fence, I could see a red bucket at her feet filled with some of the cuttings.

That's… Maggie.

I watched my mother working for a few moments. It had been a while since I had seen her. I never knew she enjoyed gardening. The Maggie I knew only cared for the caci that grew on our coffee table and she always used to say, "gardening and caring for you two takes up a lot of my time and I can't do both at the same time."

She stretched and went inside the house. I didn't realise the front door was open.

I pulled my hoodie up then opened my bag for the stuff I got at The Manor. Then wrote on the envelope as I didn't have any other piece of paper to write on:

I hope that you two are doing well.

I am leaving this in your care as well as the other corresponding bag that was left with you. They are both mine and I hope you have a better need for it than I do.

I didn't know what else to say or even how to write it so I thought professional was the best bet. But now I didn't know how to sign off. Do I put Lucy Henderson or Alice Darling? I don't particularly like having my parents in danger if I did put my real name. But they won't know who the hell was Lucy Henderson.

Fuck , I'll just write my real name.

I stuffed the note halfway in the bag at the zip, then carried it over.

One of the neighbours was watching me, a younger person maybe around her thirties. It looked like she was gardening too. I don't really care, to be honest. I looked her right in the eye and nodded my head to say, 'I've seen you.'

I left the bag on the front door scurrying out of there as fast as I could to my little hiding place to make sure the person I want to give it to, got it.

And she did.

Maggie looked a bit confused, looking around the street trying to figure out who gave her this huge bag. She took the note, read it and her hand flew to her mouth. I could see her sob, but I couldn't hear it.

She turned around and yelled, "David! Come here!"

I saw her neighbour ask her something, I'd imagine 'what's wrong'. After some listening I suppose she said she saw me. Maggie fell to the floor and as she did, David came to her aid.

There was an aching urge in my chest.

I wanted to go up to her.

I wanted to show her that I was alright.

But I'm not alright.

There were some things I had to do before I could show myself to them.

Like how am I going to explain that Caim isn't here anymore and how he died?

I left them like that.

The next step, even though I really, really, wanted to go to Iain's place, was to find out what Amy Richard's was doing. I had no leads but one. I didn't plan to meet her because of the time difference and my current 'I-still-look-the-same-for-thirty-fucking-years'.

Was it bad that I was just curious of what and where she was doing?

Getting to the nearest library was easy. Not meaning to allude anyone to my supposed age, I visited one that I was a member of so they just needed to update my address and phone number, and was quickly sat on one of the computers.

Logical Alice fluttered by me, pulling up a chair to sit beside me. With her arms resting on the table, she leaned her head down looking bored.

Are you sure you want to do this? It's not great if it's only out of curiosity.

Iain's place was an hour and a half away from my parent's house. Even though I'd only been there once, I remembered the street name. I don't particularly remember what it looked like in detail to compare it to the place now. I only remembered it being beige.

It sounded fine in my head: Just knock on the door and see who lives there now.

In reality however… I had butterflies in my stomach and there was that all too familiar lump in my throat.

I coughed knocking on the white door.

An asian woman who looked like she was in her early twenties answered the door. "Hello?" She gazed up and down me. Behind her were a bunch of boxes and bubble wrap. It dotted the stairs almost making them impossible to climb up.

"Hi!" I looked at her lost for words. "Sorry, I thought someone I knew lived here. It was a while ago." Thirty years is considered a 'while ago'? I mentally chastised myself.

For some reason her face lit up. "Could you just tell me your name and the person you knew?"

I stared at her blankly. I was planning to take a look around the place, so why did this stranger need to know my name? In any case I told her my Lucy name and Iain's name.

She told me to wait a bit as she hurried inside saying there was 'something for you'. Did Iain leave something here for me? Again?

I'll have to thank Iain later when I find him.

She came a few minutes later with a small box in her hand - an old looking box, the edges were fraying and were patched up with duct tape. My name and Iain's name was written in marker.

"This was left to the previous owner. He said that there might be a girl who might come here with the same name and ask for Iain. I've only just moved in as you can probably tell."

I smiled at her saying thanks.

"We haven't opened it or anything. It came to us like that."

I nodded, thanking her again for her help.

There was a park nearby and parked my butt on one of the benches. With the evening sun on my shoulders I felt a little less lost in this world. Iain keeps saving me.

Inside was a small notebook. On the first page was an address I didn't recognise.

Is this where Iain's living now?

I felt a grin burst on my face.

"Iain..." I murmured.

Even though I wasn't with him for thirty years he was still thinking of me. There must have been people who tried to convince him otherwise.

He's more than just a manager.

I couldn't help it. I had to go there now. If Iain is still living at this address then I need to see him.

I found myself with a bud of enthusiasm, one I hadn't found in a while. I had a suspicion that only Mattie could do that as I had never really thought of Iain as a friend. He was close to me but… It never occurred to me.

When I arrived the time in the car was almost ten at night. Lamp posts dotted the street casting their glow on the ground in red, white and orange colours. It was silent apart from that electrical clicking noise I heard not too far away.

I was in a suburban area. The bungalows were spaced out about a drive's length and each were separated by a wired fence. The house in question had a patch of grass for a front garden. It had a large front window that was lit but had curtains closed. There was a platform to get up to the door.

This is it!

I took a breath to steady my nervous before knocking on the door.

It was opened by an old man with grey hair, reading glasses in a brown dressing gown and slippers. At the first sight of me his eyes widened and his hands flew to his chest. There was confusion on his face as he tried to process what he saw before him.

Should I say something?

"Alice?" The word was a breath on his lips. He couldn't believe it.

"Hi, Iain." I smiled.

"Christ." He ran his hands over his face before holding his hands out for a hug which I accepted without hesitation.

