I don't remember waking up. I barely remember falling asleep. After leaving the library, everything seemed to get fuzzy, and though I should have been thankful for that haze, I couldn't pretend to be comfortable as I lay in bed, painfully awake and remembering everything I said that Eli had taken wrong. Eventually Eli calmed down and did drive me home, but the ride was filled with the most stifling and deafening silence I'd ever experienced. I was crawling out of my skin; the short ride seemed to turn into an eternally winding road, and was so quiet that I could hear his fingers tighten around the steering wheel each time my eyes fell onto him, and the tiny angry breaths in his throat.

He broke abruptly at the curb in front of my house, sitting still and not even turning to face me. I knew it was a hint to get out, both of the car and maybe his life, but I couldn't accept that without trying to fix my mistakes one last time. "Eli," I started, only to be cut off before I could think.

"CeCe needs her car back." His voice was lower than usual, and so even that I could tell he was having a hard time keeping it in check. My mouth hung open, grasping for words to make him stay, just long enough to get back to better terms, or for him to let me explain that I wasn't afraid of him, but he stretched his arm across me, pulling the handle and pushing open the door, making it crystal clear that I wouldn't be granted that today.

I obliged his bitter request, swinging the strap of my book bag over one shoulder and exiting the vehicle. I kept my hand on the door to keep him for a few more seconds. "I'm not done with you, Eli," I announced, shaking my head and staring over at him, silently willing him to turn my way. He did, for the briefest of moments, only to swat away my hand and pull shut the door, speeding off out of my subdivision.

After I replayed the synopsis in my head a few more times, I dragged myself out of bed, dressing and foregoing bothering with the rollers for today, deciding I looked decent enough to face the world how I woke up looking. I was in no mood to impress anyone, nor was there anyone to impress. Opting out of breakfast too, she lay in bed for a few extra minutes until she heard Jake calling up to her. Rolling back out, she trudged downstairs to where he was leaning against the front door, stopping on the bottom step when she noticed the look on Jake's face. "What?" I muttered, instantly feeling fifty shades of self-conscious.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't move from the landing, halting in place as I blinked up at him. He looked genuinely concerned, something I hadn't needed to see from him in a long while. "I'm fine," I muttered, eyes still locked. "Do I look bad or something?"

"Yeah," he answered, quickly shaking his head free from the daze. "I mean no, not bad, just… well, miserable," he tried again, the look of worry not fading. It shouldn't have surprised me that my looks were telltale of how awful I felt on this morning. I had never been much of an actress, and as much as I loathed admitting it, Jake had grown skillful of reading me. Still, I couldn't let on why or just how off I was today, especially not until I understood why I was still letting one of Eli's grumbling antics affect me so much.

"I'm fine," I insisted again, casting my lying eyes away from Jake's face, not giving him permission to read the fib. "Can we just go?" It took a moment for him to nod, and a longer one for his body to connect with his brain, leading us out to his truck for another equally as uncomfortable ride of silence, the few minutes it took to pull into the lot behind Degrassi and find a parking space. Grateful for the escape, I was thwarted by Jake's hand on my arm, spinning me back to face him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" The concern was back and made my skin feel two sizes too tight. His question was just above a whisper, but he might as well have screamed it across campus for the amount of awkwardness it gave me.

"No, Jake, I'm not alright. The black and impenetrable hold that my potentially suicidal ex seems to still have over me has put a damper on my otherwise sunshiny day, but I'm sure I'll be back to my old self by third period, no worries, bro."

I nodded. I couldn't think of anything else to do, and no words came to mind that didn't sound sarcastic and dark, and I was in no mood to give Jake reason to keep playing the big, teddy bear brother card. What with the whiplash ex-boyfriend card, the perpetual peace keeper card, and the numerous Joker cards life had slipped into my deck, I had a full hand as it was, and I was ready to fold.