My thanks to all of you faithfully reading especially cheekybeak for her steadfast beta work and Crackinandproudofit and ziggy for their encouragement! next chapters should come much more quickly-they've been written for months but I had to sort Tyelko and Aredhel before posting them!

I"ll be yours if you'll be mine chapter 48

Tyelko had been up for hours. It had not been the most restful of nights.

He'd gone for a run to clear his head, spent far longer in the shower than usual and had still managed to leave the house before Maglor even woke up.

He hadn't been able to avoid Maedhros.

"You all right?" His older brother had made to pour him a cup of coffee but Tyelko shook his head. He was jittery enough. Caffeine would only make it worse.

Running into Maedhros as he was trying to leave unseen wasn't helping either.

"I'm fine, Mae."

"You sure? How long have you been up? What time are you meeting Aredhel?"

The questions weren't helping. Tyelko glanced at the clock for what must be at least the third time since he stepped into the kitchen a few moments ago. "I'm supposed to meet her at ten."

It wasn't quite eight yet.

"It will be all right, Tyelko."

"You can't know that. I mean, I know you were with her last night, I know you know more about what's going on than you're letting on." Tyelko waved a hand at his brother's protests. "No, Maedhros. It's ok. If you do know more and aren't telling me I understand it's for a good reason. Or because you can't. You're not one to break a confidence and I won't try to make you."

Tyelko sighed and ran his hands through his still-damp hair, tugging at it. "And maybe you're right, maybe things will be ok." He raised anguished eyes at his brother. "But how do I make sure I don't fuck things up again unintentionally? I still don't know what I did wrong. I don't know how I screwed things up. Knowing me, I'll just fuck it up again."

Maedhros reached out and grasped his shoulder, fingers digging in. "Hey. Don't think like that. Just listen. You're good at that, Tyelko. You're good at observing people." Maedhros shook his head. "There have been times I've wished you weren't so observant myself." His silver eyes met Tyelko's own, steadfast and strong. "This is not one of those times. Trust your instincts. I know you thought you were trusting them the other day but just pause and listen today, ok?" Maedhros' fingers squeezed his shoulder. "You always know, when something's not right, when any of us are upset and trying not to let on—even when we're trying to actively hide it—me especially. Just let her talk it out, Tyelko."

"But what do I say? What do I do?"

"Just follow her lead. Try to stay calm and focused. And listen."

"Listen."

"Exactly."

Tyelko frowned. "Calm and focused isn't exactly my default mode, Mae."

"It is when you want it to be. Don't take this the wrong way—I'm not comparing Aredhel to them—but think about how you were when you volunteered at the animal shelter. Think about what you did there. How did you always end up working with the hardest cases? The ones no one thought could be gentled? The ones who had been through the worst?"

Tyelko shrugged. "I don't know. I was just drawn to them. I thought they needed someone to be patient with them, to make them feel safe again. I don't know, Mae." His hands ran through his hair again.

"That's exactly it, Tyelko. You were patient. You were focused. You were calm. You let them set the pace. That's all you have to do today. Channel those emotions, those abilities of yours." He pulled Tyelko into a rough embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it turned to shit yesterday. It's not your fault. Remember that, ok?" Maedhros tugged on a strand of fair hair.

Tyelko nodded into his older brother's shoulder. Maedhros always knew how to make him feel safe, feel heard, supported. Anything he knew about that he'd learned from his older brother.

He'd wanted to avoid such a conversation but that had been stupid. He'd needed this talk from Maedhros more than he cared to admit.

Fingon glanced to the car passenger seat. Aredhel's head was down, fingers twisted together in her lap.

He'd said what he needed to say to her already, last night and again this morning. More helpful advice wouldn't come off as helpful at this moment.

He turned his eyes back to the road. The café was only a few blocks away.

Honestly was the best policy, he'd told her that last night. These months with Maedhros had given him some much-needed insight. To move forward she had to confront the past and face it. Own it. Share her story with Tyelko, let him know that she was aware his words were heartfelt and that she understood his intent. But her history tarnished those same words in her mind, took the love and care intended and turned them into something dark and suffocating.

