Chapter 3: Time to Recover

In the darkness, she could hear a whisper. She strained her senses to decipher it with no results. As she was about to give up, a nearly invisible glitter caught her eye. Weird… It was just floating there, into the emptiness. The mirage was small and she couldn't make out the details so she took a step. Or rather tried to as she found herself walking into thin air.

Looking down, she noticed the absence of her legs. Curious, she touched her face and waved her arms around. She could still feel her body but at the same time, it wasn't there. She shrugged her shoulders and flew towards the wavering light. The closer she got, the brighter it shone. The glow soothed her nerves and from it emanated a comforting presence. Still, the lingering whispers in the background hadn't stopped nor had they increased.

For once in a very long time, she felt her cheeks warming under the incandescence when she halted in front of it. Despite this sun look-alike, her body still remained in the shadows. Not thinking but acting on her first impulse, she reached out to caress its smooth surface.

A hair away from grazing it, the temporary security she felt broke as the murmurs began to emit high-pitched screams that accused her of insolence and treason. The little sun burned with a new kind of power and morphed into a large rock coated with fire and lava. The core of this fireball pulsated like a real heart and pumped small amounts of hot liquid from random holes to form a regular pathway of crossed rings.

The meteor moved slowly in her direction as if warning her. She turned around and swam in the air as fast as she could. Panic burdened her movements and she didn't get very far by the time it was hot on her tail. Looking behind, she took a sharp intake of breath and before it hit her, the shrieks of many unknown persons managed to insult her again and again.

Seras woke up with a start, drenched in cold sweat. She sat up quickly, realizing only too late about her closed lid, and immediately fell back in her previous position as she bumped her head on the hard wood. She grumbled angrily and rubbed her forehead, wiping off some of the wet substance at the same occasion.

A dream, that's all it was. A stupid dream.

She sighed and checked her wounds in the dark with her enhanced sight. The one on her left shoulder healed pretty quickly since the metal bar that she had been rammed with wasn't made of silver. The stitches she had were removed and the rest were mere scratches covered of ugly looking crust over them. In short, she was feeling a lot better than a week ago.

She explained to Integra what happened that day and, of course, she reprimanded her for such carelessness and had forbidden her to step out of the limits of the Hellsing manor. On the bright side, she also recommended her to take a week of rest which, unfortunately, was already coming to an end. This short break was probably Integra's way of saying 'I'm glad you're all right.'

Still, new rules had to be applied. 'For your safety,' Integra had said. Seras was confined in her room every night until Walter came to feed her. He had been ordered to bring her first meal of the night and make sure she drank it all up since she had a tendency of skipping. She also had the responsibility of seeking him out at least once in the evening for another pack of blood she'd have to consume in his presence again. If she didn't take it, Alucard would probably come and harass her until she'd give up and fetch it so he could leave her alone.

A curfew was forced onto her. She had to be in her chamber two hours before dawn and someone would check on her. It was the sole rule that really displeased her. The others she could understand because she knew she'd do the same mistakes and besides, she wasn't ready to go outside anytime soon. Being told it was time for her to go to bed was, to say the least, annoying. It hurt her pride, as a young adult shouldn't have a curfew. Kids do, but not her.

She almost got stuck with a permanent escort but she protested and talked her superior out of this idea. Luckily, Alucard had agreed with her on that one saying she was much stronger than any average human or bodyguard she'd get. He instead suggested the previously talked about rule of her waiting for Walter to bring his student her breakfast. It bothered her less than the previously talked about escort.

Just as she opened the lid of her coffin, three consecutive knocks were heard.

"Come in," she huffed lazily.

Walter appeared in the doorframe, holding a bucket tightly in his left hand, and bowed politely.

"Good evening, Miss Victoria. I have brought…" he trailed off and his eyes got so huge she thought they might pop out of their sockets.

Surprised by his odd behavior, she looked at her chest as a cold draft bit into a fair amount of her pale skin and made her shiver. She flushed red when she realized why the butler had stopped talking and hastily buttoned her wide-open blouse that exposed her white bra. Whatever happened to the 'I am not an exhibitionist' part? She shyly shifted her gaze back at the old man standing in the doorway and saw him wipe away the remnants of his nosebleed. They both stayed silent for a moment and then started laughing at the rather comical situation.

"Are… are you all right, Walter?" Seras giggled lightly.

