Note: Just a warning, there is a description of two panic attacks in this chapter. I did my best to describe how they feel to me when I have them, so I hope it makes sense and conveys the idea that I was trying to get across. One is in the very beginning of the chapter and is pretty mild and short in comparison to the one that is a little bit further down.
I was not expecting this chapter to get as long as it did. I'm kind of impressed with myself if I'm being honest.
Summary: "You were killing me?" Eddie asked, his voice laced with disbelief.
"What happened to we, man?" his voice was harsh and low, cracking with the emotions that tore through him. "What happened to we?"
/Eddie struggles to cope without Venom before they find each other again. Lots of angst and fluff and eventual smut.
What Happened to We?
Chapter 2: Coming Home
It was too hot, Eddie was burning. His skin felt like it was melting, and his throat was on fire. All he could see was the flames surrounding him, and he thought that it couldn't get any worse. Then he heard Venom's voice call out.
"Goodbye, Eddie."
Eddie suddenly felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest and he let out a gasp when he felt Venom leave his body.
"Venom! NO!"
He crashed into the violent waters below, knocking the wind out of him. He couldn't breathe and couldn't see.
Where was Venom? He had to find them. They couldn't just be gone.
His arms and legs flailed as they tried to propel him back to the surface, but he had no idea which direction was up or down. He began to sink. His body felt heavy and cold. The last few bubbles of air escaped him, and then the world went dark.
Venom
"Venom!" Eddie sat straight up in bed, clutching at his throat as he tried to suck air in as quickly as possible. He felt like he was dying, choking on the oxygen. He managed his legs over the side of the bed to give himself better leverage to put his head between his knees and focus on making his lungs work properly.
Once his breathing settled, he was able to glance around the sad apartment that he had been living in since his breakup with Anne. If everything weren't so fucked up, then he would find it humorous that the state of his apartment reflected just how he felt. It was too quiet, too lonely, too empty.
He glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed which read 6:34 A.M. Eddie groaned, knowing that there was no point in trying to fall back asleep at this point. He got up and made his way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and make some breakfast.
It had already been two weeks since the fight at the Life Foundation, since Venom had left him, and he was still waking up in a cold sweat every morning. His sleeping habits were abysmal and he had no idea how he was even functioning normally at this point.
Eddie sat down with his cup of coffee and dug into the eggs and bacon in front of him before he picked up the TV remote and turned on the news. Every morning he tried not to get his hopes up too much, but the only reason he even watched the news anymore was to keep an eye out for anything that could lead him to Venom. He knew, he just knew, that Venom wasn't inside him anymore. If they were there then he wouldn't feel so hollow and useless, but he refused to believe that Venom was gone forever. He didn't think that he would be able to get through each day if he didn't have the search to give him motivation and purpose.
All the news reports that morning were sadly uneventful. No sign of alien lifeforms taking over human bodies and biting people's heads off anywhere. Before leaving for work he always made sure to take the stairs and check around the outside of the building, just in case Venom somehow managed to find their way there. Just like every other day, there was nothing out there besides a few sketchy looking people, most likely exchanging one drug or another, but they were nothing out of the ordinary.
Eddie liked his new job well-enough. He had been offered the opportunity to go back to doing the Brock report after everyone realized that he was right about Carlton Drake and the Life Foundation, but that didn't feel like him anymore. It had made him happy for a time, but he had put that job in front of everything else in his life. He had become reckless in order to keep up the shock value of it, and it had cost him the job and Anne. He had decided that journalism was a better fit for him. It satiated his thirst for finding out the truth while keeping him out of the spotlight that did nothing but encourage his self-centered and impulsive ways. Being able to sit down and think out a piece and use his words to make people listen was good for him.
One other benefit was just that he had a lot more free time now. That might have seemed like a bad thing only a few weeks ago when he just about would have killed (he doesn't even want to think about the irony of that phrase) to have something to take his mind off Anne. Now, however, he uses most of his free time to look for Venom instead of wallowing in self-pity.
Sometimes, when he would accidentally let his mind wander, he wondered how long he would keep up the search before acknowledging that the symbiote could simply be gone. After all, that final goodbye seemed final, and the fire was awfully brutal. There was no way that he would have survived if Venom hadn't protected him.
Eddie mentally kicked himself for letting himself think about that. There was absolutely no way that he would be able to go to work every day, let alone get out of bed, if he didn't have the hope of being whole again one day. No breakup, not even the one with Anne, had the ability to so completely wreck him like losing his other did. Eddie had no idea how he had become so utterly attached to an alien that had adhered themself to him like a parasite as quickly as he did. Yet here he was, doing every possible thing that he could think of to get them back.
