Next day i felt extreme urge to see Gina. I went to her appartment.I was frantically knocking on her door, begging her to let me in. She was inside but didn't want to

talk to me. I bet she was scared of me. At first it was Stahl and now crazy detective was using her. I was completely lost. When Christina came home,she started

insisting on therapy. And i agreed almost right away because i couldn't live like that anymore.

My therapist was "the best in New York" like Woz said. It was an obese man in his 60 with sad wise eyes and low raspy voice. First of all he started digging into my

childhood which was full of poverty and danger. Then it was Miguel's turn.

- How can you describe your feelings for him in the beggining?

- It was so long ago...i was naive and seeking some kind of comfort and security...Miguel seemed... - My concentration on his question started to vanish as fast as i

remembered the sound of Miguel's neck snapping.

- He seemed like a right choice for a girl that never had a powerful figure in her life, you wanted a strong man but... - He was looking at me with some kind of

condescendence.

- Miguel was a brutal narcissistic jerk...- I ended his sentence.

- He was in control and abusing his power over you...it effected you, made you question everyone around you...you don't let anyone close... - He was mumbling while

writting something in his big notebook.

- I can't let anyone hurt me anymore...i will do anything to stop it...- My headache became unbearable. I wanted to leave that therapy so badly.

- Ms Santos, concentrate on your anger. Don't supress it. Do you despise men? Do you try to outdo and outsmart them anytime you have a chance to do it? - His

stern arrogant tone was pissing me off.

- What are you talking about? Im not a man-hater! - I sprung up surpressing myself from punching him right in his face.

- Im talking about you, Harlee. There's a part of you that you are not proud of and you are in denial. - He adjusted his glasses nonchalantly.

- I don't know why you make such a stupid conclusion! You don't know me at all! - I was standing above him with balled-up fists.

- Im a professional with 40 years of practice. Ive helped women like you, Ms Santos. - He was calm and totaly sure that i wouldn't hit him.

- You are so full of yourself,Mr Lattimore! Im a strong woman! Im a cop! I like good men who respect women as their equals! But i can't stand a man who thinks that

he is better than everyone else! - I felt rage boiling inside of me like a lava.

- Good for you, Ms Santos. As i can see now, you don't have a lack of energy and you are clearly not depressed. - He took off his glasses and smiled at me.

- What does this mean?! - I looked at him trying to undestand what was happening.

- Ms Santos, i was told that you have depression and i needed to check this theory. Im sorry if it made you angry... - His voice became smooth like silk. I was trying to catch my breath.

- Please sit down... Depression has very specific symptoms. One of the main ones are constant lack of interest and exhaustion. If you had a depression, you wouldn't

react to my questions like you did. - He put aside his notebook.

- Than it was a test...great...- I sat down crossing my legs, finally getting a grip on myself.

- Let's talk about the main ussue. The man who kidnapped you. Are there any similar traits with Miguel? - He looked at me with curiosity.

- Yeah...they are both controling sociopaths...both very good pretenders...but i thought that Stahl had more humanity in him - My mind generously threw me a

memory of Stahl helping to rescue Christina.

- So you don't think that he is a monster and more a confused lost man...- He nodded to me approving my answer.

- I...i don't know...i still can't understand why he called 911 and saved me from bleeding out...he...i just don't know what to do to get him out off my head... - I felt

nausea kicking in.

- I think that you have such a hard time dealing with that trauma because you feel guilt and think that maybe you could have done something differently...so Agent

Stahl wouldn't descent...wouldn't do what he did... - His voice sounded so affirmatively.

- I feel such a crazy mixture of feelings...i don't know what to say...- I hung my head completely confused.

- , let's switch a topic. Do you feel your power over men? Im talking about your appeal - He opened his notebook again.

- Ive never had a lack of attention from men...i always knew that it works to my advantage...and yes,i likŠµ it...- I looked at him trying to figure out where he was

going with that question.

- Did you monipulate Agent Stahl by giving him an ilussion of attraction on your part? - His stern tone returned.

- Yes, i did...only when i was at my wits end...- I felt very uncomfortable answering that question.

- Did you feel in control when you were monipulating him? - His voice got lower.

- I felt...calm because i knew his weekness...yes,i was in control - I remembered the rush of adrenaline everytime i had to use Stahl's infatuation.

- Did you like that feeling? - He started scribbling something in his notebook.

- What are you hinting at? You think that i took pleasure in that situation? - I snapped. My nerves got the best of me again.