"I'm back." I said.

"Welcome back."

Iain took me to his living room and gave me tea and cake. It was pretty simple with a coffee table, a sofa with matching chairs and a TV. There were also pictures on the wall too, of some people over the years but one took all of my attention: Mattie. I even had to stand up for a closer look.

It was a landscape photo with Iain and Mattie, with Iain's arms around his shoulders. They were grinning, Mattie's emerald eyes making me miss him even more and fueled my need to find him faster.

I was exhausted but at the same time I wanted to talk to him, catch up on everything I'd missed.

But I bet Iain would say 'We'll talk tomorrow' knowing that.

He saw me looking at the photo.

"Do you know where he is?"
"What do you mean?" Surely Mattie would be with Iain? They went their separate ways?

"Ah, shortly after everything was ruined at Paper and Rose, everyone saw there was no need to stay - I suppose they thought the Bloody sisters kept them at bay, and disappeared. Mattie, unfortunately, was one of them. Although..." Iain went around sit, "I did hear of a rumour that only select people would be moved and would work at Gold. I've never really investigated it because of the little information we already had on Gold. That's the mediation we currently have between the two societies." He sighed. "I was stripped of my power along with the other managers there."

I sank in the chair. My chances at finding Mattie are slim.

"Are you well?" He asked.

No.

"Yeah… it's just everything that's happened. I mean I'm clearly missing years of my life not to mention I'm in a situation where I just feel lost..." I trailed off. I was ranting.

"You found me, Alice and that's a step forward in the right direction."

For some reason those words brought tears to my eyes. I walked around to stand just in front of him holding his hand.

"Iain." I said, "I wanted to thank you for everything that you've done for me. Everything from when I first started at Rose to now. You've always protected me, kept me safe and guided me. I'm sorry I only realised it now once thirty years had passed."

The tears flowed freely now. I couldn't hold back the sobs that joined them. I never realised how much they had cared for me until now.

The hand I was holding came to stroke my face. "You're very welcome, Alice."

I didn't really know what to say after that so I just stood there. Occasionally Iain would wipe away the tears from my eyes with his thumb.

It's dark but I know I'm in a familiar surrounding.

I think.

It's so dark I can't really see anything beyond my arm either. But strangely enough it didn't really scare me. Maybe it's because I know I've been here before.

When I reach out my hand, it actually touched something which shocked me even more.

It was wet, I could feel it sticking on my fingers.

"H-Hello?"

Silence. I didn't really expect an answer.

But then lights flashed casting me in blindness until my eyes adjusted.

Standing in front of me was Mattie in tattered clothes and covered in blood.

I staggered back on reflex. Holy shit!

"Mattie, what happened to you?" I said almost shouting. Shouting to drown out the fear I felt in my heart.

He didn't say anything.

"Mattie? Mattie!"

"Alice!" I was awoken by an old man shaking me by my shoulders. "What happened? You were screaming in your sleep!"

I took a few breaths. Tried to remember where the hell I was. That's right, I was at Iain's house.

"Iain?" I gasped. It felt like the world was spinning.

"Lay down."

Beside me he turned on a lamp and once again I was bathed in light that blinded me momentarily. The bed sank as he sat. I moaned pulling the covers over me like a child. It reminded me of the fading nightmare I just had.

"What happened?" He repeated.

Damn, I just had a nightmare like with James.

James?

Where's James?

"It's nothing." I flapped my hand at him.

"No it's not. Tell me."

"I just had a nightmare, can't you see that?" I said. Why won't he stop?

"Alice." He said, "nightmares are something serious at Rose so I need to know."

"I had no idea what you mean."

He sighed. "You might have PTSD brought about by the job. It was very likely people would have it at Rose."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what exactly I should say to that.

"I was a long standing manager, Alice. So please trust me when I say-"

"I do." I murmured lifting the covers to look straight at him to emphasise my point. "I do. It's not that I'm hiding it…" Sort of. "I just don't really understand and I don't really know how to talk about it."

"Just say what's on your mind for a start, even if it's just a jumble of sentences." He paused. "Did you struggle to talk to Mattie?"

Eh? I gave him a blank look.

"I guess you saw through that." Iain chuckled lightly. The type when you're embarrassed and trying to lighten the mood. "I was trying to talk as if we were on the same… as if we had the same recollection. As if we didn't have thirty years of memories between us."

I continued staring at him. He frowned when he saw my expression. "How do I even explain this? When you were with Mattie, did you talk to him about stuff, you know… anything that pops up to mind?"

It was my turn to frown. "I… I don't think I did."

I tried to remember what I even talked to Mattie about. He did tell me to talk even when the thoughts in my head were a jumble. But it's hard… I feel embarrassed, scared, vulnerable. Like the time I confessed… that word felt alien in my mouth. I just rambled.

I blushed harshly. Iain put an arm around my shoulders. His hand patted me.

"I know you know, so just keep it in mind, okay?" He got up and turned off the light. "Get some sleep and we can talk about everything in the morning."

"How can I sleep now?" I mumbled. It feels as if my mind was going into overdrive, listing off a bunch of stuff to keep a note of and do, almost like that time when I had to run home because of university.

Now that Iain knew I have nightmares a thought popped up. "W-Wait!" I grabbed his sleeve. "There is something…" Iain sat back down on the bed waiting for me to pick up the courage. "Do you think… Mattie will still want me even though I might have PTSD?"

"Oh, Alice." Iain wrapped his arms around me. "Of course he will. I know that for sure."

His response gave me a warm feeling and the reassurance I needed to know that I was doing a good job.

Standing back up again, he said

"Get some rest." He gave me a sympathetic look before closing the door behind him.