Aredhel had to tell him. He'd hammered that home time and time again. There was no way Tyelko could go forward without knowing this. He'd have no chance if she didn't come clean. This would happen again, unintentionally, Fingon was sure of that.

He glanced at her again. "Do you want me to find a parking spot and walk you in?"

Aredhel looked up at that, forehead creasing and eyes going distant. "No. I need to do this myself. I can't use you as a crutch, Finno. Even if I want to. I owe Tyelko a conversation. I owe him an apology and an explanation. I just don't know if he's going to able to listen to that. If I've hurt him too deeply for him to hear what I'm saying."

"I don't think you need to be worrying about that. I told you—he's far more observant than he seems at first glance. And yes, you hurt him, but if he truly believes what he told you yesterday he'll find a way to hear you out. Trust me." He reached across and took her cold fingers in his own. "You can do this, Arry. It's not going to be easy or pleasant but it's got to be done if you want to move forward. If you don't want this . . ."

She cut him off before he could finish. "I do want this. If I've managed to accomplish anything with this fucked up situation it's made me realize and accept how much I do want this. How much I want this to work out." She squeezed his hand back. "I just hope I haven't screwed it up too much, with this and all the mixed signals I've been sending Tyelko."

"This is your chance to clear the air. Tell him why you ran, what's been making you shy away and why you want this to move forward. That's all you have to do."

She barked a laugh at him. "All I have to do. You make it sound so simple, Finno. You know it's not."

He pulled the car into a parking spot across from the café and put the car in park. "I know it's not easy. But you can do it." He let go of her hand and pulled her to him, kissing her on the forehead before releasing her. "I know you. When you want something enough you are unstoppable. Now go sort this mess out." He tugged on a stray strand of dark hair. "I love you."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "All right. I can do this." She opened the car door, stepped out and then bent down to look at him. "I love you too, Finno. Thanks."

"Text me when you want to be picked up. I'll be waiting."

"Thanks."

Fingon watched her cross the street, her white hat and scarf bright in the sunlight, the set of her shoulders strong and confident. He knew that stance. It was Aredhel bracing herself. He stayed until she was in the café and then he pulled away.

Tyelko had arrived at the café well before the appointed hour, a natural consequence of his innate punctuality, early departure time and the accelerated rate of his driving. The unexpected open parking spot in front of the café had contributed as well.

His early arrival had necessitated the purchase of a drink and channeling Maglor's solicitousness of the night before he had opted for chamomile tea rather than a coffee drink.

The ceaseless jiggling of his leg rattled the table as he watched the door for Aredhel's arrival.

Aredhel pushed through the doors of the café and spotted Tyelko almost immediately. He was seated at one of the front tables, positioned to view the entrance.

He looked tired, she thought, taking in his wan face and weary grey eyes, the spark she had come to expect in them not evident this time.

I did this.

She squared her shoulders and raised her head. That train of thought wasn't going to get her anywhere. She took a big breath and moved towards him.

He'd stood up at the sight of her, standing by his table, eyes fixed on her.

"Hey." It wasn't the greeting she'd planned on but it would have to do for now.

"Hey." He stood motionless but she could appreciate the tension running through him. It was a fair match for her own. Without thinking she reached her hand out to him and saw his eyes blink in surprise before he slowly grasped her outstretched hand with his own. She looked around the half empty café and tightened her grip on his fingers. "Let's go sit there, at the back. It looks quieter there."

"Do you want to get something? A drink, I mean?"

Aredhel shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

He followed her lead, as she searched out the table furthest back from the door, a small booth in a shadowy corner. She let go of his hand as she slid into one side and watched him seat himself across from her.

Her fingers twisted together under the table. "Tell him why you ran, what's been making you shy away and why you want this to move forward. That's all you have to do." Fingon's words echoed in her head.

How to even start?

But she didn't have to. Tyelko beat her to it.

"I'm sorry, Aredhel. I'm so sorry."