"Yes, I'm fine," he chuckled while adjusting his monocle, "I'm sorry I barged in like that."

"No, it's my fault. I didn't realize the state I was in. Though, I must admit, that it was funny seeing your reaction… Were you a womanizer in your younger days?" she laughed again.

He looked embarrassed and said, "Please don't go spreading rumors about me, Miss Victoria."

"Don't worry, it's between you and me," she winked at him.

It felt good to laugh again; her weird dream was nothing more but a fragmented puzzle with pieces scattered randomly in her memory. The stress and paranoia had given her severe mood swings that were easily comparable to a seven-month pregnant woman arguing with her husband (or just plainly screaming his head off). One minute she's bawling her eyes out and the other she's tearing the whole place apart screaming like a banshee.

Seras remembered the first night she awoke after the pill's effects wore off. She had scampered in the darkest corner with a sheet over her head and wept like a widow over the tomb of her lover. The moment Walter entered the stuffy atmosphere, her mood took a sharp 180 degrees turn when she sputtered a whole dictionary of profanities and hurled various objects at the stone wall. The startled man attempted to calm her down in vain. Well, it's obvious to say that Alucard rescued the poor butler when he appeared out of nowhere, as usual, and slapped her silly. After that outburst, she apologized profusely to the both of them.

The recovering officer lifted her aching body out of bed and made sure not to fall down the few stairs this time. She stretched and put a hand to cover her jaw-popping yawn. She thanked Walter as she grasped the bucket from him and looked inside. Sure enough, there was her morning meal but two package of blood were waiting to be emptied instead of one. She frowned.

"Err, I think you made a mistake. There's two of them," she carefully examined his face under her bangs.

"Actually, no. Sir Alucard himself asked, well, more like demanded an extra bag for you. He said you'd welcome the sustenance during your first day of returning to work. Maybe he's right, it's bound to tire you."

Her voice lowered to a threatening growl, "I don't need it. I already have to see you once a day for another refill. One is sufficient enough, thank you."

She was about to throw the second one away before a hand griped her wrist, firmly but not forcefully. She flinched at the intrusion of her vital space and gazed reproachfully at the old but wise man.

"Seras," her head snapped at attention when he spoke her first name, "Forgive me for stepping out of my boundaries, but I am telling you this not as a co-worker but as a good friend. One day or another, you will have to come to terms with what you have become. No matter how much you try to deny it, it will only kill you in the end. Accept it, at least for your own good."

"Accept yourself as you truly are and follow me."

That's what Blake had told her. Her fist tightened around the cool item and she closed her eyes. How could she accept it knowing she might take the wrong path? A part of her dream rushed back at full force. People accusing her of treason… Would it be the same if she embraced the other side? Of course, she'd never do this… right? The doubt resurfaced again.

She shoved the thoughts in the back of her mind and let her body go limp, indicating her defeat to Walter. He let her go and gave a smile of encouragement. The faster she drank it all up, the sooner she'd get out of here. She shot daggers at the inoffensive pack and hesitantly took a sip. As if on cue, the thirst ignited and she couldn't resist what it commanded her.

Two empty bags later, Seras was in a better mindset and felt less tired. She was surprised to see she really was hungry. She shuddered a little for the taste was still lingering in the depth of her throat. It was over with until she'd have to fetch the next meal. She thought about skipping but she knew it would be useless to try. What do they say? Resistance is futile?

"There, I drank them both. I'd better not have double portions anymore. Was it just for this time?" she almost pleaded, unconsciously licking her long fangs.

"He didn't mention it," he looked at his pocket watch and exclaimed, "I must be going now. You are also free to go. If you'll excuse me, Miss Victoria…" he left with a polite bow.

Seras dressed a little more presentably and mentally prepared herself to face the weird looks she'd get from the other soldiers. She was used to it but it still annoyed her. She had some time before her training class started so she decided to practice her shooting skills.

When she penetrated the shooting arena, the only soldier in there had conveniently emptied his cartridge and walked away with a nervous nod towards her. She nodded back whilst ignoring the rapid clicking of his army boots indicating he had ran the rest of the way. She somehow found it hilarious.

