The Cure

by TeaDrop

Levi is in his thirties and yet is still haunted by the memories of his first considerate lover from college who suddenly vanished. Over ten years later Levi hopes a certain handsome man in a lab coat can meet the needs of his body and his heart. *MODERN AU

8. Chapter 8

))((

They had arranged to meet at the club the very next night, and when Levi entered, he was aquiver with excitement and nerves.

He had no idea what Smith might have in mind now that they'd actually slept together, and had come to know each other a little more as real people outside the club. What kind of scene could possibly compare? Perhaps Smith would simply get right down to it and fuck him again. That would be Levi's first choice. He wanted it again, to be wrapped up in those large arms…although…Levi needed to know his name. It had become an obsession, a nagging unknown that Levi simply couldn't ignore any longer. It was tonight, or not at all. He was going to confront Smith about it and get a straight answer. If not…he didn't really know. It felt like a deal-breaker at this point.

Levi took care to fold his clothes like normal as he got into the hospital gown. Smith liked him in this gown, he knew, so he smiled and hiked it up just a little when he sat down, to show off a strip of his thighs. His intuition turned out to be correct, for as soon as Smith entered the room, his eyes flicked down to Levi's semi-bared thighs. Levi openly smirked at him.

"Hello, Doctor." He said, nudging his legs apart suggestively. Smith gave a small smile, but his eyes smoldered at once, showing just how deeply that little gesture affected him.

"What a way to blindside me at the door." He laughed, though it was a little rough. "That's not playing fair."

That set the tone; this 'scene' was going to be far more informal than all their other ones. Levi wondered if what they were about to say and do would even seem like a scene at all.

"I don't feel like playing fair today." Levi stated firmly. "I'd rather play dirty…and rough…unless you have a different plan?"

Apparently thinking the same, Smith closed the door and walked up to the table, wrapping his hands around Levi's small hips and pressing their foreheads together. It was as if the very idea of immersing themselves completely in this as they had before was unthinkable right now, and they just wanted to be able to touch each other.

"You look so damn adorable in these." Smith tapped the black-rimmed glasses resting on Levi's face. "I swear they take ten years off you, and you don't look your age to begin with."

Levi growled, giving his head a little toss.

"Do I remind you of a saucy high school punk, maybe? Because we can always switch roleplays…you can be my teacher…"

From the deep breath and the pause that followed Levi's suggestion, Smith had to seriously put his brain back on track after a major derailing. After which, he chuckled and shook his head.

"One thing at a time. Right now, I'm your doctor. You're going to be the death of my professional career, you know." Smith whispered teasingly, and leaned down to kiss Levi's temple.

"Does that mean that we can do this my way today?" Levi asked, fingering a button on Smith's lab coat.

"Hmmm…I suppose one patient-led session won't be too bad, if that's what my patient wants."

The smaller man slid one leg around Smith's thigh, and curled his hands around Smith's shoulders.

"Do you know what else your patient wants?" Levi asked, kissing the front of Smith's coat reverently.

"A vigorous round of exercise, maybe?" Smith suggested, smiling and running his hands up and down Levi's back. "Followed by a gentle massage?"

Grey-blue eyes rolled back at the prospect, and Levi let out a sensual moan into the pressed white fabric.

"You are a god among men, Dr. Smith, if you're willing to do something like that after we 'exercise'."

Smith reached up to cradle Levi's head, and leaned down to press a sweet kiss on his lips. Levi pressed back, moving his lips and sighing through his nose at how wonderful it felt. Smith eventually pulled back to say,

"I'm willing to do anything to you. Anytime, anywhere, after or before, in any way."

Levi blushed darkly at that, and Smith traced the path of the blush with his finger; around the curve of his ear, down to his cheeks and then the side of his neck.

"I'll have to test your honesty on that point." Levi managed to whimper out, goosebumps breaking out over his skin at the light touch.

"You can start right now," Smith told him, kissing his ear, "what exercise do you have in mind?"

This felt so right. It felt so good. Levi wanted nothing more than to beg Smith to caress him and kiss him and make him quiver with pleasure again. Those hands were so warm and loving, and Smith's voice was kind, his entire presence was safe and inviting…but Levi couldn't let this happen, not with a huge uncertainty hanging over him during the entire deed.

"First things first, before we start all that," with an effort, Levi pushed Smith back and put some space between them, "I need to ask you something, and I'd like an honest answer."

The other man looked at him, expectant and patient. Levi mustered up all his courage and looked him in the eyes.

"Please…I know you told me to be patient, but I feel I have been. It doesn't matter how amazing our chemistry is, or how many times you make me lose control of myself. The fact is…I don't know anything about you, I don't even know your real name, and I…I want to. I don't just want you to tell me, I need you to. And if you won't, will you at least tell me why?"

Smith stiffened, an immediate wall springing into place, locking his secrets away right before Levi's eyes. It was something about the way his hairline rolled back noticeably from his face, the slight parting of his lips that told Levi he was reluctant or unwilling to answer. A long breath left Smith, sounding like a man who was deliberately trying to prepare himself for a monumental task.

His hands slid off of Levi's body, arms falling limply by his sides. He took a few steps back, and sat down defeatedly on the stool, making him feel so very far away. Smith took a few slow breaths, and rubbed one of his temples for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and guarded.

"I'm sorry, Levi. It's unfair that I found out your first name, I admit that. I didn't intend for the scales to be tipped this way."

A silence followed the words, and Levi made an urging gesture with one hand, discontent with the statement. It did nothing to give him answers.

"So what?" He asked. Smith jerked his head slightly, as if the question had been flung at him.

"I wasn't expecting to tell each other personal information for a while. Maybe not at all."

Levi didn't like how his heartbeat began to race quicker, anxiety beginning to tighten in his throat. He spit it out by asking,

"But you told me that you wanted to date if we could! We spent a night at a Holiday Inn after appearing together at a very public and prestigious event! If it was your reputation you were worried about, I'd say you proved that speculation false. Also, you drove me to my house, let my dog ride in your car, and held my hand the entire time. Your actions are telling me that you want something more than what we have, and if that's the case, why won't you tell me who you are?"

When Smith didn't answer, but began twisting his hands like a scolded child, Levi began to feel the heat of anger rise in him alongside everything else. He decided to go on, pouring out his honesty into the awkward silence.

"You may not have intended to learn my name, but you did, and I think the honorable thing to do would be for you to tell me yours. What do you think I'm going to do with your full name? Harass you at work? Hold a press conference to announce that you frequent a role play club? I just don't understand what you're afraid of, Smith!"

He stopped to take a breath, letting it out like a growl and shaking his head furiously.

"I hate calling you that, now."

Smith was looking decidedly guilty now, and was doing nothing to hide it. He wouldn't look at Levi, kept running fingers through his hair, or rubbing his face. Obvious signs of discomfort. But Levi just couldn't think why. When Smith spoke, it was very soft, almost frightened. Never had Levi heard him sound so fragile.

"Levi …you'll know who I am at once."

One black eyebrow arched, and Levi shifted on the table, paper crinkling familiarly.

"Is that such a bad thing? I don't know many Smiths, and even if I do realize who you are, if you're someone important, so what? Are you married with kids or something? Don't want the wife or the newspapers to find out?"

A little huff of laughter gave Levi hope as Smith dismissed that notion.

"No, I'm unattached or I would never have come to a place like this."

"That doesn't stop some people." Levi pointed out.

"Maybe not, but that's not my reasoning. I am…afraid…of how you'll react if you realize who I am."

Levi flung his hands in the air, and made a frustrated sound in his throat. His tone came out, exasperated, a second later.

"I'm trying to work with you, here, Smith. I really am, but I can't keep going like this. Here's the deal; either tell me who you are, let me handle it, and see where this relationship goes, or we forget names, and go right back to being nothing more than scene partners. I don't see any alternatives or fine lines. I don't even think I'd want to. In my opinion…we're too intimate at this point to stay complete strangers. If we'd only met up once or twice it might be different, but…we've grown attached. I need you to tell me who you are. I don't want to be unreasonable, but I don't think I'm asking for all that much. Do you think I'd even care who you are? Do you think that information will change how I feel about you?!"

He paused, catching himself. Those last words hadn't been planned, and they'd slipped out on their own. Recovering, Levi took a few deep breaths, letting his heart calm down before adding,

"I'm only this worked up because…I care so much. I…want to be with you, no matter who you are. I'd like to be your boyfriend, to have a real relationship. I haven't had that, or wanted that in forever, do you understand? And you've made me feel like you wanted it too. It's like you've sold yourself to me through all that you've done, but now you've…changed your mind. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Levi was surprised that he felt such emotion cloying at his chest as he finished, realizing he'd rambled on far longer than he'd intended to. His words seemed to have had an affect on Smith, as he was finally meeting Levi's eyes again and was sitting up a little straighter.

"I'm sorry." Smith said, still quiet but more firmly than before. "I know I'm being a bastard. I don't want to go back to just being scene partners either. I…would very much like a real relationship, too. At the same time, I truly am frightened at this point that you won't…once you realize who I am."

There was a very long pause, in which Levi felt like something in him was breaking apart. At the same time, he felt himself hardening to stone. It was just too much; he'd poured out his heart to Smith, and even that had not been enough.

They were getting nowhere.

