AN: I'm sorry for having published in a while, I've had such a tight schedule with school and stuff. And I had birthday the 24thmarch, it was awesome. I got four of the hundred books and I love it! I didn't feel like writing, and it kind of bothered me, but I know that I should put me first. Because I learned that I'm important, and that I have to take care of myself. I just don't want to push myself to write when I don't feel like it anymore. I want to write whenever I feel like it, and I will, because I love writing.
It was morning. The sun was shining through Madi's curtains. She couldn't sleep anymore, but she didn't know what to do. She just wanted to stay in bed all day. As she reached for her phone on the night stand, she groaned. The clock was only 7 am. Madi was a morning person, and when she woke up, it was hard for her to go to sleep again. But this time, she wanted to sleep more than anything. She was so tired, and she didn't want to leave the room. She managed to close her eyes, but not fall asleep.
Minutes later, she still laid in bed. Not being able to fall asleep. She just wanted to be away from this reality and in the dream world where everything was perfect. She couldn't fall asleep, and that's what kept her up. The little brunette started breathing heavily. A few breaths later, her tears started streaming. It felt like she was choking, of air, of pain… of something horrible.
She sat up against the wall, helping herself try to breathe normally. But it didn't work. When she got out of bed, she nervously walked back and forth while breathing heavily with her mouth. As she couldn't calm herself down. She quietly opened the door and walked carefully to the bathroom, in an attempt to not wake up Lexa and Clarke.
When the little brunette locked the door, she started sobbing. This was one of those times when Madi would just have a mental breakdown and don't know what to do with herself. She couldn't stop crying out loud, but guessed none of them heard it since it was early in the morning. It just got harder to breath and the pain was worse. Her heart beat loud and heavily, but beat faster as a knock made itself heard. Madi didn't say anything but she tried her best not to cry.
"Madi?" a voice asked on the other side of the door. Madi heard it was Clarke. Madi still breathed heavily. "Is everything okay?" the blonde asked with a gentle tone, but Madi could hear that she was worried. It went a moment and Madi didn't answer. She didn't move either. She didn't do anything. "Can I come in?" Clarke asked the little brunette but she didn't get any response. All Clarke could hear was that Madi sniffed her nose.
"Look… I know it must be hard for you… I can understand that. And you're maybe not used to getting comfort… It's different... and scary" Clarke began, Madi was listening. "But I want to be there for you. I want to comfort you and care for you when you are sad… you're not supposed to cry by yourself, it's just heartbreaking… It's not how it's supposed to be…" Clarke said and swallowed. Thinking back at the time when she was extreme depressed. And when she didn't want to let anyone in, because she thought no one would understand. It went silent for a few seconds. It was dead quiet that Clarke could hear Madi got up from the floor and made her way to the door. The little brunette slowly locked up the door. Clarke carefully opened the door, finding the sad teenager with red eyes.
Clarke's heart broke. It was so heartbreaking. "It's okay" Clarke embraced Madi. Madi did not wrap her arms around Clarke, but she did let Clarke hold her. Madi started sobbing and it broke Clarke's heart even more. The blonde ran her fingers through the little brunette's hair and tried to calm her down. "Crying is good" Clarke said. "Do you want to go downstairs and watch a movie? I can cut some fruit for us"
Madi slowly removed herself from the blonde. She let a little smile show and nodded. The little brunette felt safe with Clarke. Madi came yesterday… but that moment with Clarke… that's when she started to feel safe. It's hard to explain, but it was like… this was meant to be… like Madi was supposed to be here with Clarke. Clarke smiled at the brunette and caressed her shoulders. That touch made Madi smile. This was so new to Madi, having an adult care for her… a stranger… it was just so different.
Madi waited in the living room while Clarke was in the kitchen. 'Things are going to change so much.' Madi thought. 'It's going to be new and different' she thought more. 'Different is good. Right?' Madi frowned a little. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She started imagining her life here with Lexa and Clarke. Coming home every day from school… getting to share to Lexa and Clarke about her day. Not isolating herself in her room but actually being able to get comfort when she cries. Watching movies instead of doing homework. Play board games than watching Netflix. Be with Lexa and Clarke instead of being alone. Everything was going to change.
