~*T*~

"What's the matter Emma?" Harry asked, "You look upset."

Emma glared, her eyes darting to Sophia, who's leaned back next to Harry's locker, trying to be friendly.

"Are you worried that you've lost a girlfriend?" he smiled, "or are you upset that the one you have left won't put out."

"I'd nev-" Madison starts.

Harry stepped in front of her, tilted her chin up, stared down into her eyes, smiling a tiny little smile which lifted the corner of Harry's eyes, even as he thought happy, lascivious thoughts.

After nearly a minute, he asked, "Sex?" in his huskiest, breathiest voice.

"Yes," Madison answered, even as she leaned forward, going up on her toes.

"See, you just have to ask, Emma."

Sophia laughed out loud, "That was fucking awesome."

"I'm not some deviant like you, Taylor," Emma counterattacked, finally.

"No, you're a deviant who didn't get laid last night. You should try it, it really improves one's mood, relieves stress, strengthens one's bonds to the ones one loves," Harry stroked his hand gently through Emma's hair, a gentle caress, "Make love not war, Emma, before someone decides you're actually a threat."

Sophia cackled, totally ruining the moment, "When did you become such an evil be-aitch?"

"When I woke up and realized that I couldn't win Emma's game."

~*i*~

"How the fu-" Madison cut herself off, "I don't think I even like girls, but," she blushed, "How did you do that? Can you teach me?"

"Luna taught me, I'll ask her if she's willing?"

"Thank you. Who's Luna?"

"One of my girls, she's decided she wants to drive a taxi."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she came by and picked me up yesterday."

"The pretty blonde with a big white molester van?"

Harry laughed, "Yep. We totally made that joke when we picked up Amy."

"Amy Dallon?"

"Let me guess, we're all over PHO."

"They have before and after memes."

Harry's lips twitched, "Really."

"Really. The answer's definitely still yes."

Harry broke out laughing.

Madison managed a face that's both sad and angry, "You asked!"

"I was demonstrating for Emma."

"Emma's certainly not as good as you."

"Eh, I'll ask Luna and Amy. Don't get your hopes up."

Madison pulled down the neckline of her shirt, exposing a little more cleavage, "Please?"

~*i*~

"It's not funny," Harry said.

Luna continued to laugh at him, "All three of the girls who were tormenting Taylor now have a crush on you."

"Ah, maybe that's funny," he smiled at her, "Madison wants to be taught the seductive eye thing."

"Let me guess - that's why she's got a crush on you."

"Yeah, I was hassling Emma, and she was collateral."

"You shouldn't," Luna sighs, "Yeah, she was treating you as collateral damage for her popularity, so," she trailed off.

"The hangers-on are all confused, and I think are trying to figure out where the in group went."

"Yeah, women are particularly prone to picking on people to try and fit in."

"Not just women, men just tend to be a little more likely to be violent about it."

Luna took her eyes off the road even as the van's body rolls back, following the swerve she made around a slower-moving motorcycle.

"Yusef Hawkins," Luna nodded, putting her eyes back on the road in time to swerve around an ugly boxy car.

Harry grabbed the panic bar to stay off the dash as Luna braked hard, let off, swung into the pickup lane at Arcadia, and braked hard, throwing Harry toward the dash again. She left the engine running, set the parking brake, and grabbed a roll of paper, which she handed to Harry, "Help me put the stickers on while we wait."

"Stickers?"

Luna cackled, nodding.

"Hold this," she said, having spread a sticker that says "Free Candy" in a nicely serifed font against the side of the van. There was a Chunk noise as the van, which had noticed that it was still running with the keys inside, locked itself.

Luna stepped back, then shifted the sticker, looked again, made a mark with a grease pencil. She pulled out a spirit level, and made another mark, then nodded happily.

"Stick it," she said, grabbing another sticker and heading to the other side of the van.

Harry had the sticker lined up, and was trying to get it stuck down without bubbles or creases when Hermione came out, saw what he was doing, and started laughing.

"That's going to be so much trouble," she said.

"You haven't seen the other stickers I've ordered!" Luna called from the other side of the van.

~*i*~

"I'm gonna wait in the van," Hermione sighed after watching Harry play with the sticker a moment. She grabbed the front door handle, pushed the button, and gave it a tug.

It didn't open.

"Yeah, the van locked itself. Harry can fix it, or we can call a locksmith."

"What?"

"Apparently it's a feature. I'll have to figure out how to turn it off."

~*i*~

Harry held the window gasket back as another two-inch long, winged cockroach climbed between the window and the doorframe, then back up on the inside. Four of them dive-mobbing the lock button finally unlocked the van.

~*T*~

Note: The van I saw this happen with wasn't a 2009, but it was a Ford Econoline.