Beth made a shopping list a few minutes after Jack left for work. She wanted to make them both lunches and meals every day to save money.
She walked out to her Jeep and made her way to the grocery store that was pretty close. She bought food for dinner, breakfast, and lunch. She bought coffee, creamer, and milk. She bought salad mix for her own lunches at school and a few roasts, chicken, pork, and beef. Then she stocked up on veggies and fruit and grabbed a bottle of wine and some brie and crackers for the next time they took some time for just them.
Then she drove home, unpacked her groceries and cooked a pork loin with Brussel sprouts.
Once the food was in the oven, she sat down on the couch and called Julie.
"Beth! Why are you calling? Are you still in Vermont?"
"Nope. Came back this afternoon. Jack got called into work."
"Oh. How was your honeymoon?"
"It was perfect."
"Good. What did you guys do when you weren't holed up in the suite?"
"Julie."
"Are you saying you weren't?"
"No. We did do a lot though. We went rock-climbing and zip-lining, for instance."
"You, Beth Thatcher, now Thornton, climbed a wall attached to a tiny cable? You strapped a harness on and rode fifty feet up in the air?"
"Yes I did. It was my idea too. It was scary but a lot of fun."
"Wow. Unbelievable."
"Enough about me. How's Tom?"
"Good."
"Just good? I can hear the smile in your voice."
"Yeah, he is amazing. I love him, Beth. A lot. He supports me and I feel safe with him. I know he won't ever hurt me or Lane and that's important."
"Of course it is. I'm happy for you, Jules. You deserve a good guy and the Thornton men are some of the best."
"I agree. So how are you handling Jack being gone?"
"You know, it's hard. I miss him and I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep without him next to me but I suppose I need to get used to it."
"Will he work nights all the time?"
"His schedule will vary. He could work all day, or all night. He could be off one day but get called in. It's up in the air."
"Are you worried?"
"Yes. Jules, when he strapped on his bullet proof vest, I felt both scared and grateful. I'm so thankful that he will be safer with it on but I'm so scared that it won't be enough. But I can't tell him that. He needs to stay focused on his job and not worry about me and how I'm doing."
"You're so strong, Beth. You are going to be just what he needs for the rest of your lives."
"That's very sweet of you to say, Julie. I'm going to try very hard."
….
She read, or tried to read, a book for a bit before she went to bed. Her mind kept wandering though. She wondered if he was safe. If he had eaten dinner. She wondered if he was at some dangerous stakeout or if he was just sitting somewhere drinking coffee. Did he miss her? Somewhere in the back of her mind, she supposed he did, but she hoped she wasn't in the forefront of his mind. She needed him safe.
Before she knew it, it was 6:30 am and she heard the door open into the condo. She said a quick prayer of thanks that he was home safe and then got up to make him coffee.
She walked out into the kitchen but didn't see him. Then she peeked into the living room. He was sitting on the couch, running his hands through his hair. She didn't say hi. She just finished making coffee and poured his milk into it before taking it out into the living room to give it to him. She walked over to him slowly, placed the cup down on the table, and kissed the top of his head.
Then she left him alone, going in to take a shower and get ready for her day.
When she came back out of the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed, still in his uniform, but had put his gun away. "Hey, Beth."
"Hey yourself."
She pulled out a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans from the dresser and stuck her hair in a messy ponytail.
"Thanks for the coffee."
"You're welcome, hon. How was work? Or if you aren't ready to talk about it yet, that's ok too."
"It was about what I expected. I went on patrol for a few hours and some other things."
"Did you eat dinner?"
"Yeah, but around midnight. I am pretty hungry."
"Well, why don't you go take a shower and then come to the kitchen? I made roast pork with Brussel Sprouts."
"Ok, but can you just come here for a second?" He stood and opened his arms for a hug.
"I'm glad you're home, babe."
"Me too." She detected a bit of relief in his statement, as if something dangerous had happened that he couldn't tell her about. It could have just been in her imagination though.
It wasn't. Jack knew. There had been a hold up at a party store in a bad part of town. He had gotten a first-hand look at how bad things could be out in the real world. Yes, he had watched news reports and action movies in the past, but real life, when he was one of the officers on the scene of a violent crime, was completely different. Good thing was, at the end, no one was dead and they had arrested the suspect after a short chase on foot.
"I love you," she told him with a kiss and then she left the room to make him a plate.
He came out a moment later in just his boxers, making her heart beat faster. "Babe, can you cut my hair before I take a shower?"
"Sure thing. Have a seat, love." She put his plate in the microwave, potatoes, Brussel sprouts and roast. Then she grabbed the clippers from the hall closet and a towel for around his shoulders. "Ok, do you want it short like I did before?"
