- April 5, 2008 -

Dear diary,

I overheard Mommy talking to a pretty lady in the living room this morning. It was strange, because I never saw the lady before, and Mommy always told me to never invite strangers into the house. Not since Daddy left with one, anyway.

I couldn't hear what they were saying—they were talking in whispers—but I heard Mommy say my name (You have the prettiest name, Marie, Daddy once said, before twirling me up high in the air; I missed that memory). The lady smiled a very pretty smile, and then she saw me hiding behind the wall. "You're going to have a big bother soon, Marie. I hope you will be okay with that."

A big brother? Mommy told me I used to have a big brother. He already left, she replied when I asked her where he is now, he left a very long time ago. After that, I heard Mommy crying in her room, so I never mentioned my big brother, a person I never met, again. But I always imagined what is it like to have a big brother, one that could protect me from monsters under my bed, help me with my HW, and play games with me.

Now the pretty lady says that I will have a big brother soon. I looked at Mommy, and I could see the light shining in her pretty brown eyes. Mommy really wants this, I realized. So I said yes.

"What's his name?" I asked, afraid and excited at the same time. I'm going to have a big brother!

The lady smiled again. "His name is Leo Valdez."

- April 15, 2008 -

Dear diary,

Leo is very different from how I imagined him to be.

I thought that all big brothers would be muscular and tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes. He would read me a bedtime story—like how Daddy used to, although they were very weird—every night, and protect me from the bad monsters hiding in my closet and under my bed. Jennifer's brother does that for her, so I thought Leo will be like Tommy.

When Mommy opened the door to greet Ms. Lorraine (the pretty lady) again, I saw a skinny boy as tall as me, without the muscles or bright blue eyes. He has curly hair like Mommy's, and when he looked up, I saw the face Daddy makes every time he pulls a prank on Mommy.

He does not look like Tommy, I remember saying to myself, in fact, Leo looks like Santa's elf!

Ms. Lorraine stepped inside with Leo, who was looking around. He had the 'thinking face' on; Daddy always put on that face when he works on his designs. I hope Leo will want to stay here, because I really want a big brother. And I already made chocolate cookies for him this morning.

"Marie, I will be talking with your Mommy in the living room for a while, okay?" Ms. Lorraine said nicely. I nodded distractedly, because I am still looking at Leo.

Mommy poked me in the shoulder, and I think I jumped a bit. She smiled at me. "Run along now, sweetie. Why don't you show Leo his room, hmm? I'll be back in a bit, promise." Leo stopped looking around at the house, but he still has the 'thinking face.' He looks very much like Daddy. I miss Daddy.

Leo followed me to his room, which is next to mine. It was very quiet when we walked. I don't know what to talk about, and suddenly I feel very nervous. What if Leo doesn't like me, and won't promise to be my big brother? I know I want a bigger brother to keep me safe, and Mommy wants Leo to be part of the family.

"That is so cool!" Leo suddenly shouted, and I saw him run towards Daddy's office. I quickly followed him. After Daddy left us, Mommy never liked to enter his office, so many of Daddy's things are still there. The tiny model houses that reminds me of Lego are arranged on the shelf—Daddy loves making them neat and pretty—and I saw a few of his design papers, along with a photo frame of me and Mommy, on the big table.

Leo was looking at the small golden dragon that Daddy and I made last summer. I remember it took a week to build because the Lego pieces are tinier than Daddy's fingers, and he cannot hold them properly (Daddy keeps on losing them too). It was a really cool dragon, with a golden saddle on the back for its rider. Fire was coming out of the dragon's mouth, and the eyes looked like rubies.

I watched Leo, his eyes shining like the dragon's, turn the figurine over and over again. "Did you make this?" he asked, smiling a crooked smile; Daddy always smile like that.

"Daddy and I made it," I replied. "It is very hard to make, because it is very small and detailed. We also kept on losing the pieces."

Leo grinned again. "I think this is awesome. You and your Daddy have a talent for building things. I like you already." He put the dragon back on the shelf, his eyes losing the sparkle it held a moment ago.

