I cried myself to sleep in the back of the motor car, so the journey didn't seem all that long to me. Mam on the other hand did nothing but complain. All I could think about was Patsy. I had kept the red ribbon from the box of truffles she had brought for me. I held it inside of my coat pocket. For some odd reason, I did not want my mam to see it. Holding tightly to this ribbon, I felt like I had a little piece of Patsy with me.
Sighing loudly, I could feel myself becoming restless. "I'm thirsty." I called, louder than intended. I knew I sounded like a spoilt child but I guess it was my act of rebellion for dragging me home to a place I did not know.
"We're almost home, melys pys." Pa replied sweetly.
I opened my mouth ready to ask how he could know that, considering we have only driven past fields and trees for the past ten minutes. When I frowned in confusion as he began to talk to me in a language I did not understand.
"Yn chi llwglyd, melys pys? Gan fod eich mam mae gan coginio a hyfryd stiw ar gyfer chi."
I stared at the back of his head blankly, as mam piped up. "Don't be confusing her. You know she's not ready for that yet!"
"How do you know unless we try?" He shook his head, "Delia has always been as bright as a button."
"That was before her head has been cracked half open! You wouldn't listen to me, would you. Letting her go off to London!" She snapped as they began to mutter back and forth in Welsh.
It was obvious they didn't want me hearing anymore of their conversation. It was very strange to hear my parents bickering about me like I was not there. I, for one am glad that he is not treating me like I am simpleminded. I get the sense he is acting how he normally would around me. Just like Patsy did. She never made me feel like I was foolish or less than for not remembering the simple things. It is frustrating enough without pity from your loved ones.
I began to wonder what Patsy could be doing right now? Is she thinking about me too? I feel a loss inside. As if I have left something behind, a part of me perhaps? But that can't be right can it? I am unsure. One emotion that is clear to me, is that I am missing her. My stomach feels twisted into a tight knot. Should I really be pining for her this much already? After all it has only been a few hours since I last saw her.
When we finally pulled up outside of the house, where I would be made to live for god knows how long. I sighed. The house itself looked nice. Well cared for and kind of cosy, but it was still all unfamiliar to me. That is when I realised I have no real place that I can actually call home. I have no home that truly feels like mine. Drawing in a steady breath, I tried not to dwell on things I could not change. Instead I'll concentrate on the kindness of my parents. I would not like to seem ungrateful for all of their efforts.
Eager to stretch my legs, I got out of the car and was hit first of all by the smell of lavender. Peering over the wooden fence I could see a long row of purple flowers swaying in the breeze, as mam placed a loving arm around my shoulder.
"Welcome home, cariad." She smiled, giving me a firm squeeze.
With a wave of his hand, dismissing us. Pa uttered. "You girls get inside. I'll take care of the bags and boxes."
Guiding me down the long path, mam could not hide the smile on her face as she led me inside. "It won't take long to get you settled in, cariad."
My own smile widened as a large dog came over to greet us. Wagging his tail at quite a speed, as he jumped up to lick my face. "Ruffy. Get down!" Mam shouted, as I petted this friendly mutt.
Still under mam's gaze, as I fussed the dog. She smiled wiping at her eyes. "You've always loved that dog." She shook her head sincerely.
"He's lovely, mam." I told her, "Aren't you? Aren't you?" I spoke to the dog wrapping my arms around him.
Taking a hold of my hand, mam led me into the kitchen. "Don't you be tiring yourself out, cariad. As soon as you've had something to eat, it's off to bed with you." By the look she gave me, I knew it would be a waste of my time if I tried to disagree.
So for the next hour I sat obediently at the small kitchen table, eating a stew cooked by mam. It was the best thing I had ever tasted. I savoured every bite, even having an extra slice of bread to go along with it. This pleased mam, who hadn't really took her eyes from me the whole time. She certainly never smiled this much back in London. I believe the kitchen to be mam's favourite place to be in, because it looks the most lived in. The sitting room is immaculate, and not one cushion is out of place. In the kitchen the well used pots are all hung upon the wall and Ruffy the dog has a bed near to the back door. Where is he currently sleeping off his own meal of leftover beef.
Mam did most of the talking about local people in the neighbourhood. I just nodded and smiled when it was needed. The thought of having to remember all those names was enough to give me a headache. I was only too glad when it came time for me to retire upstairs for a rest. It is hard to describe the feeling of stepping into a strange room that your parents call your bedroom. It was just how I imagined a bedroom should look, full of hallmarks and little personal touches to showcase a persons personality. But it wasn't just anybody's personality. It was mine. I was the one that had added all the things that were found in this room. The trouble is I don't remember her. Who is she? Maybe I can find out.
