Sorry for the long wait everybody; been a little busy lately, you know, conventions, moving….getting married lol. But now I'm back and hoping to wrap up this little story. Enjoy!
))((
The living room was dark, inky black in all the corners that weren't lit up by the glow of the tv. A muted DVD menu was scrolling, but neither of them were watching it. They were too busy kissing and groping at each other on the sofa. Long minutes on end, soft sounds of flesh brushing and the whisper of shifting clothing filtering through the silence to excite them both.
"What do you think? Want to go upstairs?"
The words were whispered against a pale neck. Breaths came out faster, and squirming ensued.
"Maybe…I'm not used to being asked."
A huge hand pressed and rubbed with a little more vigor between slender, toned thighs, where an eager hardness enjoyed the sensation through boxers and track shorts. A blond eyebrow quirked mischievously.
"That's because your body answers for you; you're really hard."
"You talk too much."
Lips brushed a sharp jawline, sending shudders through the small body.
"I think my words get you hot. I can feel that with my hand down here."
"Coz you just kissed me for ten straight minutes without even touching me below the waist, you jerk!"
A soft chuckle escaped the larger man.
"You're just not used to being wined, dined, and…reclined."
Those dark gold eyebrows waggled this time, and grey eyes rolled in response.
"I don't think Chinese food in front of a tv, and a make-out session on the couch counts."
Another broad hand stroked over his chest, tantalizing through his shirt.
"I call it 'cozy seduction'." A snort answered the remark, and the man went on. "Come on, babe, you were cuddling up to me plenty during the movie, don't deny the appeal of a cozy night in. Or did you want me to drag you to some stiff, fancy restaurant where you'd have to wear a suit?"
"I don't have a suit, but I'd love that." The words were breathy and needy, but spoken with true conviction. "Clothes make the man, you know, Mr. Sports Jersey. I'll bet even you would clean up nice with a good clean dress shirt and pants."
Narrow hips shifted and a small breath came out quickly as large fingers clamped down and squeezed.
"You're changing the subject; after such a cozy couple of hours, are you ready for me to take you upstairs?"
The full lips returned, ghosting over another pair, then focusing on the curve of an ear. A gasp left the smaller man, accompanied by an undulating motion through his lower body as his need spiked at the sensitive skin being stimulated.
"If you are," the larger man cooed into his ear, "I'll adore you."
The brush of a broad thumb over a hard nipple made him squirm again. The insistent strain of his hardness against his clothing and the hot palm of that hand made the decision an easy one.
"Alright, you got me all worked up, better make good on that."
Blue eyes twinkled with excitement. Now given permission, the larger man hefted his muscled body off the couch, and when his partner followed he made a swift motion, and swept the smaller man up into his arms. Struggling and snarling instantly followed the action.
"Erwin, you bastard! Put me down! I'm not a fucking princess! Put me down right now!"
The blonde man staggered a little as his cargo kicked and thrashed, but managed to keep hold of him.
"Calm down or I'll drop you. Come on, it's romantic, isn't it?"
A glare of frustrated embarrassment accompanied the end of the struggling, and they made it upstairs to the bedroom without further incident.
"See now? I can lay you out all gentle-like on the bed. Doesn't get sexier than that, just relax."
Strong arms eased the small, wiry body down onto a soft mattress, causing a small grunt.
"You stripped the bed already? It's like you planned ahead or something. How'd you know I'd say yes?"
Warm lips hummed as the larger frame settled atop the smaller, kissing his cheek.
"Preparation is the key to true romance. Nobody else has done this much for you I'll bet; of course you'd be putty in my hands."
"I thought that spontaneity was supposed to be sexier."
"Sometimes. Who told you that?"
"No one, but a lot of my other partners seemed to live by that rule. Can't tell you how many guys jumped me the second they whisked me away from class. It was supposed to be sexy and secretive, you know; alleyway, parking lot, boy's bathroom…"
Large hands stroked raven-black hair, and blue eyes studied the fine-featured face seriously. Grey eyes avoided direct contact, and after a moment a kiss landed on his pale forehead.
"Poor Levi…you've never had a man treat you right. Actually, I don't think you've ever been with a real man before. All those boys who didn't know jack about how to handle a person like you, your head and heart, or your fine body."
Levi looked like he was considering laughing or retorting in Erwin's face at those words, but he just chuckled dryly and asked,
"Isn't that pretty arrogant?"
"No; it's just the truth. I take one look at you and I just want to cherish you and give you time and attention. How many of those jackasses just tackled you and did what they wanted?"
"You make it sound like I wasn't willing. I was, you know. But when you put it like that…I guess a lot of them…kinda…maybe all of them."
Erwin pressed a hand to Levi's cheek and stroked it.
"I'll never treat you like that. My precious porcelain doll."
Levi covered up how much that comment aroused him by turning to hide his face in Erwin's palm.
"Stupid description…" He muttered.
"It's true. You might be hard as steel, but you still need to be handled gently, at least at first, need to be melted down by a real man's touch."
Erwin went on, laying his free hand flat on Levi's chest and stroking him softly through the college t-shirt. The warmth seeped through and Levi unknowingly sighed. He was always just a little cold.
"When you get impatient and want me to get rough, just let me know. I'd love to toss you around."
"You talk more than anyone else who's gotten into my pants."
"The right words can turn anyone on." Erwin said slyly. "Don't lie; you get hard listening to me talk to you."
Levi shifted his hips as if to hide the fact that Erwin was right. Instead of calling him out on it, Erwin just grinned smugly and leaned down to kiss his lips. Levi sighed through his nose, and he wrapped his arms around Erwin's neck and kissed back.
"I promise…" Erwin muttered again, "I'll make you happier than anyone else ever could…"
As warm hands found their way beneath his clothes and began teasing him as though all eternity was stretched out just for this purpose, Levi arched and gasped, clinging to Erwin with hands that began to shake.
"What the hell…" Levi moaned dismissively, as Erwin pushed up his shirt and began teasing his nipple with his glorious tongue, "what have I got to lose?"
A soft hum against his sensitive flesh made Levi twitch and bite his lip.