And that was all it took. Tyelko shouldn't be the one apologizing. He hadn't done anything wrong. Her innate sense of fairness rose up and she reached across the table to take his restlessly tapping fingers in her own. "No. Don't apologize. I should be the one apologizing to you. I'm the one that ran off without a word. I'm the one who bolted." She bit her lip. "It's not going to be easy for me to explain why. I'll do my best. But Tyelko, promise me you'll just let me get it all out, you'll let me say what I have to say. I don't know how well I'll do but let me try, before you say anything. Please."

He nodded his head.

It all came out then—Eöl's initial flattering attention, the compliments that only now seemed cloying, his overwhelming assertions of devotion. The way it had all started.

And where it had gone. Moving from what had seemed abject adoration of her to something far more sinister.

Complaints if texts were not immediately answered. Prying questions into her whereabouts, who she had spoken to, how she was spending those few minutes of the day she seemed to find free of him. The way he watched her, across the classroom, the hallway, the parking lot at school. The way he always seemed to know every detail of her day to day life.

Those were the things she had known about. It was only later that she learned of the network of acquaintances who had aided his watchfulness. It was her father who had found the hidden app on her phone that tracked her location. Only identified because the stalking, intimidation and harassment had become so acute that she had finally confided in Turgon. And then, at Turgon's insistence, reluctantly and awkwardly confessed it all to her father.

Aredhel's heart was racing as she recounted the details to Tyelko, her voice catching at moments, having to pause and take a few deep breaths as she described the situations that had overwhelmed her at the time.

She thought that was hard. Confiding to Tyelko that his words has provoked those same emotions was infinitely harder.

Tyelko had stayed true to his word. His hand gripped hers but he had not interrupted, not spoken, had let her spill it all out in a torrent of choked out words and confessions. The emotions flashing across his face were easy to read. Incredulity, sorrow, a rising fury. His color was high, his eyes sparking in a far different manner than she was familiar with, his grip on her hand painfully tight at moments.

But his gaze never left hers, his hand never let go of her own. Aredhel was winding down now, exhausted from the pent-up flood of words she had finally released.

"I didn't mean to run, Tyelko. I don't think I even realized what I was doing until I had done it. I just had . . . I had to get away. I couldn't process what you were saying. All I could hear was his voice saying those words, his tone twisting words of love into something menacing and ominous. And I lost the fact that it was you saying them."

Tyelko was using every ounce of self-restraint as he listened to Aredhel's story, was repeating the words Maedhros had left him with as a mantra: stay calm and focused and listen.

He was listening. He was focused.

He was fucked as far as the calm part of it went. He wanted nothing more than to find this Eöl guy and beat the shit out of him. But that wouldn't solve anything, wouldn't make a difference anymore.

Although it would be eminently satisfying, he was sure of that.

The only thing that truly mattered was what he was doing right now. Listening to Aredhel and taking it all in. Holding his words in until she was finished.

The elusive calm grew even more tenuous as he struggled to think what to say or do when she was finished, when the silence came and he had to find words of his own to fill that gap. What could he say?

As it happened his instincts were far more attuned to the situation than he expected. The silence stretched out as Aredhel closed her eyes and dropped her head down.

He said exactly what he had said initially. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Aredhel."

Her head came up. "What are you apologizing for? I told you, Tyelko, this wasn't your fault."

"I know. You said that. I'm just sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry some asshole felt he had the right to treat you like that." He caught the flash of her gaze and pushed on. "I'm sorry it happened, not saying I'm sorry for you. There's a difference. This isn't pity. Honestly, I'm furious on your behalf. Absolutely enraged. But that isn't going to change anything, is it? It should never have happened but it did." He leaned forward, both hands coming up to clasp her own. "What I need to know is what do you need from me? What can I do, how can I be, what can I say? I've got so much just roaring to be let out but I don't know quite where we stand." He closed his eyes, forehead creasing as he spoke. "I want this, Aredhel. But I'm not going to push. Tell me where I stand, what you want. I can handle it, even if you tell me you don't want this at all anymore. I can understand that. And I'll abide by whatever you say." He opened his eyes and Aredhel could see the pain and confusion evident. "Where do we go from here? You know, from my fumbling confession yesterday, where I stand."

