You watch her come into the apartment with a shy timidness, her steps hesitant, almost like she is a frightened animal. You grasp the back of your neck and hide your other trembling hand by clutching the handle tighter, opening the door just a little wider to show her that she is welcome. While slowly scratching under your nape, you try to encourage her as much as possible by smiling but you're nervous.
So very nervous.
Smile, Yuzu. Reassure her. She is almost home.
The corner of your lip arches but your eyes...
"Come in, Mei." You say gently, hopeful like a silent plea, as you notice the girl has stopped inside the doorway. You cannot help but feel a wave of fear wash over you - and your eyes are probably giving it away - because it is so easy for her, right now, to just turn and leave.
A horrid feeling nestles itself in the pit of your stomach. Is she changing her mind? You cannot stop yourself from thinking that if she did, would you stop her? If that was her choice, could you let her go again and let her pass through your fingers like sand? Thankfully, her eyes are not focused on your own but rather on the floor so she cannot see your fear and how you are rapidly blinking to extinguish the sensation scorching at the back of your eyes.
Be strong, Yuzu. Don't cry. But the longer you wait, the harder you feel your chest is pounding at her indecision. You know this is ultimately her choice, something that she is not used to, so you wait (be patient!) - but you do not want to lose her again.
Not again, and not ever.
(Please, Mei, please don't go.)
While feeling a lump in your throat that slightly blunders your words, you try one last time, "It's okay, Mei. Just take your time." You don't realize your hand isn't moving on your neck and you've been holding your breath for dear life at what she will decide to do.
After what seems like an eternity of not knowing - where the sky could have fallen and the earth could have crumbled - she takes a step, and then another over the threshold and it feels...
Like a dream.
Is that it? You don't know because you've convinced yourself, in those very few seconds, that the sensation of soaring amidst layers of clouds and upon white wings can only describe this feeling. It is like you are in heaven, with an angel beside you, when she steps so gracefully past the door.
And when she looks at you-
You want to pull her close and-
"Sorry for the intrusion," Mei says politely, while brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Her eyes are hidden under such long and delicate lashes, making it hard for you to decipher what she really wants to convey with those beautiful eyes alone.
An intrusion? It's hard for you to focus because you're in shock. You feel yourself crashing through those clouds and down towards Earth because if those words are her thoughts, and her thoughts mimic her feelings, then you don't ever want her to feel like she is a stranger here.
"Mei, this is your home. You'll never be intruding." The words flow out from you so naturally, like water courses down a river. You need her to know that she is home because it has been six long months for the both of you.
(Six.
Torturously.
Long.
Months.)
To get to this moment, to be standing next to each other in the entrance way, it's like the both of you are standing as weary travellers. Until now, the two of you have journeyed through caves of sorrow, climbed mountains of suffering, drowned in oceans of tears and been swept in gales of uncertainty. For six long months, you two have walked with burning hearts upon searing embers along separate paths, alone, and - against every insurmountable odd - she is here, next to you.
"You're home, Mei."
You melt like wax against a flame when her expression softens - oh ever so gently - at your words. They are a compass to your heart and Mei's expression is your destination. She nods tentatively, prying her eyes away from you, unsure exactly at how to respond towards your proclamation, which makes you wonder if she truly feels like she is home. It takes every ounce of willpower to restrain yourself, from hugging her fiercely, to reassure her as she is looking at the floor again... but, you know, you cannot overwhelm her so soon.
You do not want to envelope her in your radiant beams of happiness, even at the slightest chance of burning her in your love.
At least, not right now.
She is a delicate flower, Yuzu, and you must take care of her as such. You remind yourself of this, as Mei takes off her shoes and puts on her slippers that you've kept all this time next to yours. Suddenly feeling inept, you take her school bag instead of her hand (even though you so desperately want to) and watch as Mei leads with such grace into the apartment.