"Not me, babe…You'll never lose me…"
Those words, innocently sincere and husky, echoed through his ears, over and over, growing fainter and louder in waves until…
Levi woke with a sad little sighing moan and a jerk of disorientation. He found himself panting lightly in the darkness of his bedroom, his body overheated and thrumming. A familiar sensation of heavy wetness clung to his lower regions, broadcasting to his jolted brain exactly what it had just been up to in his sleep. Levi gave a grunt of irritation. It had been years since his last wet dream; it certainly wasn't something that had happened since entering his thirties. Yet here was the evidence, in his racing heart and soaked briefs. Levi rolled over in bed and was disgusted by how damp with his own sweat the mattress was where he'd been lying. He lay down in a new spot for a while, trying to consciously lower his body temperature and even out his breathing.
"Digging up old memories, huh?" He slurred accusingly, as he thumped his closed fist against his forehead. "I'm not a kid anymore, shit…"
This was the last thing he needed; the last few days had passed with Levi feeling like he was in a fog. He had gone through the motions of work, exercise, sleeping, eating, feeling like he was mourning a loss. The scrap of paper with Erwin's information rested untouched in the drawer of his nightstand. So many times he had wanted to take it out and call his long-lost lover, but his enduring stubbornness kept him from doing so.
Perhaps it had also been the guilt he felt after harboring bitterness against Erwin all these years for seemingly abandoning him, while in reality he'd been afflicted by a horrible set of uncontrollable circumstances. Levi had done much soul-searching over the week, trying to determine what to do going forward, how to make peace with the fact that life had just dealt them both a bad hand, at no fault of their own. Although, he had to consider how the hand had flipped, and given them a second chance. Just because they'd been separated by tragedy didn't mean that they couldn't start over and make their future even sweeter for the parting, right?
Though they had essentially begun from a fresh slate already, Levi hadn't been aware of it at the time. 'Smith' had been a complete stranger whom he'd bonded with apart from the angst-clouded memories of 'Erwin'. To be confronted by that knowledge was more complicated than Levi had thought. He couldn't merge the two persons of Erwin Smith in his brain yet, hadn't had enough time to neatly file him away under the same name. The Erwin he remembered, and the 'Smith' whom he'd fallen for all over again, were of course the same person, but there was such a difference to them that Levi was intimidated by the prospect of relearning who he was for yet a third time.
And yet…with all the roadblocks that Levi's defenses tried to throw at him (legitimately) he knew that there was a river of joy trapped just under his internal walls, bubbling up through the cracks at every opportunity. He had found Erwin.
He had found Erwin.
The only person who had loved and accepted him completely. Even his own parents hadn't given that to him once his life choices diverged from their approval. While he was respected and/or tolerated by everyone else he knew, Erwin had loved him wholly, with abandon. No one else had made him feel so special and accepted, not his friends or family or anyone else he'd ever met. Despite thinking that Erwin had left him all that time ago, he'd never been able to honestly doubt how real those feelings were.
And here Erwin was, setting the pattern all over again.
Levi knew he should've at least texted Erwin, something bland and basic, just to let him know he hadn't completely forgotten about him, and was still hashing things out in his head. But Levi had not been able to bring himself to do it. Damn his stubbornness.
And now his brain and body had teamed up in his sleep with this little mental reenactment of his and Erwin's first time together in college, as if reminding him how insane he was not to take Erwin back immediately now that the impossible option was a reality for him.
"Stupid libido…" Levi grumbled, yanking off his briefs and cleaning himself clumsily with them before tossing them vaguely toward his laundry hamper in the corner. He didn't squint to see if they'd made it in, just lay back and sighed, rubbing at his head. "I don't remember asking you to weigh in on this…"
After a while, Levi realized that it wasn't just the erotic dream-memory and his mental state causing him to feel hot and cold at the same time. Suspicious, Levi swallowed experimentally, and his throat proved to be disconcertingly scratchy and uncomfortable. Immediately, he recognized the tell-tale signs of some kind of sickness.
"Oh, come on…" Levi groaned, swallowing a few more times and confirming that his throat was swollen and irritated. "I don't need this right now…"
Unfortunately for Levi, he knew his body all too well, and his suspicions were confirmed within the following twenty-four hours. His entire life whenever he caught a cold, or anything resembling it, the pattern was always the same; scratchy throat to start, leading to a sore throat, sinus drainage, headache, and full-blown infection. These symptoms rapidly appeared like clockwork during his time at his office, where he began popping doses of over-the-counter meds to try and stay on top. Another forty-eight hours later, and Levi was feeling so bad that he had to make an appointment with his real doctor.
Turned out that he had strep, and his throat was so swollen that swallowing or even turning his head was uncomfortable and painful. Levi had to take off work with the understanding that he couldn't return until he had recovered and wasn't infectious anymore. The last thing he wanted was to spread strep to his coworkers, and he had great confidence that they could run things while he was away. In addition to the heavy-duty antibiotics he was prescribed, they gave him strong painkillers. Stubbornly, he tried to power through without them…for only one day. He had the script filled the next morning, after a pain-filled, sleepless night, and the trip to the pharmacy and back was hell. Levi's head and sinuses were tight and painful enough to make keeping his eyes open hard enough when just staring at a screen, but driving was awful.
He'd managed to wear some semblance of a regular outfit (shorts and a plain tee with sandals) when he went out, but as soon as he got home he shed it to don his baggy sleep clothes. After popping two of the painkillers and trying to placate Valkyrie with a few pats to the head, Levi climbed right back into the rumpled mound of blankets and pillows on his sofa.
He lay still, breathing heavily, trying to will the painkillers to work faster. His plan had been to resume the nature documentary he'd paused on the tv before he'd left (they always relaxed him), but everything seemed so much harder now. The thought of moving his hand to pick up the remote a few feet away on the coffee table in front of him seemed an arduous task, so he just lay there. Valkyrie leapt up onto the sofa and curled her generous frame over the blanket that housed his freezing cold feet, settling in comfortably to watch over her master. Every now and again she lifted her head to rest it on Levi's knee, where he could extract his hand from the blankets and give her a scratch between the ears. When he stopped to replace his cold hand within the warm blankets again, she nudged his leg for a few seconds before realizing that it was fruitless, then gave a yawn and dozed off.
Time seemed to warp, the way it did in feverish illness when there was nothing to do but stay in a resting position that most likely still couldn't bring complete comfort. Levi's body went cold and hot in turns, his head throbbing and his throat feeling like there were lumps of clay mounded up where his neck met his chin, which ached when he moved his head or swallowed. Over the uncounted stretch of time that he lay there, though, he felt the painkillers doing their work. Gradually they dulled all the various complaints to minor background noise. This enabled him to relax, and for a time, to sleep.