"You're up early" Lexa said as she got down from her last step on the stairs. Madi looked back and smiled at the brunette. A few meters behind them was a glass wall, and the sun shined in. It made Lexa's hair and her crystal green eyes shine. Madi turned her head back at the TV as she saw Lexa pick up a remote that made some kind of modern curtains cover the glass wall. It got darker in the room now, but Lexa turned on lights that was built in the ceiling and dimmed them so they were shining weaker. "Good morning" Lexa smiled as she sat next to Madi. The brunette hugged Madi, but Madi did not her hug back, but didn't push her away either.
"Did you sleep well?" the brunette asked. Madi swallowed and tried to avoid looking the brunette's eyes. Madi's eyes looked at the brunette, making Lexa know that Madi was insecure of what to say. The little brunette's eyes slipped back to look at her fingers that were nervously playing with each other. "I couldn't sleep" Madi looked at the TV, avoiding Lexa's eyes. Lexa noticed that Madi swallowed. She kind of swallowed the thing that got stuck in your throat when you were about to cry.
"Why is that?" Lexa asked carefully, letting a little smile show to make Madi feel comfortable. And she did. "I… think too much" Madi said. But this time it was like she wasn't sad, scared, happy or anything. It was like she was totally dead inside. It kind of looked like she shut her feelings inside, so she wouldn't cry. It was just what Lexa did when she was in foster homes. She locked up her feelings inside because then it was easier to talk. And live. Because feelings made everything so complicated. But really, they just help you.
Since Lexa didn't know what else to say. Lexa told Madi something. "Hey, did you know that I have been to a foster home too?" Lexa asked. Madi looked at the brunette and waited curiously to hear more. "Well, I have been to many different foster homes… and they weren't nice" Lexa said. "After my third foster home, I was sick of crying… so I locked my feelings inside and kept them for myself. I didn't get any love. And I thought it was good, because at that time, I thought love was weakness"
Madi pressed her lips together. "Love isn't weakness" she said with a low voice. Lexa smiled at the little brunette. "No, it's not. Love is strength" the brunette said. Madi nodded in agreement. "I may not have gotten so much love at home… but I got lots of love from my friends. They are like the most important people in my life. They are my family" Madi smiled. Lexa nodded. "Family isn't always about blood, but about those people you feel so much love for, just like they were your family"
Madi nodded. "It's like you're not afraid to argue with them… because you are not afraid to lose them. Because they're family" Lexa smiled at what the little brunette said. She was right. "You are right. You know that?" Lexa was impressed by the teenager's words. "You know, I sort of think I was lucky. Even though I went through a lot of hard stuff, I finally found a good foster home. And they adopted me" Lexa smiled.
Madi's eyes sparkles. It was like a thin layer of tears appeared. Madi wanted to get adopted, but didn't know how to form the sentence. She didn't want Lexa to think that she was desperate to get adopted by her and Clarke. "How are they? Your family" Madi asked. Lexa smiled because she thought about her family. And she was glad Madi talked so much. "They're amazing. They welcomed me with open arms. And they were patient with me… they understood me. Even though I had lost all hope and I was completely … cold. They still smiled to me and talked to me with a calm voice. They didn't get mad at me. They were understanding people. And I love them so much. My parents actually moved back from France not so long ago, you should meet them"
Madi nervously swallowed. Whenever she had to meet someone close to a person that was close to her (Lexa and Clarke were kind of "Close" to her since she would be living there now) Madi got super nervous. "Whenever you feel you're ready" Lexa added as she noticed how Madi reacted. Madi exhaled in silence of relief. "I should go and call them" Lexa rose up on her feet and quickly smiled at Madi before heading to the kitchen.
"Good morning sunshine. You're up early" Clarke beamed at the brunette. Her eyes were greener than ever. The blonde gave Lexa a sweet kiss. "Morning beautiful" the brunette smiled and looked for her phone that was on the kitchen counter. "Have you told your parents about us fostering Madi yet?" Lexa turned and looked at the blonde who was chopping fruit. "Yes. I called them yesterday while you were in the bathroom" Clarke said without looking at Lexa. "I wish I had talked to them face to face though, because they had so many questions and kept interrupting me whenever I tried to talk" Clarke found plates for the fruit and moved them over to the plate.
Lexa nodded while thinking. She grabbed her phone that laid on the counter and dialed her mother's number. "Hey mom. I'm sorry for calling you so early but I was wondered if you, dad and Anya could grab some lunch with me later" the brunette bit her lower lip and smiled as the blonde carried plates with fruits out of the kitchen. "okay, what about 1 pm?" Lexa waited for her mom's answer. "Good. See you" Lexa said and hung up.
