Chapter Thirty-three: Asking the Right Questions

I step away from the table. "I need to go find Fiona. I was supposed to help earlier today with the mages, and didn't make it. She also needs to know that I'm leaving tomorrow."

"What were you doing with the mages?" Tenebris asks.

"Instructing some of the recruits who needed a little extra help."

"You were teaching, Ferox?" He cocks his head. "You haven't done that in forever."

I know what you're implying, brother. "To be fair, I've always been good at teaching magic," I state.

"We all were," Tenebris adds reluctantly. "I suppose if we're defying Lucis anyway, there's no benefit in sticking to half-measures."

"The Inquisition's mages need to get better if they're going up against red templars and Corypheus. Otherwise, we're just sending them to their death. I can't fight the war for them, but I can try to give them a fighting chance, at least."

"Why do the two of you talk about your brother as though you're afraid of him?" Hawke asks.

Tenebris sighs. "He was the eldest."

"Only by minutes!" I protest.

"Yes, sister, I know," he says, shaking his head. "But it made sense to always listen to him, let him guide us. He was our leader. When he changed…" he trails off. "Ferox got the worst of it, being his twin."

I nod. "He was angry, but I could tell he was holding it in, maybe because we put too much pressure on him to be the leader. I just wanted so badly to help him after she died. I would have done anything then to make his pain go away."

"So we changed too," Tenebris continues, picking up the story where I ended. "We pulled away from the world, isolated ourselves, just the family, tried to protect him. But Ferox is right. I think we were wrong to stay away so long."

I muttered, "Lucis loved people, loved teaching. He loved the world and he turned his back on it." I did it again, ruined a happy conversation. My shoulders hunch. "I should get going. Sorry to bring down the mood."

"No worries, we enjoy your company," Hawke says with a grin, then nudges Varric. "Some of us more than others."

Varric nods, and gets up to see me off. "Are we attempting dinner later?"

"Oh stars, another dinner to ruin."

"I could always bring food to you," he suggests.

"Could you? That sounds fantastic!" I remark.

He laughs, leaning in, "It also gives me an excuse to come see you sooner."

I blush, and smile at him shyly. "Perfect."

He gives a small nod and watches me leave.

Fiona is not pleased that I missed today's lesson, but backs off when I lie and tell her I'm not feeling well, and overslept. Good excuse for skipping dinner, too. She seems to accept this, and understands that I've been recruited for a mission. I feel a bit guilty about the lie when she thanks me for my help with the mages.

I have a little time before dinner, and I decide to go pack my things for the trip. I didn't bring a fancy dress, but there is no way I'll be wearing the ugly uniforms I saw them talking about. I need to slip back home and grab something. I consider trying to talk to Lucis while I'm there, but knowing him, he'd probably try to keep me from leaving.

I twist the ring, and emerge in my closet back home. I know immediately which dress I want. I suppose I could just have came back later to get it, and saved myself the trouble of lugging it around, but I don't want to have to risk leaving in the middle of something important, or being seen, for that matter. Hawke and Varric might know some of my secrets, but I can't imagine Commander Cullen or Seeker Cassandra taking too well to my stranger abilities.

There is no sign of Lucis, thankfully, and with another turn of my travel ring I'm back in my room at Skyhold. I quickly pack my belongings, taking extra care with my special dress. I can't wait to see Varric's expression when he sees me wearing it.

I think back to my statement to him about being happy. I know new relationships usually feel good in the beginning, but I honestly can't remember the last time I felt this truly happy. I smile to myself.

The knock on the door sends me running to open it. It's Varric, of course, holding my tray of food. I set it on the table near the door, but when I look back up, he hasn't come in.

"What is it?" I ask.

"We're starting early tomorrow...maybe I should just let you rest."

I grin. "After I waited all day to have you to myself?" I grab hold of the lapels of his jacket and tug forward. "Get in here, Tethras," I order.

He gives a tiny bow and grins, following me in and shutting the door. The food gets forgotten in the mix of laughter and muffled moans that follows.

Afterwards, laying in Varric's arms, still feeling the rippling aftershocks from our lovemaking, I close my eyes. "I wish we could just stay here a while."

"Maybe when this is all over, you and I should go someplace, just the two of us," he suggests.

"I like that idea, but we don't have to wait, you know," I remind him, holding up my hand and wiggling my finger to show him the ring. "I still have two trips left, but I guess I had better save them for now."

"How in the Void does that thing work, anyway? I've never seen anything like it."

"Well, you may have seen something similar. Do you know what an eluvian is?"

"Shit, that was that crazy mirror thing Daisy was working on back in Kirkwall. What are you doing messing with that kind of dangerous magic?" he asks, horrified.

"Well, the ring isn't technically an eluvian. The elves borrowed that magic from the Tevinter gods, but we've always been better at it. It's safe, I promise - provided I don't try to travel more than the amount the ring holds. It holds four trips normally, but I've used a couple today."

"How do you get them back?" he wonders.

"Each day I travel on foot or horseback, even just puttering around Skyhold, recharges one trip. I'll be back to four after two days."

"And what happens if you try to travel a fifth time?"

"The magic gets corrupted if overtaxed, so it's hard to say what might happen. It might send me somewhere I didn't intend, I might get stuck halfway in between, lost forever, or something even worse. It's not worth risking it to find out."

"Right." He's quiet again for a minute. "There's a lot about this magic shit I still don't know. Never cared to know, if I'm being honest."

"Yeah, I can't see you sitting in on one of Fiona's rather lengthy lessons." I chuckle. "But to be fair, what we do is a little different than what other mages do, so you couldn't possibly have known about it."

"What we do, Firefly?" he teases, implying a different meaning.