Levi almost didn't answer the sound of the doorbell. At first he startled awake without realizing why, and blinked heavy eyelids to look around him. The next second Valkyrie let loose with an excited bark, scrambling to bound off of the sofa toward the front door. That clued Levi in on what had woken him and he struggled to sit up. He'd been deep in a drug-encouraged sleep long enough for the light to change through his windows. It had been sunny that morning when he'd gone out, adding to the affliction of his headache, but now it was overcast and grey. Not only that, but rain was pounding against the windows, fat drops from a late-summer thunderstorm. Levi generally liked thunderstorms, and even through the incredibly heavy haze he felt while coming back to consciousness, he felt a twinge of happiness at the turn in the weather.
Valkyrie continued to make little yelping barks and turn in nail-clacking circles by the front door, alerting Levi to the presence of a stranger. He was half-inclined to just lay back down and tell her to be quiet, let whoever was there come another day. Then he remembered, of all things, that he was waiting for some expensive dress shirts to arrive, and he didn't want to miss the delivery if he had to sign for them. Also, the painkillers must've still been working, because every little movement didn't cause horrible pain in his head, neck, and throat anymore.
Levi dragged himself out of the mess of blankets and around the short corner to the door. Without checking the peephole, he unlocked and opened it. To his surprise, it was not a deliveryman.
It was Erwin.
He was standing there, umbrella to one side, light raincoat slick at the bottom with water. Valkyrie nosed through the doorway to sniff excitedly at him and nudge his hand with fast little huffs of eager breath.
Levi stood there blinking at him for a minute before asking,
"What…are you doing here…in the rain?"
It was a ridiculous-sounding question, and not at all what Levi thought he would've asked in this situation. But his head was still swimming a little and he couldn't process the situation fast enough to be upset. Erwin smiled down at him kindly and held up something that Levi hadn't noticed at his side; an honest-to-goodness woven picnic basket that seemed to have enough weight to it that Erwin had to work to hold it up.
"I brought you dinner." He said simply, looking a bit nervous. "I'm sorry…I hadn't heard from you, and I wanted to see you so badly. So…I looked up and called your office. They told me you were on sick leave because of strep. I know how horrendous that feels, and how it slows the body down, so I thought you could use some food."
Levi looked agape at the man for a full three seconds before closing his mouth and licking his lips at the thought of food. In the back of his foggy mind, Levi couldn't believe the nerve of this man, the persistence, the gall, the…thoughtfulness. He couldn't deny that he felt a warmth in his heart that had nothing to do with his fever, despite the fact that this move seemed a little desperate, especially on Erwin's part.
"Dinner?" Levi croaked. Erwin shrugged, letting the basket ease down to the end of his arm (where Valkyrie began sniffing at it with great interest) and admitted,
"It's a peace offering. Plus…I remembered that I always liked taking care of you, when you'd let me."
Levi slumped against his doorframe and crossed his arms, in an attempt to look condescending, but by the concerned flicker in Smith's eyes it must've failed. In his current state, he wasn't surprised. He must look a sight in his oversized black sweatshirt, charcoal cotton harem pants, and bare feet. Not to mention his face must have been flushed with fever and his eyes were underlined with shadows from lack of sleep. His hair didn't bear thinking about. Still, he tried to do his best to appear miffed and upset, for what reason, he couldn't rationalize himself beyond his stubbornness.
"What makes you think I even want to see you, let alone let you come into my house?"
Levi's hoarse and broken voice was doing nothing to help his hardass front, but Erwin's face turned sly as he patted the side of the basket.
"I brought dessert, too."
The shorter man paused, the frown lessening on his face as he stared at the basket, and imagined the possibilities it might hold. Erwin had always had wicked skill in the kitchen. Though, Levi wasn't sure if that same skill remained after all the man had been through.
As though reading his mind, Erwin gave a knowing look and added,
"Trust me, if there was one thing that stuck with me, it was how to cook."
That was the preverbal icing on the cake. Levi finally sighed resignedly and waved Erwin inside.
"You can feed me. Beyond that I won't promise anything."
Erwin smiled brightly and crossed the threshold, Valkyrie trotting around him excitedly. Levi closed the door and locked it behind them.
"Take your shoes off, please." He instructed. "Hardwood."
Erwin obeyed, then shrugged out of his coat. Levi pointed to the pair of hooks on the wall, where his own coat hung, and he obediently placed it there. Valkyrie began licking at the droplets of rainwater on the coat. A roll of thunder passed overhead, and the two men cast their eyes upward, then back at each other with an almost childish smile of appreciation climbing onto both their faces. The stasis broke when the sound came to an end, and Levi turned his head sheepishly.
Erwin jerked his chin toward the living room, which he could clearly see from the entranceway.
"Sleeping on the sofa instead of your bed?"
Levi turned to observe the piles of blankets and pillows forming an unruly mess that half-spilled off the sofa in the other room.
"It's more comfortable to recover on a sofa than a bed when I'm sick." He explained. "Don't ask me why."
Levi didn't mention that he'd told Erwin this exact same thing back in college, the first time he'd ever taken care of Levi while he was sick. It had been a playful conversation that he'd always remembered.
"How are you feeling?" Erwin asked, picking up the picnic basket and following Levi toward the kitchen. Levi groaned, catching sight of himself as he passed the hallway mirror.
"How do I look and sound?"
"Miserable." Erwin replied cheerfully.
"Go to hell." Levi shot back without any real vehemence. "You know, you're risking catching strep right now."
The other man made a humming sound of consideration.
"I'm assuming you're on antibiotics. Also, it's worth the risk."
When they reached the kitchen, Levi flicked on the light and immediately sat down at the small wooden table.
"Knock yourself out, just clean up whatever mess you make."
Erwin glanced around the modest blue and grey kitchen for a second before placing the picnic basket on the nearest counter. He opened the top and began pulling ceramic storage dishes out, one after another. Levi raised an eyebrow as he watched, Valkyrie standing at Erwin's feet and doing the same with hungry intensity.
"What, did you make me a three-course meal or something?"
Erwin looked aside at him, with an unapologetic smile.
"Does it look like overkill?"