He likes me! Does that mean he will act like my big brother now? I kept on repeating it, but I really want a big brother. Mommy told me the truth about my other big brother, the one that I never saw, a few days after Ms. Lorraine came. She said he died in her stomach at 5 months; Mommy calls him 'stillborn.' After that, I kept on thinking that if my big brother was alive, Mommy will be happier, Daddy would not leave us, and I have someone to play with if I'm bored.

"Daddy and I love making Lego," I said, still feeling happy that Leo said he likes me. "Every week, we would buy a Lego set to build. Mommy could not stand the mess we made in the office."

I smiled thinking about Daddy and me making the miniature dragon—the last one we did before Daddy left.

Leo looks a bit sad now. He kept on looking back at the golden dragon, and his face is similar to Daddy's when he is thinking of new idea. I wonder what Leo is thinking about now. Maybe he is trying to remember his Daddy and Mommy before they went away too.

"Marie!" Mommy called out. "Ms. Lorraine wants to see you and Leo now! Don't keep her waiting sweetheart!"

I poked Leo on the shoulder, and he stopped looking at the dragon. He still has Daddy's 'thinking face' on. "Come on, Leo," I said, "mommy needs us to come to the living room."

"Yea, okay," he replied, then flashed me a goofy smile. I still cannot believe how much he looks like Daddy. "Let's go meet the devil, shall we?"

I laughed, and Leo laughed. We walked back to the living room, where Mommy and Ms. Lorraine were waiting. I could imagine a new life with my new big brother, one without Daddy and his 'stranger' friend. Maybe Leo could help me make my Lego now.

- May 10, 2008 -

Leo surprised me with a very small, deformed cake today.

It was yellow, decorated with white icing (my favourite—yum!) and a little girl who looks a lot like me. The pink '11' candle shined brightly in my dark room.

"Happy birthday, Marie!" he shouted. Mommy poked him on the shoulder, telling him to be quiet because the neighbours are still sleeping. Leo smiled shyly. "Happy birthday, Marie," he shouted a bit quieter.

I giggled. It was 12:30 AM that time, still very early for my birthday. But, because Leo is very into the 'big gesture,' he talked Mommy into making a small birthday cake for me—"Yellow, it has to be yellow, woman!"—to surprise me with it right after the clock struck 12, because May 10 is officially my 11th birthday.

But because Leo and Mommy made a big mess in the kitchen, they cleaned up for half an hour, and so they gave me the cake 30 minutes later. Leo still has icing in his hair and Mommy is wearing her 'baking' apron. (Mommy said every occasion needs a special apron, to which Daddy always smiled, and shook his head.)

"Happy birthday, sweetie," Mommy said, kissing me on the forehead. "You're such a big girl now. 11 is a special age to be, you know? Your Daddy," Mommy hesitated, then continued, "Your Daddy always said that 11 is a turning point."

Leo gave me a pat on the head. "That's right! Now, repeat after me: When I become a teenager, I will not grow taller than Leo. You hear that? Do not grow taller than me. It will break my poor, small heart."

"But I am already as tall as you!" I laughed loudly, earning an offended look by Leo. Mommy shushed us one more time, but I could see her hide a bright smile. Mommy rarely smiles like that now. It feels really nice to see her smile again.

Leo became quiet, his face suddenly serious. Behind his back he pulled out a small, neatly wrapped present. A huge bow sat on top of it.

"Here's your birthday present!" Leo said. "I know you love building Lego, like what you did with your dad, so I made this for you! Well, more like fix it. I don't know if you would accept this or not—hopefully you do, because this…Marie, why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?"

I shook my head, eyes filling with tears. It wasn't Leo's face that made me cry—his face is always dirty anyway—,it was his present for me. Because inside the tiny, neat box, was a miniature golden dragon. Exactly the same like the one in Daddy's office. Actually, I think it was the one from Daddy's office, but it feels very…different, like Leo did something to it.

The dragon's ruby eyes were brighter, and its golden body shone. I watched, amazed, as the dragon turned to look at me. Creak, it seemed to say. Then suddenly, it jumped from the box, gave its wings a quick flap, and flew across my room before resting on my shoulder, its eyes dim.

