Chapter Twelve: Interest

Alistair and I emerge from the cave to find everyone waiting for us. I head toward Darkforge without a word.

"Hold up, lady, not so fast," Hawke states, striding after me. "My turn now." He puts a hand on my arm and starts leading me away.

"I'll be right back, then, I guess," I mention to everyone as I allow Hawke to guide me.

He stops a short distance away, out of earshot. He looks at me with a frown of frustration on his face. "I'm trying here, but trust goes two ways, Ferox."

"What is it you want to know exactly, Garrett?"

"What were you doing with Alistair?" he demands. "I couldn't decide if you were baiting him or flirting with him."

"I was trying to get him to talk to me privately. I...know a bit about Grey Warden rituals, stuff they probably don't want me knowing or saying in front of others," I admit.

"I gathered as much."

"Some of the things I had to tell him related just to him, about how he and the Hero ended the Fifth Blight. Things that aren't common knowledge, and probably shouldn't be, at least not yet."

"Oh...you could have just asked for the time, Ferox. We would have understood. You always seem to have answers to things, but you're so reluctant to share anything. Trying to figure you out is making me dizzy."

"Why would want to do that?" I ask.

"Ugh, I'm as bad as Declan. Look, I'm interested in you. You frustrate me to no end, but I can't seem to get you out of my head."

"I...oh..." I stutter. I wasn't expecting that. "Garrett...I'm sorry, I don't have those kinds of feelings toward you. I don't even know you all that well."

"Ah. I see. Is there someone else that you've taken a liking to?" he asks hesitantly, looking back toward the camp.

I blush. "Not really; I told you I didn't join the Inquisition to find someone."

"Well then, if there's not someone else, maybe we could at least get to know each other better, see where it leads?"

"Can I think about it?"

He nods with a small grin. "So that's not a total no then."

I don't say anything, but turn and walk back toward the others. I have no idea what to do with what just happened. He had been joking last night, but he is a good looking man. But, as I search my heart, I don't really have any interest in him that way. I think he reminds me of my brothers a little.

Lost in thought, I trudge silently over to Darkforge, my spirited stallion. I reach up and stroke his soft nose. He huffs, but seems to like the attention. I throw one foot into the stirrup and take a leap into the saddle. It's not easy getting up that high, but I've had a little practice, and manage not to embarrass myself this time.

"Ready to go?" Declan asks, bringing his own mount up next to mine.

I nod, and we set off back toward Caer Bronach. The ride goes smoothly, but now that I know what to look for, I see more and more of the red lyrium crystals. This isn't good. I make a note to describe what I've seen and been told about it in detail to my brother. I'd like to get his opinion on it.

But even that thought can't distract me for long, and my mind gets drawn back again to Garrett's words. I sigh. Declan looks over at me a few times. I can tell he wants to say something, but he refrains, much to my relief. I don't feel like lying, but it's not something I can really discuss with the group.

We stop after a couple of hours to rest the mounts and refill our waterskins. Declan chooses a thickly forested area near a stream. I take a moment to stretch my legs. Riding a horse definitely makes you sore after a while. The nearest tree seems dry enough, probably protected from the ever-threatening rains here by its thick foliage. I rest my back against it and enjoy the view looking up through the branches at the leaves.

I overhear voices.

"What did you say to her?" Varric asks gruffly.

Oh no...I should let them know I'm here. I move to step away from the tree, when I hear Garrett's voice.

"I just told her I wanted to get to know her better, that's all."

Shit, they're talking about me. I can't go out there now. I put my back against the tree again, trying to fit my small frame as close to it as I can.

"Are you sure that's it? She hasn't said a word since then, and that's really unlike her."

"Yeah, I think I may have shocked her, the poor thing," Garrett confesses with a chuckle.

"If you're making her uncomfortable, maybe you ought to back off for a while," Varric suggests, the tone of his voice sounding harsher than I've heard from him before.

"Varric, why are you acting like I've done something wrong? What are you, her father? No, wait...Andraste's tits, you're jealous ."

"Don't be absurd," Varric protests.

"Varric, in all the years I've known you, I've never seen you take an interest in a woman before. How was I supposed to know you liked her?"

"I'm telling you, you've got it wrong, Hawke. It's not like that."

"She turned me down, Varric."

"What?"

"I told her I was attracted to her, and she told me she doesn't feel the same. I talked her into considering spending time with me, but I'll back off if you want."