She yanked on the ear protectors, though it was useless since she could still hear perfectly through them, it was just for procedures. Inserting a full bullet clip into the slot, she aimed at the target. She imagined Blake staring down at her with that crazy grin of his, her finger trembling lightly on the trigger. A twitch in the corner of her left eye was the only struggle showing on her face. With a fierce look, she shot all the bullets in a flurry and when it clicked empty, she threw the gun at the motionless paper with a loud roar and it clattered sadly in the background.

Frustrated at her present state of helplessness, she punched the unfortunate wall but it wasn't enough to get it out of her system. She needed to feel pain so her brain could concentrate on something else. She wanted to rip his flesh apart. Trying to control her anger, she tightened her fists and shut her eyes. It left as fast as it came, leaving her in a small daze.

An unsettling feeling made itself known as a shiver traveled up her spine. It was as if someone was watching her. The wary woman blamed it on her constant paranoia but she knew better.

"Master, stop hiding please."

His laugh echoed throughout the area and he materialized behind her. His shadow fell on her when he approached and she turned around, crossing her arms. Alucard's pitch-black hair was tumbling down his shoulders, a contrast to his white complexion, and he was wearing those damn yellow-tinted glasses. He tipped his sharp nose in the air, light reflecting on the round specs.

"I'm impressed, I didn't think you'd actually sense me. I must admit I left some hints but it still took you a while. Good job, police girl…"

"But not good enough, right? If you were to be an enemy I would already be dead," she replied scathingly.

He ignored her tone, "…I see you understand your past errors. You can't expect to be the best without losing once or twice. Learn from this."

She was about to argue some more but he cut her off, "How about practicing your aim?"

Swallowing her protests, she pointed to the target, "I already did, you can see the results for yourself. I'm out of here."

"Not so fast, police girl," he pulled her next to him, "You've never tried with this!"

He reached behind him and handed her a huge black gun with an inscription reading 'Jesus Christ Is in Heaven Now'. She'd get to shoot with the Cassul?! How lucky! She carefully shifted the weight in her hand to get comfortable with it, almost afraid she might break its fragile beauty. It wasn't really heavy but it weighed more than what she usually trained with. It also felt different, almost as if it had a power and a mind of its own. Walter really outdid himself on that one.

She was about to shoot when, "I'd recommend using both hands. It packs quite a lot of power."

Seras only snorted. She's handled Halconnen on every mission and, except for the first time she used it, never had any problem whatsoever. Surely, she could use this baby single-handedly! As she squashed the trigger, her wrist gave a hard jerk upwards and the force of the blast made her lose her footing. Her ears were still ringing when Alucard grabbed her by the waist to steady her.

His breath tickled her right cheek, "I told you it was powerful…"

He nodded in the general direction she had fired and, sure enough, a hole larger than the head was what remained of the chest area. Interesting, it's like a shotgun inserted in a smaller pistol. A work of art, yes indeed.

"Comfortable?"

She jumped out of his hold and blushed a little. She hadn't realized this before but when she had been leaning on him, he had felt so warm. Their body temperature was low by human standards but compared to him, hers was even lower. The way his hands had folded so perfectly on her waist made her wish she was still in his arms and she had felt completely secure in them, as if no one could wrench her from him.

She sighed wistfully, "Thank you Master for lending it to me. Here."

She extended the gun so he could take it but he only opened the left side of his coat. It took her a while to understand he wanted her to place it in his hidden pocket. He eyed her and smiled like a maniac about to launch his most ingenious plan in action. For some reason, she felt like a complete idiot. She advanced in front of him and carefully pulled the fabric, almost afraid to tear it, and holstered the gun. She waited in front of him, still pretty close, expecting him to pounce on her for any mistake she might have done and reprimand her as usual.

Without warning, he leaned towards her and the thumping of her heart skipped a beat in excitement. His hair brushed against her skin and he remained poised over her neck but didn't move any further. She didn't dare to inch closer either, too scared of breaking this rare moment, and also because she knew she shouldn't. Of course, she shouldn't. Her Master fancied Integra, not her. It just wasn't fair for Integra if she did act upon her emotions.

Seras had witnessed the many looks they gave each other whenever they seemingly spoke of business. You couldn't notice unless you blatantly stared at them or plainly stopped blinking. It bothered her to see them communicate so easily without any spoken words. Well, maybe she was more than just bothered. She could admit that she was very jealous of her boss but only to herself. Her sole consolation was the few precious minutes she'd spent alone in his company, like now.