Mommy couldn't speak. I couldn't speak. Leo was looking at us with a worried look on his face. "Hello? Earth to Marie? Mrs. Coleman?"

I gave him a big hug. I think it shocked Leo, because he went very stiff and jumped back a little. I would've hug him longer, but Leo gasped, "Can't. Breathe." And so I let go, still crying.

"Man, for an eleven year old you have a strong grip," Leo chuckled. He looked at my crying face and grew serious again. "So do you like the present I gave you? Technically, it's not even a present, only a modification of the dragon from your dad's office. Does it still count though?"

To silence him, I hugged him again. "Yes!" I shouted. Leo squeaked. "I mean, it looks so cool, and it could fly and have a mind on its own and could act like a pet for me and Mommy!" I let Leo go, who still appeared to be in shock. Then he beamed at me.

"Glad you like it, kiddo," he ruffled my hair. "Anyway, all good pets like this dragon here," he pointed at the unmoving dragon on my shoulder, "should have a name. Otherwise, how would it know you are calling it?"

Mommy nudged me. "You heard your brother. What do you plan on naming it?"

I thought long and hard. Daddy used to love naming his figurines. He had a name for every creature he made. But he left before he could name the small dragon…I looked at the small figure. It creaked his head at my direction, as if asking me a question.

What should I name it? The dragon had been in a few of my best memories. First when Daddy and I spent a week to make it and now when Leo fixed it to become a cool, pet dragon. It was now a big part of my life, and so I should name it a really nice name, something that would make me remember all of the happy memories that happened with this dragon.

Happy thoughts…happy thoughts…happy thoughts…Oh, I know!

"I think I'm going to name the dragon Festus," I said, petting its head. The dragon blowed steam out of its nose. "Daddy told me Festus means 'happy' in Latin, and so it will remind me of all my happy memories."

Leo studied Festus with his brown eyes, and then smiled his funny smile. "Festus, huh? I like it, Marie. The name suits it." He cleared his throat. "From now on, Festus is part of the Coleman family! I hereby dub thee, caretakers of this mighty dragon!" he declared in a deep voice.

Mommy and I laughed. Festus seemed to like Leo's words, because it flew around the room again, this time breathing small puffs of fire. It landed on my bed and curled into a ball before falling asleep. Mommy ruffled my hair. "Alright, Marie, it's time for you to sleep now. I think we've kept you up too long."

I yawned. I didn't realise that it was already 1:00 PM. And Leo and Mommy still hasn't washed themselves up yet. Leo saw me looking at his hair, and he realised it too. Slowly, he tried to back away to the door.

Mommy saw him, though. "Don't think you could escape, Leo. You, young man, should wash up before going to sleep."

Leo froze, before complaining. "But…Mrs. Coleman! It's just a bit of icing, and I could wash it in the morning!" Mommy ignored him (I laughed at Leo's disbelieved look). She kissed my forehead and walked out of the room, Leo walking behind her, still complaining.

I laughed again. The room feels so quiet now without them. Was it really a month ago when Leo came into my house? Was it only a month ago when Ms. Lorraine introduced the skinny, short boy who now became my bigger brother? It seemed like forever. I couldn't imagine the house being so quiet without Leo's laughter, or his pranks that made Mommy crazy. Or his pieces of equipment that I always step on. What would happen if he goes? Mommy and I would be so sad. I don't want him to leave my house. Ever.

Festus snored. I gently picked it up and put it on my pillow. Then I plopped down on the bed, wondering what would my life be without my big brother.

It wasn't long before I fell back asleep, with Festus curled up near my head, and the sound of a shower running.

- May 20, 2008 -

Dear diary,

The pretty lady Daddy left with came to our house today. I didn't notice it before, but something feels…wrong about her.

Leo and I were playing with Festus in his room— his "favourite spot" according to Leo (I disagree. Festus only comes here because Leo bribed him with sparkly objects). The dragon was flying across the room, dropping Leo's figurines on us with his wings. We gave up trying to put them back, so we sat on the carpet, watching Festus blow fire at another figurine.

