When I finally awoke, the red headed nurse was gone. She had been replaced by the woman who calls herself my Mam. Her concerned face worn with worry as she smiled, 'Cariad?'
'What time is it, Mam?' I call her Mam because it does seem to please her when I do.
'A little after 9 o' clock, Cariad.' She began to fluff up my pillows as I sat up, covering a yawn. 'Think you'll be up to eating all of your breakfast today?' She sighed pouring me a fresh glass of water.
Ignoring her question, I wanted to know where the nurse had gone. 'Mam?' I asked, before she delicately placed the rim of the glass to my lips for me to take a sip. I could most likely hold the glass myself, but I thought it best not to mention it. 'Mam? Where did that nurse go?'
'What nurse Cariad?' She replied, checking the bruises on my forehead.
'That nurse with the pretty eyes.' I told her as she halted her movements, 'She was here earlier.' I nodded waiting for a reply.
Pretending to busy herself with the water jug. I asked her again. 'Mam? She has red hair.'
'Patsy? Cariad?' She seemed to flinch at her own words, as joy had over taken my smile. 'Patsy.' I remembered with another gleam.
'She was here you say, Cariad?' There was that frown again.
With a nod of my head, I wondered when she would see me again. I enjoyed talking to her and she didn't keep asking me how I was doing every second. Wanting to speak more about Patsy, I was interrupted by another nurse entering into the room. Carrying a tray of food and a glass of orange juice. She certainly did not have the same kindness in her eyes as Patsy has.
Eating the rather cold porridge, I pondered what my favourite breakfast could be.
What did I actually like to eat. I did however recall, Patsy telling me that I had not lived in Wales for quite some years. So would my Mam really know what I liked on a day to day level, because people, I've just realised can change just like that. Just with a click of the finger. I really must remember to ask Patsy, what it is I like; I would of much preferred Patsy bringing in my breakfast, but she must be busy caring for others in the hospital.
As the hours dwindled away, I found myself just staring up at the ceiling to the blistering paint flecks. I felt lost, as if I were a piece of driftwood caught along with the tide. With no place to go. Just floating upon the waters waves; I had another spell, as Mam calls them. I wondered why I had no recollection after my breakfast. When I awoke, Mam was holding my hand. She looked as lost as I felt, sitting there next to me. I squeezed her hand as tightly as I could. I wanted to show her that I was OK. She seems to think that once we are back home again in Wales. That things would all get back to normal.
I didn't feel much like my dinner but I pretended I was eating as I waved my Mam goodnight. As soon as she was out of sight, I pushed the plate of potatoes and whatever kind of meat it was away from me. Letting out a rather loud sigh, I lay back down. I was starting to like my Mam's company. She was very caring and kind of funny when she wanted to be. She was also a much needed distraction from trying to figure out who I am.
I started to close my eyes when I heard someone entering into my room. It was only when I heard the familiar voice of the caring nurse, Patsy that I sat up in haste.
'I thought someone was asleep.' She smiled, taking the seat that my Mam only left moments ago. 'Are you not hungry, Deels?' She asked very sweetly as she eyed the full plate of food.
Only smiling, I found myself looking her up and down. She was wearing a lovely dark green jacket with a matching skirt. She resembled one of those girls that you see in those glossy magazines. She looked amazing. I just had to tell her so, 'You look nice.'
'Thank you.' She avoided looking into my eyes as she replied; she must be very humble receiving compliments too, because it looked like she may of been blushing. 'I've just left Fred and Violets...' She paused shaking her head, 'I will not, for now Deels, tell you of people you do not recall.' Patsy reached for my hand. She certainly had softer skin than my Mam.
'That is what I said yesterday.' I found myself smiling wider as I pulled her hand closer towards me.
'So...' She paused taking a deep breath. 'What about this food?'
'I just didn't want it.' I shrugged.
'Well, Deels. I just happened to have brought you something you may indeed want.' She reached for her bag with her free hand, 'One red apple. Your favourite kind and a box of your absolute favourite truffles.' She smiled as she presented me with the small red box tied with a red ribbon. Along with a shiny red apple. I just stared firstly at her then to the chocolates.
'I thought you needed a treat.' She added watching me closely.
'I have a favourite kind of chocolate?' I was amazed considering I was only wondering what food I like to eat just a couple of hours ago, 'I wanted to ask you that very question Patsy.' I smiled at her.
'What chocolates you prefer?' She arched a questioning eye brow as I began to laugh again.
'No. Just about food in general.' I let go of her hand to open the lid of the chocolate box. They did smell rather delightful. Offering one to the kind nurse first, she gladly accepted with a thank you, as I popped a truffle into my mouth. It was much nicer tasting than my cold breakfast.