He still had yet to get a new bike or car, so he had to walk to work every day or take the trolley. That was perfectly fine by him since it gave him an excuse to walk down any street that he had taken when he was with Venom. Though it was a long-shot, Eddie thought that Venom might remember one of these streets and try to come back here to look for him.
Unless.
Unless even if Venom was alive, they weren't looking for him.
This thought hadn't occurred to him before, but now it overtook him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see. He felt like he was dying. He tried to bend down to put his head between his knees again, but this time it did nothing. Choked sobs broke free from him as he tried to stand up straight once more. He felt like he needed to escape, but he hardly knew where he was or where to go. He backed up until he found a building to lean against, ignoring the scrape of the brick against the back of his head. He tightly crossed his arms against his chest in a protective fashion, the pressure of it giving him the ability to get a few strangled breaths in.
He was crying, sobbing, tears streaming down his face. It was too hot, but he felt cold. His fingers and toes were numb, yet he was burning up. He couldn't hear anything except for the roar in his ears, which was a mix of howling winds and rushing water. He began pushing against his chest harder and harder, his irregular breaths slowly becoming a bit more normal. His vision was still swimming, but he could make out the outline of a woman in front of him. After a second the noise in his ears become more of a dull ringing and he realized that the person in front of him was trying to talk to him.
"Sir? Sir, are you alright?"
"No" he managed to croak out once he could get his mouth to form words.
He was able to dig through his coat pockets to find his phone and thrust it at the stranger. "Call Anne. Please."
Eddie crumpled to the floor as soon as she used his thumbprint to unlock his phone and looked through the contacts for Anne. He was too spent to pay attention to what the woman was saying. It felt like it had only been a couple of seconds, but the next time he tried to open his eyes Anne was in front of him, worry etched on her face.
"Eddie? What happened?" She inquired as gently as she could. She bent down and wiped the tear stains that were streaked down his face.
Eddie couldn't open his mouth. He didn't trust himself not to break down again if he did. Thankfully Anne seemed to understand took both of his hands and helped him to stand up. He leaned on her shoulder as she walked him to her car and helped him into the passenger seat.
He watched as Anne spoke to the woman who had called her and shook her hand and thanked her before getting his phone back.
She slid into the driver's seat and looked at him for a moment. He was expecting for her to dig for information and to try to get answers out of him, but when she finally spoke, she just asked if he was supposed to work that day.
Grateful, he nodded, and she looked through his phone before finding the number that she was looking for and dialed it. He heard her tell his boss that he wasn't feeling well and that he had a doctor's note that would excuse him from work for a couple of days. She ended the call and turned to give him back his phone.
"Are you feeling well enough to visit Dan at the hospital to get a note?"
He nodded again and tried to smile at her, but he knew that it probably looked more pathetic than anything. They drove in almost silence, the only noise being the radio quietly playing some top 40 hits.
Anne had seen him have panic attacks before, it was only inevitable after being in a relationship for so long, but they had never been this bad. He was usually kind of quiet afterward, but he was still able to talk.
Once they reached the hospital Anne helped him back out of the car and guided him inside to Dan's office. He couldn't help himself from looking around to see if Venom had possibly remembered this place, but his mind kept returning to his thought from earlier.
He was numb as he sat there quietly while Anne and Dan spoke to each other, casting furtive glances at him every so often. He didn't pay much attention to what they were saying. He couldn't find it in himself to really care what they were talking about.
He had lost track of how much time had passed before Anne came back over to him and pulled him up out of his chair, walking him back to the car, doctor's note in hand. As they drove, he was staring out the window, watching the trees whiz by.
Wait a minute.
He looked around quickly and realized that they were headed in the direction of Anne's apartment rather than his.
"Wait, Anne! Stop!"
She slammed on the breaks, trying to figure out what the problem was. "Eddie, what the hell?"
She looked into her rearview mirror and saw that mercifully there was no one behind her that she just accidentally brake-checked.
"My apartment. I have to go to my apartment. Why are we headed to yours?" He didn't care how desperate or ridiculous he sounded. He couldn't go and stay at her apartment. He needed to be at his in case Venom showed up.
Anne looked at him strangely. "Eddie, didn't you hear Dan and me talking about this? We were going to have you stay with us for a few days to make sure you're okay."
Uh-uh. No fucking way was he letting that happened. He needed to be home. "No. No, Anne. I need to be at my apartment."
Her eyes widened in realization. "Eddie..." she spoke softly. Like he was a fucking child. "Is this about Venom?"
He turned his body away from her so he didn't have to look into her eyes but didn't refute her statement.