Levi stood up, and walked across the room to the chair. He began pulling on his clothes under the gown, not speaking a word. Smith watched helplessly until Levi had dropped the gown onto the chair, and was buttoning up his shirt Then the man shot up from his seat and seized Levi by the wrist. Instinctively, Levi jerked back at once.

"Let go." Levi said in a bitterly flat voice. "If you want to be a stranger, you got it. Don't touch me."

Smith let go of him, holding up his hands placatingly. The blond man looked desperate, but Levi was too hurt and angry to feel anything for him at the moment. He breezed through tying his shoes, and was pulling on his jacket when Smith tried again, in a much more efficient way than grabbing hold of him.

"Levi, please wait…I…I'll tell you."

Levi paused in mid-task. His eyes widened with a sparkle of life at the possibility when he turned them on the taller man, silently pleading him to make good on those words. Smith meant to, it showed in his determined eyes.

It was on the tip of his tongue, his mouth parted, a breath away from speaking exactly what Levi wanted…

And then Smith's cell phone rang.

Anguish broke out over Smith's face as his entire body jerked in response to the shrill ringtone. Levi's jumped in surprise too, though he felt like a knife had been taken to his heart with Smith's next words,

"I have to take that, right now." He said quickly, almost frantic. Smith broke through Levi's barriers, cupping his face in a clutching, desperate grasp of warm palms. "I can't ignore it, I'm on call. Levi, please, tomorrow night, here. I'll tell you all of it, I swear!"

Levi didn't get a chance to respond before Smith whirled away from him, pulling out his cell phone and answering. His tone shifted at once to soft and gentle as he nearly crooned into the speaker,

"Hey, honey, how are you doing?"

That took Levi aback, until he heard the unintelligible squabble on the other end that sounded like someone in distress. Smith was shrugging out of his lab coat as he listened and responded.

"Ok, honey, it's alright. Is Craig there with you? Good, good, now I'm on my way, just remember your exercises-."

With that, Smith headed toward the door. As he opened it, he cast Levi a guilty look over his shoulder. Almost like an afterthought, he dared to dart forward and kissed Levi's brow firmly. The desperate sweetness in that gesture honestly stunned Levi with how much it worked to soften his anger. He gave Smith a frustratedly conceding look, and let him go, seeing the small nugget of relief in those blue eyes before he vanished down the hallway.

Levi was left reeling in the wake of whatever had just happened, unsure how to tame or pin down the number of emotions playing Armageddon within him. He hadn't felt like this in a very long time, and when he had experienced anything close to this before, there was only one thing that made it better. At least, for a while.

As he drove back to his house, he ordered a cab. He dropped off his car, stuffed some cash and his I.D. into his pocket, then took the cab to a bar in the city. He hadn't been there in a year or two, but it used to be a popular spot for him to find companionship. That wasn't his goal now, but it was the first place that popped into his head when he decided he was going to drink. It was familiar, walking in through that door, admiring the modern design and colors that made it seem much brighter and cleaner than a usual dark, muggy bar.

Levi found an open seat at the relatively busy bar, and when the bartender came around he ordered several whiskey shots, with an instruction to keep them coming.

"You by yourself tonight, sir? No DD?"

She asked him, pouring out three shots for him in a neat row. He appreciated her doing her job responsibly, so he answered calmly.

"I took a cab here, and I'll be taking a cab home."

She nodded, satisfied with his arrangements. Levi took his first shot, and winced as the liquid burned so good. With every shot, he tried to let his worries float away. One by one, he let them rise to the top of his heart and mind and sit there a moment, before he drowned them.

Why would Smith hold out on him for so long?

Levi took a shot, and the worry was gone.

Was he not enough for the man and this was his way of trying to spare his feelings?

Shot. Gone.

Maybe Smith was lying to him completely, maybe he really was married and Levi was an affair on his part.

Shot. Gone.

Perhaps Smith was a politician and didn't want to come out of the closet publicly, meaning they could never have a normal relationship.

Shot. Gone.

Levi was already feeling the comforting blanket of oblivion wrapping around his mind. But he was still aware enough to continue finding worries to drown. They were darker now, things that had crossed his mind but he hadn't allowed himself to seriously consider. What if Smith was a male prostitute as his real job and that's why he was on call? A shudder at the thought.

Shot. Gone.

What if Smith was a real doctor, or a surgeon on-call, and had fantasies about his patients, as though his entire job was fetishized?

Quick shot. Cough. Gulp. Gone.

After nearly two hours of this slow, but repetitious 'therapy', very few worries remained afloat in Levi's head, the alcohol having pushed the others down. But from this point on, one stubbornly continued to pop up, refusing to drown. It returned in various forms of the same sentiment, no matter how much whiskey Levi drank.

I want this to work out.

Shot.

I don't want to lose him.

Shot.

I might actually love him a little.

Shot.

I want him.

Shot.

I want him.

Shot.

God, I want him…I love him…I don't know who he is, but I want him no matter what.

It took Levi nearly another hour to get to this point, where he was giddy and happy and unconcerned, but not entirely out of his head yet.

"I'm think I'm ready for my cab now." He giggled to the bartender. She made the call for him, then he paid his tab, and carefully wove his way out to the sidewalk. He dropped down onto an empty bench to wait, watching the lights of the other cars, and admiring the city's glow on the low-hanging clouds overhead. He'd been there less than five minutes before someone joined him on the bench.

When Levi turned to look, he couldn't keep himself from laughing. The man, boy really, who had sat next to him was clearly a rebel without a cause. He was much larger than Levi, but he didn't look to be more than eighteen, nineteen at the most. It appeared that he was trying so hard with his looks to tell people where he stood that it was comically stereotypical. His hair was dyed jet black, dyed flaming red at the ends, shaved on one side only. There was a very deliberate piercing in his right ear, along with wide gauges in his lobes. He sported fine black eyeliner around his eyes, and another piercing in his bottom lip. Then there were his clothes; tight, athletic ones that showed off his sculpted body. More than one tattoo peeked from beneath his clothes, and snaked around his limbs.

His appearance, as well as his clumsy attempt at a seductive stare, made Levi laugh at him openly.

"What the hell do you want, kid?" Levi demanded, grinning incredulously.

The teen shrugged and gave him a lopsided smile of white teeth in return, and actually draped his tattooed arm around the back of the bench, loosely around Levi's shoulders.

"Just looking for a good time." He answered in a low tone. Levi laughed at him again, shaking his head and sliding an inch or two away from the teen.

"Well, you won't find that with me."

The stranger tilted his head.

"Can't I decide that for myself? Besides, you seem like you need to have fun more than I do."

Levi managed a confused frown at that. He was drunk, so everything seemed mildly wonderful, but he wasn't completely without sense even in this state.

"Why'd do you say that?" He babbled, looking away deliberately.

"I've had my eye on you for a while," The stranger informed him casually, "no one puts away shots by themselves like that unless they're trying to escape. If you're sad or lonely, I could keep you company."

He leaned in a bit closer, cautiously rubbing a thumb over the cap of Levi's shoulder. The smaller man couldn't completely stop a shudder at that, but his words were firm,

"A kid like you should be fucking other kids, not someone almost twice your age."

The teen smiled and scooted more uncomfortably close to Levi. He had no more bench left to slide away on.

"I don't like people my own age." The stranger explained, almost sounding like the voice of reason for a brief moment, "They don't know shit about kissing and other things that someone older and experienced knows. I've found that older men make the best guides…and very willing subs too. I'm sure you like it a certain way by now. All you have to do is tell me and I'll give you whatever you want. You seem like you'd be good at barking out orders while you're tied down."

Levi felt a primal shudder of fear when he heard those words coming from a complete stranger. Not so long ago it wouldn't have bothered him that much, but for some reason now it bothered him. Like this person had no right to make such assumptions about him when he knew nothing. Levi shook his head.

"I'm not here for that."

"Then why are you here?"

The simple and honestly spoken question made Levi hesitate. This random teen had no right to an answer, but…what the hell. Levi let out a helpless chuckle and shrugged his shoulders.

"The man I'm…seeing…is keeping secrets from me. I want so much more from him, and he says he does too, but when the moment came…he stonewalled me again."

The stranger produced a strange, clacking sound in his mouth, and Levi realized he must have a tongue piercing as well. He was rattling it against his teeth as he thought about Levi's words.

"Sounds like a real gem of a man."

Levi couldn't tell if the kid meant to sound sarcastic or not, but he answered with a breathed little,

"He really is…"

"Can't be that bright if he stonewalled a pretty little catch like you, though." The teen said slyly. "He shouldn't've made you so sad, driving you to drink in places like this. Although, I'm kind of glad he did. At least it means I've got a shot."

As he spoke, the younger man had been inching closer until his hot breath brushed Levi's ear. It fogged up the corner of the lenses on Levi's glasses. He shivered with discomfort and pulled back to glare at the handsome face, now so close to his own. Spotting a slight acne outbreak on the stranger's forehead drove home just how young he really was, and how fiendish Levi would feel for even considering what he was offering. Levi set his jaw firmly.

"Back off, punk." He said, clear and strong despite his drunkenness. "I'm not your toy, and I don't wanna be your teacher or whatever either. I told you I'm not here for that, so buzz off."

"Aw, come on, don't you just want to forget about him? Forget everything?"

The kid must've had a death wish, Levi thought, as he brought one hand up to cup Levi's face freely. With his other arm cupping around Levi's shoulders, he had managed to corner the smaller man.

"I said no." Levi said, his voice growing high and thin with nerves.

