I was constantly reminiscing the moments i had with Stahl. Desperately trying to collect the crucial things,that my handler told me. I couldn't fail. It was "do or
die" for me. The memories filled my mind. Awful amount of stress that i went through because of Stahl was unforgettable. If only somebody else from FBI was
assigned to me.
That blond nurse couldn't even imagine who she saw. Thomas...what a stupid name. Polite...how could people be so dumb. Stahl could be so nice when he needed
to. Sure women fell for his good looks and manners. They couldn't see that massive black hole in him. I had a "privilage" to see the whole extent of it.
The moment came when I had to act as if i was completely lost and broken(well it wasn't far away from the truth). The bug that Woz gave to me became my
lifeline. I knew that Woz was ready to record everything that Stahl would say,when i activate the bug.
Time was passing so slowly. It was a torture. Being in the room alone...without Melly. Her bed was eerily empty,constantly reminding me that she was gone. At
night i would have flashbacks of my life before i met Stahl...happy times. Harlee Santos was doing her thing with no visible consequences. Well,every good thing
comes to an end. Surprisingly, i didn't see Stahl in my dreams. After my mind took in the fact that i saw him in flesh and blood, it seemed to stop the endless trail of
nightmares with him in the main role.
Dr. Gleeson called me the next day. He looked calm and collected as usual. I sat down in the armchair,waiting for another so-called therapy.
- You look so concentrated,Harlee. - He was examining my face with professional precision.
- Yes. I'm concentrated on my future recovery...i want to make it work. - My mind was generating Half truth as always.
- It's so nice to hear this. I know that a recent tragedy shocked you,but i can see it didn't break you. - Dr. Gleeson took off his glasses and wiped them off,thinking
about next questions to ask.
- Almost did. I want to forget about the person who made me this way...the man who ruined my life. - I dropped my head down to look as sad as possible.
- It's not possible,Harlee. You can't erase memory,but you can learn how to detach yourself from him. - Doctor's voice was full of confidence and compassion.
- If i do it,i will be free,right? - I looked up at him with hope.
- Of course,Harlee. - He gave a soft smile.
- But if i recover from my obsession,i won't be affected in any way,if i see him again? - My head was full of questions about Stahl.
- Harlee,obsession comes from a very lonely place. The Person feels empty inside and incomplete,if he doesn't have someone by his side. It means that you need to
have somebody...somebody who won't be unreachable,who won't reject you. - was navigating me.
- I understand... - I nodded,thinking about how delusional Doctor was. In Stahl's case it couldn't be further from the truth. He couldn't be with somebody in that
normal sense of the word. He wasn't able to love,even if that person was ready to love Stahl.
- Harlee,what about your nightmares? - Doctor opened his big notebook.
- Lately I didn't see him in my dreams... - I sighed with relief,omitting the fact that Stahl visited me.
- This is a major step forward. - He wrote something and looked at me approvingly.
I gave him a weak smile. The rest of a therapy session he spent mumbling about ways to deal with my fixation. He said i had to keep a diary. I was nodding to
everything he was saying,while thinking about how i should react and behave,when Stahl comes.
The day for visitors came again. I hid the bug in my pants. My nerves were going wild. What if he didn't come? What if he saw me one time and it was enough for
him? What if i had to wait for weeks until he came again? I looked in the mirror and saw fear in my eyes. My face was sunken in,my curly hair got longer and thiner,I
lost a lot of about my appearance was showing what an "amazing" time i had lately. I was pacing around the room,waiting for the blondie to walk in and lead me to
the visitor's room. But she wasn't coming. There were only 3 hours left for visiting. I started to pray for luck,which i didn't do since my teenage years. I needed to see
Stahl. I had to see him.
Two hours passed. One hour was left for visitors and i was shaking in despair. Where was Stahl? Why was he hesitating? Damn,i was on the edge of breaking down.
- - ,come with me. - The door opened and the head nurse walked in with her stern face.
I felt shivers. Memories of her,trying to revive Melly in the bathroom burst in.
- Come on. - That nurse had a very loud and deep voice.
My legs moved forward with a lot of effort. The head nurse took me by the hand and led me through the corridor. Everything seemed like a dream. My body became
numb and the only thing that i could feel was nurse's rough hand,pushing me forward. She opened the door to the visitors room.
- Go. You have a visitor - The nurse hissed at me impatiently.
I walked in. My heartbeat was drumming in my ears.
A man in a familiar black suit and a snow white shirt was sitting at the table. His light brown hair was perfectly smooth as usual. For a moment i felt deja vu. The
same rush of terror kicked in,just like the first time me and Stahl were sitting in front of each other,while he had all the evidence to lock me up,if i refused to
cooperate with FBI.
Stahl sat motionlessly,staring at me with his snake eyes. He wasn't blinking. I stopped breathing for a moment. It seemed unreal that he was there. I couldn't fully
realize the fact,that it was a real Stahl and not my conscience,wearing his face.