- I think that you are so afraid of losing a grip that you're constantly searching for a way to be on top and always be a leader. - His words sounded like a verdict.

- Because im a single mom, because i've been hurt so many times, because i will never let anybody push me down the stairs ever again! - I was trying to keep my

composure but i could hear my heart pounding so loud in my ears.

- Ms Santos, im not accusing you of anything. We are just talking. - He smiled at me calmly.

- I need help to cope with my insomnia and with my hallucination! I see Stahl! I feel his presence! I see him in my dreams! - I couldn't stop shaking. My body was so stressed out.

- Harlee, i can't prescribe you a pill to make it all go away. Its in you head. If you don't face your biggest fears, if youdon't sort it out with yourself, it won't be over. -

He was looking at me with compassion for the first time.

- Ok! I liked that feeling! I felt confident with Stahl because i saw how obsessed he was with me! I put the camera in his bedroom to know for sure! I saw what he

was doing with a prostitute! I felt like i could use his desire! That's it! -I didn't care whether it sounded histerical.

- Is it all?Have you ever felt anything for that man? - He was pushing me further.

- Are you crazy? Of course not! How could i? I loved one man who...was killed not long ago... - I choked on tears that started to pour out.

- Don't hold back, you can cry...its better to let it out...Harlee, your history shows that you are attracted to men with power, intellect and drive for control...that's why

i think that deep down you were attracted to Agent Stahl... - He handed me a handkerchief with fatherly aproach.

- You mean that i liked Stahl? - I couldn't believe my own ears.

- What did you feel when you had encounters with Stahl? When you had to use his obsession? - His piercing wise eyes were staring at me waiting for my answer.

- I...felt...God,you're twisting everything around...- I grabbed my head feeling completely lost.

- Answer to yourself...did you feel disgust? - His monotonous voice was crushing my skull.

- Yes!And No! I can't describe it...- I remembered the first time i resorted to kissing him. I didn't feel repulsed. His passion was so obvious and extreme. It was like i

touched fire with my bare hands. I pulled away from him,trying to catch my breath.

- Ms Santos, i think our first session is very usefull for you. You have to come to terms with yourself and get rid of the shame that you are bearing...next time i...

- There will be no "next time", Mr. Lattimore! You are messing me up even more! Thanks for nothing! - I stood up abruptly, not letting him finish his sentence.

He didn't say anything while i made my way to the door. He knew that it would be better to keep his mouth shut.

Woz was furious. Christina was trying to convince me to go again but i stood my ground. That therapist made me question my sanity more than before. I decided

to cope with it alone like i always did. I spent the night trying to fall a sleep. I tried everything - counted sheep, visualized relaxing scenery,read some kind of book

about animals. I just didn't want to take a pill, because i thought that i would see Stahl. But it wasn't about the effect of that pill. I was fooling myself. When the

clocks struck 2 am, i went to the bathroom. My redlection in the mirror horrified me. It wasn't me. I lost a lot of weight and dark circles under eyes got so big that i

looked like a zombie. And that big messy curly hair of mine was the only thing that still stayed the same. Stahl made Gina wear a wig, so he could pretend that he

was having sex with me.

- God Dammit, Stahl! - Rage boiled over and i took scissors starting to cut my hair, just trying to make my bushy hair disappear.

- Harlee, poor soul...losing control over yourself... - Soothing voice, so familiar to me cut silence.

- No... - My voice cracked. I saw Stahl standing in the doorway totally intact and with a smirk on his face.

- Yes, it's me...you keep calling me...so im here... - He walked right up to me.

- Don't do this to me! Stop! - I felt my knees buckling.

- I'm not doing anything, Harlee...it's you who is holding scissors - He stepped closer with an innocent face.

- I will kill you if you... - I put scissors right to his neck. My hands were shaking.

- Do it...you know when someone really decides to kill somebody, he doesn't warn that special person...- Stahl smiled at me like a child who was playing his favorite game.

- Stahl...you're not real...its just a dream...- My mumbling was so pathetic.

- Im real for you, Harlee...- He streched out his hand and touched my hair.

- Please...go away... - My head was spinning.

- Your hair is you...its your embodiment...wild,messy, sensual and free...- I could see tenderness in his eyes.

Stahl slowly laid his hand on my scissors and gently put it down. He made me turn around and look in the mirror.

- That's my girl...- My reflection was staring at me with my curly hair totaly intact like i didn't cut it.

I woke up abruptly with a book in my hands.