"I...that's her decision to make, not mine," Varric responds, his voice quieter than before.

"I may not be the best at giving advice - Maker knows I've screwed up enough things in my own life - but you can't hide behind the excuse of Bianca forever."

Varric just grunts, and I hear the two of them walking back toward the horses. My heart is hammering in my chest. Varric...likes me? I let that thought settle. Varric likes me. I thought he was safe, off-limits, that I didn't have to worry about him. When I think about how we shared a room, and then last night in the tent when I woke up touching him, I want to die of embarrassment. Had he really been awake during the night, when I evidently cuddled up next to him?

Are my brothers right? Am I getting too close to the people of the Inquisition? I attempt to swallow past the lump in my throat, when the realization hits me: I wouldn't be asking myself that if I didn't feel something for Varric. I didn't question it with Declan, or even Hawke. I had no illusions that they would distract me from my cause or be a risk. I hadn't even considered the possibility of Varric because of the mysterious Bianca, but now that the thought is there I can't deny it. Out of everyone, I look to him first when I need help. This morning in the tent, my heart had raced at his nearness; and, if I'm honest with myself, a part of me had hoped he would close the distance and kiss me for real. I really am an idiot.

I think about Lucis and Andraste, and how heartbroken he had been over her death. No, I can't get involved with someone here. The lifespan of mortals is too short. Everyone I've met so far will be dead within the next 50 years, and my brothers and I will be left to endure on our own, the same as we always have been.

I need some distance from this. I look at the ring on my finger, and consider leaving right now. But I don't want to worry everyone, either. They'll look for me, thinking something happened to me, and will be angry with me for not saying something. No, I need to convince them that I headed back on my own. Tonight, then, at Caer Bronach.

I finish filling my waterskin and head back to the others. I don't glance at either Hawke or Varric, instead choosing to ride in the back with Bull. At least this way I'll be able to see if anyone is looking at me.

"Hey short stuff," Bull comments. "Good to go?"

"Yeah," I respond. No reason to stay silent and give them reason to worry. "It was nice to rest, but I'm eager to get back."

"You and me both. Not nearly enough fighting on this trip. I need a good stiff drink and one of the kitchen girls back at Skyhold, then I'll feel much better."

I laugh. "Have the kitchen girls been warned that you're after them?"

"I've heard them talking, I like my chances."

I can't help but shake my head. "At least you're confident. Hope that works out for you."

"It'll work out for them, too." He grins. "So, that thing you do with dragons…"

"Yeah?"

"Does it work on all dragons?" he asks.

"Only high, elder and ancient dragons. Anything less than that lacks the magic to understand the Draconic language."

A grunt. "And does any of your dragon stuff mention Qunari?"

"Only that your people revere dragons, respect them. I don't know of any other connection with Qunari and dragons."

"Shit. That's kind of disappointing. I mean, we're...you know, dragony, right? I was kind of expecting to hear that we were bred with the blood of dragons or something."

"Sorry to let you down, Bull. But I can put in a good word for you with Miracle if you want to try," I tease.

He actually looks like he considers it for a moment, before chuckling. "Nah, short stuff, I'm shitting you. I think kitchen girls will have to be enough excitement for now."

The rest of the trip back to Caer Bronach passes surprisingly pleasantly. Bull turns out to be an amusing, if a bit vulgar, conversationalist. I welcome the break, and hope that by allowing some of the more risque banter that certain other members of our party will take it as a hint to stay away.

Finally, we reach the high stone walls and ride into the courtyard. Charter greets us as before, and as soon as I dismount I see a familiar figure running toward me. I step away from Darkforge to avoid spooking him and embrace Maeven when she reaches me.

"Ferox, I can't believe it," she says, concern written in the lines of her face. "Sorry, but with what you talked about, I figured you'd be dead for sure. Did you not encounter the dragon?"

"We most definitely did," Declan announced. "And our resident dragon tamer did exactly as she said she would. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was amazing!"

I look at Declan, grateful to hear his support. I had gotten distracted for a moment. Getting the Inquisition to see my side about dragon hunting was the whole reason I came here. I need to focus more on convincing Declan, and when we get back, his most influential companions and advisors. I shudder, thinking about the frilly Josephine and her proper manners, and Commander Cullen with his cold calculating stare, but I've probably earned myself at least some measure of respect now. Things will be different when we get back.