"Geez, Festus!" Leo groaned. "Don't breathe fire at them! Should've given him another of my upgrades, huh Marie?"

I nodded cheerfully, and then the doorbell rang. I heard Mommy shout, "I'll get it!" Her footsteps went thump, thump, thump. I thought it was the package Leo bought ("It's a surprise," he had said, a mischievous—I learnt the word at school!—grin on his face when I asked him), but suddenly, Mommy screamed, "YOU!"

I knew why Mommy sounded mad. The last time she screamed like that was at the pretty lady…the one who Daddy left with. I was at my room that time, hiding, when Mommy shouted bad words at her. But why is she here now? What does she want from us again? I looked at Leo, who had his "thinking face" on—the only times when he wore that was when he was confused.

"Mommy doesn't like the person," I whispered. "She took away Daddy." Leo pointed at Festus, who stood still on Leo's desk after hearing Mommy shout, and looked at me quizzically—another word I learnt! I nodded. "That's why Daddy is never around at home."

Leo's mouth formed an "o". He gently took Festus from his table, laid him down on his lap, and suddenly went to fix him. I watched, confused, as Leo snapped some wires and added a small metal thing inside his belly (Leo told me that me and Daddy didn't make a Lego at all—it was a robot!). Then he turned Festus back on again.

"What did you do to Festus?" I asked. Leo smiled.

"This, Marie," he said proudly, "will help us hear what they are saying in the living room, without sneaking out." I clapped silently at his idea. Leo whispered something at Festus's ear, and Festus flew outside.

Leo took the phone I got from Mommy for my birthday. He turned the volume halfway. Suddenly, I could hear Mommy's voice. "—mean, you f*****!" she shouted. I jumped a bit. Mommy had said a very bad word. Leo became serious.

The lady laughed softly. "What I mean, Adrianna," she said, her voice raspy and…metallic? "Is that your husband, or rather, your EX-husband, is dead. He—how did you put this before?—poof-ed out of your life, and this time, it's forever."

I dropped the phone. The volume turned off, and I could not hear what Mommy answered anymore. Daddy…died? What happened? All those years making Lego with him, baking cookies for Mommy, sitting on his lap while he worked on projects with his 'thinking face' on…Did it all disappear? Will I never see Daddy again? I could feel the tears forming on my face.

Leo placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked at him, and he gave me a crooked half-smile. Without saying anything, he took the phone and turned the volume up. This time, the only noise I heard was crying. Mommy was crying. Her loud cries shocked me, because even when Daddy left, she did not cry. So why is she crying now?

"You p-promised that he-he would be s-s-safe!" she shouted through sobs. Safe? What does it mean, safe? "You p-promised that if-if h l-left with you, h-he would not d-d-die!"

Mommy's words were confusing. What did she promise to the lady? Although I'm still too young to understand, I know that whatever the lady says next would be bad. Yet, I want to know more. Leo still has his hand on my shoulder, but I could feel his grip getting stronger.

The lady made a hissing noise. "But you didn't keep your end of the bargain, Adrianna! How could you say that I broke a promise, when you broke it yourself? I only paid you the consequence of your actions!"

Mommy let out another sob. "You monster! How could I have done it, when all I have experienced was happiness and laughter since you took Reiner away? How could I have given him to you and your…mistress?"

I do not understand a word Mommy was saying. Was Mommy working with the pretty lady? I think at that point, I just wanted her to stop crying. I wanted to run and hug Mommy, to remind her that I am still safe and sound. But a part of me wanted to scream too, because Daddy is gone and it is all because of the pretty lady.

Leo tensed up, his hand holding my shoulder so hard now that it started to hurt. I winced, loudly. Seeing my face in pain must've shocked him out of his 'thinking face,' because he immediately took back his hand. Suddenly, I could no longer hear Mommy or the pretty lady. I thought that my phone battery died, but then I realised that Leo turned it off. His face was unreadable and serious. What did he hear that made him like this?

"I'm sorry, Marie," he started slowly. "I should've stop the phone sooner. I don't think you want to hear why your dad had to die."