She sighed but didn't push the topic any further and he loved her for it. It was a different kind of love. The kind that gave him hope that he could actually be friends with her and Dan without it hurting. He wanted that so bad. Anne made a U-turn and headed towards his apartment.
Once they arrived, she let him take his time getting out of the car, and when he went in for a hug, she put her hand up and stopped him.
"I don't think so," she said. "If you won't let me take you to my apartment the very least you can do is let me up to yours to make sure you're really okay."
He knew that there was no way that she would take no for an answer. Instead, he just let her let her follow him up to his place, relieved that he had managed to get it cleaned up since the Life Foundation goons had trashed it.
He unlocked the front door and set his keys down on the kitchen counter. Anne immediately went to the fridge to look for food for him while he slumped down on the couch.
"Eddie, when was the last time you went grocery shopping?" she asked. "There is almost nothing in here."
He shrugged. Going food shopping hadn't really ranked high on his list of things to do each day.
Anne puttered around in the kitchen for a few more minutes before finding a can of chicken noodle soup in one of the cabinets and decided that would probably be the best option that she was going to find.
Once the soup was done, she poured it into two bowls and brought them over to where Eddie was sitting. "So," she started. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Nope."
Eddie sighed. "Listen, Anne. I know this may sound crazy, but something in me is just telling me that Venom is alive. I know they are. They have to be."
Anne looked like she was contemplating that for a minute. "And that's a good thing?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, confusion clear on his face.
"You want him- "
"Them," Eddie corrected.
"Right, genderless alien symbiote. You want them to come back to you?"
He didn't even have to think about the answer to that question. Somehow Venom had managed to wedge their way right into his heart.
'Probably while they were eating it,' he thought to himself.
"I really do Anne. I don't feel right without them. Something feels missing," he said out loud.
"Hmm," Anne said as she mulled this over. "So, what happened today?"
Eddie was less than willing to talk about this, but he figured if he owed anyone an explanation it would probably have to be his ex-fiancé who had to pick him up off the side of the road after he had a panic attack.
"I've just been spending so much time looking for Venom, I never let myself consider that maybe they don't want me to find them. Maybe they found a better host."
Anne didn't really have anything to say to that. She only had Venom in her for a short time and she felt nowhere near the same connection that Eddie so clearly had. Her time felt more disorienting and she really had not liked it that much. The only thing that helped them to work together was when Venom had shown her his memory of Eddie being taken by three large men.
"Okay, but what about when you guys were together? What did that feel like?"
Eddie looked at her strangely. "Why do you need to ask me that? You bonded with him as well."
"I don't know, Eddie. It didn't feel like something I would actively want back, I felt like I wasn't in control of myself. Honestly, a lot of it is fuzzy to me. I can't really remember exactly what happened, I just have a vague idea of what was going on," she tried to explain. "Whatever it is you felt with them seems to be kind of special."
"Really?" Eddie was kind of shocked. He knew that Venom cared enough about him to rescue him from the Life Foundation when theoretically he could have bonded with whoever to try to stop the rocket, but he thought that was just because Venom felt like he owed him something. He hadn't really thought too much about it to dwell on the idea that maybe it was more.
Anne stood up and brought the dirty dishes to the sink. When she turned around to look back at him, she could see that he was struggling to keep his eyes open, the events of that morning thoroughly exhausting him even though it was only midday.
"Come on, Eddie," she said, trying to coax him into standing up. "Let's get you into bed."
He wanted to protest, but he could feel sleep overcoming him. He all but collapsed onto his bed, and the last thing he felt before passing out was Anne pulling his covers up and kissing him on the forehead.
Venom had no idea where they were. After the rocket explosion where they were forcibly ejected from Eddie for the second time in one night, they had bonded with the closest animal that they could find and kept changing hosts as each one got weaker and weaker. They found themself blacking out for periods at a time as their host's bodies attempted to regain strength. They tried to feed, tried to eat, but they were weak. They were expending so much energy trying to control the animals that they knew they could only do this for so much longer. If they didn't find Eddie soon they were going to wither away.
Time didn't really mean much to Venom. The passing of time here was much different than back at their home planet, Klyntar, so they had no idea how long they had been searching. They were honestly surprised that they had even lasted this long.
The squirrel that Venom was currently bonded with almost dead. They could feel the small animal fading, but they had to keep going. It was dark out, but that didn't bother Venom, the shadows making it that much easier to sneak up on prey.
Eddie's scent suddenly his Venom like a ton of bricks. Forcing the small rodent to move forward, Venom was able to find what was giving off the smell. Crushed pieces of metal from Eddie's motorcycle sat on the side of the road, the street evidently not completely cleaned up since the accident happened.