Fingon had been right. It hadn't been easy, not by any stretch, but it had been the right thing to do. She did know where Tyelko stood. His words yesterday may have made her skin crawl at the memories they brought forward but she had never had any doubt about the sincerity in his eyes.

A sincerity that was shining through even now.

"I want to try. I don't want to end this, Tyelko. I thought . . . I thought I just wanted to have some fun, let off some steam, just enjoy myself. And I did, with you." She chewed her lip before continuing. "But that's not all I want. I like being with you. I like the way you make me feel, the way you make me laugh, and more than anything, I like you, Tyelko." Her eyes softened. "I like you a lot. I know I've been stupid, keeping things from you, trying to make myself think this is just a heady flirtation, no strings attached." Her voice dropped. "But it's not. I've been leery of any attachments for so long. But with you, if you're still willing, I'm ready to try."

His heart was racing. "I want to try. You set the pace, Aredhel. I'll follow your lead on this." His eyes dropped down as he debated his next words. She had opened up and told him all the painful details. It was only fair he did the same. "I just need to ask you something in return."

He waited for her nod before continuing. "I'm not coming into this as laid-back as I might seem. You've been honest with me and I owe you the same courtesy." It was his turn to take a breath before plunging in. "I don't say the things I said yesterday easily. I don't usually say them at all. Not unless I mean them with my whole heart. I just ask that you please keep talking to me. If going forward together seems like a good idea to you right now then you have no idea how thrilled I am about that. But if that changes, if something isn't working out or your feelings change I need you to let me know. Right away."

Aredhel nodded again. "There's more here than I think you're telling me, Tyelko," she said softly. "Is it something you can tell me about?"

Shit. He may as well go all in. No turning back now.

"I haven't really dated much the last year or two. Not seriously, at least." He pulled his hands back and scrubbed them over his face and into his hair before exhaling and meeting her eyes again. "I was in what I thought was an intense relationship a few years ago. Pretty convinced I was in love. I assumed she felt the same. I made my big confession only to find out I was being played and had been being played for months."

The story came out, in a far more halting fashion that her own. The fury at Luthien and her deception was past but his disgust at his own naivete and obliviousness was still there.

Aredhel found her own fury mounting as she listened to Tyelko reveal the duplicity and the disregard for his own feelings that girl had shown. She kept her features calm, swallowed down the sharp words that were right on the tip of her tongue.

The realization came to her abruptly. What had Tyelko said before? That he didn't say such things often. He hadn't been in a significant relationship since that girl had shattered his heart.

Shit. Shit. It was all clear now. He'd confessed his love to her, something he hadn't done since that disastrous relationship where he had opened his heart only to be devastated at the realization he'd been used.

And what had she done when he'd told her? She'd run away. She'd fucking turned her back on him and run away.

How was he even sitting across from her still?

"Tyelko. I've been such a self-centered hag. I can't believe what a shit I've been." His confused expression only frustrated her the more. "You've been through as much misery as I have and I've been thinking only of myself. I hurt you. I hurt you far more than I even realized and I don't know how you're sitting there still, putting up with my crap."

"Stop."

"No, I can't believe how thoughtless . . ."

Tyelko cut her off. "Aredhel. Stop. Don't do this. You didn't mean anything by it. It was a natural reaction. I know people who have experienced traumatic events like this and you aren't in control of your reactions when triggers crop up. Trust me, I get it. I'm not blaming you at all. I just wish I'd known, before, so I wouldn't have ended up making you feel that way."

"I wish I'd told you. I feel like such a fucking idiot." She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back, head down. "I was ashamed. Embarrassed about it. Being so naïve and stupid, not seeing the signs, not getting out when I started to feel uneasy. I try not to think about it, talk about it. Didn't do me a lot of good doing that, did it?" She glanced up at him again.