Without calling Festus back into his room, Leo left. I heard the bathroom door open with a creak, before the sound of the shower running. It was quiet, though, barely hearable, just in case the pretty lady and Mommy could hear it. The door to his room was left open.

I am very confused. Why shouldn't I know about Daddy and his…death? Why does Leo think it was his fault? And why could I imagine the pretty lady smiling, her teeth sharp and scary-looking, as she heard Mommy cry even louder?

- May 27, 2008 -

Dear diary,

Ever since the pretty lady went to our house, Leo was never the same. So was Mommy.

Leo rarely left his room, even when Mommy baked him his favourite chocolate chip cookies. He stopped visiting me and build Lego blocks. He also doesn't go into Daddy's office anymore, which he often did after Mommy allowed him to one day when she saw him go through Daddy's building papers.

Mommy was even worse. She baked a lot, mostly chocolate chip cookies and badly shaped cupcakes. Often, I heard her mutter, "All my fault. Stupid Adrianna, you should've stop him," whenever I past by her. She wouldn't speak about what happened last week ago, even when I kept on asking her. And she cries a lot, too. I can hear her cry everyday. Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, I would go to the kitchen and see Mommy pour herself a glass of red liquid. She drank that a lot when Daddy left.

I didn't know what to do. As an eleven year old, I am mostly confused by many things that Mommy and Leo know about. I wished that I do know, so that I could tell them that everything is going to be okay. But I do not, and it is hurting me everyday.

What's worse is that Daddy is no longer here. Although he left a few months ago, I always could remember him and his presence in this house. Whenever I go, I could hear Daddy's footsteps as he chased me down the hallway, or when he came back home from a hard day of work. When I feel sad, I could remember Daddy's nice smile, or the way he picked me up and tossed me like a fairy princess. But most of all, I could feel Daddy's warm body next to mine, on those nights when I could not sleep and the thunderstorms that kept me awake, and Daddy would sleep next to me so I would not feel scared. Even though Daddy is gone, I could still feel those things. But now…he's dead, and I feel scared again, like the one time I hid underneath the blanket because of a really bad thunderstorm.

Why must my life hurt a lot? I am only a small girl. Does these things happen to every little girl my age? Of course not. Jennifer would be playing with her big brother everyday, and Lisa would be practicing her violin on Thursdays. I also don't think their Daddies died because of another person.

It is now around 10:00 PM. Mommy had gone to bed, after drinking another glass of the red liquid that I really don't like. I don't know what is Leo doing, but because I don't hear him make another figurine or building things like he always do, I think he is asleep. Slowly, I went down from my bed, making sure that I don't wake Festus up from his sleep. Lately, he's been my only friend.

I wanted to make something for Mommy and Leo. They always made me happy and laugh even when they aren't happy and laughing themselves. I still remembered the time when Leo got into trouble at school for scaring the nurse, and although that day was a bad day for him, he managed to cheer me up after Lisa told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. And Mommy…she kept on smiling for me after Daddy left. She never let her problems get in the way of my happiness. Until now, that is.

Mommy and Leo loves chocolate chip cookies. I see Mommy make them everyday, and Leo always finished them quickly, with Mommy shaking her head in disbelief. I baked it with Mommy a lot, so I think I should know by now how to make them. It's perfect, I thought, They will be so happy to see a plate of cookies in the morning! Made by me!

I opened my door. The house was very dark, but there was light coming from the end of the hallway. That was strange. Mommy never turned on the lights when night time comes unless she wanted a snack. Was she at the kitchen right now, getting a snack or the red liquid?

I tiptoed quietly, determined to find out. But as I got closer, I realised the kitchen light was still off. The light source brightened the kitchen a bit, making it seem that the lights on the kitchen were still on. So where was it coming from? I turned around, and there, I saw where the light was coming from.

Leo's door was wide open. His figurines were on the floor, as if Festus dropped them again. The wardrobe Mommy got him after he came here was empty, with clothes over here and there. Leo's study desk was empty. His drawings and pencils were gone. There was a huge backpack next to the bed. And right next to it, muttering and unaware that I was watching him, was Leo.

He sounded angry, and as he threw another bunch of clothing into the backpack, I knew that he was.