Alucard caught a small whiff of her and pulled back with a slight sneer. She concealed a shiver as the warmth radiating from his body moved further away and pondered about his expression. Did she stink?

"You still reek of that foul lowlife," he said in contempt.

…Right.

She could only frown and smile in bewilderment. The good side of this explanation was that she didn't actually smell. With his heightened senses, he was able to detect the lingering scent of Blake on her. How he could still smell it after a week was beyond her. She discreetly sniffed her shoulder and shrugged to herself when nothing unusual came to her nose.

Not wanting to pursue the discussion on Blake, she looked at her watch and exclaimed, "I must be going, Master. My class will be waiting for me."

She started leaving until, "Police girl," she turned around, "don't let looming threats darken your path," he disappeared.

She stood in the now empty shooting range wondering just what the hell he'd meant by that. She tried to decipher its weird meaning with no success and resumed her walk to gather her students.

Whatever that means!

XXXXXXXX

"What do you mean you can't see the target?! It's right in front of you!"

"Miss Victoria, need I remind you that we are mere mortals? It's hard for us to see at night!" The voice sounded strained, as if the man was trying to squash down his anger.

"Oh, please! It's only 1500 meters far! Try harder!" she argued.

"Try harder, try harder… I'd like to see you try!" he finally spat, out of patience.

Seras ground her teeth together and clenched her fists. She attempted to remain calm and composed for his sake only (she didn't know why she even bothered) and ripped the rifle from his hands. God knew if she lost control, she'd shred to poor lad into pieces. Newbies, she thought angrily.

"Fine," she seethed, "step aside, boy."

She pushed him out of the way, took aim and shot the carton-made man straight in the chest. She turned around with a proud smirk and saw twenty-four awe-filled faces. That ought to teach them.

Ever since the Valentine brothers' assault, Integra had been formal on putting more efforts in the training classes. Because of the lack of soldiers, when the newest batch of recruits came even she had been dispatched to teach them. Of course, Integra's personal slave had been spared of such a bothersome task. Besides, Alucard would have probably killed them all with his harsh ways of training.

"Now," she started, "I expect you to do the same. In a combat situation, keeping the enemy as far as possible is the safest way for you to do your jobs… and to survive. Remember, your enemies aren't human. They are ghouls. Empty shells with a somewhat similar resemblance to men controlled by a vampire and killing them is in fact freeing their souls. I train you to the best of my abilities so you can witness what it's like out there and come back alive. No more, no less. You'll thank me later when the time comes to shoot them down… You'll be very glad for the distance that's in between your bodies. It isn't the prettiest of sights. Now, resume your fire."

She handed back the gun to her student and pierced him with a superior look. He took it and commenced his practice without a word. The rest of the hour was spent in more arguing but it was of minor concern.

XXXXXXXX

"Finally, I can rest!"

Seras threw herself into her open coffin, having filled her belly of the other meal she had grudgingly taken from Walter. Closing her eyes with the firm intention of taking a tiny nap, she rolled around her bed sheets to gain some more warmth. Just as she was blissfully slipping into unconsciousness, a thought suddenly popped in her head and the idea of sleeping flew out the window. She sat up and rubbed her temples, disturbed. Maybe she should go and visit him. After all, she still had about an hour or two before curfew.

Sighing, she smoothed her shirt and walked out. On instinct, she verified both sides of the hallway checking for anything that might jump on her. More precisely, she was making sure Blake wasn't there. She was scared of him but if he ever came back, she'd be ready for him. Paranoia was a must if she wanted to catch him before he did.

With a fast pace, she went to the other side of the mansion and climbed two sets of stairs leading to the second story. Now that she thought about it… Most employees didn't live in the mansion even if there was a dormitory. They had houses of their own not too far away from here in case of emergencies.

Taking a sharp turn to the right, she counted four doors and stopped in front of the fifth one. She raised her fist to knock but halted. What was the use? He probably wouldn't hear her anyway. Hesitantly, she turned the doorknob. A soft steady beeping noise flooded her eardrums and the strong smell of sedatives made her head spin. Stepping further into the room, she noticed a lamp was turned on low and, just behind the curtains, she could see the outlines of a human form.

Seras inched closer and pulled the drapes away with a soft metallic sound. The man she stood next to looked weak and pale but he was out of danger. His breath was a little labored and he had a washcloth on his forehead glistening with sweat. He had woken up once but just long enough so he could understand what happened and where he was. She hadn't been there.

