The next few days went by and if I wasn't sleeping. I was sitting outside in the backyard with the dog. Mam won't let me do much else, but rest. She handles me more carefully than her bloody porcelain ornaments, she has displayed in the sitting room. She's scared incase I crack, or worse. Break. That is when my anger rears its ugly head and I feel like shouting. Not at mam particularly, just at the situation I guess. It's hard when you feel like your on the outside, looking in on your own life.

How can I tell mam that, 'I am already broken. I don't even know who I am.'

I can't and what would be the point? It wouldn't stop her constant fussing. Okay, That is my temper talking. I would be very lost without her help and support, but I do need a bit of my own space. She was very happy to tell me; 'at least the bruising is fading around your pretty face.'

One thing I look forward to is a letter from Patsy. I listen closely to each word mam reads aloud for me. Patsy speaks of life in London. The weather and how she hopes I am keeping well. The part that always strangely makes my heart skip a beat is when she mentions she is thinking of me. Oh, how I miss her.

I sometimes get Pa, to re-read me the letters when he comes home from working at his shop.

I've woken up rather early today. It is barely even light out, but my eyes opened as if I had woken up this early many times before. Creeping past my parents room, who were still in bed. I made my way downstairs, where Ruffy whined as he greeted me. I did not risk boiling water for a cup of tea because mam might hear the whistling of the kettle. So I drank a glass of milk. With a sigh of boredom, I noticed Ruffy was scratching at the back door. About to slide the bolt open, when I paused. Glancing to his leather leash hanging up on a nail in the wall. I decided that I could take him for a walk myself. The same as Pa does every morning before breakfast. It would give me a chance to get out of this house without having to worry mam.

I attached the lead to his collar, as Ruffy happily looked up at me wagging his tail. "Come on, boy. Walkies." I smiled, letting myself out of the back gate.

The crisp morning air felt wonderful against my skin; with a deep breath, I set off down the lane. It was very peaceful and quiet and with each step I felt as if I was gaining more and more confidence. See, mam didn't need to keep worrying. I'm fine.

The further I went, the happier I became.

The little cottages looked very picturesque and I'm pretty sure Patsy would love this if she were here beside me.

Turning down a cobbled path way, I stopped. The feel of the stones under my feet felt strangely familiar and with this I had a shooting pain in my temple. Wobbling slightly, I needed to sit down. Grabbing a hold of a near by metal handrail on some steps, I sat down. Ruffy, ever faithful perched next to me licking my face. Running my hand through my hair, everything around me started to spin. Causing me to shut my eyes tightly.

"Mam?" I called, reaching out my hand for her. Then I remembered I was all alone.

I felt myself begin to rock forward, when suddenly in front of the darkness of my closed eyes. I could see Patsy. Yes. It was her. I called out her name but she did not reply and the scene kept moving on. Like I was watching a film or dreaming. Was I dreaming? It really was nurse Patsy and she was wearing a light blue uniform, with a sort of pillbox style burgundy hat. She was smiling at somebody as she placed down a brown leather bag. Removing her hat and quickly stepping out of her shoes, she glanced behind her as she called out my name. 'Delia?'

At the sound of Ruffy's bark. I snapped back into reality. Holding my head, I suddenly wanted to go home. Trying to steady myself, I got to my feet all the while the dog was whining and nudging me with his wet nose.

"It's all right, boy." I faked.

I tried to get my bearings. I looked around but everything felt foreign too me. Staring straight ahead to the narrow path, I wondered if I had just come up those steps? I did not know. My heart started to beat quicker and quicker. I was frightened, alone and lost. I wanted mam.

Tears began to trickle down my face and I sobbed. When I felt a firm tug on the dog lead, Ruffy had started to move. I began to sniff, as he barked. Looking into the dogs brown eyes, something told me to trust him. Follow him. So I did.

I let the dog lead me. His head turning occasionally as if he was checking I was still there and if I was alright. Trudging on behind him, with a thumping headache I was never so glad to see my parents house.

Dropping to my knees, I hugged Ruffy tightly. He had saved me. "Thank you, boy. Thank you." I kissed him over and over again.

Staggering my way around the back, I was met by Pa who dropped his newspaper at the sight of me.

"Delia?" He stammered, as I wrapped my arms around him sniveling.

"I took...Ruffy out and I got lost and...he saved me. He walked me back home." I spluttered through my sobs.