While Eddie was in control of their body for most of the time that they were bonded, Venom was in control during the chase in which the accident happened. They knew which roads they had taken, all they had to do was backtrack.
This sudden bout of good luck gave Venom the energy and will to keep going, to push forward. The same could not be said for their host. The squirrel was sluggish and wobbly and could hardly stand upright. Venom knew that the animal would not make the trek to Eddie's apartment.
A sudden movement to the side caught Venom's eye, and they turned to see a pigeon land a few feet away. They left the squirrel, knowing that in its weakened state it would only attract more attention from the bird and would scare it off.
Outside of a host Venom couldn't move very fast. They slunk across the asphalt, trying to be as stealthy as possible, eventually getting close enough to stretch out a tendril and reach for the bird. It tried to fly away at the last second, but it was too late. Venom was already sinking into its body.
They flapped their wings experimentally. Perfect.
Venom immediately took off, not wanting to waste any time. Venom enjoyed the speed that their new host afforded them, moving far quicker than they ever could have in the squirrel's body.
Animals were so much easier to control than humans. Humans had too many thoughts and their own agendas and Venom found it very difficult to get a human either to do something they didn't want to do or to give over control to them. That was what made Eddie such a perfect host for them.
Even though Venom was sent to Earth to be a part of the team that found hosts and sent a rocket back for the rest of their population, they personally were just looking for a reason for themself. They felt lost and useless back on Klyntar, and they volunteered to go on the expedition to find a purpose for living. Meeting Eddie and bonding with him felt like that purpose, like it was meant to be.
Venom could understand the thoughts of every creature that they bonded with. When they bonded with Eddie, they could feel just how alone he was. He seemed so sad and just as lost as they were. Being with Eddie made them feel good. Venom knew that all the other symbiotes simply used their hosts, their bond with Eddie felt different than that. He felt like he was giving just as much as he was taking, which was absolutely unheard of for their species.
Venom began to fly in the direction they remembered coming from when riding on Eddie's motorcycle. Luckily, a trip that would have taken him all night on the ground only took a little while as a pigeon because the bird was definitely not a good host for them. They were weakening quickly, and Venom knew that they had to conserve energy if they wanted to have any hope of making it to Eddie.
Finally, finally, they came across a very familiar looking apartment building. The pigeon's body was beginning to falter and Venom still had no clue how they were going to get into Eddie's apartment.
Venom managed to find the window that led into Eddie's bedroom. They could see Eddie's sleeping form and they frantically tried to think of how best to get to him. They settled on slamming their body into the window as hard as they could manage to try and wake him up. They bounced off and felt themselves losing altitude and strength. With one last surge of energy, they slammed into the window again, before collapsing and careening to the ground, landing with a solid crack.
Their body was weak, but Venom couldn't find it within themself to leave their host. Eddie was so close, but he never felt farther away. They didn't know what else they could have done, and all they could hope was that Eddie would be okay. Without Venom there to protect him, they could only hope that his friends would take care of him.
Venom felt like they were fading. They were weak, maybe just as weak as they were after the rocket explosion. They didn't think that they would be able to make it to a new host this time.
Just as Venom was resigning themself to the fact that this was the end, the door on the side of the building burst open. They were too far gone to try to sense who it was, but they showed no sign of being dangerous. The person approached them and began to look at the pigeon, perhaps looking for any sign of life. Venom forced the bird to open its eyes and made themselves visible by passing through the eyes.
"V?" the man choked out in question. Venom could feel him reaching out and touching the bird, giving them the opportunity to slide from the pigeon to the person. The man pulled them close to his chest, almost as if cradling them. Venom felt a few salty drops of something – tears? – splash against their form.They began to sink inside his body, allowing Venom to regain a little bit of strength and awareness.
Bonding with Eddie again felt like coming home after being away for years. They never wanted to leave him again.
Note: Okay so I definitely meant to get this chapter done forever ago, but the writing bug had left me for a little while. I'll try to be more consistent with posting from here on out, but I don't want to make any promises. As an apology for taking so long, however, I decided to end this chapter on a significantly happier note than I originally intended. I was going to cut off with Venom thinking that they were dying, but I felt like being nice. So, you're welcome. Also, please excuse any grammatical mistakes I may have made, I've been drinking tonight so I'm not functioning at 100%. If you spot anything wrong, feel free to leave a comment letting me know and I'll edit it. Please be respectful though, if someone has already something you don't all need to spam me.
Please be sure to like and favorite if you enjoyed and leave a comment if you feel so inclined.