"It's hard. I get that. It's hard for me to talk about Luthien. I feel like a fool, got played so easily. I'm smarter than that, at least I thought I was." He reached a hand out across the table, palm up. She tentatively stretched her hand out and let him thread his fingers with her own. "I'm sorry what I said dredged up all those memories. I'm not sorry for what I said, though." His fingers tightened. "I meant every word. So if you are ok going forward, with me, I'd really like that. Just talk to me and I promise I'll do the same. Ok?"

The tight feeling that had been twisting in her chest all morning loosened at his words. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Tyelko slumped forward on the table, head resting on his outstretched arm. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," he said, tilting his head to one side. The spark she'd been missing in his eyes was back and she was so glad to see it again.

"Me too," she said, her other hand reaching across the table to sweep his tangled hair back from his face. "Me too."

It was late afternoon by the time Tyelko returned to Formenos. He'd dropped Aredhel off at her home, had a laugh at the sight of Fingon peering through the front windows for their arrival and gave him a wave when he caught sight of them.

He'd stopped downtown to get carry-out. Maedhros should be home from work soon and if he knew Maglor, his brother would likely have used the uninterrupted time alone today to work on his music.

Maglor didn't think about things like dinner when he was in a creative mode.

He didn't think about dinner most times, unless he was reminded, Tyelko thought. He'd texted them both that he'd take care of it tonight and the smell of Thai food that filled his car made it clear just how ravenous he was. He hadn't eaten much this morning and had been too preoccupied with Aredhel to bother eating when he was with her.

The house, as predicted, was quiet. Maglor's car was there but as expected his door was shut. Tyelko could hear faint strains of music stop and start up again as he unloaded the bags of food onto the counter.

It wasn't long before Maedhros came through the door, pausing at the sight of Tyelko setting out dishes and silverware. "All good then?" he asked.

"All good. You were right, as usual. I would tell you it pains me to admit that but I'm so damn relieved I can't even be annoyed at you for being right."

Maedhros laughed. He made his way over to Tyelko's side and breathed in the scent of the food. "Good call. This smells heavenly. I'm starving. It was just me today and I forgot to bring something for lunch." He bumped his shoulder into Tyelko's. "I'm glad, Tyelko. I really am."

"Glad about what?" Maglor said, coming into the kitchen. "The Thai food? I'm ecstatic about it. I could smell it all the way upstairs."

"That's why you came down then?" Tyelko asked. "Just for the food? Not the scintillating company?"

Maglor snorted and made his way directly for the containers of food.

It was comfortable, sitting with his brothers and relating the conversation he had had with Aredhel. He'd been prepared to keep her words in strict confidence but she'd forestalled that. "Maedhros knows this, Tyelko. Finno talked about it with him, when I was being a hag about the whole Turgon incident. And I talked to him about it too, last night. I can't help being embarrassed about it but it's not doing me any good hiding it or pretending it never happened. It's about time I started just treating this as a part of my past and not giving it any more relevance than that. It's not worth it and neither is he."

He could tell Maglor was still holding a grudge. He was like that, this seemingly mild-mannered, polite, sensitive brother of his. Angry Maglor could be damn alarming and Maglor didn't let go of his anger easily. Tyelko knew he'd been holding back the night before, knew he'd been biting back the venom in an attempt to settle Tyelko down but his clipped responses tonight and his expression told him Maglor wasn't about to forgive Aredhel that easily.

He'd leave it alone for tonight. Maglor would come around eventually. They all had their baggage and Regnis was Maglor's. She'd disturbed his world as effectively as Luthien had disrupted Tyelko's. More, in fact.

Maedhros leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "That was perfect, Tyelko. Perfect end to one hell of a week. Some good bits but most of it was a right shitshow." He grinned at his brothers. "Fingon's having a New Year's Eve party at his place and you're all invited. I can't think of a better way to end the year."

"There's only one thing to do to make it even better," Tyelko said.

"What's that?" Maglor asked.

"Make Curvo drive us all there and back."