Chapter Fourteen: Distance

The view from the mountain is incredible, even in the dark. It's cold here; my breath makes a small cloud in front of my face. There's no one around to act normal for anymore, so I send a bit of magic into a warming barrier. Much better. I look around me, and it doesn't take me long to find her, curled up in a shallow cave behind where I'm standing. We're at the top of one of the mountains in the range, and there's a steep drop off from the ledge.

"Miracle," I say in Draconic, and she turns her massive head toward me.

"Strange human...er, Ferox," she comments, her voice echoing in my head. "I did not think you would come this soon. I was sleeping."

"I see that. Sorry if I woke you. I needed a break from traveling with the others, and thought I would pay you a visit for a while."

"Did they try to hurt you?" she asks, cocking her head curiously.

I remember having the talk with her before about humans coming to hurt her if she stayed and played at the ruins. "No, nothing like that. It's just complicated."

"Are you hungry?" she asks.

"No, not at the moment, I'm just happy for a change in company, and the view."

"You're staying overnight?"

"Yes, I think I'll stay for a bit, at least, maybe up to a few days if that's alright with you," I tell her. She seems to think for a moment, then settless back down on top of her massive feet. She is laying on her stomach, tail stretched out behind her. There is not much room in the cave, but I believe I can find a spot to sit down.

"You can stay," she decides. "But I'm going to sleep. There were a lot of rams today, and I ate too many."

I find a place near the wall, out of range of her tail should she start thrashing in the night. That's all I need, to get away from the Inquisition, only to be knocked off a mountain cliff by a sleeping dragon. After settling in, my mind races. I feel a bit lonely already and I wonder if I made the right decision in leaving. Or, maybe I should have just returned to Skyhold. But no, I'd have a lot more to explain if I just popped up there, days ahead of the Inquisitor. I give a small thought to going back home, but with Tenebris and Etiam already mad at me, I couldn't bear seeing Lucis right now.

No, this is probably for the best. I reach up and touch my slightly swollen lips, remembering Varric's kisses. That had been impulsive, but I'd liked it. I hope he's not mad at me for leaving. I imagine him returning to the main hall to face the others, and having to somehow explain where I was. I hadn't really thought about his position; maybe I should go back. Ugh, I'm so confused right now. I never should have kissed him. It makes everything more complicated.

Still, it had been nice. More than nice, if I'm honest with myself. I haven't felt like that in a long time. I can still feel the tingle from his large, warm hands on my body. What is wrong with me? I know it's a bad idea, that it can't possibly end well, but I'm having to fight the urge to stay here and not go back to him.

I think I understand Lucis's feelings a little better. He'd been irresistibly drawn to the human woman, Andraste, despite everything working against them. Not only was she a mortal, with their fleetingly short lives, but she had a husband already. None of that mattered to either of them. I saw how happy he was when he was with her. I know he planned to bring her home, to make her like us, but the humans robbed him of that chance. I remember his cries of anguish that day, when he saw her figure in the flames, the flesh burning away from her body as life left her. He'd been too late to save her. We all had. None of us had expected that sort of betrayal.

I need to remember the outcome, not just the immediate desire, even though it goes against a lot of my nature. I wasn't lying when I talked to Miracle yesterday: I do always have the storm brewing inside. I am tempestuous, impulsive, wild. It's who I am, and I've always enjoyed that part of myself. Thinking ahead, planning strategies...those aren't my strengths. Still, if I think not about myself, but what this could do to him, the thought gets a little easier. I imagine his face if he were to find out how much I've had to hide from him.

But then I remember him saying he called me Firefly because I reminded him of a summer night after a storm, and my heart flutters anew. "Damn it," I say out loud.

Miracle stirs. "Quiet, human," she states, before settling back in.

I'm an idiot, and I know I won't be able to resist going back to him at some point. That kiss sealed my fate, and I fear I'm already lost. Damn me, too.

I sleep fitfully, and have one short trip to the Fade. I may hate Fen'Harel for raising the Veil and trapping our seven ancient dragons underground, but I do have to admit I enjoy some of the changes here. The world of the Fade both intensifies and distracts from what I'm feeling. Tonight, however, I wish I could have slept without dreaming. My torn conscience makes me think of him, affecting the whole experience. I keep glancing over and seeing the image of the Black City, and I'm glad when I finally awake to daylight.

I stand, stretching. Miracle is no longer in the cave. She must have left earlier without waking me. It surprises me that such a large creature could do so, but I had been exhausted and probably had slept deeper toward the end of the night than usual. I take a minute to get my bearings. There is nothing inside the cave. No side passages, only a few scrapes on the wall that I assume were made by Miracle.

I walk out to the ledge, again appreciating the view. I can now see that the area is surrounded by a series of jagged snow-covered peaks, interspersed with sloping hills and plateaus. Perfect territory for a dragon; they love playing with varying heights. I look down, and don't see any easy way for me to traverse the steep slope. I'm going to have the use the ring again when I move from this spot.