"Just give me a chance," the kid said cockily, "I can treat you right."

As he spoke he began leaning in, as if to kiss Levi. That prompted Levi to fight to pry the kid's hands off him, but he was having difficulty in his current state. His heart rate was speeding up and he was feeling panicky…

"If you want to treat someone right, how about you go home at a decent hour so your mother doesn't worry?"

The voice came from just above them, someone having approached while they were struggling on the bench. Levi looked up, and a wave of relief and confusion crashed over him, when he saw the tall, familiar form of Dr. Smith standing over them. The younger man drew back from Levi at the sight of the other, who was glaring daggers at him with blue eyes gone stone cold. In the low light, with his facial scar, he cut a damn intimidating picture.

"L-look, man," The young man feebly tried, "he's having a hard time right now, I'm just trying to cheer him up."

"The hell!?" Levi slurred, clumsily slapping a full hand on the young man's face and pushing at it. "Who's having a hard time?!"

"He's not interested," Smith said firmly, echoing Levi's earlier words, "and I don't take kindly to people harassing my partner."

The youth's eyes went wide and frightened now, and he stood up, backing away from the bench and Levi quickly.

"Sorry, man, I didn't know. I thought he was down for it…"

Smith took three even, measured steps toward the young man, who was nearly as tall and broad as he was, but still managed to shrink before his presence.

"Oh really? Because I clearly heard him tell you 'no' more than once." Smith's tone was deadly serious, every word measured to leave the biggest impact. "To lay it out simply for you, that means he does not give his consent, and here's something that even a twerp like you should understand; touching anyone in any way without their consent is sexual assault. Or, if that is too mild a term for you, try rape. Use one of the dozen hook-up apps and leave the defenseless outside bars alone. Next time someone might call in the authorities."

The kid swallowed hard, glancing from Smith to Levi a few times before nodding shortly, and booking it down the street, away from them.

"What were you thinking?" Levi drawled, when Smith turned around to look at him. "He's a kid, he doesn't know what twerp means; you're dating yourself, old man."

The next second, Levi found himself being pulled up from the bench and being led down the street by his arm. Smith's grip was like iron.

"Hey, hey, heeeey!" He protested, making a small effort to dig his heels in and slow them down. "What're you even doing here? I thought you ran off to do something for your mystery client at your mystery job!"

"It was a very quick job," Smith answered, a hint of pride sneaking into his voice despite his occupation being unknown, "barely an hour."

"Should I bake you a congratulations cake?" The smaller man asked dryly, then tugged back on Smith's hold. "What're you doing!?"

"I'm getting you out of here; you're in no fit state to sit around in public on your own."

"And just who the hell do you think you are, my mother?! My own personal police officer?" Levi demanded, then chuckled a bit and sidled closer as he walked. "What're you gonna do, put me over your knee, or handcuff me?"

Smith stopped, and turned around to face Levi. The smaller man swayed a little at the sudden halt in their walking, and instinctively clutched Smith's arms for balance. He looked up at Smith, and as drunk as Levi was, he jolted at the look on his face. Smith was upset, furious even, but he also looked frightened. His tone reflected that expression as he demanded,

"What would have happened if I hadn't been heading for that same bar, hm? If I hadn't been walking by to see what he was doing, how would you have gotten away?!"

"I had a cab coming, that's how!" Levi answered, sticking out his tongue at Smith. The blond man held his gaze for a few seconds, before his scowl melted slowly into amusement at Levi's childish gesture. He gave a heaving sigh and couldn't seem to keep himself from cupping Levi's face in one hand.

"And you were calling him a kid."

"He was just a kid. He wouldn't have hurt me, Smith." Levi insisted, rolling his eyes. "If he really wanted to, he would've dragged me into an alley or…something. He was just some punk who wanted to feel me up."

Smith pulled his hand away, shook his head, and began to urge Levi forward along the sidewalk again. Levi followed the taller man with stumbling little steps, going along for the ride as the alcohol swimming in his brain helped the situation go over much smoother than it might've a few hours ago.

"You say that as if punks trying to feel you up is an everyday occurrence."

"So what if it is?" Levi asked. "It's no business of yours anyway. Where do you get off saying you're my partner?"

"What else would I call you?" Smith asked over his shoulder as they went. "What else are we when we're together? Tell me."

Levi's brain needed a little time to process that question. He grinned widely as he thought it over. He muttered to himself,

"Well, we, uh….go to the same club…pretend to be doctor and patient…you always do amazing tests and treatments on me and…then we fuck…it's like we're in a play, so they call it a 'scene', but it's all real and emotional while we're doing it, so…yea…partners, I guess."

By the time Levi had worked through all that nonsense, Smith was pulling a set of keys out with his free hand. He pointed a fob at a nearby car parked on the street, and it beeped twice to life.

"Partners." Smith said simply as Levi finished speaking. "And I take care of my partners regardless of where we are."

He then opened the passenger door on the sleek silver car, and Levi frowned up at him.

"Where're you gonna take me?"

"Just get in, you're about to fall over for goodness' sake."

Levi realized this was true only when Smith said it, and he found himself leaning dangerously to one side, Smith's hand the only thing keeping him upright. He pouted defiantly at the taller man, but dropped down into the passenger seat anyway. Smith closed the door on him, leaving him to fumble with the seatbelt until he climbed into his own seat and started the car.

"Do you need some help with that?" Smith asked, watching Levi repeatedly shoving the metal plate against the outside of the locking piece, nowhere near the mouth.

"I'm fine," Levi muttered, sliding the plate sluggishly with no result, "this thing is just the wrong size, or…"

A soft sigh came from the other man, and he gripped the two pieces over Levi's hands, and clicked them into place.

"Thanks." Levi said, smiling at him. "Now, where are we going?"

"My house. It's close. You're too drunk to be left alone."

Levi didn't argue. He made a few more half-hearted sounds of disappointment, but settled in shortly after. Levi couldn't figure out how long they'd been driving once the car was in motion. The quiet between them may have lasted a few moments or an hour for all he knew.

"Do you normally drink so much?" Smith asked him at one point, to which he chuckled and replied,

"Nope. Not at all. Hardly ever anymore. Just…needed to tonight."

Levi noticed the worried expression on Smith's face in response to that. It made him turn coy and point a finger at him.

"It's totally fine for you to feel guilty, btw…"

A bubbling laugh staggered out between Smith's lips at that. Levi had literally spoken the text abbreviation like some hip high schooler.

"Have you no shame for sounding like a millennial?" Smith asked in a light tone.

Levi made a peace sign with both hands and held them up to his cheeks.

"I'm just doin' it for the lulz."

Smith gave a long groan like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Please stop. Even drunk off your ass, you're disgracing our generation."

"We're not even in middle-age yet, Smith!" Levi declared. "Besides, I've got younger cousins who text me that crap all the time, it's not my fault it's in my brain, rotting it out. And don't try to change the subject here; it's your fault I'm like this to begin with…"

They hit a red light, and Smith stopped the car. As they waited, Smith looked over at Levi, into his substance-induced happy face, and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I know it was my fault, I know I was unfair to you. But you have to believe me, I was about to tell you. I still meant to tell you when you met me at the club tomorrow night."

Levi hummed, his smile fading as he crossed his arms and hunkered back into his seat.

"Well, either way that's not going to happen now." He said. "So why don't you just tell me? Right now?"

"No chance in hell while you're still drunk." Smith declared. "My promise is good. But I'll up it to tomorrow morning when you're sorted out, sound good?"

"No…" Levi whined. "It doesn't sound good. I've been waiting long enough, haven't I?"

"Just trust me a little longer."

The light turned green, and Smith drove forward, distracting Levi from their conversation because the lights of the highway they were approaching looked so interesting…

"Maybe next time, since we both apparently like that bar…we could go back together." Suggested Smith, sounding more like he was thinking out loud than actually asking Levi's opinion. "On an actual date."

The idea intrigued Levi.

"Bet you're a pushover when it comes to whiskey shots." Levi taunted, laying his hand over Smith's arm and leaving it there.

"I'm not too shabby." Retorted Smith with a smile. "But I do have a cap for myself so I don't strip down in front of a bar full of strangers."

"Oh noooo!" Levi laughed, rolling his head on the headrest. "You're a naked drunk?!"

"Afraid so…"

"Well, that could be fun, if we were alone," Mused Levi, "and dating…hm…you know, I haven't dated anyone since college? You're the only person I've wanted to since then."

A long silence followed Levi's little revelation, during which he kept hold of Smith's arm and hummed a tune to himself.

"College…" Smith said very softly, "has it really been that long for you?"

"Mm-hm." Levi answered, turning his gaze toward Smith. "I was kinda…slutty…as a freshman. I was away from home, y'know? No homophobic dad breathing down my neck. So I notched up my belt so much that I barely had one in the end."

"Doesn't really sound like 'dating' to me." The blond said, simply, with no hint of judgement.

"I was getting to that." Levi insisted. "Well, there was this idiot senior who was soooo too good to be true…gorgeous, sincere, smart, and loyal as hell. We did actually date seriously…but then he vanished into thin air, after months of the best sex. I mean, he was good to me too. That's what made it worse when he disappeared. I really thought he loved me… ruined me for any guy since. I mean, I've tried since then, but… first love never really dies, right?"

Smith stared at the road for a while after Levi's story, before replying,

"I don't suppose it does."

