For the next few weeks, everything is totally normal. I go to class, see David and MM, and tutor. Yes, even Killian. But we don't text, we don't get dinner, we don't see each other except at tutoring. Totally normal.

And it totally sucks. Maybe I hadn't realized how much I'd come to enjoy Killian's company but I felt his absence now like a lost limb. And I know I'm the one that pushed him away which makes it even harder to bare.

I miss him but I'm worried I finally pushed him away for good this time.

The Monday before thanksgiving break I find myself sitting at my brother's kitchen table, staring blankly out the window while David talks about his classes. I think. I hadn't really been paying much attention.

"Emma?"

I start at the sound of my name, swinging my gaze back to him. "Hmmm? What'd you say?"

"What's up with you lately?" I don't answer, giving a half a shrug. "Did you and Killian fight again?"

I straighten in my chair, "why would you ask that?" Did Killian say something about me?

He levels his gaze, watching me closely. "You two just seem very ... preoccupied lately. You haven't been yourself since Halloween and he's acting really weird." Weird how, I scream internally. After a pause that seems to last two millennia he continues. "You know he hasn't had a ...date in months," he says delicately, raising his eyebrows at the word 'date'.

Some confusing emotions swell inside my chest; confusion, hope, anxiety. "Oh, that's... interesting," I say lamely but inside I'm buzzing.

Silence falls between us while David watches me and I will him to say more.

He sighs, "if it's bothering you so much, fix it."

"Mary Margaret said the same thing not too long ago," I smile.

"She's pretty smart, smarter than me. I'd listen to her."

I roll my eyes a little but really, he's right.

"I'm afraid I can't fix it," I admit, toying with the handle of my hot chocolate mug, avoiding his gaze. "What if I fucked it up so badly he won't talk to me again?"

He just looks at me like he wants to say something but stays silent. After a few painful moments he seems to settle on, "I think you should at least try."

After leaving David, I sit in my car, phone in hand, tapping the black screen anxiously. I finally decide to pull up a new text and type a quick message.

'wanna meet for dinner tonight? I'd like to talk'

I hit send and hold my breath, heart racing, until a buzz announces a new text.

'sure love, why not'

We settle on Granny's diner and I drive straight there even though we agreed on a half hour from now. I picked Granny's because it has wonderful food and Killian said he'd never been there before. Okay and because I didn't want him to suggest Rogers and have the possibility of seeing Ulla. I'm only human.

I pull into a parking spot and wait for Killian anxiously, fingers drumming a hectic rhythm on the steering wheel. A few minutes pass and then a guy in leather pulls up beside my bug on a motorcycle. It takes me longer than I'd care to admit to realize it's Killian.

Popping open my door quickly, I exit the car and nearly exclaim, "you have a motorcycle?"

He pulls the helmet from his head and runs a hand through his hair, displacing the locks into his signature untidy look. "Obviously," he says, smirking, his voice on the verge of laughter.

I fold my arms across my chest, saying defensively "well I've never seen you ride it. You're always on the bus."

"It rains a lot here. I don't fancy taking a shower on my way to school or work."

I shrug, allowing it and gesture for him to follow me inside.

"You're rather early," he comments, falling into step beside me.

"So are you."

I pick my favorite booth to sit at, right between the air vents so the a.c. doesn't freeze you and right across from the spinning display of sugary desserts.

"I just can't stay away from you, Swan." His tone is casual, I'd almost believe it was a funny throw away comment from an over the top flirt but his eyes are too intense. They pin me to my seat, breath caught in my throat.

I'm saved from responding by Ruby, a waitress here, asking us what we want to drink. As soon as he turns to her, I drop my gaze to the menu and vow to keep it there until I have better control over my emotions, jeez.

"So what's good here?"

"The grilled cheese is my personal favorite but Granny makes a great lasagna and the burgers are cooked to perfection." I stop and laugh because I could go on and on. "I definitely have not tried everything on the menu," I say, heavy on the sarcasm.

He smiles at me as Ruby sets our sodas down. "Grilled cheese it is then with mozzarella sticks. Please," he adds to Ruby.

She jots it down, "same for you, Emma? Onion rings?" I nod and she promises to get it out quickly for us. I work on folding my straw wrapper into a tiny accordion.

Killian clears his throat and shifts so he's leaving over the table a little more. "You said you wanted to talk." I nod but don't say anything. "About any particular topic or did you mean just talk in general?"

I set the paper accordion down and steeple my fingers, leaning my chin on them. "First off, I'm sorry. You brought up Neal and I was surprised and reacted way too aggressively."

"Neal? Is that your first love?"

"Only love," I amend. "Yes, Neal Cassidy. We were together for almost two years. It ended ...badly and I don't like to think about it so I lashed out. I'm sorry." Ended badly is such an understatement I almost laugh.

"Then I'm sorry too, for bringing it up. I know I hated it when my old mates brought up Milah."

I nod sympathetically, stalling for time. The next bit is harder to talk about so I'm hoping our food will arrive and give me more time to sort out my thoughts. Ruby, ever the perfect server, delivers, showing up just then with our meals. She takes her time setting everything down and even chats with Killian a little.

Then of course I have to wait to talk until we've eaten a few bites. It's a crime to leave a melty grilled cheese sitting on a plate uneaten.

Finally, I take a deep breath and make myself talk about my feelings. "Killian," he looks at me, grilled cheese halfway from the plate to his mouth."I also wanted to talk about... well, why I push you away, I guess." He sets the sandwich down, giving me his full attention. I feel anxious and jittery, heart pounding too loudly. Just say it 'I like you and that scares me.' Just do it.

"Iiiee... After Neal, it was hard to trust or even like anyone. And I liked spending time with you. We understood each other right away and that scared me. It still scares me. So I push and I run when things get too real. And I don't like that I do it so that's why I'm telling you."

Okay fine so I didn't tell him the truth exactly. But it's close enough.

The silence stretches on between us. His eyebrows knit together and he cocks his head to one side, examining me.

"That might be the most honest thing you've said to me, love." He takes another bite of his sandwich then gives me a grin. "Alright. Can I have an onion ring?" He grabs one before I can come up with an answer through my bewilderment.

'Alright?' Alright what? Am I forgiven?

"This grilled cheese is amazing, Swan, you were right. But I'm quite looking forward to your brothers thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. My first real American thanksgiving."

As he begins talking about how weird the holiday is, I breathe a sigh of relief, deciding to take the win. If he's decided to forgive me, I won't look this gift house in the mouth. And now I have something more to look forward to on Thursday besides Mary Margaret's delicious pies.

A/n lol idk. Sorry I keep ghosting. I can't say I won't do it again but I promise I'll finish this story. A few chapters left. The next will be good