Despite my early start to the day and the mass amounts of tryptophan in my system, my thoughts keep me awake, tossing and turning all night while I grapple with what my heart wants and what my head reminds me of my past.

I must doze off at some point because I wake late morning, groggy and confused. I grab my phone to check the exact time and see a message waiting for me from Killian.

good morning, Swan. I'd ask if you want to get dinner tonight but I'd wager we both have enough leftovers to last until Christmas

I smile and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before answering.

maybe even till the new year. I can't tonight anyway, I have to work the front desk. tomorrow?

Bzzzz Bzzzz

I can't, I'm working doubles all weekend for the people who went home for break

Monday for tutoring? I need all the help I can get before finals

I tap out an affirmation, feeling slightly disappointed. At least I have another few nights to sort out my feelings.

When Monday night rolls around, I'm incredibly nervous but I've made up my mind. I'm starting off small, so I don't know why I'm so worked up.

I fidget with my cuffs and compulsively fix my hair through my first two tutoring sessions. By the time Killian shows up, I've worked a small hole in my sweater sleeve from pulling at it so much. I sit on my hands to stop as Killian takes a seat quite close to me.

"Hello, love," he smiles, shrugging off his jacket. So he owns two colored shirts, the red from Thanksgiving and the dark blue one he's wearing now. The color makes his eyes stand out strikingly.

"Hey," my heart flutters from his smile and my nerves. Should I just ask right away? Work up to it?

Killian pulls out his textbook and notes and I dive in, deciding to put off my question.

As we go over his notes, I get the feeling he would've been fine on his own but I don't begrudge his company. I even show him some advanced tips to help him get extra credit as I know his professor does that sort of thing.

Our session and my tutoring hours come to an end and butterflies start beating the inside of my stomach again.

When he sees me packing up too, Killian asks, "you're done for the day?" I nod as he stands up. "I'll walk you home."

"Alright." I join him and we walk through the library, not saying anything. I steal glances at him every few seconds, urging myself to saw what I need.

"Something wrong?" I look at him fully with wide, questioning eyes. "You look like you're about to be sick," he laughs.

I let out a big sigh, trying to compose myself. "I just have a lot of stuff on my mind."

"Stuff, " he echoes, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Would you like to come home with me- me and David, of course David, and Mary Margaret- for Christmas? If you can, I know you work. And only if you want to of course" my words tumble out of my mouth almost too quickly to understand. I'm blabbering, for sure, so I take a deep breath, slowing down with effort, "I really would like you to come because... because I have some things to tell you that would be easier to explain there. And I just want to spend time with you." Well I almost told him my feelings. In Storybrooke, I'll tell him when we get home.

We've stopped walking by this point and Killian is just staring at me, a slightly bemused smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

He's quiet long enough that a blush spreads across my cheeks, thinking I've really made a bad decision.

Finally he chuckles, a short, happy sound. "I'll have to talk to work but, Emma, I'd love to."

Instant relief. Ive got two weeks to gather my courage.

a/n well i ended up making this more chapters than i intended. i wanted her to talk to mm and then i felt it was important to have a scene with her asking Killian home with her. Sorry it's another short chapter. I thought it made more sense to end here and then pick up in storybrooke next chapter. at least one more chapter by Christmas, i promise. then i'll be done with this. i'll give you a good ending though. thanks for reading.