He didn't notice that I was watching him. I called out, "Leo?"

Leo froze. He dropped the clothes that he was holding and turned around, an unreadable expression on his face. Leo and I stared at each other, unsure what to say next. It was a moment before he spoke. "Marie, what are you doing so late at night? You should go back to sleep."

I took in his backpack, the freshly ironed clothes he was wearing, the look of sadness on Leo's face.

"You're…leaving?"

Leo seemed to freeze again. "I…I have to, Marie. By being here, I am putting you and mom in danger. I'm really sorry. It would've been much better if I never had arrived here at all."

I should've screamed at him. Shouted that he made me and Mommy's lives better ever since he came here. But, I couldn't. I could never shout at Leo, because what he had done for us was greater than fighting.

Instead, I said, "Leo, that's not true. You made Mommy smile again. Did you know how hard it was to make her smile? I tried so many times, but she never smiled like she did when you made her laugh. You made my eleventh birthday worth it. You gave us a pet that we could never have thought of. So why do you think you are a burden to all of us? Why must you run away when you would be safe here with us?"

Leo walked towards me. At this point, I was taller than him by a few centimetres, so he doesn't look like a big brother. He placed his hands on my shoulders, which felt weird now. His eyes held so much hurt and sadness I just wanted to hug him. "Marie, you don't understand. You heard your mom. She had to give me away, but because I stayed longer than I should…" he choked up, then took a deep breath. "I couldn't just stay here when I know that your mom is now messed up because of what I did."

"That's not true!" I argued, fighting back tears. "Mommy would never give you away! And you didn't kill Daddy! The lady did! Stop blaming yourself for another person's action!"

Leo only shook his head. "Marie, I ran away from many different homes before. They think of me as a monster, as a diablo. And so I left, because then I would be a danger to all of them. Why couldn't you understand that I am dangerous too? Why must you think that I am a person who brings happiness to your family?"

At this point, I am crying. Leo took his hands off my shoulder and attempted to pet my head. But I moved away from him.

"NO! You understand, Leo!" I shouted, causing him to jump back a little. "I want you to stay! Stay with me and Mommy and Festus! You are not dangerous! You are the nicest, funniest, and the best big brother I had! Mommy and I would be really sad if you go!"

But he ignored my cries. He went to take his backpack, slung it over his shoulders, and started to walk towards the door. I followed after him, crying even louder.

"Leo! Please! Don't go! Don't leave me and Mommy alone! I already lost Daddy, I don't want to lose you too!" I pleaded. By now, Leo was already in front of the door. He took a good look at my face, now red and ugly from crying. With one last smile, he saluted me.

"Goodbye, Marie Coleman," he said sadly. "I hope you and your mom are much safer without me."

And Leo opened the door, gave me another look with his face—a face I don't think I'll be ever seeing again—and left.

I cried harder. Harder and harder until it became difficult to breathe. Mommy must've heard me, because her bedroom lights turned on and suddenly, I felt Mommy's strong hands covering me. I cried into her shoulder.

"Marie, what happened? Why are you crying?" she asked, looking around for any signs of danger. She saw Leo's door wide open. "Where's Leo?"

I looked at Mommy with my tear-stained face. And I think she knows. She knows and she dropped to the floor, holding me tighter. "Oh no…" Tears started to fall from her face.

We stayed on the floor for the entire night, holding each other, and crying, because Leo Valdez—my big brother and my Lego-making partner—had left another family behind.

- May 28, 2008 -

Dear diary,

Leo is gone. Leo is gone. Leo is gone. Leo is gone. Leo is gone. LEO IS GONE!

And Mommy and I couldn't do anything about it.

So...Part 1?

For those who didn't read the author's note on the previous chapter, this will be in two parts. I'm still working on Part 2 at the moment but I promise you - I swear - that this will come out some time next week.

Writing Part 1 had been a surreal experience for me. I think, but this may be false, this was the first story I wrote ever since I stopped writing a few years ago. So it's kind of like, my comeback to the writer's world, you know? Hopefully you guys can enjoy this just as much as I did when writing it :D