Silence was so loud in that room. I had to sit at the table,but my body was rejecting the orders of my mind. Stahl was like a monument. I couldn't see any
emotion in his eyes. Finally,i started to regain my composure. "Let's start the performance" i said to myself and walked up to the table, letting him see,that my legs
were shaking. He needed to see how weak i became. I sat down in front of my nightmare. The only thing that changed in his face was the way his nostrils flared. He
was as nervous as i was,but he was the best at keeping a poker face. We were staring at each other as if we didn't need words to communicate. His cold blue eyes
were examining me almost with the same precision that Dr. Gleeson had. I bet he saw all the changes in my appearance and relished every new wrinkle,every new
gray hair,every lost kilo. I was trying to find the changes in him, but Stahl looked the same,only his skin wasn't as fresh and glowing as it used to be. The aging
prosess was unavoidable even for Agent Stahl.
Our staring contest seemed to be going for hours by then. He knew me too well,so he needed to be sure that i was broken. Finally,I decided to move.
I scratched my nose nervously and looked down,showing him how weak and lost i was. He was still silent. I looked up and noticed that he leaned closer.
Stahl's eyes changed. His pupils were dilated with excitement. Inside i smiled victoriously,because it ment,that He took the bait.
Suddenly he stood up,not breaking eye contact with me. Stahl was looking down on me literally and metaphorically,making me feel small and worthless.
The lump in my throat let me know that it worked on me. Psychologically i wasn't the same Harlee Santos,but i wasn't broken like he thought i was.
Stahl exhaled theatrically and walked to the door. I couldn't believe that it was it. He didn't say a word to me.
- Robert... - My mouth generated his name out loud without my permission.
Stahl stopped. 2 guards in the doorway were waiting for him to walk out.
I stood up,staring at his back. "Turn around...please" i was mumbling inside. But Stahl wasn't moving. He just froze in place.
The tension in his posture was palpable.
- Time is up. Visitors should leave. - One of the guards broke oppressive silence.
Stahl's shoulders shuddered and he walked out,closing the door behind him.
I felt excruciating pain in my temples. The walk back to my room seemed endless. I couldn't understand what happened or i was too afraid to admit,that seeing me
lost and weak could break Stahl's interest in me. He wanted strong Harlee. He craved fearless woman, who matched his intelect and snaky cunning. The old Harlee
was the source of that special thrill. What if it was the end? I would never be able to get out of here...
- Four chocolate frosted donuts and 2 coffee...- Stahl was ordering at the counter. I looked around. It was the same bakery,where i told Stahl that he was handsome.
What a stupid thing to say about that monster.
The smell of coffee and fresh bakery was almost real. That girl,who was flirting with Stahl brought donuts and coffee. Her wide smile and blushing cheeks couldn't be
more infuriating. Stahl hardly looked at her,leaving her a tip.
- Harlee, will you continue to stare at me or you will have some donuts with hot coffee? - His tone was sarcastic. He streched out his hand to give me
a cup of coffee.
- I don't want your freaking coffee! - I hissed with malice and pushed his hand,making him drop the cup.
- Such a shame. - Stahl tilted his head,taking a chocolate donut.
He was looking at me,while chewing. Those cold blue eyes were laughing at me.
- Stop it! - I slapped him in his face.
- Harlee,if you're not hungry,it doesn't mean that i'm not. - The venom in his tone was obvious,though the words were meant to sound like a joke.
- You won't get away from me! I will get your ass in prison! - I lost any sence of composure.
- Your brilliant plan didn't work out and you are taking it all on me...- Stahl squinted his eyes,licking chocolate off his lips.
- Because you think that you're the smartest person ever. - I crossed my arms,trying to stop my hands from shaking.
- I'm not interested in you anymore...this is something that you can't accept...- His voice was soaked in satisfaction.
- No!You are just testing me,that's it! It's not over,Stahl...- I leaned on the counter as if i was about to fall.
- You need time to deal with our break up...you're not the only woman in my life anymore...- Stahl gave me a wicked grin and started to leave.
- Don't you dare,turn your back on me! - I desperately grabbed him by the hand.
- Now you know how it feels to be rejected...- He stopped and looked at me. I noticed a lot of pain in his cold eyes.
- You will come back...you will...- My voice sounded pathetic and weak.
Stahl sighed and gently touched my cheek.
- Deal with your fate,Harlee...and let me go. - He put his hand on mine to loosen my hold.
- No...i won't...never. - I whispered,trying not to cry.
- So i guess,now you are the one who is obsessed,Harlee. - Stahl took off my hand and winked at me victoriously.
His tall figure walked out of the cafe,leaving me trembling from anger,despair and pain.
- It's not over!It will be over when I say it's over! - I screamed at the top of lungs.
I opened my eyes and saw familiar hospital ceiling. My pillow was drenched in my cold sweat.
- No. - I gritted my teeth and histerically groaned in my blanket.