Thankful for all of you. Here is an extra slice of pie, as it were. I think one more chapter to the Sidorov arc and then we're done. If you have episodes you want to see our couple in, just PM or add to reviews. Much love to Stef and Donna.

Chapter 11

Sidorov part 7 - Impact

Kensi's eyes opened when she felt Deeks stir next to her. The sun was peeking through the drapes of their bedroom. She laid there waiting to see if he would settled back down. He was turned away from her. That in and of itself was unusual. They never slept out of each other's embrace. But there was nothing about the past 48 hours that was usual. She kept replaying their conversation in the bullpen yesterday in her mind.

"Baby, what are you doing?"

"Um… I don't know. I was just, uh … I was just cleaning some stuff out, but I don't … I don't know." Deeks ran a shaky hand through his hair as he looked around the bullpen.

Kensi had never seen her partner look so lost. He was cocksure, funny, brave. But this, this was scaring her. "Listen, I know what you're going through."

Deeks cut her right off, "I really hope you never do." He looked right into her eyes to make sure she understood that he would die before he would ever let that happen to her.

"But if you want to talk about it, or not talk at all, I'm here for you. Those vows we took, for better or worse. They mean something. They mean we will get through this - together."

"I just - - wanna walk away from it."

"Yeah, so take some time off. We can take some time off together. Go away, anywhere you want."

"I need to get away from everything, you know? I just, like - - I just … "

Kensi could feel him slipping away. "And everyone?" He just looked up at her. She saw the hurt and pain. She felt it too. She left him in that chair. She left him in the emergency room. She wasn't there when he woke up. She didn't know what to do. She looked down at her hands and started rubbing her ring finger that currently was bare but against which she could always feel the phantom weight of her wedding set.

"Kens." She looked up at him. He saw the tears filling her eyes and the pain she was feeling. "I just want you to know that the place I went to in my head to, uh, stop the pain, was you. I just kept thinking about your smile, your laugh, your kisses when we make love. Everything." By now both had tears running down their cheeks. "It's the only thing that got me through."

She hadn't realized tears had started flowing until she felt the pillowcase dampen beneath her cheek. Kensi tried to stifle her sobs so as not to wake Deeks but then she felt him move and then his arms gathered and turned her towards him. She burrowed into his chest and cried, hard. She had never been so scared in her life as when she saw him in that chair. She felt his tears mix with hers but he just held her tighter. Neither spoke. Deeks felt her breathing even out and when he checked, Kensi had fallen back to sleep. Sleep was not his friend right now but he could see he was home, in his own bed with his wife in his arms. That would need to be enough for now.

Hetty had given Kensi a week off to tend to her husband but requested that she come in for the morning to finish the reports and then she could be off. As she finished dressing, she went to the box that sat on Deeks' dresser, opened it and put her wedding set on. It wasn't something she normally wore to work but right now, she needed to feel their weight on her hand. It was the affirmation of their love and that her husband was still with her. Deeks was in the kitchen making coffee and some breakfast for Kensi. He needed to do something. He hadn't fallen back to sleep earlier and right now he was pacing around the kitchen like a caged animal. He hated the way he was feeling but knew he needed to keep it together until Kensi left.

As Kensi came into the kitchen she paused and watched Deeks. She knew he hadn't slept well and she could see the agitated state he was in. Maybe she should call Hetty and ask for another day, she was not comfortable leaving him like this. Deeks, as if sensing her presence, turned just as she came in.

"Morning Sunshine. I have coffee ready and pancakes are in the microwave." He plastered a smile on his face. It was a little painful given his injuries but he made a valiant effort.

"Hey Baby." She walked up to him, wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed him gently. "How are you feeling this morning?" She tried to look into his eyes but for some reason he was avoiding direct eye contact. "I was thinking, maybe I should call Hetty and stay around here today."

"NO! I mean, you should go in, get the paperwork done and then you can come home and not worry about things." He thought, real smooth idiot. "Kens, I'll be fine, really."

Kensi wanted to believe him but she knew he was still a bit upset with how things had gone with leaving him in the chair and not being at the hospital when he woke up. Against her better judgement, she kissed him good-bye and left for the mission.

Deeks tossed and turned as he laid on the couch.

"Fourth move, Bobby Fisher style. Wait for it. Boom, check, partner."

"We're not playing for real Bob. And we're not partners."

"We are right now."

"Not really."

"We're in the midst of this nice little three-way. You and I and - - that is a terrible choice of words."

Sam was about to explode. "You talk to Kensi this much during a stakeout?"

"Usually more. Sometimes we text even though we're right next to each other. It's pretty adorable." God he missed his partner.

"That's cute. I'm not texting with you." Sam snarled back.

Deeks had had about enough. "You know what, man? I've done this job for a few years now. Some would say, Hetty, for example, exemplary. And then there was that whole CIA undercover thing, where Kensi and I rescued Nate. Always had everybody's back."

Sam's irritation with Deeks was growing. "What's your point?"

"I can take the crap you dish out ten times over. I'm just curious about the why?" Deeks looked Sam dead in the eye.

Sam, for a moment, was surprised that Deeks would speak back to him in that manner. "I'm Navy straight up. Everything you do is different. The way you dress, your jokes, your hair. I will never understand what the CIA saw in you. Even Kensi surprised me when you two got married. She came from a military family. I wouldn't have thought your look would be something she'd be attracted to. But you . . . ."

"If this is about my haircut, it needs to end. Did it ever occur to you that this team had no one who looked like they were from this area? You could never slip in and out of the places I have. You have one undercover look. And let me tell you Sam, one look does not get you far in this job. Hetty chose me because I can adjust my look and Kensi and I make a strong team. It was how we were successful getting Nate home." By now Deeks was yelling at Sam.