Levi ran his hand further down Smith's arm, pulling it down from the steering wheel so he could lace their fingers together over the seat divider. He leaned over and planted a kiss on Smith's cheek, straining his spine to lay his head on the other man's shoulder. He let out a contented sigh and whispered,

"Don't worry, now you've come along and ruined me for anyone else too."

Levi couldn't hold the pose for long, especially being in a car, but when he sat back correctly into his seat, he saw Smith smiling.

"Do you really mean that? Even after I infuriated you?"

"'course I do!" chided Levi gently. "I might be frustrated at you, but…I'm not going to give you up that easily. I'll fight for you, even if I have to…um…fight you for you."

A rolling chuckle left Smith, his head tipping back a little with mirth.

"That's sweet of you to say," The bigger man said, turning off the highway, "hopefully you won't change your mind once you sober up. Unless… are you one of those people who forgets everything that happens to them while they're drunk?"

Levi made a disapproving sound and squeezed the much larger hand in his own.

"Why d'you want to know that? Do you know how sketchy that sounds?"

"On retrospect, I guess it did sound a bit pervy. Sorry, that's not what I meant. I just want to know if I should expect a punch in the face when you wake up and have no idea where you are."

"Well, I can't help you with that part." Levi admitted. "I'll probably remember in bits and piece like always. Never sure which parts will be there. So I might punch you, or I might kiss you…"

"Either way, you're going to have one nasty hangover." Smith sounded sympathetic in advance.

"Think again." Levi said cheerfully. "I don't get hangovers. Dad was the same way, it's genetic, or something."

"Some people get all the good genes." Muttered Smith, pulling into a quiet suburban neighborhood. A few moments later he pulled the car into a driveway, and Smith parked in front of the garage. He got out of the car while Levi once more struggled with his seatbelt. He had more success getting it undone than he had buckling it, however, and he stepped out of the car unsteadily.

"This is your house?" He asked, looking blearily over the two-story brick home. "I don't even have two floors in my house, and I'm the fucking head of architectural something-or-other…"

As he spoke, Levi took a step forward, stumbled, and caught himself sloppily on the car's hood. Smith appeared at his side, taking hold of his shoulders.

"If you're too drunk to remember your job title then you're too drunk to walk on your own."

"I walked fine earlier." Levi protested, trying to push at Smith's hands.

"You've been stationary for a while now, since being in the car." Smith explained. "You're going to be moving more sluggishly."

"What are you, a doctor?" Asked Levi. He stopped and laughed suddenly. "Oh my god, that's hilarious."

"It's something." Smith said, sounding painfully patient and gentle. "Come on, now, let's get you inside before all my neighbors hear you."

"Ooooh can't let your neighbors know you bring home drunk people!" Levi said in a mock whisper, leaning on Smith as he walked them to the front door.

"Some of them have kids, that's why." Smith clarified. "I could care less what the other adults think."

"You live surrounded by kids?" Levi asked, wrapping his arms around the man's waist as he unlocked the front door. He pressed his face into one strong shoulder and grinned. "That must he heeeell…"

"It's not like they're always making noise, you know." Chuckled Smith, opening the door and half-dragging Levi inside when the smaller man didn't let go of him. He turned to close the door, and Levi lifted his hands to clutch Smith's shoulders hard, nearly falling again.

"Damn, you really can't walk on your own, can you?" Smith asked, turning to face Levi fully, holding him in place.

"Then caaarry meee."

Levi sing-songed as he hung from the strong shoulders, now purposefully letting his knees buckle. There was a pause as Smith considered whether or not to do what Levi said. Finally, he gave a sigh, and picked the lighter man up off his feet and into a princess hold as easy as breathing. Levi gave a small sound of surprise, and giggled, nuzzling his cheek against Smith's.

"This is kind of nice." He muttered, as Smith carried him down the hallway. "It's like, romantic, isn't it?"

He hugged Smith's neck as he asked this, humming in delight, completely happy.

"I suppose it could be." Smith agreed. "It might help if you weren't out of your head."

"If I'm out of my head…" Levi began, trying to sound astute, "does that make me a ghost?"

Smith only responded with a heavy sigh, which ended in a fond chuckle and a little responsive nuzzling of his own. When he reached the end of the hall, Smith maneuvered them so he could switch on a light in the dark room. Levi found himself being sat down into a deep sofa in the living room.

"Just stay there for a moment, ok? I'm going to get you a glass of water. If you feel like you're going to vomit or anything, please aim for the wastebasket; that couch is real leather."

Levi woozily saluted him and leaned back into the comforting depths of the leather padding. When Smith left, Levi gazed around, noticing that the room was decorated very simply, but with an African theme. There were a few animal prints items here and there (like the giant area rug in the center of the floor), little tribal figures and animals sitting on shelves, and the walls were painted a golden sand color. Dark wood furniture and molding contrasted beautifully with the warm tones of the walls. It felt very masculine, and Levi liked it.

Of course, right now he liked everything.

The couch really was comfortable, and Levi felt himself relaxing completely into it as the seconds ticked by, until the world began to fade out.

"Hey, don't fall asleep yet." Smith's voice came to him a while later. Levi blinked his eyes open, having been unaware that they had closed. "Drink this, come on."

A glass of water was being held before him, and Levi reached out to take it slowly. The cool water tasted wonderful, and he sipped with relish. The whiskey really had dried his mouth out, and he hadn't even realized it. He smiled at Smith when he'd swallowed his first mouthful, then took another. A second later, he felt his shoelaces being untied.

"What're you doing?" Levi asked, watching the man kneeling before him.

"You obviously can't take off your shoes by yourself right now."

Levi didn't argue, and kept sipping water as Smith unlaced and removed each of his shoes. He placed them neatly to the side of the end table, even folding the loose laces in so they weren't out. When he was done, he looked up to find Levi staring at him with half-lidded eyes. Before Smith could rise to his feet, Levi reached out and touched his face.

"You're kind." He said softly, tilting his head to one side tiredly. "Thank you."

Smith gave him a smile in response, and leaned his face gently into that slender palm.

"You deserve kindness."

Levi looked a bit troubled at that, and blinked down at his water glass. There was something unsettling and sad in that hesitation, and Smith picked up on it at once.

"Do I?" Levi asked, voice low and suddenly broken. Smith placed both of this hands on Levi's knees and began rubbing warmth into them.

"Of course you do, Levi. What would make you think you don't?"

Another painful hesitation, and Levi bit his bottom lip, letting his mouth open and close a few times before two simple, whisper-soft words escaped him,

"My dad…"

Immediately, nearly before the words were out of Levi's mouth, Smith was cupping his face and stroking it soothingly.

"Shhh, don't you even think about him right now! You're here, with me, right this moment, and you deserve all the kindness and warmth that I can pour out on you, do you hear me? And you'll have it, Levi; you'll always have it with me. That's a promise that nothing can take away from you."

Levi seemed balanced on the very edge of tears, but as Smith comforted him, his smile returned slowly. He playfully tugged a lock of golden hair out of it's slicked back perfection, stroking it over Smith's forehead.

"You're a keeper, Smith…don't let me kick your ass when I'm sober, ok?"

The blond man grinned tiredly, and pulled his hands away, giving Levi's head a final few pats as he stood up.

"Count on it. You need to rest, now. Finish that water and then lie down. I'll be back."

Smith left Levi alone, and he did as he was told, curling up on his side when he'd finished his water. He pressed up close against the back of the couch, leaning his head into a leopard-print throw pillow and sighing into its embrace. He yawned a few seconds later, feeling suddenly very tired. His eyes closed, and he reveled in the comfort of his surroundings; the smell of leather, the softness of the pillow. There was a soft whirring sound from the overhead fan, and it lulled him with its' hypnotic constancy.

He was barely awake enough to register a soft blanket begin draped over him a while later. A hand rubbed his back gently, and a soft kiss was placed on his head.

"Sweet dreams…short stack."

))(((

Something wasn't right. He was very, very comfortable, but this didn't feel like his bed. The mattress was too soft and he didn't remember having a padded wall up against his face. Wait, that felt like a couch, why would he be on a couch? Levi blinked his eyes open in confusion. It was dark, but he could make out enough to know this wasn't his room or his house. Before his body could catch up to his brain, he jerked to one side in sudden reaction, and then found himself dropping heavily onto the floor.

A sudden yelp left him at the unexpected drop, which further disoriented him. A similar sound of surprise came, from someone else in the room. Levi sat up quickly, his limbs feeling slow and heavy. His legs were tangled up in something, a blanket?

"Levi?" A soft, startled voice called. After a second of fumbling sounds, a lamp switched on and blinded Levi, making him wince against the sudden brightness.

"Smith?" He called in return, recognizing the other voice. "What the hell?"

Levi buried his face in his hand to block out most of the offending light.

"Are you ok? What happened?" Smith asked, voice sounding rough like he'd been sleeping too.

"I fell off the couch, I guess." Levi muttered, rubbing his eyes still. He sensed movement beside him, and eased his eyes open to see Smith kneeling there. "What're you doing here?"

"This is my house." Countered Smith. "I brought you here because you were drunk, remember?"

Smith was rubbing at his own face as he spoke, and Levi spotted the state of the recliner across the room which suggested that he'd been sleeping in it. Very slowly, he put the pieces back together.

"Ohhhhh yea, that's right." Levi groaned. "I must've looked like a gibbering idiot."

