Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Monique Epps, wife of Master Sergeant Epps is ROTF canon. Director Michael Bay cut her scene out of the final production of the ROTF film but she is in the book version pg 242 – 250 and mentions their kids. Here, only she is referenced. And I could write out specifics but details are not my strongest writing skill.
::Means internal comms between specific mechs. Not heard by humans or other Transformers:: Name of sender is always encoded on the end. And I do use spell check with Word and the spell check function on ff net but something always slips through. Onward to dealing with aliens and family.
TR TR TR TR TR TR TR TR TR TRANSFORMERS
You know you're addicted to humans when:
9. Set your internal chronometer to remind for breakfast, break, lunch, dinner and bedtime for Sam, Mikeala and Annabelle or any other human you are around.
10. You use every excuse to drive your human around, even short distances or while on base.
11. You have specially altered your interior to fit human riders. *Bumblebee and Ironhide.
12. The feel of human feet on your floorboards races your engine. *Medical addendum – See Ratchet immediately for coding repair. Autobots do not have fetishes, feet included.
13. You map a travel route paying more attention to rest stops, coffee shops and hotels than possible ambush points, ground cover and places to make an armed stand against superior forces.
Master Sergeant Epps climbed out of the small green car from the passenger side. Lawn sprinklers whisked across the yards of the houses lining the residential neighborhood as faint laughing of children and the squeak of bicycle wheels carried on the air. The soldier stood to his full height, the fatigues a little wrinkled from the long ride but clean and bearing the patches of NEST. Breathing deeply of the flowery scented air, he nodded to his neighbor across the street. The old man ignored his greeting, continuing to amble towards the front door with the newspaper in hand. "Nice neighborhood the wife says, yah right. Snobs who don't appreciate the freedoms we give them through blood and precious metal."
An excited feminine squealing had him dropping his duffel bag and opening both arms out wide. He grunted, stumbling backwards with the impact of his young wife. He chuckled while breathing in the smell of her perfume.
"I missed you," she purred, kissing him deeply. The car they leaned against shifted slightly. Epps patted it, moving them away as the driver appeared out of thin air. The car backed into his driveway and parked, the revving engine going quiet before the driver disappeared into a thousand shimmering lights. She blinked and tightened her grip on her husband. "Is that?"
"Yes Monique," he whispered back as quietly. "A Transformer. One of the good guys, Hey!" he yelled, rubbing at his shoulder that she punched then stepped back. She glared with both hands on her narrow hips as her black skin shone in the sunlight.
"I hardly expect you to bring home a bad guy sweetie," she said sarcastically. "Least be courteous and invite it in."
"His," Epps stressed the 'his' to emphasize a person and not the car he seemed. "Alt mode, the car shape is too wide for the front or back door. His bi pedal mode is too tall for the doorway and we are a bit public for a super secret alien race to go walking around."
"Then we go elsewhere. Neighbors here have enough to gossip about now." Epps started to protest about just arriving and found himself and her inside of Skids rolling down the road towards the countryside minutes later, the argument dropped. He sighed, thinking of her and the private room waiting at the bed and breakfast he reserved as a surprise for that night. The surprise he had not had the time to tell her about.
His wife shifted, knees pushed up against the dash before trying to stretch upward, her arms bending at the elbows inside the narrow confines and low roof. "Who designed this disguise? Fisher price?"
"I heard that!" Skids protested, rocking back and forth on his axles s he rolled down the road. "YO! I'm made for combat not living space! Devastator got busted up real good, it don't take size for that! And you picked this back road, for a scenic view! Ain't even traffic around to keep me moving."
"And I thought my GPS was annoying," she grinned.
"Who were you expecting? Prince Charming?" Her husband asked.
"Ironheart, big black dude you're always talking about. Rough terrain vehicle with big wide seats," she reminded, tugging at her seat belt with both hands to loosen it.
"It's Ironhide and he's with Lennox for the weekend. The others were on missions. Ratchet asked that Skids escort me home while his twin finishes repairs. I hardly could refuse a command order from Will and Ratchet."
"Rank has its privileges," she muttered under her breath. They both gasped as Skids locked his brakes, sliding to the gravel roadside.
"Get out now!" He yelled, the vocal sounding all around them, springing both car doors open.
"Hey! We didn't insult," Epps began, pushing himself off the steering wheel as his wife leaned back, rubbing at both knees.