Sam tried to backpedal. "It's not about the hair. It's what it says about you as a person."

"So you're saying it's about my character?"

"Yeah. Something like that." Sam felt he had put Deeks in his place. There was a smugness about him that enraged Deeks.

Monty's barking woke Deeks up with a start. He could feel the sweat soaked tee shirt clinging to him. Once he got his breathing slowed he swung his legs around to bring him to a sitting position. Monty forced himself between his legs and nuzzled his arms. "Sorry buddy, I didn't mean to scare you." Deeks rubbed his dog's ears. I need to get out of here,he thought. He stood, went towards the bedroom, grabbed sweats, sneakers and then grabbed Monty's leash. He purposely left his phone on the coffee table. After he attached Monty's leash, he headed out the door. Deeks needed to clear his head and there was only one place to do that.

Kensi was working through her after action report. She was happy to be alone in the bullpen. Callen was following up with another agency and the Wonder Twins were busy in OPS. Kensi kept half an eye on her phone hoping that Deeks would check in. She had texted him a few times, sent a few emojis, but so far nothing. She finally finished the document, forwarded it to Hetty and logged off her computer.

"All finished Mrs. Deeks?" Hetty had suddenly appeared at her desk.

"Yeah Hetty, i's are dotted, t's crossed and if you don't mind, I need to get home." With that Kensi gathered her things and stepped away from her desk. She didn't mention to Hetty that she was worried about Deeks.

"Take care of your husband and I will see you next week. By the way, Mr. Hanna had been asking to see Mr. Deeks. Will you get in contact with Michelle please?"

Kensi just nodded. She still didn't know all that had happened between Deeks and Sam. Nell had played the audio recording but that may not be the whole picture and until she knew, she wasn't going to put Deeks in an uncomfortable meeting. Kensi walked out of the mission to her car. She called Deeks to let her know that she was on her way. The call went to voicemail. "Gone surfing" was all she heard. Something was not right. She punched the accelerator needing to get home, not liking the knot that was growing in her stomach.

"Come on!" Kensi growled as she dropped her keys, trying to unlock the door. When she finally got the door opened, the silence was deafening. "Deeks? Monty?" Nothing. Kensi then noticed her husband's phone on the coffee table with all the missed calls and texts notifications on the lock screen. Ok, don't panic. He's fine. He took Monty for a walk. He's fine. Kensi's mind was racing. When she finally got her breathing under control, she dropped her bag, grabbed her keys and phone and headed back out the door. There was only one place he could be.

The waves of the Pacific roared toward the shore. A lone figure sat on the sand as a dog chased the gullies. He felt her approach as she sat herself behind him. Long, lovely legs encircled his hips followed by her arms around his middle. "You found me." He kept his eyes straight ahead towards the water and his voice was flat, unusual for him whenever he greeted her.

"I was worried when didn't answer your phone or my texts. Besides, after how many years? I think I know you a little." Kensi leaned into his back but suddenly Deeks stood up away from her.

"You know me. Then answer me this. If our places had been switched, would I had left you in that chair or alone at the hospital?" Kensi could hear his voice breaking. He still had not turned to face her. His arms wrapped tight around his middle. "And for the love of God, Kensi, DO NOT say it had to be done for the mission. Because I know about the mission. Hell, I became the god damned mission." Deeks sighed heavily, not attempting to brush the tears from his face.

Kensi stood up. "It's what we signed up for." She mirrored Deeks posture, arms crossed but with a defiant look on her face. Deeks wheeled around to see his wife standing erect, confidently glaring at her husband.

"Are you kidding me? How can you even say that?" Deeks was yelling.

Good, she thought. He's angry. If he's angry, he will get everything out and not internalize and brood about it. She really did know her partner. "Deeks, what did Sam say to you?"

Deeks eyes grew wild. "What are you talking about?"

Kensi stood her ground. "What did Sam say to you while I was in Iran?" She needed him to tell her. Kensi remembered her fists clenching as she listened when Nell had played the recording for her. She thought she knew Sam. Admired him. But never realized the depth of contempt or disrespect the SEAL had for her partner. Even when they met at Hetty's New York apartment, he was agitated with the two of them, which was understandable given what had transpired, but the levels of his previously hidden feelings for Deeks were a revelation. Kensi noticed that Deeks was staring at her fists which had become clenched at her sides. Kensi sighed and unclenched her hands.

"It doesn't matter." Deeks once again turned away from Kensi.

She carefully approached her husband and laid her hands on his back. She felt the tension double from what she first noticed. "I was wrong." It was a whisper.

Deeks turned his head to the side to be sure he heard right. "What?"

"I was wrong. You never would have left me in that chair. You would have been there when I woke up. I was wrong. I tried to fight Granger, but I . . . I don't know. I follow orders. I knew we had to get Michelle. I WAS WRONG!" Kensi's voice broke. Deeks turned around and gathered her in his arms. "And Sam was wrong. What he said to you was wrong. You, Marty Deeks are the finest man I know. You are kind, loyal, brave and I love you so much. . . ." At that point she buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed.

Deeks held her closer. "Kensi, shhh, baby, it's ok. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you or scare you by disappearing. As for Sam, I will deal with him eventually. We'll be alright." Deeks leaned back to look at his wife. He gently wiped her hair away from her damp cheeks, leaned in and kissed her.

Kensi was a bit embarrassed by her "sloppy" face. Deeks thought she looked beautiful. As she gained her composure she asked. "Are we alright?"

"We were never not alright."

"What happens next?

"It's our love story. And we will write it our way."

"Our love story. I like that."

Deeks knew the road ahead was not going to be easy, but as long as they had each other, they would make it through.

They always did.