Levi leaned his head on the fingertips of one hand, giving a short yawn. Being jolted out of such a deep sleep couldn't leave him unaffected, even if his long-lost lover was here in his kitchen.
"You can do what you want. I'll never turn down food."
"If it makes you feel any better," Erwin said, opening the dishes, "it's nothing fancy in the slightest. Just food that's easy to eat with a sore throat. Anything you don't eat now, you can keep as leftovers."
A delicious smell wafted over to Levi where he sat. His curiosity and love of good food drew him up out of his chair to Erwin's side. He didn't need to ask. Erwin just caught him looking and answered,
"Homemade chicken noodle soup, cheesy rotini, steamed vegetables, and mashed potatoes."
Levi's mouth watered. He couldn't help it. Old habits (however truly old) died hard, and he'd never been able to resist cuddling up to Erwin when he offered him food. He leaned his forehead on Erwin's upper arm, cold fingers curling around his forearm. The larger man froze at the touch, one dish midway between the basket and the counter. Levi sighed defeatedly a second or two later and quietly admitted,
"Ok…this is one amazing peace offering. I…I think I can work with this."
A nearly imperceptible sound of relief left Erwin, his body relaxing minutely. He lowered the dish so he could place his own hand over Levi's.
"I'm glad you think so." He said softly. Then he patted Levi's hand and his tone grew more confident. "Now go sit down again before you fall over. I can feel how feverish you are."
Levi didn't argue, and went to do as he was told. For a while he watched Erwin poking around in the kitchen looking for plates and utensils. He seemed to have an innate ability to predict where almost everything was, so Levi barely had to direct him at all. Instead he focused on studying the man, recommitting every inch of him to memory, comparing him to his former self.
Erwin was perhaps a bit taller than Levi remembered him, still just as broad through the shoulders but the trimness of athletic youth had been replaced by a comfortable weight of years. His face was leaner, though still just as handsome, maybe even more so with his added age defining his jawline and forehead. His golden hair was neatly combed away from his face, something that his younger self would never have done, having always left it lose. That nose was what really threw Levi off; he remembered it being very hawkish, a mutual bashing point for them both to laugh at. The nostrils used to be much wider, too, he noticed suddenly. Now, Erwin's nose was perfectly crafted to be a straight downward slope with narrower nostrils. Levi would never have cared one way or another, he had loved (and would love) Erwin regardless, but he'd be lying to himself if he said his reconstructed nose wasn't much more aesthetically pleasing. It helped to narrow his face, give it a much more chiseled look.
Erwin's blue eyes glided up and caught Levi staring at his face. It seemed to catch them both off guard, and Levi chose to stand his ground and hold his gaze rather than look away. Erwin gave a small chuckle and tossed his head a bit, indicating he was aware Levi was admiring him.
"No worse than you remember, hm?" He asked. "Scar notwithstanding."
Levi rolled his eyes and let his arm and head sink to the tabletop, still looking at Erwin.
"You were always hideous."
Erwin let out a full-on belly laugh that rang through the kitchen and made Valkyrie suddenly give a bark in surprise. He quieted at that, muttering to the dog to assure her everything was ok, then turned a brilliant smile on Levi. The sick man was unable to hide the way the corners of his mouth tugged up.
"I don't know why I always found your insults endearing."
"Probably because you knew me well enough to tell they weren't really insults." Levi suggested.
Erwin kept smiling, even as they both fell silent and he went about his preparations. All of the food was still warm from being cooked and packed up before Erwin's drive over, but he obviously wanted it to be piping hot to serve. He spooned the soup into a bowl and set it to heating up in the microwave as he arranged the rest of the food on a plate. He used Levi's oven mitts to remove the bowl a minute later, and Levi lifted his head from the table so Erwin could place it down in front of him.
"Enjoy." Erwin encouraged, holding out a spoon to him.
Without missing a beat Levi took it and started in on the soup. If he thought the vague scent of the warm food made him hungry before, the smell of that beautifully golden chicken soup reminded him that he was ravenous. Despite the state of his throat, the painkillers were still doing a good enough job to let him enjoy the taste, and he slurped unashamedly at the first few noodles he encountered.
Erwin pushed the buttons on the microwave to set the heavier foods to heating. Then he sat down opposite Levi at the table and watched him, a contented smile on his face. Levi ignored him for a while, too intent on chasing more noodles and chunks of tender chicken.
"What do you think?" Erwin asked after a moment, and he couldn't keep the hopefulness from his voice. Levi swallowed and said in a weak tone,
"It's unfair, you know, using your witchcraft in the kitchen to bribe me back into your good graces."
Erwin propped his head on one hand and grinned wider.
"Eloquent," he complimented, "but it's not my fault your weakness is a good meal."
"It is a tragedy."
A few more moments went by, the microwave dinged, and Erwin went to retrieve from it. A second later he set a plate of hot cheesy rotini, veggies, and mashed potatoes before him, along with a fork. Levi pushed aside the nearly empty bowl of soup, and he inhaled over the steaming plate with a little shudder of appreciation.
"God, I hate you…" He mumbled, taking the fork and pushing the food around to cool it a bit. "Mostly because…it's impossible to hate you…"
"That's a conundrum for sure." Erwin said, stealing a rotini curl and tossing it to the waiting Valkyrie.
There was something unsure in his voice, different from the casual tone he'd had since he showed up. It was not lost on Levi, and he sensed the subtle shift in atmosphere. There was a long pause as Levi systematically tasted everything on his plate. He'd barely put a dent in his food before he put down his fork and looked Erwin in the eyes. He was done torturing himself.
"I'm sorry for how I reacted. For taking your head off like that." He admitted, nearly blurting it out. "I had a lot of issues around your disappearance that I've never really dealt with, and they kind of just…took over. I said very hurtful things to you, and I'm sorry."
Blue eyes softened, Erwin's expression going apologetic and patient. Levi recognized it with a pang as one that had come over the man whenever Levi became upset. It gave him the confidence to keep going. He was finally setting things right.
"I've been doing nothing but thinking about this whole situation nonstop for the last week, and it's given me time to come to terms with a lot of it. Or at least…understand why you didn't tell me the truth right away."
Erwin's face showed naked hope for a second before schooling back into neutrality. Levi kept going.