Her steps are soft and entrancing like a pendulum, as you follow behind her into the bright room where nothing has changed since the time she's left but - it is peculiar. You notice that she is carefully rediscovering every miniscule of space, like she is imprinting it forever in her memory at how beautiful this room is, where her family dwells in laughter and love. Her hand lightly grazes the wall with a single finger, as she walks, then traces it along the ridge of the couch.
It is like she is setting all the broken pieces back together in her heart, as she studies every corner of the apartment.
You are spellbound by her and you do not know what to do. She's so undeniably beautiful, more than an imperfectly perfect rose. The way her midnight hair captures the light and how the air around her sparkles like it is crepuscular makes the moment so whimsical. Not only does her presence brighten the room but it blazes in your heart a desire to lift her into your arms and happily exclaim-
(I love you!)
But instead-
"-I think someone's been missing you," you say, scratching the back of your neck in inadequacy, "just as much as me."
You can't say it.
Your grip tightens on her bag. Don't overwhelm her, you repeat to yourself, again. And you realize how ironic it is how we must tiptoe sometimes around the ones we love when we so desperately crave to reassure them of our love and how they are home.
You are home, Mei.
(You are home!)
Her gaze follows yours and they settle on a certain object, waiting for her at the table. It is a reacquaintance between her and an old friend.
"He's even wrote you something," you urge, indicating to a piece of paper between his paws and follow after her, as Mei goes near. You cannot help but fall in love over and over again at their exchange. She takes the letter from his paws delicately and you watch her eyes as they scan the words in glittery colors with drawings of bears beside them. It is a beautiful moment, etched forever in your mind, as she reads.
"Thank you, Kumagoro. It is really a lovely note, indeed." Her eyes become soft, her voice gentle and her lips cradle a small smile. She puts the paper down and it feels like a courageous flame has ignited in her petite figure. Fondly, she pats his head, as hes bobs in agreement, in turn.
Her eyes on you, now.
Shyly, with fingers skimming along his plush fabric, she looks like a delicate piece of art, as if holding back. But her amethyst eyes are not. Her courageous flame is solely focused on you and you realize you've been holding your breath again.
"I'm sorry I left," she whispers, barely above a sound.
A confession of guilt and regret, which makes your heart twist in pain. You're weak; her heartbreak is not an illusion and neither was yours. Maybe you both have lost and gained during these six long months, but you realize that the torch of love burns even brighter between the two of you. She is opening herself to you, your most precious treasure.
Now is a time for healing and rediscovery.
Now is the time to reassure her of your love.
Now is the time.
"You never really left, Mei," you whisper, hand to your chest while she arches a delicate eyebrow curiously, "because you've always been here." You feel your heartbeat quicken to agree underneath your palm, as Mei's eyes widen at your meaning.
You are smiling through your tears that can no longer contain themselves, as Mei's eyes convey all that you need to know. No words are needed in the warm orange glow of the ever brilliant sun, as her tears fall like diamonds with the most beautiful of smiles to grace her lips. In that moment, as you are both crying, you are gleefully surprised when her arms wrap around you. Her fingers find hold onto the fabric at your back and her head nestles into the crook of your neck.
The only thing tethering you to the ground is the realization that your smile has grown, stretching widely across your face and ignoring your stained cheeks, as if being pulled by invisible cupids. And, most likely, it's making you look like the adorable dork that you are. But you don't care because-
"I'm home." She says in your shared embrace. The moment you've been waiting for, washing away all your fears and doubts. She can probably feel the beating of your heart and you realize that home was never a place to Mei, but rather, it was you all along.
You are her home, Yuzu.
There is only but one response you can manage to return. The only one that matters, anyway, as your lips search for hers. Before you kiss, with your breath tickling her skin and your hands cupping her cheeks, you pour every drop of love into your words.
"Welcome home."
Author's notes: Written for Team Pigeons (authors of Milk and its Derivatives) and DoorIsAjar. All of their works are magnificent, which I hope you take a look at, and at a level I only hope to achieve.