"You should get off the floor." Smith said, and without fanfare, picked Levi up by his upper arms and swung him around, replacing him on the couch. He untangled Levi's legs from the blanket, and smoothed it out over his lap. Levi noticed Smith was wearing a loose-fitting shirt and pajama pants, his hair falling freely over his forehead and ears. Levi loved how he looked when his hair was like that, had since he'd first messed it up with his fingers all those weeks ago. It only brought to Levi the stark contrast in himself, fully-clothed but for the lack of shoes, and a myriad of wrinkles all over.

"How're you feeling?" Smith asked, giving him a onceover. Levi blinked and shook his head a few times before responding.

"Alright, just kind of fuzzy and…heavy is all…what time even is it?"

Smith glanced behind him, presumably at a clock on the wall above the couch.

"Almost 2:00 am."

"No wonder I have to take a leak so badly." Levi groaned. "I didn't go once after all those shots."

"The bathroom is right around the corner next to the front door. Can you walk?"

Levi stubbornly pushed himself to his feet, and when he rocked a little and Smith grabbed hold of him, the shorter man gave him a long-suffering stare.

"I'm not an infant, Smith. I'll be fine."

The blond man nodded at him, then let him go and headed toward the recliner. He let out a massive yawn as he sank into it and pulled his own blanket up over himself.

"In that case, by my guest, I'm going back to sleep."

Then he dropped his gold head lightly onto the white pillow he must've brought from his own bed, and closed his eyes. Levi was glad that Smith was a normal person, who was not self-sacrificing to the point that he ignored his own needs. Levi swayed just a little from fatigue as he made his way down the hall to the bathroom. The lights in there were much harsher than the one lamp in the living room, so he finished his business quickly. Feeling ten times better now, he plunged himself into semi-darkness once more and shuffled back to the living room. Now that his senses weren't so clouded, he could detect a fragrance in the air, like a spiced candle. It lingered pleasantly, and soothingly, adding to the hominess of the place.

Smith's eyes were closed when he came in, even though the lamp was still on. Wordlessly, Levi went over to it and switched it off. He stood there in the darkness for a moment, hearing Smith's little whisper of 'thank you' as he did. The soft, shifting sounds the other man's body gave Levi pause, tempting him. It was a ridiculous thought, he knew, and he was completely sober now so he should know better, but…

Levi unbuckled his belt so he could shuck out of his pants. He unbuttoned his top button so he could pull his shirt and undershirt off in one go, leaving all the clothes in a heap on the unseen floor. He went over to the couch and felt around for the blanket, wrapping it around himself. In the blackness, he very, very carefully climbed into the sizable recliner, over the larger man lying there.

"Hey, what're you…" Smith began drowsily, as Levi's weight moved the chair, and he began slowly lowering himself to rest against Smith, trying to wedge close. Levi half-expected Smith to tell him to get off, or complain about Levi not letting him sleep, but all he said was,

"Careful, don't turn us over."

Then those arms wriggled free from beneath him, instantly sliding around Levi to hold him snug against Smith's broad chest. Large palms ran up and down his bare back, under the blanket, and a small humming sound of surprise came from above him.

"Why'd you take off your shirt?"

"Pants too." Levi whispered. "Because they aren't pajamas. They feel terrible after sleeping in them for so long."

For a moment they lay together, a hair away from uncomfortably cramped despite how huge the recliner was, Smith holding Levi close as the smaller man relaxed against him.

Just as his breathing began to drift toward heavy and deep, Smith spoke.

"If you really want to sleep so close to me, I suggest that we actually sleep in my bed. We'll get pretty bad aches and pains if we stay like this."

Levi grunted, and slithered off the recliner with as much grace as he could, tossing the blanket aside. Smith gathered up his pillow, pulling in the footrest and standing up.

"Come on." He said tiredly, waving Levi to follow him. They were both yawning as they ascended the stairs to the second level, and Levi didn't even hesitate when they reached the bedroom. Even in the darkness he crawled right across the mattress like he owned it, pulling the bedclothes aside and arranging the pillows to his liking.

"Make yourself at home." Smith mumbled sarcastically, though Levi sensed the tease in it. A breath later the mattress dipped as Smith climbed in behind him, gathered his share of the covers, and then slid those strong arms around him once more.

Levi settled back against the larger body, sighing gently at how good that felt. Soft kisses dusted the back of Levi's neck for a few seconds, then Smith's chin nuzzled in to rest against his head. Fingers began to brush over Levi's skin where those hands held him. It was nothing so great as to arouse him right now, but it felt nice. Levi gave a very slight groan, and covered Smith's hand with his own. As sleep slowly closed in around him, Levi smiled to himself. He remembered how many times he wanted to just lie with Smith like this when they were at the club. Now he finally was, and it was wonderful.

With that thought, Levi abruptly rolled over, surprising Smith if his small 'hmph' was any indication. Levi pressed his face into the crook of his strong neck, kissing the pulse point lovingly. A small chuckle brushed his ear, as Smith relaxed and pulled him more comfortably against the front of his body.

"I knew it." Smith's voice rumbled, so close to Levi's ear it tickled with the vibration.

"Knew what?" Levi asked, his own voice heavy with sleep.

"That you were a cuddler, deep down."

Levi frowned a bit.

"Am not…"

He slurred back, nuzzling his face even deeper into the hollow of Smith's neck, hands curling against his chest. Smith rubbed little circles into the small of his back, and gave one last, sleepy chuckle.

"Are too…"

))(((

When Levi started to wake up, he firstly noticed the heavy warm weight behind him. Blinking, he turned his head to find a pair of blue eyes watching him over his shoulder. He jumped a little as his brain tried to catch up with his eyes. It only took a second for the memories to come flooding back, and he relaxed. The dusty blue of early morning was visible around the edges of the curtains in Smith's room, tinging it with just enough light to see by without needing to turn on any lamps. Smith lay beside Levi, not holding him, but caressing his bare arm with the knuckles of one hand.

It was a delightful sensation to wake up to, and Levi's skin broke out into goosebumps. As muddled as the night before was in his head, he remembered enough to feel like he could be forgiving today, after all Smith had done for him. So he gave a lazy smile and rolled onto his back, close against the other man. Levi didn't want to move, but his joints demanded that he stretch languidly. He did so, yawning and lowering his hand to tangle with Smith's on the mattress between them. It felt so natural that not holding hands would feel more awkward.

"What's this?" Levi asked gruffly. "No coffee and doughnuts in bed this time? Here I thought you'd proved to me that you're a morning person…"

"And good morning to you too," Smith said softly, smiling, "how did you sleep?"

"Like a man who put away a ton of whiskey shots." Levi answered, sounding somehow rough and vulnerable at the same time. Smith gave a small sound of amusement.

"Like the dead, then?" He asked, rubbing the back of Levi's hand softly with his thumb. Levi stroked back with his own without even thinking about it.

"Pretty much." Levi winced. "That's what my mouth tastes like, too; death. You have a spare toothbrush?"

Smith was no fool. He took the hint; no kissing with morning breath. He rolled away from Levi, giving him his own space as he said,

"Miraculously, yes. It's in the cabinet in the bathroom, right there. It's the red one, still in the plastic from the dentist."

Levi sat up, cracking his back with a small 'ohhh'. He glanced at the door that led to the master bathroom, and then looked back at Smith, lounging against his pillows like a cat.

"You're not going to show me?" He asked, teasingly. Smith waved a hand and said practically,

"I assumed you had a few other morning things to take care of, too."

"Ah…Yea, guess so. I feel pretty disgusting, too…"

"I'll let you borrow whatever you want," Continued Smith, "towels are in the big cabinet, other toiletries are in the shower."

Levi slid off the bed, and took a few steps away from it before stopping. Without looking back first, he turned, came over to Smith's side of the mattress, and kissed Smith on the cheek.

"Sorry for my bad breath, but um…I wanted to say thanks, for taking care of me…I don't even remember most of what went down before I woke up again early this morning, but…I couldn't' have been easy to handle."

A big smile spread on the blonde's face, and he cocked an eyebrow.

"You don't need to thank me, it was mostly you making a fool of yourself."

Levi scowled at him, grabbed a free pillow, and struck Smith with it.

"Ass!"

Smith chuckled and let Levi hit him a few more times before they were both smiling like morons. Levi finally dropped the pillow back onto the mattress and headed toward the bathroom.

"Do you need a turn?" Levi asked, stopping in the doorway.

"I've already done all of my necessities," Smith told him, picking up his phone to start scrolling on it, "brushed my teeth and everything. Go on, don't worry."

Levi took his advice, and went to do his morning business. Once he'd finished, he popped the door open again to find Smith in the exact same position, half-curled up in the bed under his covers, reading on his phone. It looked…pretty adorable. The man was so big, but somehow looked puppy-like in such a relaxed state. Levi had never really seen him like that outside of post-coital slumping and cuddling. He cleared his throat, but looked away when Smith lifted his eyes to look at him.

"I need a shower, mostly." He said, a little shyly. "I don't suppose…you already took one, did you?"

Smith went still for all of three seconds before turning off his phone screen and getting out of the bed. Levi didn't hang around in the doorway to watch him, but took the cowards' way out by turning back into the bathroom and running the water. He didn't bother testing it with his hand, but switched the showerhead on at once, confident that it would come out warm enough. When Smith came up behind him, Levi didn't need to turn toward him. He let himself be pulled back into Smith's embrace and held there. Levi loved leaning back into that much larger body, feeling it encompass him. One strong, golden-haired arm lay across Levi's collarbone and shoulders, while the other pinned him over his waist. The illusion of being help captive was tantalizing.