"I can see there would be no easy way for you to break the news to me. It must've been awful for you to struggle with whether to tell me, let alone how. There was no easy way to go about it, and I have no idea how I would've done it if I were you. Plus, I didn't help, being too much of a dumbass to recognize you."
"But my face…" Erwin protested, giving Levi the benefit of the doubt like the kind soul that he was. Levi snorted and shook his head, saying determinedly,
"So you have a scar now and your nose is straighter, but I still should've known."
"It's been thirteen years," Erwin tried again in a soothing voice, "I didn't recognize you at first either."
"Yeah, well, you have traumatic amnesia to blame." Levi said, ashamed. "What excuse do I have?"
One large hand came across the table to rub at Levi's free arm. As fevered as Levi still was, he still loved the warmth that spread from that touch. Erwin's head lowered as he spoke encouragingly,
"I think you're being too hard on yourself."
Levi took a forkful of rotini and stuffed it into his mouth instead of rebuffing. It was absolutely delicious. Erwin watched him eat a while longer, and then rubbed at his arm when he spoke again.
"You know, I never found anyone else. I tried, but…even before I remembered who you were, I never clicked with anyone enough for it to last very long."
The smaller man swallowed and looked a bit uncomfortable. His tone came out as neutral, but it was painfully obvious that he was interested.
"Men or women?"
A little flicker of mischief showed in blue eyes that had been far too heavy with concern the moment before.
"Both."
When Levi looked up at him and even pursed his lips unconsciously, Erwin gave a wicked smirk and added,
"At least in the beginning. It didn't take long for me to decide which I preferred."
He didn't want to admit to himself that he felt relief at the clarification, so Levi just scoffed.
"I'm surprised they didn't try to turn you into some scientific study on the formation of sexual preferences."
Erwin pulled away to sit back and cross one leg over another, a position that Levi understood; he was much more relaxed now that they were actually talking through all this.
"You're not far off." He admitted. "I did have that question posed to me many times from a number of people. No conclusions were ever gathered in the end. Though I certainly heard plenty of theories."
Levi dropped a dollop of mashed potato on the floor for Valkyrie to lap up; she'd been begging consistently since they'd all entered the kitchen. He was in the habit of spoiling her, and hadn't minded that Erwin had thrown her an encouragement.
"So what's your theory?" Levi asked, already missing the weight of Erwin's hand on his arm. The man suddenly seemed very far away from across the table. Erwin swayed his head indecisively before answering,
"I don't know why I gravitated back toward men even with most of my memory gone. I wish I had a clean-cut answer for myself most of the time. Once I'd remembered you, though…I waxed pretty romantic and thought no one else could ever compare. All I wanted was you. When I couldn't find you, I unconsciously shied away from any other opportunities."
Levi rolled his eyes before shaking his head and chuckling.
"You're kidding me, right? There's no way you actually lived that way, just based on my memory, all this time."
Erwin's blue eyes seemed to grow more serious and searching as they looked into Levi's.
"And what about you? How's your love life been since then?"
The smaller man swallowed, glad he had the excuse of eating to cover how deliberately Erwin had him cornered. When Levi didn't answer, and broke their gazes to shovel vegetables into his mouth, Erwin speculated,
"You never found anyone else either, did you?"
Slender fingers ran through messy raven hair as Levi made every excuse not to answer, blushing even darker through his fever. For as honest as he'd been with Erwin thus far this evening, he could still be caught up shy at certain personal questions. It had the air of a class reunion; some things just weren't comfortable admitting to after so much time had passed.
"Oh, Levi…" Erwin said softly, after his silence answered for him. "I'm sorry, too…"
Grey eyes darted up and fixed on ocean blues, a wealth of understanding passing between the gaze. Levi sighed through his nose and swallowed his mouthful.
"Don't be; you found me."
That simple sentence seemed to knock the breath out of Erwin. His lips parted slightly, his face reflecting the bittersweet happiness he felt at the sentiment.
He stood up from his chair, leaned over the little table, and brushed Levi's bangs back to kiss his forehead. Those full lips felt cool on his heated skin, and Levi found his eyes closing with how sweet the gesture was. When Erwin pulled back, he laid a hand on Levi's brow. It was so large that it covered all of his forehead and his fingers crept over onto his scalp.
"You're burning up." Erwin said softly, moving his hand cautiously to cup Levi's cheek, brushing his thumb over the flushed skin. "Finish that up, and then you need to lie down again."
Levi stared into those blue eyes, his own iron blue ones softening. He leaned his head into Erwin's hand.
"Yeahh, ok."
))((
True to Levi's instructions Erwin washed up all the dishes and set them to dry while Levi laid back down in the living room. Valkyrie, though she seemed to be enthralled with the stranger in their house, remained loyal, and curled up at the base of the sofa. Every now and again, though, her ears would twitch at the sounds coming from the kitchen.
It was surreal, having Erwin here in his house, feeding him and cleaning up and being so kind to him. It was eerily similar to that time in college when Levi had been much worse with the flu. Despite how contagious he was, Erwin had stayed by his side, holding his bangs back as he puked his guts out time after time. He'd even wiped his mouth with a cloth and given him sponge baths so he wouldn't stink of his own feverish sweat. It had been that show of dedication that proved to Levi that their relationship was more than skin-deep.
Levi sighed at the memory. It was as if nothing has truly changed; Erwin was here now, loving on him and proving to be every bit as lovable in return as he'd always been.
A handful of minutes was all it took for him to finish cleaning up and pack away the basket. Levi saw him carrying it past the living room entrance to place it beside the coat hooks by the door. A moment or two later Erwin appeared again, carrying a washcloth and a little dish of something.
"Can I pull you from your blanket ball for a moment?" Erwin teased, setting down the dish on the end table and pushing a lump of flannel and cotton aside to sit next to Levi. The smaller man gave a very tiny grin, and forced himself into a sitting position, keeping as much of the blanket as he could wrapped around his shoulders.
"You used to call it a nest." He recalled, very softly. Erwin's expression lowered into confusion, and he crinkled his eyebrows slightly in concentration.
"Did I?"
"Yeah. I always bundle myself up to rest or sleep. You used to say I was nesting."
The blond man obviously was trying very hard to remember this little detail, and Levi felt guilty for bringing it up.
"I used to kick your ass for saying it, too." He added. "Even back then I knew that 'nesting' referred to a pregnant woman."