The others are probably preparing to leave right now. If I join them now, maybe there would be fewer questions, as I had only been gone one night. Am I really ready to go back?

My reverie is interrupted by a glow from my pendant. Which one of my brothers would think to contact me now? I head back into the cave, sit, take the pendant off, and lay it in my hand as I had before. I open the latch, and the magic springs forth.

"There you are!" Tenebris exclaims. "I couldn't see you in the Well, and I don't know where to find you. I looked all over this Skyhold place, but you're not here."

"That's because I'm traveling. I'm actually in a dragon den at the moment. I was thinking of rejoining the others, but perhaps we should meet privately first and talk."

"As you wish, sister. Where?"

"There's a ruined keep in the Black Fens near Crestwood. I'll say my goodbyes here and meet you there."

He nods, and the image dissipates. Tenebris is already here in Thedas. I'm both happy and nervous. Okay, mostly nervous. I'll need to persuade him that convincing the Inquisition is worth our time and effort. With him here, it might help me stay away from Varric for a while longer, until I can sort through my thoughts better. Stars, Tenebris will be furious if he finds out I let a mortal kiss me. But, I haven't seen my brother in a week and a half now. It will be good to be with him again.

I look out over the mountain range, and spot Miracle jumping from hill to hill. I call out to her, and she returns to the ledge, gliding down and folding her wings in at the very last second. She's getting better at this .

"Yes?" she asks. "Did you want to play too?"

"No, Miracle, I must be going. My brother needs me, and I have to leave."

"Brother?" she asks with another turn of her head. It takes me a few minutes to explain that relationship, but at last she understands. "Yes, go to your nest mate. Will you return?"

"If I can. You seem happy here, I'm glad. Good-bye Miracle."

"Okay," she comments, going back out to resume her game.

I smile. Close enough.

I expend another charge from the ring, and the world blurs. When it stills a second later, I'm standing among the ruins, again looking up at the symbol of the Blind Men. These slavers seem to have been all over around here. I wonder if they still operate, or if their organization is dead? I walk through the crumbling towers, toward the stairs that lead up to the offering platform.

I sit upon the stairs, but I don't have long to wait. Tenebris blurs into view, using a similar magic to mine. I stand to greet him. He's carrying his long staff in one hand, the two-headed golden dragon carving at the top glinting in the sunlight that filters in through the clouds overhead. He stands tall, his aristocratic features giving him a haughty appearance, but I know that there's a fierce temper and fiercer loyalty underneath his cool gaze. His wavy hair cascades over one shoulder.

"Sister," he says, and smiles.

I walk to him, and give him a hug. He's significantly taller than me, so my arms only reach around his torso, but he leans over to return it.

"I've missed you," I admit. "There is much we should discuss."

"I heard a great deal as I searched for you at Skyhold. I may know some of what you speak of already," he reports. "I also saw him there. You could have warned me."

"Oh...Fen'Harel. Yes, I probably should have said something. But I didn't want all three of you coming and disrupting what I'm accomplishing."

"He didn't see me, I'm certain of it; but he will have to be dealt with, you understand. It took all I had not to take his head off right then and there."

"We'll handle it when the time comes. For now, we've called a temporary truce. He's here to help heal the Breach in the sky, or so he says."

"I can abide, for now."

"Have you heard about the red lyrium?" I question. "I saw it for myself only yesterday. It...feels wrong, somehow. I thought you might understand it better than I."

"Yes, I have seen it growing. It does not bode well. If lyrium, a large source of the world's magic, is being corrupted to that level, it may already be too late to save it. It is possible this is what Corypheus has been using, and how he created the dragon-beast."

"Then you don't know how this happened?"

"No...we unleashed the Blight, the corruption, but as you know, it was only supposed to have been the one time. It has only continued due to what that damned elf did. If we were able to retrieve our generals, the Blights would have stopped a long time ago. The darkspawn are not organized enough to have survived this long on their own. It could be they were the ones who corrupted the lyrium, or Corypheus, or Fen'Harel himself. I do not know."

"Fen'Harel is going by Solas here. Best practice it now. He hasn't outed me so far. And apparently Mythal is still roaming around somewhere. But I'm glad you didn't have anything to do with the poor corrupted dragon. Do you think we can cleanse it?"

"Maybe. I'll need to see it first, and run a few tests on this red lyrium to know more."

"Be careful. According to some of my new contacts, touching it makes people go mad."

"Ah, then I have an advantage," he boasts, leaning in and grinning at me. "I'm already mad."

I laugh. I really have missed my brother.

"Then you'll not fight me about staying?" I ask.

"No, I'll need to look more into the red lyrium, and that will give you more time to work on the dragons. It's time I meet this Inquisitor."

"They left Caer Bronach on horseback just this morning, and should be arriving in Crestwood Village in a few hours," I inform him.

He reaches for his ring, and I quickly put a hand on his shoulder just in time for the colors of the ruins to blend together as we travel.