"As for the answer to your question, Deels. It is rather a tricky one." She pondered, glancing to the left while she did so, "You do like chocolate, but your preference is more towards baked goods. The cake of choice being, a custard slice and you find walnut cake completely abhorrent." She nodded with certainty before she continued, "We do love to dine in Poplar's finest fish and chip shop. You simply can not even
so much as glance at a chip, unless it is smothered with marrowfat peas." The way she giggled held me most captivated.
As I held out the chocolate box for her to take another piece, I uttered the first thing that came into my head, 'I could not remember your name again today. I asked, Mam. I said, what is the name of that nurse with the pretty eyes...' I began to tell her until she started to cough. Spluttering upon the half chewed chocolate, I quickly passed her my glass of water. Taking a small sip, she looked at me.
'Are you alright?' I leaned forward to pat her back. She really did look rather startled. I hope I had not upset her again. It seems I have a habit of making her want to cry, 'I'm sorry.' I blurted out as she had another sip of water.
'What do you have to apologize for?' Her eyes locked upon mine.
'I really didn't mean to forget your name.' I explained. 'When I do the same to the man, I forget to call, Pa. He always has to quickly leave the room. Mam said he has returned home to Wales today to get things ready for me. They have a dog, did I tell you that?'
'Do they?' That is when she started to cry. First it was only a few tears rolling down her cheek as she continued. 'I'm going to miss you Delia.'
I stared at her. I could not take my eyes from her weeping form. I did not know what to do, that is when I felt a pain shoot across my head. The room became dark and I could feel my body shake. I heard Patsy's voice call out my name; when I finally opened my eyes, the pretty nurse was still there and I still remembered that her name was Patsy.
She was holding my hand tightly in her own, her skin felt hot to the touch against my own palm. Her head was bowed, pressed up against my arm. The look of pure relief she gave me when I finally whispered out, 'Patsy?' In truth, I don't know why I felt the need to whisper. Maybe I'm just tired. I did feel a little worn out.
'Delia?' She brought my hand up to her lips and I watched, as she kissed the back of my hand over and over again.
As I made a move to sit up, she stopped me, 'Just try to relax. Don't make any sudden movements.' She soothed, while I lay back quietly.
I could tell she was anxious, she tried to hide it upon her expression but it was clear to see in her blue eyes. It seemed as if she wanted to tell me something. She would glance at me for a long moment before turning away hesitant. Her mouth would part slightly but no words would come. Why would she be reluctant to share things with me, are we not best friends? I couldn't help but feel was she hiding something from me. She's reserved, yes. Demure in a charming way but my heart almost felt like it ached with the thought she was holding back. I guess I am reading too much into the little things. I should be used to my brain playing tricks on me. Sighing louder than I intended, she fixed her gaze on mine.
'Would you like a sip of water?' She smiled.
'No. Thank you.' I continued to stare at her.
'Are you bored? Perhaps I could read something to you.' She rambled now, 'You did always love it when I read to you.' Now this captured my interest and I told her so, 'You've read to me? When?' My smile grew wider at the thought.
'Oh.' She touched her face self-consciously, 'Poems and such. I guess it's not important now.' She dismissed.
It was important, to me at least. It was a memory of mine that I did not have. I was beginning to realise that I did not like being kept in the dark. I could feel my mood changing, my smile disappeared and I could not look at her for a moment longer. Friends should not keep secrets from each other and the nagging doubt I had earlier, told me she was doing just that. I may of had a knock to the head but I'm not stupid. I knew she was holding back from me. Just when I need honesty the most.
'I could go find a book from somewhere? I can not guarantee it will be a good read.' She gave a chuckle that did not sound genuine.
'I guess it's not important now.' I repeated her own words back at her with a frown.
'Delia please.' She pleaded.
'I need a friend who is willing to help me, help me patch up all of my broken memories; do you know how angry I feel? Do you have any idea what it's like to look into your own mother's face and not have even a flicker of recognition of who she is? You're supposed to be my best friend and I could pass you by in the street and not know you on one of my bad days. I feel so scared, Patsy. Everytime that door opens I'm
petrified when someone new walks in because it's another face I simply don't recollect.' I ranted while she cried. I did not want to hurt her with my words but it was how I felt.
'Deels, if I could take this nightmare away, don't you think I would?' Her words sounded stronger than the fear that was inside her eyes, 'Do you think I can bear it? I have to stand by and watch your mother take you back to Wales, when I know you belong here. There is so much I want to tell you, believe me but I have to ask that you trust me.' As I stared into the windows of her soul, I did. Trust her. Her eyes gave me an inner strength everytime I looked into them. She just had a calming effect on me and in that moment, some of the fear had left me.
'I trust you, Patsy.' I nodded, patting the bed beside me. It looked like she needed a big hug and I know I did.
I watched as she climbed upon the bed. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her tightly. Without uttering a word, she seemed to instinctively know what I was thinking, as she lay down besides me. It oddly felt like she belonged there. Right by my side.
A/N - Thank you again. More soon. x