Erwin's face transformed from concentration to glowing interest at the words.
"You don't say…that's…fascinating to tell you the truth. Now lean your head back for me."
Levi obeyed, resting the base of his head on the back of the sofa as Erwin hovered over him and placed the washcloth on his forehead. It was wet and cold, and felt delicious against his hot skin.
"How come you find that story to interesting?" Levi asked, shifting a little, adjusting to the cloth; it was nearly covering his eyes because Erwin had folded it very wide. The other man didn't answer right away.
"Let's just say that my current line of work sheds a whole new light on my wording back then."
"That's not an answer." Levi pointed out, lifting a corner of the washcloth from his eye to try and pin Erwin with his gaze. A big hand forced his own down, replacing the cloth where it needed to be. A sigh followed.
"If you laugh at me I swear I'll take this chocolate pudding and scram."
Levi's dark eyebrows lifted from under the cloth.
"Pudding? Really? How old you do think I am?"
He heard a light clinking as Erwin presumably picked up the dish and spoon again.
"This isn't any ordinary pudding, I made it from scratch. Besides, with your throat being so sore it's a very good dessert option. What is it with you anyway? You think chocolate is for children or something? You made fun of me for drinking hot chocolate a while back, too. You love extra-sweet mochas, and those are basically chocolate and sugar with a dash of coffee to taste. You've got no room to judge."
Deliberately pouting, Levi made a huffing sound to concede that Erwin had him beat.
"How am I supposed to eat this heavenly nectar-of-the-gods pudding, then?" Levi demanded sarcastically. "I can't see like this."
There was the distinct sound of a spoon sliding along the inside of a dish, and then Erwin's voice came out placating and cheerful.
"Open wide."
"You can't be serious."
An expectant silence answered him.
Levi let out a long-suffering sigh and then obediently opened his mouth. A second later thick, chilled pudding was spooned into his mouth. Though he may have raved against chocolate for no other reason than to be cantankerous, he couldn't deny how delicious the pudding was; creamy and rich but still mild enough to soothe his swollen throat. He made an unconscious hum of appreciation, licking his lips after he'd swallowed the mouthful.
"What do you think now?" Erwin asked, already dipping the spoon back into the dish.
"I think you're evil." Levi mumbled, then opened his mouth for more. After another bite, Levi said, "Don't think you skirted the topic at hand; you still need to tell me what you do for a living."
Erwin sighed.
"I have to tell you how I decided to go down this path to begin with first."
"Sure."
He heard the man preparing himself with a short breath before he began,
"When I went back to college, I still didn't have a clear direction as to my future, and I used to take a lot of walks on the trails around campus. Remember how beautiful they were? Back in the woods and down by the lake?"
"How could I forget?" Levi answered through a mouthful of pudding. "You always used to drag me there for 'fresh air'."
"You loved it, you ice prince." Erwin deadpanned, and stopped Levi's retort with more pudding. "Anyway, a few weeks into my second year back, I was out there walking by myself. Wishing you were with me the entire time, and wondering why I was torturing myself with wanting you. But those thoughts were cut short pretty abruptly, because when I rounded one of the curves in the path, I saw a woman sitting on the grass. She was heavily pregnant and looked like she was in distress. When I went to help her, she told me she was in labor, and that her husband was on the way but she didn't think she had much time."
Levi scoffed slightly, but was intrigued.
"Don't tell me you delivered her baby?"
"I absolutely did." Erwin's voice was proud, and Levi's jaw dropped. Erwin scooped more pudding into it.
"Dammit!" Levi garbled around the mouthful. "Stop doing that whenever you want me to shut up! Finish the story."
"The medics and her husband showed up a while after her little girl was born, but before they got there, I was the one who delivered her and placed her in her mother's arms. I can't describe to you just how powerful of a moment that was for me. I'd helped bring a new life into the world, and she was a blank canvas, ready to burst into color."
"Poetic." Levi admitted. "That's…incredible."
"It was. And it changed my life. From that moment on, I wanted to be part of something like that again. So I shifted gears from my basic classes, to something more specialized."
Levi's eyebrows rose beyond the cool cloth again, suspicious.
"Wait…don't tell me that you really are a doctor?"
A warm chuckle left Erwin, and it rumbled through the room before he stifled it.
"You sound so horrified by the idea." He pointed out. "It wouldn't be the worst thing, you know, if I was a doctor in real life that doesn't mean I can't play one recreationally."
Levi shifted, uncomfortable.
"I mean…I guess not…"
"Relax, Levi." Erwin assured him. "I'm a midwife."
There was a pause while Levi absorbed that information, struggling to connect the dots. Instantly the phone call that had taken Erwin away from the club sprang to mind, as well as the hint he'd dropped at the gala that they had the same client. Well, Erwin had said that Laurence's wife had been his client. With a spark of realization, Levi remembered little baby Jonesy, barely six months old, gripping his finger and garbling happily. Erwin must have delivered him. It relaxed him, knowing that all his other deep, dark fears about Erwin's job were put to rest in light of the truth. His contemplation must have gone on silently for long enough to make Erwin uncomfortable, because he eventually asked,
"Are you surprised?"
"Uh…I mean…" Levi muttered, "yeah, a little. It's not a job you think of a man having right away, but there are plenty of men delivering babies in every hospital in the world, so...not so strange at all."
"Exactly." Erwin said, "and I'm privileged to be able to guide mothers of all ages and experiences through the process of giving birth to a new life. It's more rewarding than I can ever describe in words."
Levi was quiet again, thinking about that. Erwin spoke about it with such passion and gentle wonder that he almost felt jealous. He thought for a moment about saying that architecture was similar in a way; growing something from nothing, but he realized how competitive and pointless it would be to say it aloud. There was no need to compete with Erwin when they both had jobs they loved and...
"Wait a minute," Levi said suddenly, frowning, "that big-ass two-story house you own was paid for by midwifery?"
A snort of laughter was forced from Erwin's lips at the incredulity on Levi's face and in his words.
"It's one of the highest-paying jobs in the nation, you know." He said proudly. "But I can see why you might be surprised. Perhaps not everyone knows that being a midwife requires at least the same medical training as specialized nurses."
"Never would have thought it." Levi shook his head. "You graduated with a business degree."