"Yes, please."
She put the towel around his shoulders and then she started buzzing. It was done in less than five minutes and then he was able to eat his food.
Around 8:00am, he crawled into bed and slept hard.
Beth finished her lesson plans for the next day and she called her parents and Charlotte just to say hi. Then she ironed Jack's uniform, made lunch, and waited for him to wake up.
Just as she was about to go check on him, mostly because she missed him, he walked out. "Hey, Beth."
"Hey. Did you sleep well?"
"I did."
"That's good."
"But, I missed you." He wrapped his arms around her waist and sighed into her hair.
She was relieved because she missed him too. Falling asleep without him the night before had been hard. "How long before your shift?"
"Four hours."
"Perfect." She smiled and grabbed his hand leading him down the hall.
….
The next morning, Elizabeth left the condo before Jack got home. She left him food in the fridge, knowing he would probably be starving and then headed to Diamond Charter Academy downtown. She was shadowing Florence Blakely and she needed to be there before the students.
As she pulled into the lot, Jack called. "Hi, honey."
"Hey. Thanks for the sandwich. I appreciate it."
"Sure, of course. Um, hon, I need to get inside. I think lunch is at noon if you want to call me."
"Where are you today?"
"Diamond Charter on Fifth. Love you, babe. Talk to you soon."
At noon, he showed up in his uniform with a bouquet of wildflowers and a bag of food in his hands. "Jack? Hi! What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you." He handed her the flowers and kissed her briefly, aware that there was another teacher in the room. "I thought maybe we could eat lunch together?"
She looked at Florence. "Miss Blakely? I'm going to go eat lunch with my husband. I'll be back in thirty."
"Ok, dear. Don't be late."
"I won't." They headed out to her jeep and got in. "Mmm. This smells great. What did you get?"
"Italian. Spinach and ricotta ravioli and some rolls and a salad."
"Oh my goodness. This is wonderful. I'm glad you're here. I didn't think I was going to see you until I got home around four."
"I actually need to be to work at one."
She watched him eating his food while watching their surroundings. "Honey, did you sleep when you got home?"
"For a couple hours."
"You look exhausted," she said, touching his cheek. He leaned away from her hand.
"Do you want the salad?"
"If you don't, I'll eat it for dinner."
After another five minutes of silence, he shut the takeout container and kissed her cheek. "I need to go. I'll see you about one am. Did you get a chance to wash my uniform?"
"I'll do it and iron it when I get home." He got out, put his hat on his head, and looked around. "Thanks for lunch and the flowers."
"You're welcome," he said with a slight smile.
"I love you, Jack."
"Love you too."
She thought about his reaction to her touch. Leaning away was certainly not something he had ever done before. She had read, however, that police officers are really careful in public about showing affection. They were always on alert and always being watched. It came with the territory. She just needed to get used to everything and for now, she needed to concentrate on her studies.
….
He got home around two and she didn't get up. She waited for him in bed. She could hear him using the microwave to heat up something and then he came in to the bedroom and removed his gun, placing it in the safe. Then he grabbed something from the dresser and went in to take a shower.
Finally he came out of the shower and headed into their closet. "Are you awake?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Where's my uniform?"
"Oh! Shoot. I completely forgot. I'll wash it now."
"You said you were going to do it this afternoon."
"Yes. I'm sorry." She walked over to the hamper and picked out both uniforms that were in there and headed to the laundry room. He followed her and watched her. "What did you get on this, Jack?"
"Its probably blood."
"I have no idea how to get blood out." She walked into the bedroom and picked up her phone and googled it. "White vinegar? We don't have that. I'll use cold water and soap," she mumbled.
She scrubbed gently at the spot and then added it to the wash with the other one. Then, since she would be up for the next few hours waiting for the wash, she went out and made some tea.
He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. "Beth?"
"Yes."
"I don't like this."
"What the milk?"
"No. This. Us never seeing each other and when we do, we don't talk or touch."
"I don't like it either but it's our life. We have to get through it." She didn't mention the fact that she had touched him earlier and he leaned away. That still stung a bit.
"I don't work tomorrow until five pm. Do you have class?"
"Yeah. Until three."
He sighed and drank his milk. "Let's go to bed."
"I need to stay up now so I can put your uniforms in the dryer and then press them."
"Please, Beth? I need you close."
She walked over to him and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He reciprocated, holding her tightly against him. He picked her up and took her into the bedroom. "Don't let me fall asleep, Jack."
….
She woke up to her alarm. "Shoot!" She slipped out of bed and ran to the laundry room and shoved his wet uniforms in the dryer. She had fallen asleep. He sat up as she ran back in the room to get dressed. "Babe, you have one uniform pressed and ready. I just put the others in the dryer."
