I'm sorry it's taken so long to update, but hopefully the long delays are over now. I have the next chapter at least planned out, so I'll try to get it written and posted as soon as I update Hydrangeas. Thanks for being patient!
It took convincing, a lot of convincing, before I mustered enough foolish courage to make my way to the parking lot after the final bell. My feet twisted a few times on their own accord, in the opposite direction, and as tempting as it was to let them lead me away, I knew I couldn't pretend that Eli didn't exist for the rest of the year. I had tried, of course, but I swear I could feel his breath on my neck during English class, could hear the anxious shuffling of papers, incessant at my back, and I'd find myself wondering what eyes he wore today if I was strong enough not to catch a glimpse of them before the daily lessons began.
"We're going to the library," I hissed at them while I ventured across the blacktop to CeCe's sedan, "So stop fighting me!"
"Do they fight you often?" The voice startled me enough to trip over the appendages I was chiding, and I fell onto my backside with a squeal, my books dispersing across the pavement. I heard the light laughter and I growled, but it didn't discourage Eli from leaning to gather my dropped supplies, holding them in a stack with his own before reaching for my elbow, pulling me back to my feet. I didn't have to wonder if the contact made me blush.
"You're a lot clumsier than I remember," he taunted. I looked up to configure a retort, but I was met with his damn near signature smirk, and I could no longer formulate words, gulping inaudibly in place of them. "You scared me," I rasped, reaching back to brush the concrete crumbs from my pants.
"Well I'm very sorry. Next time I'll wait for you to finish your conversation with your feet before so rudely interrupting." I wanted to be mad. If it were in my control, I'd have been livid, but he looked so human then, so unbreakable and warm that I had to avert my eyes anywhere but his, briefly scanning the lot surrounding me, searching for any scatter of mine he might have missed. Noticing my procrastination, he brandished the stack under my face, silently assuring me that everything was there, still grinning that grin. "You ready, crazy?"
"You're crazy!" I shot back in a thoughtless, middle school recant. His face fell neutral for a split second, but he didn't look upset, surprised if anything and just like that the smirk was back, and I hated it.
"I thought you figured that out a long time ago," he remarked, shifting the pile of books under one of his arms to tug the keys from his belt loop. I made it a single step forward before the nerves overtook me again; the thoughts flooding back to mind. The last recollection I had of Eli driving also ended in Eli crashing, Eli almost dying, Eli laughing maniacally and unhealthily, and then Eli's silence. My heartbeat peaked erratically and I was glued in place, staring in horror at the vehicle he was poised beside.
"Are… you coming?" He gestured inside the car, which I only caught from my periphery as my wide eyes were still locked at the could-be metal death trap. I shook my head, I thought. I wasn't sure if the movement projected to anyone but me, but he took a stride or two towards my frozen body either way. "Clare, are you okay?" The calm voice confused my memory, jolting me from the flashback playing on the plasma screen of my mind, the replay button stuck down in place until his words broke through the barrier.
"I wouldn't crash with you in the car," he sighed, keeping his distance. Finally able to shift away, looking him in the eyes, which still were not frantic, but by no means warm anymore, I hated that moment. I hated the smirk even though it was wiped clean, I hated how he could still read me, my mind, my body language and know precisely what pained and frightened me, even now, even after all this time.
"Yeah," I rasped vaguely, my throat feeling aflame. "Let's go." I swallowed my fear and pride simultaneously, forcing myself to the passenger's side door and thumping into the seat. I was overwhelmed; the interior smelled like CeCe and I couldn't not smile at the revelation. I really did miss her. I missed her and Bullfrog, and the house, and the Victorian furniture and old time radio, and Bullfrog's framed Elvis album, and the strip of doorframe from Eli's childhood home that they'd torn from the wall to bring to the new house so that Eli's growth chart would follow him. I was still smiling foolishly, wrapped up in the few small memories I'd been honored to be let in on, when Eli slipped in beside me. I didn't notice his presence, nor did I feel his eyes on me until his voice rang through the cab. "Are you crying?!" He implored, turning his body towards me. "Clare, seriously, I'm not going to drive us into a wall, we can walk if you're that scared."
"What?" I muttered hazily, unaware that a few nostalgic drops of salt had escaped me while I was peddling back through memory lane. "Oh," I whispered, swiping at the evidence. "No, I'm happy." I smiled mutely for good measure, but he looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Staring in disbelief for a moment longer, he nodded absently before turning back to the wheel and starting the car, backing out expertly and pulling onto the main road towards the library. I tried to hide my ever-present nerves, digging my nails quietly against my own hands, scanning the road for lines and obstructions, but alert as always, he noticed.
"You wanna drive?" He snarked.
"I still don't have my license…"
"And I do, so relax, would you?" He turned from the road for just long enough to smirk again, and I hated it just as much then.