Levi pulled the cloth from his face, and looked at Erwin. He was sitting there, holding the mostly-empty pudding bowl on his lap, looking older and kinder than Levi had ever thought he could all those years ago. He studied him through hazy eyes for a second.
"Although...you always wanted to help others. Even with your athletic jock-ness, that was always what you cared about the most. Who can say what would've happened, but…I think it's a perfect job for you."
A smile spread on Erwin's face.
"It absolutely is. Although, there are a few blows to my freedom; since my clients are expecting mothers I'm always on-call in case one of them goes into labor. I try to space out who I take on so that I don't have a situation where more than one could be going into labor at once on me, but I'll still get calls with questions, at all hours of the day or night."
"You were always the type to drop everything for someone else." Levi confirmed. "So that was very telling even when I knew you. I would've never said it out loud, not back then, but that was part of what I loved about you."
Erwin cocked his head.
"Really?"
"Yes. Do you have any memory at all of when I caught the flu? About two months after we started seriously dating?"
The blond man set the empty pudding dish aside and leaned back on the sofa, crossing one leg over the other. He casually draped one arm around Levi's shoulders, lightly holding them.
"I don't think so. Tell me what happened?"
Levi flipped the wet cloth over so the cooler side was laid against his forehead again, but folded up so that his eyes weren't covered anymore. He was curious about Erwin's reaction to this particular story.
"I think that was the single worse sickness I've caught to this day. I was fevered and sweating and puking my guts out…most likely the grossest I've ever felt, too. But you just showed up at my door fifteen minutes after I texted you about it, and you didn't leave until I was recovered, four days later."
Levi glanced over to see Erwin's pale blue eyes widen in amazement.
"I moved into your dorm room for four days?"
"Yeah," Levi sighed, feeling a stab of painfully familiar nostalgia, "you had to run home a few times to get things, and to the store once or twice, but besides that you were literally right next to me the entire time."
There was a moments' silent contemplation, and then Erwin noted,
"I was a pretty good guy, huh?"
Levi scoffed.
"Except a lot more humble back then, apparently."
Erwin chuckled, and his hand brushed Levi's shoulder kindly. It felt nice.
"You took care of me like no one else had." Levi went on. "Not even my mom had stuck that close when I was that sick. I mean…you bathed me, and fed me, even though I couldn't keep much down, you even put up with all my bitching because I felt so terrible. That was an important turning point in our relationship, I'll have you know. It proved your sincerity to me. If I was just someone you wanted to fool around with, you'd never have done any of that for me."
Those blue eyes were looking at him like he was telling him something remarkable, focused, intense, but somehow calm and demanding nothing. Levi turned his head forward again, his neck hurt looking up at Erwin like that for so long.
"So, when that happened," Erwin asked, "there was nobody else there for you?"
"Most people in college power through on their own anyway." Levi muttered, cynically.
"But you had me…"
"Yeah, I just told you that."
A short pause followed Levi's words, in which he felt all of Erwin's being still entirely, as though bracing himself. Levi tensed up in response, feeling the serious vibes coming off the other man.
"I think I always liked feeling needed." His tone was soft, genuine, but also unsure. "Somehow…it's the best feeling in the world."
Levi had been worn down by his sickness, his emotional turmoil, and the last week. His defenses slipped, as they had so often around this man both in the past and the present. At Erwin's quiet observation about himself, four words sprang to his lips at once.
"I've always needed you."
The blond man's face lit up in a half-incredulous expression, and Levi quickly slapped the cloth back over his eyes to hide, groaning at how heart-warmingly sappy that had sounded. He'd put his foot in his mouth now, there was no use but to own up. The smaller man shook his head against the back of the sofa at how uncomfortable this all was.
"Look, I…I've been…" He began, and Erwin waited for him to compose his thoughts. "Lonely."
The word was forced out in a small breath of admission. Levi took a few more seconds before launching ahead.
"I'm very self-contained. I don't usually need other people. But I never stopped missing you. Sometimes…I was so lonely that it hurt…"
"I'm sorry…" Erwin said softly. "I wish I could've been with you all this time."
Levi gritted his teeth.
"There's no use in asking what if. You're here now…and…you're not…going anywhere, right?"
Any other day the question would make Levi feel unbelievably vulnerable, and he still was, but he knew how Erwin would respond. His voice was low, serious, but softly sweet and loving.
"Levi, if you want me here, I'll never leave you again."
His breath sped up at that, the reality of that promise overwhelming him. He felt the tears rising, and it hurt too much to hold them back, between his swollen throat and the pressure in his head. He let them trickle down, soaking into his scant sideburns and dripping into his ears. This made him rub at them, lifting his head.
The cloth fell from his eyes, and then Erwin was there, pulling him into his lap, blankets and all. Levi was draped over strong thighs and rested back over Erwin's strong arm as though he were a child, cradled against his chest. His neck protested a little, but Levi wouldn't have moved for anything.
"You sure you're not worried about catching strep?" He asked weakly, pressing his face into Erwin's shirt. "I'm staying away from the office for my coworkers as much as myself..."
A warm hand cupped one of his knees and rubbed affectionately up his thigh through the layers of blankets. Erwin leaned down to brush his lips against Levi's forehead in a sweet kiss.
"Like I said before you're on antibiotics, right?"
"Only started a few hours ago." Levi admitted, shyly sliding a hand up to rest on Erwin's collarbone. "I didn't tell you that."
The big man moved his hand to touch Levi's, and stroke up his arm to his shoulder a few times, soothing him.
"Worth the risk, as long as I can hold you again."
"You're such a sentimental old man now…" Levi moaned. "But even back then you kind of were…"
"And you still stuck with me." Erwin teased. Levi said nothing in response.
On that note, Erwin smiled, Levi closed his eyes, and they sat in comfortable silence for a handful of moments. As before, it was surreal to Levi, being in Erwin's arms again, after they'd done so much at the club without him knowing who Erwin was. At the moment, he found he was too tired to contemplate that. He'd spent too many agonizing hours doing that in the week previous, and right now he just wanted to revel in his happiness.
And he was. Strep and all, he was happy.
"You need to get some rest." Erwin finally told him. Levi frowned up at him without opening his eyes.
"What do you think I'm doing right now? I Don't want to move now, thanks to you."
When the big man began to shift him and lay him back down, Levi grumpily obeyed his unspoken orders. He found himself lying back against his pillows on the other side of the sofa once more, with Erwin holding his ankles and feet across his lap.
