Chapter Three: When in Rome

"A nudist!" Kara fumbled for further words. "Well, that's… interesting!"

Lena rolled her eyes. "It's not as interesting as all that. There's not much to it to be perfectly honest – disrobing after a long day's work, vacationing at resorts now and again, whenever I can go on vacation… which is rarely…"

An image of Lena sunbathing at a poolside flashed before Kara's eyes.

"Do you want to sit down, Kara? You look a bit flustered."

Kara sat down, thankful that she did not miss the chair and flop onto the rug.

Lena's piercing eyes flickered with amusement. The hint of a smile played upon her lips. "I do believe I've left Kara Danvers gobsmacked. I half expect a litany of, 'Oh goshes' and, 'Gollys' now."

Kara laughed in spite of herself. "I do not talk like that!"

Lena was smiling in earnest now. "Occasionally you do."

Kara wanted to protest, but the playfulness in Lena's voice was infectiously pleasant and so she finally threw up her arms and conceded, "Okay, well, sometimes." Then, with a reporter's deftness, she returned to the subject at hand. "So, the nudist thing, you've failed to mention that before."

"You and I are dear friends, Kara," said Lena, "but there are things about myself I keep private. Besides, I'd no way of knowing how you'd take it, and considering that your face is red as a beet, I'm not sure how well you are taking it."

Kara knew all too well how red her face must have been. "So how long have you…?" she ventured, diverting the conversation from her own embarrassment.

"Considered myself a nudist?" Lena interjected. "Since I was a teen, I guess."

"Oh! Well! That must have come as quite a shock to… others."

Kara became fearful she had said the wrong thing, her voice trailing off as Lena's eyes grew dark.

"No one in the family knew," Lena said tersely. "I made sure of that."

A shadow had passed over Lena's face, like a dark cloud sweeping overhead on a pale grey morning. Kara thought of the cold austerity of the Luthor household, thought of Lena in her youth – small and fragile as a figure of porcelain… and yet… prized less than a porcelain figure. How many priceless items had the Luthors collected? How many sculptures of white lined their halls, all valued beyond compare, while a girl walked among them feeling as if she was… without value? Kara thought of Lena, alone in a great house, pushing against the suffocating weight around her…

"I don't know exactly what intrigued me about nudism," Lena murmured. "Maybe I just wanted to strip away… I don't know… the expectations of the Luthor name… the expectations and the contempt, all woven together into this heavy cowl… the surly sense of pride you were expected to carry in your heart, that Lillian foisted upon me but at the same time… never let me think I was worthy of…"

Embarrassment had melted, and now Kara took Lena's hand in hers, awkwardly but comfortingly.

"Maybe it wasn't about stripping things away," Lena went on. "Maybe it was about… finding myself, if that doesn't sound too new Agey. Having a place where I could be myself, wholly myself, on my own terms. Even if it was shut away in my room. Like when I fiddled with things, technology and so on, this was something that was mine. I could hold it, precious, and keep it to myself. I could… learn to love myself a little more… I don't know, it's silly…"

"It's not."

Kara's voice was soft but clear. She rose to take a seat on the sofa beside Lena. She clasped her friend's hand tenderly.

"It's not, because it's a part of you. I'm your friend. I'd never think of anything about you as silly. But your self-doubt… Lena, you shouldn't struggle to love yourself. You don't deserve to have the weight of your own doubts on your shoulders."

"I've done my best to learn that as the years have gone by," Lena muttered. "I so often put up walls around myself as a means of existing, getting through the days, and I tell myself I'm secure in myself because of that… but when the days are done and I'm alone with myself and the walls fall away, that's when I can find a true sense of security. I don't have anyone to please or anyone to judge me and, well, off come the clothes."

"That's brave of you," Kara said softly, and brave it seemed to her – particularly for Lena, who kept herself so guarded.

"Not very," Lena replied. "You're braver. Fierce, determined, passionate, and just. There's such a vibrancy in all your articles. The strength it takes to get them onto the page, that's worth more to the world than my dealing with personal anxieties."

"There are different kinds of bravery, Lena," Kara said, placing an arm on her shoulder. "Your sense of personal bravery matters as much as the grandest events of the world. You needn't be self-deprecating. I mean, look at you! You can do something I'd never… I mean, it wouldn't be easy for me to just… shuck off my clothes and…"

"Hm. Bashful Kara Danvers," Lena murmured affectionately. "But you never know about things until you try. You get put through a lot of stress on the job and a lot of stress worrying about your sister. If you need to unwind, there's a lovely stretch of beach not far from here."

Kara could hear herself babbling. "Oh no! I could never!"

"Well, a beach would be a bit much for a first time, that's true. You could try it out here with me sometime if you wanted."

Kara had circled around from flustered to composed, and now she was back at flustered again. She stammered her goodbyes shortly thereafter and then ducked from the apartment.