Lips pressed to the side of his head, just over his ear, as Smith rocked them gently together. A moment later, his arms lowered, hands pressing flat against Levi's toned sides and sliding down to the waistband of his boxers. He stopped there, waiting.

"Go ahead." Levi said quietly.

Given permission, Smith bent over to pull Levi's only garment from him. Once they were down his legs and Levi had stepped out of them, Smith began pulling off his own clothes too.

It wasn't like they hadn't been naked in front of each other before, but in the intimacy of Smith's own bathroom…Levi actually felt a little shy and avoided looking at the other man as he opened the shower curtain and stepped inside. He instantly positioned himself beneath the flow of hot water, letting it distract him while Smith carefully stepped in behind him. They didn't talk, which was awkward at first, until Smith poured shampoo onto Levi's head and began washing it into his hair and scalp. The action gave them both something to focus on besides the silence. Levi sighed, tilting his head back to enjoy it.

Once the barrier of touch was broken, they didn't need to speak through anything but their actions. Smith washed Levi's hair, then Levi scrubbed Smith's chest and underarms for him as he washed his own. After dodging around for a while, they washed each other's intimate areas at the same time, which made it impossible to stop what happened next, as their flesh responded, arms twined around each other and lips met in a long kiss while the water ran over them both. Levi was carefully pressed back against the shower wall, beneath the shower head so the water wouldn't interfere with their kissing.

Through the hot and heavy kissing and groping, Smith hiked one of Levi's legs up to his own waist, holding it there. He then managed to gather a lather of suds and slip his free hand down the slick curve of Levi's ass, scrubbing his crevice thoroughly and then probing at his tight hole. Levi groaned at the sensations that caused, and the feel of being cleaned there while trying to balance on one foot in the shower. He endured the pleasure and discomfort in equal measures for a few minutes before he jerked his leg away and had to drop it down again. Levi brushed it off by complaining,

"You're blocking all the water, I'm getting cold."

Smith smiled, and reached behind him to shut off the water entirely.

"Let's dry you off, then, and get you warmed up."

They hastily dried themselves just the minimal amount required to resume their make-out session. Their mouths were joined even as Smith walked Levi backwards into the bedroom, and finally onto the mattress. Smith lay Levi down so that his legs hung over the side, but his feet barely touched the floor. The heavy body pressed down on Levi, but Smith didn't lean his entire weight on him, only held him down that way for a moment, before slipping down his body until he was kneeling. He parted Levi's legs, holding them open and without preamble, wrapped his mouth around Levi's hard cock. Levi gasped, reaching down to latch his fingers onto damp gold hair. Smith's mouth was euphoria, it felt like millennia since he'd last felt it, so hot and perfectly slick, with his soft tongue, creating the most beautiful sensations.

"God, that's good, Smith…"

Levi moaned, arching his spine. Smith held him in place by gripping his ankles, palms so deliciously warm around the thin skin. After a few moments of heaven, Smith lifted his hands to raise Levi's legs by the underside of the knees, taking their weight by slinging them over his shoulders.

"I love this position," Levi panted, curling his head up to watch, "your shoulders are so strong…"

Smith's head dropped a little, and Levi's fell back as he felt that hot tongue on his balls. Smith didn't answer him, too busy humming as he thoroughly enjoyed tasting Levi from his balls down to his newly-cleaned entrance. The smaller man jerked when he felt that wetness flicking against his tightly coiled muscle.

"You're…oh…doing that?"

In response, Smith pressed his whole mouth deep into that cleft and began massaging it with his lips and tongue. Primal pleasure spread through him, and he groaned loudly, wriggling his hips, trying to get some leverage. Smith stroked his thighs with his fingers, letting him know it was all ok. Levi likely wouldn't have allowed this is if they hadn't showered. But he knew Smith had cleaned him well, so he had no problem with the situation. While Smith went to town on him, Levi stroked his hair, body taught as he stretched to reach. One of Smith's hands came up and stroked his neglected cock.

"Shit, you're going to have to stop soon!"

Smith complied, licking back up his balls, and swallowing his cock again.

"Ohhh, yea…" Levi curled his feet, rubbing his heels against Smith's back. Smith didn't linger there too long, and eased off carefully enough to keep Levi from bitching at him about it.

"I've wanted to eat you out like that forever." He placed a few trailing kisses on Levi's inner thigh, rubbing palms over his stomach and chest. "My soap smells great on you."

Levi took the opportunity to shimmy back on the bed, getting his head up on the pillows. Smith crawled over him and mouthed at his neck, while Levi gloried in running his hands over Smith's chest, shoulders, and arms.

"You're not kissing me with that mouth." Levi declared, when the man leaned close to his face.

"I scrubbed you clean," Smith argued, "and I've kissed you after sucking your cock before and you never complained."

"That's different."

"How?"

Levi struggled to find an answer as Smith thumbed firmly at his nipples. Smith didn't help by adding suckling kisses, and a flicking tongue.

"I could go wash out my mouth," Smith offered, "or I could just keep doing this, and you could admit that my mouth is only filthy in the best sense."

Levi arched slightly as Smith started palming his cock and suckling hard at his nipple at the same time. A second or two later, Smith moved quickly and smothered Levi's mouth with his own, not giving him anymore time to think about unnecessary things. It worked, as Levi forgot his objection and was lost to that erotic movement of lips and tongue. Smith was an excellent kisser, and Levi melted. When he finally pulled back, Smith tapped a finger to his nose and told him to wait a moment. Then he produced a bottle of lube from a bedside drawer and held it up inquisitively. Levi nodded, his damp hair falling around his face as he rolled over to prop up on hands and knees.

"You want to do it like this today?" Smith asked, moving to kneel up behind him and clasp a handful of his ass for a second.

"Yeah, I feel like it. Don't hold back on me either, grab onto me and do what you'd like. I can handle it better this way."

Smith moaned and it got to work on him straight away, pouring lube over his hole and slowly fingering it up into him, making the way slick and easy. Levi leaned down onto his elbows as the process went on, trying to get his ass as high in the air as he could for Smith, who was up to two fingers now, and trying to add a third. Levi shuddered and rocked his hips encouragingly, as though trying to help by opening up more.

"You want another?"

Smith asked huskily, stroking the stretched flesh with his ring finger.

"Y-yeah, I really do. It's almost as big as your cock…"

With that, Levi was being filled with an extra finger, and loved it. They probed into him ferociously skirting his prostate and finding it in turns. Sounds of delight began slipping out of Levi's lips and he dropped his head onto his curled hands, feeling his excitement harden even further and jump between his legs.

"You're so open for me." Smith whispered against his lower back, kissing a pattern there.

Levi couldn't answer him with more than moans and gasping, so he didn't try. His sounds were enough. He heard the lewd, slick sounds of Smith prepping his own cock with his free hand, and he peeked over his shoulder, in time to see Smith pulling on his own member, hand and cock both glistening wet. Smith caught his gaze and winked at him, his fingers pulling free of Levi's body and laying that hot length against Levi's crease, rubbing there for a second or two. Then he slowly positioned himself and slid inside. His slick hands held onto Levi's hips, fingers sliding a lot, until he simply leaned over, putting them to good use; one trailed up Levi's chest to play with his nipples, and the other reached under him to squeeze and pull at his cock. Levi didn't moan so much as give a small cry at that, a beautiful balance of sensations. Smith thrust forward, less care this time than when they were in the hotel room bed, but Levi liked it, how quickly he started rolling his hips forward. The warmth of Smith's belly pressed and rubbed against his ass, and lower back, his sexy chest hair created a beautiful friction against the middle of his back. Levi made a raw moaning sound and rose to prop his weight on his hands again, wanting to feel more of him.

"You feel so amazing, Levi, you feel like heaven!"

Smith grunted, his hand sliding down to hold his waist steady now that he'd dried it on Levi's chest. The other hand was more cradling Levi's hardness now rather than stroking it, and eventually it also let go and came up to mirror it's fellow on the opposite side of Levi's waist.

"You feel great too!" Levi panted, feeling Smith's hard cock driving into him again and again, sending warm waves of pleasure rolling over him.

"H-harder….you can be…rougher…please?"

Smith let out a sharp huff of air and started pounding hard, making Levi rock on his knees.

"Oh! Yeah, that's it!"

Levi moaned, bowing his spine, and throwing his head back. A few heated moments passed, filled with erotic sounds of lovemaking, with gasps and choked breaths and moans. Smith impressed and pleasured Levi with the fast pace he maintained. At one point, Levi couldn't stand the weight on his hands anymore, his wrists beginning to ache. He levered straight up, smashing his shoulders back against Smith's chest, reaching back to scrabble at Smith's sides. The larger man adjusted easily, wrapping his arms hungrily around Levi's small body, and clasping him tight. He buried his face into Levi's shoulders where they met his neck and his hot breath nearly burned the sensitive skin there.

"I love you like this…" Smith gasped, the words ripping from him with his pleasure. Levi's heart exploded, that sounded so much like a confession, so sweet and tender, and raw with honesty.