"Your mam is in the bath and still thinks you are in bed young lady," He reprimanded me. "What were you thinking? Going off on your own like that? Your mam would have a fit if she saw you." He tutted, leading me inside.

I sat down at the table, my chin still quivering as he handed me a hot cup of tea. "We can't tell your mam about this, Delia. I know you only meant well, but she won't see it like that." He rubbed his hand across his chin. I noticed he does that a lot when he is pondering something.

"Anything could of happened, and we can't worry her unnecessarily. Your mam has been through enough." He shook his head, getting out a white handkerchief from his pocket, that had a letter sewn into it. I had really upset him and his forehead was deep with frown lines. I felt terrible.

"Sorry Pa." I wiped my eyes.

"Sorry isn't good enough this time, my girl..." He stopped, and changed his deep tone. "Delia? Please understand that me and your mam love you more than anything on gods green earth and beyond. And the thought of you being in any harm is just too much for either of us to bear. You must promise me that you will never go off like that ever again. Do you understand me, melys pys?" He gently took a hold of my hand.

"Yes Pa," I nodded. "I am really sorry."

"Yes. You probably are, and I hope this has taught you a lesson." He kissed the top of my head, as he called over Ruffy.

He gave a firm rub, behind the loving mutt's ear, as he smiled. "Someone will be having a big breakfast. You clever boy. Bringing our Delia home."

"Sorry." I told him again, as Ruffy wandered over to me. Resting his head upon my knee.

"I know you are and we won't hear about it again," Pa began to start frying up some bacon. "We will have a nice breakfast and you my girl can go rest."

After a long nap, I went to sit with mam. She was in front of her sewing machine running up, what looked like cushion covers. Eyeing me with a suspicious glance, I was sure she knew I had been up to no good.

"These are for your auntie Blod, cariad. She wants to come down and see you soon." She told me.

As I watched her working away, an overwhelming sense of guilt came over me. Today I had acted rash and naively thought that I knew best. Going off on my own like that, with no thought for anyone else but myself. I had acted selfishly. Mam would be hurt and disappointed in me if she knew the truth. Thank goodness, my lovely Ruffy lead me back home.

I do not have past memories of her love and kindness, but one thing is for certain. I care for my mam very deeply. I am beginning to understand the meaning behind all of the worrying. It is all done with complete love for me.

Throwing my arms tightly around her, I kissed her cheek as she looked a little taken back. "What was that for?" She smiled at me.

"I just wanted to hug my mam," I sat back down, as I continued. "Mam what was I like when I was younger?"

With a bemused expression, she sighed. "Sometimes you could be a right little madam. Stubborn, headstrong and determined, you were. Always polite though. Oh, you'd come home with grazed knees and dirt all over your pretty dress, because you had to climb the hightest tree."

"I climbed trees?" I laughed.

"Yes. You'd go off exploring with the boys in the town. Ruffy by your side," She got to her feet, wrapping her arm around me. "Making me worry."

"Sorry." I told her and I meant it.

Staring at me with a look of mother's devotion, she held me tighter. "I only worry because I care, cariad." This I finally understood. "Why don't I finish this later." She continued. "Right now I think I need some help in the kitchen."

With a smile, I followed her.

With my sleeves rolled up, me and mam get stuck into baking some bread. Getting more flour over myself than in the mixing bowl, mam lightly chuckled before returning back to singing along with the wirless. I like seeing her so carefree and she has rather a lovely voice; a little give and take was the missing piece that our relationship needed. I've learnt my lesson regarding trying too much too soon but I know I can not rediscover myself by staring at four walls. Little steps, as mam has told me.

So I asked her. "Mam? Do you think I can go with Pa tomorrow, when he goes into work?"

Turning to me anxiously, rolling out the dough. She considered my words. "I don't know, cariad? What if you have one of your spells?"

"Pa will be with me and I'd like a change of scenery." I reasoned. How could I make her understand that I needed to feel normal. Not trapped like some bird in a cage, with a broken wing.

Taking a careful hold of her wrist, I gave it a gentle squeeze. "Please mam."

"You've always loved your music, cariad." She spoke again. "We used to sing songs together, and you'd sing in the church choir." I listened as she reminisced. I got the sense these shared memories were for her own comfort as much as mine. Then with a sudden nod, mam agreed. "As long as you're not too tired, you can go along with your dad."

With an excited gasp, I kissed her cheek.

A/N - Thank you for the wonderful reviews. They really mean a lot to me. More soon. x