"Decepticon incoming! Get out! Or be transform jam in my gears!" Skids rocked side to side as the seat belts retracted.
"Run for cover Monique!" Epps ordered, reaching in the back seat. One grab and his sidearm pulled into his hand out of the duffel bag side pocket. Two seconds more and he was out of Skids, running around his green armored front bumper.
"You couldn't bring me one of those pea shooters? Where the heck are your big guns?" She snapped, running alongside him for the cover of the nearby trees. Behind them transform sounds began followed by heavy thumping treads as Skids followed.
"Wouldn't fit with the chocolates and teddy bears to sneak past the armory guards," he answered, looking skyward. Beside him, she gasped eyes going wide as one hand clutched his arm tightly.
"Seeker! I sent a call for backup. Others be close but da, they gotta get here," Skids held out his green armored arm before them, blue optics swiveling all directions. Roaring jet engines overhead had them all ducking, wincing.
"How many bullets you got in that gun?" Monique whispered, watching the silver jet with alien markings all over it soar in a tight circle before weaving back and forth as though searching for something.
"Clearly not enough," he answered, dropping into a crouch by the bushes as she did the same.
The jet hovered before transforming down, parts folding into the Decepticon Starscream. The mech stumbled, going down on one knee plate.
"Are those char marks?" Epps muttered, straining to see the dark streaks among his Cybertronian tattoos.
"You should recognize those," his wife hissed back. "Looks like what you grill every summer."
"He and two other seekers tangled with Prime. That why they close," Skids said.
"Which two other seekers?"
"Those two," Skids pointed up as Skywarp and Thundercracker roared into view, hovering and transforming down onto the large flat grassy areas on either side of the road. In hiding, they remained still, praying to their divinity and waiting as red optics glanced their way before moving away. The intermittent trees spread among the grass hills left them nowhere else to run without being in the wide open. The three seekers never detected them, though Skids bragged it was his ability to blend in with the environment like a ninja. Epps called it a narrow escape while Monique recorded the incident later in her diary as three metal beings acting like upset teenagers.
"This is your fault!" Starscream accused. His silver armored right hand wrapped around his other arm, the metal twisted and bent from Prime's ion rifle grazing strike. A full blast would have shattered it apart.
"Me? You said to fire! Not retreat, offer terms of surrender but fire!" Thundercracker's deeper vocal carried across the area. His dark blue and silver armor bore little damage.
"I ordered you to fire on the Autobots, not a mail truck! Your blast threw it into the oil tanker! Look at the marks on my armor!"
"With that paint job I figured it was an Autobot. Blue and white and red, like Prime or Ultra Magnus," Skywarp defended himself. His purple wing armor bore four dents in the shape on Ironhide's uniquely shaped feet pads.
"That small square size with a squishy driving?" His red optics narrowed in annoyance.
"The squishy wore shorts in cold weather! I thought it was a dumb Autobot hologram. And who is the Inspector General he screamed would be mad? Anyone we should keep an optic out for?" Thundercracker said.
"He doesn't matter and I am mad! You are twits not my trine!" Starscream's shrill vocal raised in volume.
Skids touched the humans on their shoulders, jerking his head to the right. The humans strained to see what his optics could then smiles formed on their faces as a red and blue Peterbilt semi rolled over the hill followed by a black GMC top kick and other vehicles.
"I think the fat lady is about to sing," Epps whispered to her.
"Fat seeker is more like it," Monique retorted, a delight shining in her eyes. The fight barely lasted ten minutes with the seekers fleeing among heavy weapon fire. Thundercracker fled straight up with Skywarp teleporting himself and the smoking chassis of Starscream in his arms.
"Prime wants us clear while Epps and Lennox deal with the local humans and military backup," Skids said. Monique watched him transform, climbing slowly into the mech with a new respect for the alien fighters they were.
"Is life always this exciting with you around?" she asked. Skids began telling her about the adventures on base. The ways the Autobots pulled pranks, Ironhide on the firing range with his famous cannons, even playing a mini hologram of Ratchet's favorite throwing wrench. Epps joined them later, adding his tales of combat and working with the Transformers.
By the time he finished she smiled before leaning over to kiss him once on the cheek. "Thank you then for bringing Skids with you. I'm not sure I could have handled the others. He's welcome with us," she said. The welcome lasted two days as they drove around, sightseeing. It ended when Mudflap showed up, newly released from med bay. The local paper ran the photo every year on the anniversary of the event, though officially they never showed the beings responsible for the put put mini golf course damage. Monique kept her tangled nine-iron golf club in her closet as a reminder to let aliens remain with the military. Once Ratchet pried it out of Skid's bumper to return it to her.