"Yea…" Levi choked out, "Same…here…"

The arm that was lower down on Levi's body shifted, and Levi's cock was clumsily rubbed by a big hand. It was bliss. Perfect bliss. Levi let out a series of high-pitched whining sounds as the sharp pleasure jolted through him again and again, while hot flesh surrounded him, supported him, penetrated him. He flung an arm up to seize the back of Smith's head, burying his fingers into that damp golden hair and holding on.

"God, god…yes…so close…shit…I'm going to come, Smith!"

Even harder did he thrust at Levi's words, muttering.

"I won't make you call me that anymore. Not after this."

Then Levi nearly choked as his tender head was assaulted at the same time as his prostate was. With a loud cry, Levi spasmed, jerking up and down on his thighs and pouring onto Smith's hand. A second or two later and Smith followed suit, splashing hot wetness inside Levi.

They both panted and sighed in recovery, Smith letting Levi slump back against him. He didn't lay them both down, but he did lean back into the headboard as they sat upright, just cradling Levi to him and stroking him. Levi leaned his head back onto Smith's shoulder, his slender chest heaving beneath Smith's splayed hands. They rested there together for a time, as their bodies cooled and their emotions came down from their high of being together. They had never shared the kind of voracious lust that they had just experienced before, and the aftershocks took a while to fade.

"Not 'Smith' anymore, huh?" Levi asked thinly, endless moments later. Those arms tightened around him for a moment, then went slack. Warm lips mouthed at his ear, and Smith gently slid out of him. They both relaxed, still wrapped together, against the headboard. Smith began stroking Levi's hair softly, and Levi closed his eyes to enjoy it. He sensed how tense Smith was, mulling over his answer to Levi's question. There was nowhere else to go from this. He was going to answer. Finally, Smith took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. His voice was quiet and tender as he said,

"My name is Erwin Smith. And I've missed you, Levi."

The world slowed to a crawl, while Levi's brain and heart sped up.

Erwin Smith. Erwin.

Levi knew that name. Had scoffed when he first heard it, had yelled it at sporting events, had cried it out in the midst of pleasure, and whispered it into the intimate, silent moments when they were alone.

Levi began to breathe heavier, as he tried to consolidate the facts. It…didn't seem possible. He slowly disentangled himself enough so he could turn and look the other man in the face. Suddenly, recognition struck him hard. He looked…so different. Scarred, aged, and his nose had changed completely, but his eyes…

"E-Erwin?" Levi breathed, his own eyes wide. "F-from…junior year?"

Erwin allowed himself a small smile, and said,

"Well, your junior year, I was a senior."

It was as if someone sucker-punched him in the gut, and Levi sucked in a breath and then had trouble breathing. Seeing him struggle, Erwin added,

"I'm sorry…I didn't know how to tell you. I've been a coward, keeping it from you."

Levi's mouth slowly wound up to close and he felt a knot of anger tightening in his chest. He was so confused, this had happened so fast and yet…how had he been ignorant for so long?

"You're sorry? I…I don't understand…where…where have you been?" Levi asked, and the calm evenness of his voice looked like it caused Erwin more pain than if Levi had screamed at him.

"Wher-" Levi stopped when his voice cracked and started to tremble with the emotions raging inside of him. He took a gulp and tried again. "Where have you been, and why…why didn't you tell me?"

Erwin took a deep breath.

"Levi, I've gone over and over what I'd say, how I could explain it to you…where to start…"

"I think you should start with why you never came back." Levi said, his voice high and thready now, under the stress of the information. "I think that would be a good place to fucking start…"

Levi forcefully put distance between them, pulling his knees up to hide his nakedness.

"I meant to come back," Erwin said instantly, "I promise you, Levi. I loved you so much it hurt to be away for even a day, let alone all the way in Germany!"

The mention of love seemed to snap Levi into action, unleash the dam of pent-up anger and frustration from all those years ago, compounded by the fact that Erwin was the same man he'd fallen for all over again. It was too much. Levi didn't hold back.

"I'm sure it hurt a lot!" Levi growled, climbing out of bed and angrily tugging on his boxers, heading out the doorway, "I can't fucking believe this…I'm out of here…"

Levi stomped right out of the bedroom, and into the upstairs hallway. He heard Erwin scuffling to come after him, and Levi stopped at the top of the stairs to turn back and declare angrily,

"You probably found some hot piece of German ass while you were over there, didn't you? I always thought you had! Where the hell are my clothes?!"

Erwin hadn't bothered trying to grab clothes like Levi had, and stood naked in his bedroom doorway, holding his hands out in a desperately pleading gesture, as if trying to convince Levi to stay.

"Downstairs, I think. And I didn't cheat on you at all!"

"I waited for you!" Levi cried suddenly, words rising from his heart to his mouth before he could stop them. "For weeks and weeks, I waited; I tried calling you and texting you, and I heard nothing! Your parents had moved, I couldn't find them either, and I was left alone again, thinking that the best thing that had ever happened to me turned out to be one more person who didn't care in the end! And look at us now…you still don't care…not even enough to tell me who you were the second you realized who I was. After all these years…you never did care, did you?"

Erwin looked pained, his eyes going red as he listened to Levi's overdue verbal thrashing. When Levi finished, he tried to say something, but he seemed to be having trouble speaking. Levi didn't wait for him to recover, but turned his back on him.

As Levi thudded down the stairs, he felt angry tears stinging his own eyes, but he forced them away, seeing red. The situation was like life and the odds giving him a giant middle finger, and he could barely comprehend how to feel. Anger was his go-to right now. He found his clothing still in a pile from last night in the living room. Levi impatiently picked up his clothes, piece by piece and started dressing. Erwin took a moment to come after him, but appeared in the hallway, hastily dressed in sweats and slippers, just when Levi was heading for the front door.

"Please," Erwin begged him, "just listen to me, just let me tell you-."

"I don't want to hear it." Levi cut him off, pushing past him. Erwin didn't seem to have the heart to stop him. "I can't believe you strung me along like that! I feel like such an idiot! Right when I thought I'd found someone new and could finally move on…Don't waste your breath, I'm going home, if I have to walk!"

Levi slipped into his shoes and tore out of the front door.

The sun was bright now that it was late morning, and Levi squinted against it as he made good on his words, and began walking down the sidewalk. He frowned around at the quiet, peaceful-looking neighborhood. He had no idea where he was, or the route Erwin had taken to get them here the night before, but Levi was too angry to think straight. Levi just kept walking quickly, trying to ignore the deep ache in his throat, and the tears continuously threatening to spill from his eyes. His mind was in a whirlwind, his heart doing its best to interpret what to feel about this enormous mess.

Smith was Erwin…Erwin Smith…how had he not put the pieces together before? Now that he'd been told, it was more than obvious. Although, he had no idea where he'd gotten his scarring, or why his nose seemed so straight now, when it used to have a pronounced hook…Levi told himself he didn't care, that he didn't want to know, even though his heart began screaming at him that this was the opportunity he'd been waiting for all this time, and he should turn around and talk with his long-lost lover.

Before Levi could settle himself on anything, Erwin caught up with him in his car, following him along the street. He rolled his window down and called pleadingly,

"Please, Levi, at least let me take you home. You can't even catch a cab out there; that road leads to the highway!"

The shorter man stopped on the sidewalk, struggling with his limited options. He remembered that he'd left his cell phone and wallet at home before he'd gone to the bar anyway. The plan had been to use cash to buy his drinks, and get the bartender to call his cab for him without using his cell. Now he was left with nothing but a few wrinkled bills in his pants pocket. He was quite literally forced into a corner. Levi begrudgingly turned toward Erwin's car, and as he did so, he saw a few people in yards all along the block watching them. Primal shame forced him to go over and climb into the passenger seat. Erwin didn't say anything to him, didn't immediately try and explain himself, just started driving as Levi did his best to look as far away in his window as possible, distancing them as much as he could. Erwin made a dew more attempts to talk to him, but Levi completely ignored him, locking his jaw shut.

As was Levi's luck today, they hit a traffic jam as the result of an accident on the highway. They very quickly came to a stand-still, which lasted an agonizingly long time considering the high tension in the car. They sat in silence, as the cars moved forward at a crawl.

"I never wanted to leave you." Erwin said finally, very soft, demanding nothing.

Levi didn't answer, but couldn't help the bitter huff that left him.

"I didn't want to go on that trip to begin with." The bigger man continued. "Not after I met you. I'd been saving and building up credits for it for almost a year before we met, I couldn't drop out, even though I wanted to. All I could think of was how hard it would be to be away from you for so long. That's why I called you almost every day, remember? For the first week that I was gone, did a single day go by that I didn't call and tell you how much I missed you, and wanted to come home?"

Hearing Erwin's voice again…knowing it was really him, listening to him again…made Levi's tears finally blur his vision. But he kept staring out the window, trying to keep that blankly angry expression on his face.

"It must've been so worrying when you stopped hearing from me." Erwin speculated, sounding distressed. "I can't imagine how abandoned you must've felt. Mom and dad had moved, too, and I never gave you their numbers or new address…I should have…god, I was an idiot. I thought I was invincible, you know? I was young and strong, and had the most adorable boyfriend…I was on top of the world in my mind. I didn't bother with things like 'just-in-case'. But I should have, Levi…because something did happen."

Levi could not stop the interest that perked in his mind at that. As sore as he was, he had always wondered 'why'. So he remained silent, as the car continued to inch forward along the crowded highway, listening as Erwin finally gave him the explanation he'd been craving all these years.