"Hey, Andrew," she sat on a nearby stool, "How are you feeling today?"

The machine monitoring his heart rate beeped twice rapidly and then resumed its regular rhythm but she paid no mind to it. Taking the damp cloth, she dipped it into the bowl, refreshing it, and replaced it on his burning skin while brushing some of his light brown hair. She held his hand in a loose grip and let her head fall heavily on the mattress. The man was sleeping soundly without feeling any of this. She chatted uselessly of trivial things until the doubt made itself known.

"Say… there really was something in that room, wasn't there? I-I mean, I'm not crazy to think that it was Blake who did this to you, right?" she stopped.

Seras didn't know why she froze there. Maybe she was waiting for an answer, be it positive of negative. Anything, just as long as she finally understood what transpired that night. It was intolerable! This feeling of doubting yourself, not knowing what possessed you at that moment that made you forget it.

"Who did this to you?" she wondered sadly, "Was it really me…?"

Looking at her hand, she started when she saw blood on them. The mental picture Blake had shown her flashed through her head, the one where there was blood on her fingers and she smiled cruelly. But when she stared back at them, they were clean and devoid of red. The disturbed vampire trembled slightly and covered her face, her eyes were playing tricks on her and the more she thought about it the more she believed she was the one responsible for Andrew's wounds.

Seras felt guilty for his predicament. It was only a gut wound but the ability for a human to recover was a very slow process. Her own gashes hadn't healed completely yet.

She spoke almost tenderly into the air talking about her day, anything to change the previous subject, in a muffled voice. She got no response but it eased her heart to say it out loud. Even if it was to no one. From time to time she would wet the cloth with more cold water. She did this until she realized she was past her curfew. Swearing mildly, she said goodbye to Andrew and hurriedly went to her own room.

Seras was about to get in when the door suddenly opened in a rush. If it weren't for her quick reflexes, it would have banged on her nose instead of the wall. She was going to lash out at the person's clumsiness but a hand upon her arm stopped her.

"Miss Victoria, where have you been? We were starting to get worried…" Walter said as he withdrew.

Still a little dazed by the near hit, she stammered, "I…err…Well, I was busy and I didn't see the time pass…"

"Busy doing what?" Alucard emerged behind Walter.

"S-stuff," she said evasively, scared of her Master's imposing stance.

"Could you be a bit more specific, police girl? You know you are forty minutes late, an explanation would be good."

Biting her lips, she lied, "Training."

Alucard kept silent, staring at her, and she felt a small prickling sensation in her head. Walter moved sideways to let her Master through and she absently took a step backwards as he towered over her. She realized too late that the prickling sensation she had felt was her Master searching through her mind and her heart knotted painfully in her chest for she feared his punishment.

"I don't like being lied to," he said menacingly as she shrunk under his accusing eyes, "I'd advise you to tell me the truth next time. I hope your lie was worth the time you had at the infirmary," he left without looking back.

Seras quickly ushered the steward away and she sank into her bed. The composed face she had managed to keep in front of Walter shattered as the first tear escaped the corner of her eye and splattered onto her hand. Endless streams of salty water were now silently pouring down her cheeks.

She hadn't meant it. She hadn't meant to lie and especially not to him. She only wanted to keep her visit private. Was that so wrong? It was an intimate moment she tried to hide because she thought she was being weak. She often chose to be a woman instead of a soldier. She couldn't deny her female instinct.

"In the end, you are nothing but a conniving bitch that manipulates her way with lies and deceptions."

A sob escaped past her lips when Blake's word reached her thoughts. He was right. She was a lying bitch. But what was a girl to do if she wanted privacy? She pulled on her hair to prevent anymore cries from flying out of her treacherous mouth. This feeling… it was unsettling. Her heart felt heavy and squeezed painfully each time she reminded herself of her Master's evident disgust on his face.

It hurt to see him turn his back on her without so much as a punishment. It might sound masochist, but if he had at least lashed out at her or even just hit her she would've felt better because that would've meant he cared. Apparently, he doesn't and he desires nothing more than to wash his hands of her. Who wants an apprentice who doesn't want to learn?

Utterly crushed by Alucard's rejection, Seras rolled into a pitiful ball of quivering flesh and fell into a restless sleep, thinking how unfair it was that she couldn't seem to do anything right these days.