After hours had passed the clock was getting close to 1 pm. Lexa got dressed and said bye to Clarke and Madi who were still wearing pajamas. It seemed like Clarke and Madi were going to stay in pajamas all day. Clarke did have a lot of lazy days where she would just sit in all day. But she also got a lot of visits by her friends and family that kept her with company.
When Lexa stepped inside the walk-in-closet in the hall she just had to smile. Oh, how much she loved the walk-in closet. She thought a little about clearing some space for Madi's stuff, but she could spare that thought for later. She took on her shoes and looked for her black thin coat but couldn't seem to find it. She looked at all her coats and jacket, but it wasn't there, before she took her second round on looking for her coat, a blonde came running to her while carrying a black coat.
"Here you go honey. You left it in the kitchen" Clarke pressed her lips to a cute smile and studied Lexa. "Thank you" the brunette smiled and laughed when she noticed that Clarke studied her. "What is it?" the brunette asked with a stupid laugh, curious why Clarke studied her so much and made it so obvious. The blonde slowly looked up at Lexa with the most beautiful smile that was glued to her face. "You look so beautiful" she said softly, and smiled even more as the brunette smiled. The brunette embraced the blonde and hugged her tight. "I love you" the brunette softly said, still not letting go of the blonde. Clarke smiled, her heart beat faster and she could feel that she was getting warmer. Those words have been said so many times but It still sent shivers and good vibes through her body. "I love you more" Clarke pulled herself out of the hug and pulled Lexa in for a sweet enjoyable kiss. Lexa waved at the blonde and closed the door.
Lexa drove to Café Niy in excitement. Turned up the radio and sang her heart out. A few minutes later, she pulled outside the café, and hurried out the car as she saw her family getting out of their car. Anya wore a crop top, didn't mind that it was only spring. But Lexa had to admit that it was hot outside, but a little chilly because of the wind. If that's a word. Lexa waved as they looked at her and Anya half-ran to Lexa. Anya messed with Lexa's hair. "Hey!" Lexa said with an annoyed tone, Anya always did that. Anya just laughed and grabbed Lexa's hand and dragged her inside. Angelica and Roger just shook their heads and laughed at their daughters. Smiling because they were such good friends… or sister.
"So, is it something special you want to tell us?" Angelica excitedly asked, she leaned on the table. Lexa looked at Anya and roger who were just as excited to hear the news. "Clarke and I live together now…-" Lexa began, and she was about to tell them about Madi, but she got interrupted. "oh my god, that's great!" Angelica clapped her hands together and grabbed Lexa's hand. Roger smiled and nodded. "That's nice" he simply said. Lexa turned to face Anya who was sitting beside her. Anya had her mouth open.
"Oh my god… you guys really are settling down?" Anya said with a proud smile. Lexa nodded. "I'm happy for you. Clarke is a wonderful girl… and I trust her" Anya nodded. Lexa widened her eyes. Anya had serious trust issues and she didn't trust most people, she didn't even trust Lexa before a whole year had past. "Wow… I… thank you so much" Lexa smiled. Anya nodded once again. Lexa turned her head back to her parents.
"and there is something else I've been meaning to tell you" Lexa started. "Oh my god you proposed" Anya said, Roger and Angelica's eyes widened with a huge smile. "What, no?" Lexa said quickly to remove their crazy thoughts. It was too much commitment too early. "Clarke and I…" Lexa prepared them. Finn came behind Lexa and Anya to take their orders, just close enough to hear them talk.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Anya shouted. Lexa frowned. "Oh my god, no!" Lexa said with an annoyed tone, mad that Anya had to say it out loud. "CLARKE IS PREGNANT! I KNEW IT!" Anya said even louder. "Anya shut the fuck up!" Lexa leaned closer to Anya and 'shout-whispered'. Lexa gave Anya the 'stfu' stare, or known as 'the killer stare' and Anya shut her mouth. "Sorry" she whispered.
Finn made his way back to the counter and was confused. Is Lexa pregnant…? Is Clarke pregnant…? His mind was running wild. He hadn't really talked to Lexa and Clarke in a while, just had some small boring conversations with them when they were at the café. Guess they were starting to lose the contact.
"I'm not pregnant. Clarke's not pregnant. We don't have any plans of getting pregnant. It's not about pregnancy… but it is about a child" Lexa began and continued as she saw the confusion in her family's eyes. "Clarke and I are fostering a teenager" Lexa said. Roger and Angelica's eyes widened. "Wow… You just moved in and now you're fostering a kid? Not just any kid, but a teenager?" Angelica asked rhetorically. "Yeah, this is kind of wild, Lex, even for you" Anya agreed. "You just moved in together, do you think it's a good idea to bring a child between you?" Anya asked just as rhetorically as her mother. Lexa frowned at them both and looked at Roger, the only one who didn't say his meaning. "What do you think?"
Roger uncomfortably shrugged his heavy shoulders. "W-Well… A child… a teenager is a lot of responsibilities to take care of… and you and Clarke just moved in together… you don't even know if it will work out … and it's going to uncomfortable for Madi if you guys argue or break up or something…" Roger said, pressed his lips together and crossed his arms. Lexa shook her head. "Guys, Clarke and I have spent so much time together, we were basically living together, she was at my house all the time and spent the night at my place. We know how it is to live together, we have even gone to the grocery shop together…"
Everyone were quiet, they had Lexa's attention, this was one of those times when Lexa would convince them all that she made the right decision. "And… I love Clarke… I think I'll never want to break up with her…" Lexa said, just realizing that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Clarke. And that was big, but she couldn't say that now. Lexa sighed when she saw that they weren't convinced.
"Look… I know how it is to be in different foster homes… I've been in a lot of… horrible foster homes… and I didn't feel safe in any of them. And I kind of… lost myself … I gave a piece of myself to every foster home I've been to… and I never got it back… and when I came to you guys, I had lost everything, I had lost myself… I had nothing left… but you understood me, you welcomed me with open arms… you made me feel safe even though I didn't feel safe at the start. I don't want Madi, or anyone for that sake to live in a crappy home… and I don't want to take the risk to send Madi away to another foster home… because you really don't know if they are good people or don't. But what I do know… Is that Clarke and I… have a loving and safe home… and Madi seems like a lovely girl… but I do see that she has lost herself, even though she has only been in one home…" Lexa exhaled, tears gathered in her eyes and started to roll down her rosy cheeks. She wiped them away and swallowed. "S-she need my help, my love… she needs me…" Lexa's voice broke and Anya couldn't stand watching Lexa like this.
Anya scooped closer to the crying brunette and embraced her. Lexa had such a good heart. "You do what you have to do, sis" Anya said. "I support you" Anya smiled at Lexa. The brunette smiled back and looked at her parents. "I think you're doing an amazing thing here, honey" Angelica smiled. Roger nodded. "I agree"
Niylah came and beamed at them all. She for sure looked happy, but why? "Oh, are you okay, Lex?" the blonde walked over to Lexa's side and placed a hand on her back. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay" Lexa waved her hand in the air and laughed a little. "I'm more than okay" she added. Niylah smiled. "good"
They ordered lunch, and talked and talked and talked.
"I'm home!" Lexa said when she entered the penthouse. She noticed it was extra shoes here, but figured it was Madi's. As she walked in to the living room, she found Clarke sitting alone on the couch. "Hey, honey" Lexa sat beside Clarke and kissed her on the cheek. "Hey babe" Clarke smiled and put down her cup of coffee on the table. "I told Madi that she could have some friends over, hope it's okay" Clarke smiled. "Of course," Lexa said and sat down. "I think it's good for Madi to be with her friends, you know, since she seems so happy around them… and she talks, and laughs… it's just wonderful"
Lexa studied Clarke, she was so beautiful. "What?" Clarke asked without looking at Lexa, she was scrolling on her phone, not bothering to make eye contact with Lexa. "I love you" Lexa smiled when she saw the blonde beamed and turned her head to face her. Clarke didn't say anything, but her smile said a thousand words. Clarke looked behind herself, checking if Madi or her friends were there but they weren't. Then, she slowly leaned in for a kiss. "I love you more,Lex" the blonde said and wrapped her arms around the brunette.
AN: Did you enjoy chapter 38? Let me know by leaving a review. Follow and add to favorites, it takes a few seconds but makes me smile for days. Thank you for still reading and being so patient. See you in a bit.