14. You are recording a copy of this list as it is being read.
15. You already processed at least two additions to this list.
"I see your Judy Witwicky swinging a baseball bat 'Bee," Hound grinned. His green armored form leaned against the hangar wall, a total pose of relaxation as always. The tropical island breeze rustled the palm branches nearby as seagulls called to each other over the Diego Garcia lagoon. He shifted slightly, tilting his green helm to the side as the women's voices rose over all the other NEST base sounds. "And up with Mikeala and a hand held cordless power saw."
"Why is that dangerous?" Cliffjumper asked. His red armored bi pedal mode barely reached Hound's knee plates. His vocal remained soft even as his optics widened in appreciation at the scene.
"That's how she got Frenzy. Name one Transformer Judy Witwicky has actually disabled. Other than threatening?" Hound countered.
"Point. I have fought those cassettes including the turbo revving punks Rumble and Frenzy. Good for Mikeala," Cliffjumper acknowledged.
"Here's another, Maggie with an attitude and a computer virus," Ratchet said. They all winced, remembering the prank against the minor twins.
"It does hold number one spot for revenge pranks this year, " Bumblebee reminded them. His yellow armored form stood beside Cliffjumper, close but not touching. "Though Monique Epps brandishing that golf club is enough for any mech to consider."
"Ace in the hole," Ironhide smirked from behind them. "Sarah Lennox. Annabelle stayed the night with Chromia and me and missed the prank. I told her to stay inside until lunchtime. Her processors shouldn't see or hear this," his black armored hand gestured towards the moving human bodies and curse words floating on the tropical breezes.
"But yours can?" Ratchet asked, drawing his jaw plates together.
"Always appreciate a good hunt and fight," the ancient weapon specialist grunted.
"Especially when you aren't the one being the hunted?" Prowl asked. His black and white wing doors fit in between Ironhide and Ratchet even as they twitched. His protocols were screaming for him to help while processors wrote out rules. His battle computer kept him still, safe alongside the others.
"I know better than to slag off a parental femme," Ironhide said.
"How long until the effects wear off?" Hound asked, tilting his helm to stare up at their chief medical officer.
"The prank will dissolve off their bodies shortly, especially with their current physical exertions. Their tempers may take a while. Your imagers aren't overheating are they Hound? Holding a hologram this size this long?" Ratchet asked. His multi faceted optics spun rapidly, checking for himself even as he waited for the answer.
"Not as long as we stay stationary. As far as the humans are concerned, we're nothing but the hangar wall," he replied after a quick system's check. "Whose idea was it to invite all the families together to the NEST base for this thanksgiving holiday?"
"His as I recall. Though I sent the actual invitations and ensured each family member had adequate travel plans to arrive on the same day," Prowl glanced up at his taller leader.
"Remind me to never do that again," Optimus ordered, pinching his nose plating with an armored hand.
"Wouldn't it be simpler to order the twins to never prank the women by adjusting their shower facilities?"
"Oh, I don't think the twins will ever do that again," Hound quipped as Sunstreaker crawled into view. Screaming, the tow chains dragged the yellow armored mech backwards towards the sounds of angry human female voices.
"Can any bot clarify why they are so angry if the effect is temporary?" Prowl asked. He wavered on his feet pads as his logic glitch threatened to trigger.
"The femmes of this world are obsessively weight conscious. Their bodies expanding and turning red and white splotched skin, while not operational dangerous, triggered the worse of their obsession," Ratchet began.
"They couldn't fit in any of the clothes they brought with them," Hound clarified.
"And group photo is later today," Bumblebee added.
"I want a photo of the twins once they're done repainting their armor," Cliffjumper said.
Major Lennox kept the incident out of the official reports as the Transformers ensured all digital records on camera phones, security base cameras and digital players accidentally destroyed themselves. The women never mentioned it and the males, mech and human alike agreed to forget it. A stealth team consisting on the Autobot scouts retrieved Sunstreaker and Sideswipe from their hiding spot before being sneaking them into the Autobot repair bay. Prowl added rules regarding holidays, pranks and the treatment of civilians. Optimus did make them apologize to the women while remaining alert for possible problems. There were none which led him to inviting everyone together for Christmas. But that is another chapter and disaster.
To be continued...