Taking a seat upon the neatly made bed, I glanced around the small room. It was clear that she was a big reader, I mean that I must be a big reader. The bookcase that was against the wall, was full of many books. There was also a chest of draws, but I didn't feel like looking through that yet. Looking around, I suddenly felt out of place in my bedroom, I needed to feel grounded. I needed something that I could be sure of. Then I remembered, my red ribbon from the chocolate box. My reminder of nurse Patsy. Wrapping it around my hand, I thought about her and her pretty caring blue eyes.
With a shaky breath, I hugged my knees against my chest. My heart began to pound and the only other noise I could hear was the sound of a ticking clock. Which made me feel even more isolated. A creeping sadness seemed to be swirling around in the pit of my stomach. I was lost in every sense of the word. Breaking down into tears, I must of cried myself to sleep.
Mam said the journey home must of worn me out because I slept until the sound of the birds outside woke me up the next morning. I didn't tell mam that I felt emotionally exhausted. I could not find the right words to express what I was feeling, so I remained quiet. Eating breakfast went in the same manner as yesterday's lunch. Only today I wasn't quite ready for a nap and I made a few suggestions to mam about taking a walk or helping her around the house, but she was firm I needed rest. I was feeling bored and had slept all day yesterday. With Ruffy the dog at my heel, I went to sit outside for some fresh air in the back garden. I could hear raised voices coming from the kitchen. Mam wanted to go into the village and pick up some food but Pa was needed at his draper's shop. The bickering did not last long and I'm guessing mam won because she came out to see what I was doing and she was wearing her coat.
"Cariad? You'll catch your death out here." She strode over to me.
"The sun is shining," I sighed. "Mam, you and Pa don't both have to watch over me." I huffed. I didn't need to be watched over every second of the day.
"You heard us, did you?" Mam had the trace of a rye smile on her lips. Maybe I had done something like that before?
Reaching for her hand, I held it. A feeling of security flooded me. "I'll be fine mam."
"What if you have one of your spells, cariad?" She shook her head, her voice full of concern.
"Can I come along with you then?" I smiled. I would like to see more of Wales. Mam has given it quite the build up.
"I have far too much to do today, cariad." She stroked my hair with her free hand, "You stay here with your Pa and rest." Kissing the top of my head, she went inside. Not before adding; "Don't you get sitting out here too long. There is a nippy chill in the air."
Once mam had left for the shops, I asked Pa if I could look through some of my belongings. I needed something to occupy my mind.
He is a short man, just a little bit taller than mam but he carried two heavy boxes of books and music records to my room with no trouble. After he placed them down upon the top of the bookcase, he looked at me for a long moment.
"Now I don't want to ask you if you're alright, melys pys. Because you're too much like your mother in that regard. You both hate fuss, but Delia you can talk to us. Even your mam. About anything, it must be very difficult being home again." He nodded, rubbing a hand against his chin as if he was working through in his mind what he wanted to say.
Even though he was indeed correct, and I was finding it all so very difficult. I just could not mention it. His eyes seemed sad enough, his upbeat demeanor could not disguise the sadness housed there.
With a shrug, I asked about something else I had heard. "What is a draper's shop?"
"Ahh, the Busby business." He nodded proudly, wrapping an arm around me. "Many a past Busby have been proud drapers. Proper retail merchants. We sell the best fabric and cloth you'll find in all of Wales."
"You own a shop?" I said with complete surprise.
Pa smiled, with a faint chuckle. "You use to help me out on Saturday mornings, when you were a girl. You could talk the hind legs off a donkey, with anyone who came in."
I had no idea what that meant but it made me smile all the same. As he continued. "I somehow knew, even then that you were meant for greater things than handling woven pieces of fabric. You've always cared that little bit extra. You've always felt the need to make it all better." He gripped me tighter.
I felt as if he was talking about someone who I wasn't anymore. I couldn't say whether I'd ever be that person again. Stepping away from his grasp, I picked up a book that was on top of the pile. I did not want to talk anymore and I think he understood when I needed space.
"I'm only downstairs if you need me." He smiled. Leaving me too it.
I flipped through the pages of the hard back book, but I could not understand the words written inside. Moving on to the dansette, I clicked open the turquoise turntable but I found the same problem there. I couldn't understand how it worked. Feeling like a bit of an idiot, I gave up and lay down.
A/N - I hope the Welsh translation is correct. Here is what was spoken in English.
Melys pys - Sweet pea.
Yn chi llwglyd, melys pys? Gan fod eich mam mae gan coginio a hyfryd stiw ar gyfer chi. - Are you hungry, sweet pea? Because your mam has cooked a lovely stew for you.
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