"Compromise," Erwin suggested, "we watch something together until it gets later, and then you promise to try and sleep once I leave."
Levi puckered his lips like an obstinate child for a few seconds.
"How am I supposed to sleep? My long-lost boyfriend just showed up and started taking care of me."
White teeth appeared in a brilliant smile.
"I would hope that fact would set you at ease to the point where sleep would be easy."
"Maybe." Levi sighed. "My brain will still find a way to ponder over this until I can't sleep."
The smile faded slowly as Erwin considered that declaration.
"You always were a worrier at night, weren't you? All day you could ignore problems, but at night, when there were no distractions, you'd start thinking…you still have trouble sleeping?"
Levi felt a tingle of bittersweet nostalgia hearing Erwin speak with confidence about a memory.
"Not nearly so much as back then, but…sometimes."
"So what would you have to worry about tonight?"
Levi took a long time before he answered, wondering whether it was far too soon to ask the question that had been crushing him for the last hour. He finally decided there was no reason to let it keep tormenting him. He drew in a fortifying breath and let it out before asking, softly,
"Whether or not we can try again..?"
He'd barely gotten the words out before Erwin was smiling, nodding, and squeezing his feet through the blankets with enthusiasm.
"Yes, Levi, absolutely yes. That's all I've wanted from the beginning."
A tide of emotion crashed into Levi, and his breath caught in his throat as he reeled at how strong it was. He had Erwin back, eager and loving and just as wonderful as he had been all that time ago. It wouldn't be perfect, but it was better than anything Levi could have asked for in his previous existence.
He bit his lip as he felt the tears threatening to return. He managed to swallow them back, but he slid a hand out of his blankets, and reached down to offer it. Erwin picked it up gently, and laced their fingers together. A thumb rubbed the top of his hand, teasing the sensitive skin and making a pleasant shiver run up Levi's spine.
Through the weight of the emotional situation, a thought came to Levi that made him smile, and he opened his eyes to look at Erwin, a small twinkle springing up in them. He gave a small, semi-nervous chuckle, and asked in his croaking voice,
"Wanna be my boyfriend again, blondie?"
The levity made Erwin smile along with him, and he leaned down to press his lips against Levi's hand. He then rose and once more kissed his pale brow.
"Absolutely."
They both smiled and chuckled together, trying to adjust to the development.
"What do you say we start over where we began?" Levi said, reaching for the remote on the coffee table. "Watching a screen and running our hands all over each other?"
"Sounds like a good start." Erwin agreed.
Both of them grinned like morons for a while as Levi set up the entertainment center with the two remotes. When Levi realized the movement of his arm radiated up his arm and shoulder to irritate his neck, Erwin suggested he take another dose of pain meds. It had been long enough to where Levi started feeling like he needed them. Upon his instruction, Erwin brought him a glass of water and watched him swallow the pill. With relief on the way, they resumed their positions on the sofa.
As Levi started the documentary over, and they relaxed, a peace and calm seemed to descend on them. Levi still felt very sick, and no matter how happy he was he couldn't ignore that, but having Erwin there made it easier to bear. Just like before. They were older now; the action movie was replaced with the informative documentary, instead of hungry groping and kissing they brushed hands and Erwin massaged Levi's feet, and instead of staying awake most of the night, they both began to yawn around eight o'clock.
But somehow, the atmosphere fit them now, and without the rampaging hormones interfering, they enjoyed being together to a deeper degree than before. Though, Levi couldn't help but wish he didn't feel so bad, because he knew how good those large hands felt other places than his feet, and had he not been sick he would've jumped Erwin right there on the sofa. As it was, he contented himself with the foot massage, and then the scalp massage when he turned around and laid his head in Erwin's lap. It was hard to ask for more under the circumstances. The painkiller was making Levi feel like he was both invincible and also barely able to move due to how relaxed he was without the tension caused by pain.
"How am I going to sleep without you here tonight?" Levi slurred, once the documentary series had been playing for a few hours. "I'd fall asleep right here, right now, but I don't want to wake up and find you gone."
The large hand that had been playing with his hair paused the pat him thoughtfully.
"Perhaps I should go now then." Erwin said. "I don't want to, but I have more of a chance to catch your strep by spending the night beside you than just cuddling like this."
"Damnit…I should've kept my mouth shut…"
Erwin chuckled, and stroked Levi's black hair a few final times before shifting, indicating that Levi should let him up. Carefully, Levi did so, sitting upright in a pool of his blankets, hair disheveled. Erwin stood, stretched, and then turned to look down at sick boyfriend.
"You look horrible." He said lovingly, ruffling Levi's hair further. "Get some sleep, then text me when you wake up in the morning, ok? I can bring you breakfast or lunch depending on when you actually are up and alive."
Levi nodded.
"I'm gonna sleep right here. Sorry, I'm not walking you to the door."
"I can see myself out, it's alright."
Erwin planted a tender kiss on Levi's head for the millionth time that night, and as naturally as it had always sounded, he said,
"Love you."
Levi sleepily grinned and shook his head in disbelief that he was hearing those words again. From his Erwin. He nodded, brushing his hand down the larger one as he too let Erwin hear the words. For all he knew, Erwin couldn't remember ever hearing them from his lips directly. Either way, Levi needed to say them.
So quietly, but so sincere, he said,
"Yeah…love you too, Erwin."
The blond man gave a giddy sigh that sounded like a half-formed laugh of happiness. He squeezed Levi's hand for a long time, before there was nothing else to do but part ways quickly to spare themselves the pain of waiting for it.
Levi watched Erwin leave, waving at him the whole way like a teenager until he couldn't see him anymore. Valkyrie lifted her head at his exit, and then popped up to trot around the corner and investigate. Levi heard Erwin talking softly to her as he slipped into his raincoat and gathered his umbrella and shoes. One final goodbye was called, and then the front door opened and closed.
With a huge but silent sigh, Levi dropped down against the sofa once more. He was ready to give in to the embrace of sleep, pain subdued, and heart soaring. He had his Erwin back.
Smiling, Levi slipped into a fitful sleep, resting in the knowledge that when he woke up tomorrow, his reality would be better than any dream.
He had his Erwin back…and he would never lose him again.
))(((
THE END (: (;
I may write an epilogue for this, I'm not sure yet. Hope you liked it regardless (: