I was pleased. Over the moon in fact. Beyond proud, when she finally became a qualified midwife. Though I knew something would have to give. Things would change. The eternal optimist in me hoped that it wouldn't be our relationship, but deep down I always supposed it would. For a start off, she'd be moving out of the nurses accommodations, away from me. She'd no longer be simply across the hall from my room. Patsy assured me nothing will change. I knew she really believed that. It did though, inevitably.

I started seeing less of her. I never once blamed her. Blame never even factored into it really. What with my night shifts and her early starts, it was unavoidable. I lived for the moments that we could see each other. If being together wasn't difficult enough, a stolen moment here, and there, but the lack of physical contact was the most challenging of all. I don't consider myself a jealous person, but I began to envy my fellow work colleagues. When I saw them stepping out so freely and openly with their chaps. Watching a kiss even being planted on a cheek made me feel forlorn. Pathetic really, but I longed to feel my Patsy's lips touch my cheek. Even for a brief moment, would be something. I knew she felt the pinch too, but she is far greater at holding her emotions together than I am.

One particular Thursday, We both had the evening off. I was practically skipping around the ward. Even with a full bed pan in my hands. I couldn't get to the coffee bar fast enough that night. I can not explain the feeling that washed over me at seeing her figure in the distance, leaning against the wall as she smoked her cigarette.

'Pats?!' I called out with so much unfiltered joy in my voice.
Hastily, she dropped the half smoked cigarette with complete abandon. Radiating such a smile as she spoke my name. Grabbing my hand tightly, I could feel her warm skin against my rather cold palm. Her soft fingertips began to rub gently over my knuckles. Well that was until two other coffee bar dwellers decided to leave at that very moment, and she let go of my hand faster than I could blink. The pair didn't even acknowlege us as they walk past until Pats mumbled, 'Good evening.'
My heart sank but I was used to it by now. Once they were out of sight she finally lifted her head to look at me again. Shaking mine, I continued on inside with her close behind me.

Sipping my milky brew, Pats began to talk of life at Nonnatus house. Speaking of another case of the missing Battenberg cake. I began to zone out. Not because I was uninterested. I was never bored with what my Pats had to say but I had missed her being so close. Okay, she was just sitting opposite me. Trying to act casual in a stiffened pose. Almost adorable really if it wasn't so very heartbreaking. I began to focus solely on her lips. Her full, plump, delicious looking lips. I so wanted to lean forward and capture them with my own but I didn't. She began to notice that I was staring and shifted in her seat.

'Pats?' I asked my voice laced with desire that she easily recognized instantly.
She'd heard that tone many times before. A little smirk appeared upon her perfect lips, but faded rather to quickly when she remembered we were still in the coffee bar. My heart sank again for the second time that evening. She had a sly glance around hoping that I wouldn't see but I did. I couldn't let that go without a little jibe. There was being careful and there was being ridiculous. She was being the latter.

I said as much, 'I didn't know the fine people of Poplar can now read minds!' To which she frowned feeling foolish, I'm guessing.

'Deels.' She replied her voice apologetic. It wasn't like I was sitting in her lap! (Now there is a thought!) Anyway, I gave her a deep sigh.
We'd been sitting there for half an hour, and not so much as 'I've missed you' or 'Shall we take a walk?' crossed her lips:

There is a rather discreet ally way near by. Not the most romantic, but when you've had zero touch, it feels almost poetic. The converstation began to turn back to a suitable coffee bar disucssion. The topic now was the music hit parade. Don't get me wrong, I love music. Adore it even, but what I adore much more is Patsy's hands wrapped snuggly around my waist, while she's kissing me. I needed her touch. Craved it. Reaching out I cupped my hand over hers. Her hand was held for seconds until she retracted it. I couldn't bare it any longer and stood to my feet.

Watching me with mild panic, she followed me, 'Ready for our fish and chip supper?'
I wasn't. I had lost my appetite.

Walking along the ally way, I slowed my pace in the hope that she would redeem herself. Make a grand romantic gesture now that we had some seeming privacy. With each cobble stone I walked over, it was becoming apparent that she wasn't going to take me in her arms and kiss me. She glanced at me, twice in quick succession. Did she really want me to make the first move? Yet again? Ordinarily I would of been more than happy too, but not tonight. Tonight I want her to make the first move. It shouldn't always have to be me should it? Looking up at the night sky, no kiss came.

With only Pats having a cone of chips, I remained quiet. Unusual for me and she noticed. She kept offering me a chip with a big smile. Taking only one, we continued to walk back to the nurses home, with her making light chatter, and occasionally nudging me with her elbow.

'Are you not hungry?' She smiled down at me, and every trouble that was rattling around my mind could of melted away but they didn't. I only shrugged off her question stating it was tiredness. I was tired. Tired of her not being just that little bit braver, when it came to showing me more affection. I understand we have to be careful, but most girls, who are friends. Link arms when walking down the street. I haven't seen her for days and just a few loving words would keep me going until we had the next night off together.

I'm not sure if she wanted to sneak up to my room, but I didn't give her chance. I stopped outside the main doors.

'Night Pats.' I told her rather deflated walking away, and she grabbed my arm tightly stopping me in my tracks.
The way she looked into my eyes, I could of sworn she could see right into my soul.

'I'll think of you all through the night.' She whispered in my ear. Her breath sending a tingle throughout my whole body as she kissed my cheek. I could not hide the wide grin that took over my whole expression as she walked away. Watching her go into the distance I believe she took my heart with her.

A/N - I have often wondered, what prompted, Delia's 'living like ghosts' comment, in series four: So after reading all your wonderful works, I decided I would try and write some of my own. There will be quite a few chapters. Thank you!