"We spent a few days in Switzerland, and to get there we took a train. On the ride back, there was an accident. I can't remember the exact details, it was all very mechanical and involves jargon I don't know, but there was an explosion, and the trail derailed."

At that, Levi caught his breath, his head turning slightly toward Erwin.

"I was thrown out one of the windows, and the side of my face was mangled pretty badly. When I woke up, I was in a German hospital, with a concussion…and no idea who I was. The accident caused chaos with so many students on board, and it took some time to sort out who was who, before they could contact our families in the states. I was alone there for a long time, while they worked on salvaging my face. You can see the scarring, but my nose had it the worst. They had to reconstruct the bone."

The solemn tone gave way to a small, joyless laugh as he added,

"Finally got rid of that hook you always teased me about."

Levi didn't laugh, but Erwin hadn't seemed to expect him to.

"Traumatic Amnesia is the official label for what I have. While I was in the hospital, I remembered my name first, and slowly, tiny bits and pieces of who I was filtered back into solidity. But only the bare remnants of who I was, like a puzzle with a few edges and floating middle pieces. My parents I remembered shortly after they came to get me, but from there, I've been working to recover a lifetime's worth of memories. Some things came back in large waves of memory, crisp and clear. But others…I still haven't recovered."

Levi was left speechless, this time not by his own will, but by the sheer tragedy of what Erwin was laying out for him. He finally turned to look at Erwin, his expression shocked and lost. Erwin glanced at him, giving him the tiniest of smiles.

"I had a lot of catching up to do, just to cope day-to-day. I still new basic things like reading, writing, and a handful of basic life skills, but there were just as many that I'd lost. Though, my doctors are impressed, saying that I've come a long way and recovered very well. There's even a possibility that by the time I'm 50, I'll regain nearly all my memories back."

They had finally come up to the crash, and were waved around it by the police on guard there. Erwin's car was then free to speed out onto the waiting road with all the other previously-trapped cars. The change in scenery made Erwin go quiet once more, and Levi tried to digest what he'd just been told. He cracked his hard shell of pride to ask,

"When…when did you remember me?"

Erwin sighed, as though that one little question had eased a deep pain in him. Levi was speaking, at last.

"I'd seen the pictures of you and I together so many times." Erwin said, sounding like he was barely keeping his voice from breaking. "On my social media platforms, and in my mom's photos, everyone told me how much I adored you. But…I couldn't square with it in my head, I just had no idea who you were, and…to be honest, I didn't try to find you. A boyfriend was just one of a million and ten pivotal parts of my life that had been torn away from me, and I couldn't care about them all at once. I had to build myself back up from the foundation on up. Over the years, I decided to go back to college. The degree I'd already earned was worthless, and I needed to make myself productive. Plus, my therapist said it would be good for my mental health. I did go back to our alma mater, and I ran into a coach there who used to be a good friend of mine. Do you remember Phil Harper?"

A snort left Levi before he could pretend to be removed from the conversation.

"He was such a douche…"

Erwin smiled, and nodded.

"He's coaching the Freshman track team now. Anyway, he was the one who started asking me about you, and whether I could remember you or not. He brought it up in nearly every conversation, how I'd been so head over heels he didn't think anything, even a brain injury, could make me forget you. It became annoying after a few weeks, I'll tell you, I began to get fed up with him. I was going to ask him to stop mentioning it, but I never got the chance. Something else on campus gave me my first memory recall of you. Do you want to know what it was?"

The teasing in his tone made Levi's heart melt, even though it was still so hard. He shook his head instead of speaking. Erwin grinned wider and said,

"The cafeteria tea."

Levi's mouth dropped open, and he sputtered.

"What?"

Erwin nodded.

"One day I'd decided I wanted to use the packaged tea bags, and I didn't even know why, because I never drink tea. But I found there was this muscle-memory of reaching for the teabags, and then the cup, and preparing it. While I was doing that, my brain began to produce this specific order of how to doctor the tea; two half-and-half cups, three squirts of chocolate syrup, and-."

"Four packets of sugar…" Levi finished for him, feeling his first tears finally rolling down his cheeks at the nostalgia that washed over him.

His reaction didn't go unnoticed, and Erwin bit his own lip as his own tears threatened him.

"I was left, holding this beverage in my hand, and a nagging feeling that someone used to tell me to make it that way. The more I thought about it, the more infuriating it became, because I was sure I knew who it was. When I started drinking the tea…I…it's hard to describe what exactly happens when a memory comes back. Mostly because it's not a huge revelation, you just know something, its there when it wasn't the day before. Other times, though…like that one…it comes back in a rush of clarity that almost hurts."

"What happened?" Levi asked, his voice soft to conceal how rough his throat felt.

"I was hit by this memory of you sitting across the table from me in that cafeteria, complaining about how your real tealeaves had gotten lost in the mail, and you were forced to suffer what the cafeteria had in stock. With that one memory, a few scattered pieces of my time with you came into focus as well. I swear, I looked more insane at that moment than the entirety of my recovery; one second I'd been sitting there, blanking out into my tea, and the next, like a switch had been flipped, I was sobbing uncontrollably."

"Why?"

"Because it was like in the same moment, I'd found you, and then lost you again."

Levi swallowed, the weight of that statement flattening his heart.

"How long ago was that?"

"About five years, I think. I tried to find you, Levi. I looked you up, tried to pinpoint where you'd gone, but the college only kept records for a certain number of years, I never met your family, and do oyu have any idea how many Levi Ackermans there are in Seattle? There's even one or two more in your same line of work, and I wasn't even sure you'd stick with the plan you'd told me back in college, to come here to this city, and work that job. Anything could've changed, and…in the end, I…I couldn't find you."

Silence fell again. Levi felt like he was having an out-of-body experience, having never felt such a conflict of powerful feelings inside him at once, ever. He sat, trying to think, trying to reason with how this could've all happened.

"Even if I did find you," Erwin said a while later, "I didn't have any clue what I'd say to you. My…my love for you came back to me, every bit an in tact as it had been all those years ago, and for all I knew you'd moved on. I convinced myself you had to have moved on. But I think, when I moved here, everyone who knew me understood why. To think, right when I was trying to move on as well, going to that club…that that's where I'd finally find you again."

They were just around the corner from Levi's house now, just a few streets away.

"When did you know…for sure?" He asked, still very quiet.

"Not right away." Erwin admitted. "I thought it was just coincidence at first, even though my memories were pretty new, it had been so long. You've changed, and…I didn't want to kid myself. At first I just enjoyed thinking that you looked like that boy I was so in love with. But the more time I spent with you…the more memories came flooding back. There were times during our scenes, where it was all I could do not to break character and tell you everything. But…I became more and more conflicted. With each session, we were growing a new attachment that had nothing to do with our former selves, and the idea of being honest with you became harder and harder. You can understand, can't you?"

Levi could, but that even despite all that Erwin had told him, he couldn't stifle the pain and anger that had seeded itself in him. It was soothed by the balm of truth, but still there, festering under the surface.

"I don't know…" Levi finally answered. "I…it's too incredible…"

Erwin pulled up outside Levi's house, parking on the street. They sat there for a few awkward minutes, neither of them looking at each other. The stagnant atmosphere was broken when Erwin reached over Levi to open his glove compartment, pulling out a notepad with a pen hooked to it. He flipped the pages open and scribbled something on a blank sheet, before tearing it out.

"My phone number, and my address." Erwin told him, holding the paper out to him. Levi stared at it, briefly considering snatching it and crumpling it into a ball. His hesitation seemed to hurt Erwin, as he made a pained expression.

"Please….Levi…" He said, begged, "give me another chance. That's all my life has become; second chances."

Levi stared down at the paper a moment longer, before slowly taking it from Erwin, folding it, and putting it in his shirt pocket. He then sighed heavily, and wiped the tear-tracks from his eyes. When he spoke, there was no disguising the anguish in his voice.

"I just…I need time."

Erwin nodded.

"I've waited this long to find you again, Levi. I can wait even longer if I have to."

Levi wanted to get out of the car, wanted to get into his house as soon as possible and bury himself in his bed, but he remained, glued to his seat. He swallowed hard a few times, and then finally met Erwin's eyes. They were so blue, so beautiful. Levi let himself search them, looking into them with an entirely new light, and a host of memories. A very small, involuntary sob choked Levi.

"I…I'm sorry."

Like a coward, Levi fled after those words. Out of the car, up his front walk, and into his front door. He didn't look back once, couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't have seen anything regardless with the new wave of tears blinding him.

Valkyrie assaulted him as soon as he walked through the door, and he struggled momentarily to close and lock it with her pawing excitedly at his legs. He said a few words to her, before breaking down. Levi didn't hold back now; he was in the solitude of his own home. He sank to the floor, and he wept bitterly. Valkyrie began to whine gently and nuzzle him, sensing his distress. In response, Levi hugged her close and let her lick his hands and face nervously as she tried to comfort him.

As touching as his loyal dog's display was, there was nothing that was going to make Levi feel better right now. And if there was, he could not possibly think of what it might be. Or…maybe…a few minutes of harsh weeping, like he hadn't done in years, and Levi couldn't shake off one thought, one that he often went to in almost any case, but especially in times of hardship. It might not help…but then again, he could always try.

Levi picked himself up off the floor, and wiped at his blotchy face. He scratched Valkyrie's head, and she looked relieved that he was standing up again.

"Come on, girl," he told her, in a miserable voice that was even still touched with hope, "let's make some tea."

))(((

TBC