She walked over and kissed him. "See you about 3:30. Love you."
….
To spend his day, Jack headed to the gym at the station and worked out for awhile and then he asked about getting more uniforms. They said three was the limit but that they had a service that launders and presses uniforms so he could take advantage of that if he wanted.
He signed up for it so that Beth wouldn't need to worry about it anymore. One less thing would make it easier.
Then he went home and took a nap, trying to catch up a bit. The last almost week had been rough.
She walked in about 3:30 with soup and sandwiches from the deli.
"Jack?" She didn't hear him but he could be asleep. She peeked in the living room. Yep, sound asleep, sprawled on the sofa. "Hon. Better wake up. Work soon."
"Hmm?" he asked and then rolled over.
"Wake up. I have dinner and you need to get to work shortly."
"Wait," he said, grabbing her hand. "Stay with me."
He moved over and she laid down so they were laying face to face. "Hey," she said, kissing his nose. "You look rested."
He put his hand on her hip and pulled her closer yet. "We need to make time, just like this. I don't want us to forget to just be together."
"Like bringing me lunch at school?"
"Yeah."
"Jack, why did you come to see me, kiss me, bring me flowers and food, and then lean away when I touched you?"
He thought back to it. "I was in my uniform. I was trying to get myself geared up for work."
"So that means I can't touch you?"
"No, I'm sorry, Beth. That doesn't mean you can't touch me. I'm struggling with getting my mind in tune with work and being completely different with you."
"Jack, I read about that and I get it, it just stung that my new husband didn't want me to touch him." She sat up and wiped her cheek.
"I wanted you to….I don't know how to explain it."
"In public we need to act differently?"
"Yeah. If I'm in my uniform, I need to be respected so I need to turn off my wants and needs and focus. I'm sorry. I know its hard."
"Yeah. But I get it." She got up and walked into the kitchen. "Babe, I have food. You need to eat before work."
He walked in and watched her dish out food. "Beth."
"No, nevermind, I am still confused. You walked in to the school, in your uniform with brightly colored flowers in your hands and kissed me in front of someone else. Why do you do that and I can't touch your cheek?"
"I saw you and at that moment I didn't think. All I knew was I missed you and I wanted you to know."
"I miss you too and I'm lonely, Jack. You are my best friend and my husband and I've never felt lonely before like this."
"I'm sorry, Beth." She nodded.
"Ok. I need to do homework. Have a good night at work."
She kissed his cheek and then left the room.
….
That evening, she heard a knock on the door. She wasn't expecting anyone so she took a look in the peephole.
"Who is it?"
"Beth Thornton? I'm Hanna Wagner. Our husbands work together."
She unlocked the door and instantly wished she wasn't in her PJs. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting company. Let me go change."
"No, no. It's fine. However, your eyes tell me you're having a rough night." Beth knew her eyes must be red and puffy.
"Yeah. Do you want some coffee, Mrs. Wagner?"
"Sure, but call me Hanna. My husband Rick told me that you and Jack just got married."
"The day after Christmas. So eleven, almost twelve, days ago."
"Ah, to be newlyweds again."
Beth didn't say anything to that. She just prepared coffee. "Do you take cream and sugar, or milk?"
"Black is good for me, thank you."
"Did my husband send you here?"
"No. I've never met Jack. I try to get to know my husband's new rookie's wives. Typically they are young and lonely and could use a friend." Beth made her own coffee. "Sound familiar?"
"Yeah." She pulled a tissue from the box and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "I knew it would be hard but I never imagined this."
"Ricky and I have been married twelve years in August. I remember our first few weeks well. I guess the difference is I was used to him being a cop because he had been on the force a few years when I met him. So I understood what I was getting into. That didn't mean that I wasn't lonely for him, though."
"Jack and I grew up together. We were just friends but he was my best friend. When we finally decided after we graduated high school to try to date…it was amazing. He never failed to make me feel loved and beautiful and wanted. Now, it's completely different. He's so different."
"Your Jack is still in there. You just need to remember that this is new for him too. Ricky told me a few times that in order to stay focused on their job, which is important and can be dangerous, they can't be distracted. They have to learn to shut off emotions and feelings. The things they see, Beth. If they allowed themselves to feel sadness or concern or anything, every cop would quit a week after they start. So, when they get home, they need time to turn back into our husbands and our children's fathers. It can't happen instantly."
"I know that. I try to give him time. I let him come to me when all I want is to just be with him because that's what I need. I feel so selfish."
"You're human and a new wife and a woman. All of those things make it hard to want anything but our hunky husbands."
Beth laughed. "He is that for sure."