"Oh, that. That's totally magic, without a doubt." I lean up to look into his eyes and we share a sweet kiss.

I settle back down, and a thought hits me. "You know, I guess I really don't know that much about you, either. It's almost feels like you're two people sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's Varric the legend, the confidante, the storyteller. And then there's just you, the person. I wonder how many people know the real Varric."

He sighs. "Not many. The bullshit is easier."

"Well, for the record, I like the real Varric the best." I get a squeeze in response.

"You might be the first."

"It must be lonely, though, if people only see what you want them to."

"I suppose it is, but I've always had Hawke. And Bianca - the crossbow, that is. Shit, now that's awkward. I guess I should change the name or something."

I laugh, a vibrant sound. "Your crossbow isn't a threat to me, Varric. The name can stay. I think it's cute."

"You're not going to try to steal her away from me, are you? Bianca's a one-dwarf type."

"More like the other way around. Bianca had better keep an eye on you, or I might steal you away from her." His throaty chuckle sounds under my hand, and I can feel the tension ease out of him. "But you still managed to dodge my original intent. I want to know more about you. The real you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"Can you narrow it down? That could take a while."

"Oh, sure; now you limit it. Okay, how about you tell me something that happened when you were a child?" I propose.

"I've got just the story. So my dad was in the Merchant's Guild, and as such he would often be called on to visit some of the traveling merchants or even nobles that would come in to negotiate trade deals. We'd be in these fancy townhouses in Hightown, and you're never allowed to touch anything, right? But then there's Bartrand and I. Bartrand always had a penchant for getting us in trouble, and that day was no exception.

"We were told to play quietly, and not mess with anything. Bartrand suggested we play hide and seek. Sounded reasonable, we'd never been in the house before, there were bound to be plenty of places to hide, and the hunt would be a bit more of a challenge with the new terrain. But, as it turns out, Bartrand had no plans on the 'seeking' part at all. He said he got distracted, but I think he just wanted to get rid of me. I must have waited for a half hour or more, giggling to myself at the cleverness of my hiding spot, none the wiser for what he was really doing.

When I finally came out, I learned that Bartrand had managed to find the kitchens, and had gotten into some kind of berry jam. There were purple smears everywhere. I think the noblewoman's face turned about the same shade when she saw what we had done. Father was furious of course, but I'll never forget the look on her face."

I smile, "You must miss your brother."

"Yeah, he can be an asshole, but he's the only family I've got left. I'm glad he's getting better. Hey, maybe that's where we'll go; I could show you Kirkwall. It's not as bad as its reputation, I promise. Well, okay, parts of it are, but only the fun parts."

I laugh again. "I've seen Kirkwall before, but I'd love to see it through your eyes. That was a great story, thanks."

"Your turn. Tell me something about you. Something about magic."

"You sure you want to know more magic stuff right now? The last thing I mentioned kind of freaked you out."

"No, I want to know. Good or bad." The tension is back.

"Okay, so let's start with something small." I reach over and grab my pendant from the nightstand where I had placed it. "You know how my pendant glows? It's because of the small amount of magical water inside. Back where I'm from, we have a place called the Watcher's Well. It's full of this enchanted water, which allows us to watch the world of mortals. The pendant's power is limited to sending my image to someone else who is watching, and seeing theirs. It's how my brothers and I can communicate over long distances."

"That's pretty useful. But what did you mean about 'watching the world of mortals'? You can spy on people?"

"Kind of. The Well shows you what's going on right now, but you mostly only get things that are happening outdoors. It tends to focus on important events that change the course of the future. It's how I know about Hawke, and in part, about Alistair and his role in stopping the Fifth Blight. After Lucis changed, I was really the only one still watching. It's even what led me here. When I saw the Inquisition baiting high dragons, I knew I had to come."

"I'm just glad to know that one of your brothers isn't watching us right now."

"Oh no, I'm shielding us; they can't see what I'm up to. That's why one or both of them will end up eventually showing up in person."

"But you're really not leaving?" he asks.

"Why, are you saying you want me to?" I tease.

"Never," he whispers quietly, and I smile.

"Good. I don't want to go anywhere, either. There is one other thing you should know, though. It's something that might affect our upcoming mission."
"Is this about your brother?"

"No, this time it's me. Fire dragons are more difficult for me to work with. I'm pretty sure I can still handle it, but there's a chance something might go wrong."

"You're worrying me. What aren't you saying?"

"I...when I talk to dragons, I tap into something inside of me. I become the element. The storm is my natural element, so it's the most comfortable. Cold, well, you've seen what the cold does to me. I go numb, emotionless for a while. Fire is different, kind of the opposite. When I embrace the fire, my emotions are heightened. There's also a risk it can take over. If that happens, I need you to get my brother. Whatever you do, don't get too close to me."

"Why?"

"Because it won't be safe to touch me. I...there's a ritual I did many years ago. I did it with the intent to help, but as a result, my fire magic sometimes becomes too dangerous."

"Then why are you doing this at all?"

"To save the world. It's what heroes do, right?"

"Screw being a hero. Heroes get hurt, and you should stay safe."

"Thanks," I say, and hug him, "but this is why I'm here. I won't abandon the dragons. They must live in order for us all to live."

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"It's the truth, Varric. If magic dies, then all life here would die with it. Dragons help keep magic alive. They're worth preserving."

"If you say so. How am I supposed to get your brother, though, isn't he going on the other team?"

"I'll give you my ring before I approach the Sandy Howler. If it comes to it, fetch my brother from Declan's party. Just think of him and his approximate location in your mind, twist the ring, and it will take you there. Promise me, if I lose myself, you won't try to help, you'll just go get Tenebris. He'll be able to help me. Please."

"Okay, Firefly, I promise."