AN: Next Chapter! Woot!
-Crow
"How did you get here, you f*cking cultist freak!" Max accused.
"Cultist? You have me mistaken, my friend. I am the Warlock of the West." Daniel replied, brushing off his blindingly white robes to remove the soot from his fiery entrance.
"Yeah, right! Last I saw you, you were on your way to Sleepy Peak General for a stomach pump and toxicology lesson two weeks ago!"
"Um, Max?" David interjected, "I'd hate to disagree with you, but he's right. Warlock Daniel's been around for a couple hundred years."
"What?!"
"Stop shouting, Jesus Christ!" Gwen roared, already picking up Earth-Swears, "I gotta know if Maria and Shaniqua get extended sentences or not!"
…
"Let's keep this civil." Daniel said calmly. "I wanted to be one of the first to greet young Maxwell to the Wonderful Land of Oz."
"Well, isn't that great?" David said happily.
"Now that that's out of the way; I'd happily accept your immortal soul in the name of Zeemuug the Destroyer." He chirped, holding out a rolled-up piece of parchment with an ominous 'Sign-Here' line at the bottom.
"What?! Ow!"
Max jumped a foot in the air as he felt something like an electric jolt zap his backside. He turned and glared at Witch-Gwen whose fingers were still dissipating electricity. She sent him a quick 'I'm-Watching-You' sign and turned back to the iPad.
Still fuming and rubbing the sore spot, the 10-year-old grumbled in a lower tone, "Yeah, not happening, freak."
"Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way. Luckily, I made a back-up plan!" Daniel sang. Red lightning danced around his eyes as he stared at Max.
'Do it!'
Max gripped the sides of his head, feeling like his brain was trying to escape his skull.
'Sign the contract!'
'Do it!'
'Be not afraid!'
'Welcome Zeemuug into your existence!'
'Pledge yourself!'
Max was dimly aware of the horror as his arm moved on its own to pick up the jet-black quill from Daniel's fingers and move towards the parchment. "No," he grit out through clenched teeth. "Stop. It! You! F*cker!"
Just as the quill-tip was about to touch the line, it erupted in red sparks and Max was blasted backwards one direction and Daniel the other. The quill and parchment turned to ashes instantly.
"What?! How can that be!?" Daniel exclaimed. He glared at the boy and his ice-cold eyes widened. "You! How did you get that!" He jabbed a finger at Max.
Max followed his finger to… "You mean my hoodie?"
"Is that what it's called?" David asked, "Well, it seems that you have no power over Max, Warlock! Not so long that he has his Hood-Dee"
"Yeah," Gwen called out from the ground, brought back to reality by the more-interesting conflict happening in front of her. "Basically, kid. He can't touch you so long as you have that thing."
"Seriously?! It's a f*cking hoodie! My parents got it for, like, five bucks at the flea market!" Max exclaimed, gesturing to the ratty, blue clothing.
"It'll make sense later, kid. Trust me." Gwen replied calmly. Max raised an eyebrow before turning to a now suspiciously quiet and contemplative Daniel.
After a few seconds of tense silence, the cultist-lookalike smiled, "Very well, Max. I concede this battle to you. But the war isn't over just yet. I'll bide my time, but the next time I see you, I'll have that Hood-Dee and your soul in my clutches!
"I'll get you my pretty and your little… duck… puppy… thing, too!"
"Mwak."
Max flinched at the sudden presence of the platypus next to him. Daniel cackled dramatically as he swooshed around the village, terrifying the little Dolph people before vanishing in a column of sulfurous flames.
"Phew! Well I'm glad that's over and done with, right Max?" David exclaimed happily.
Max scoffed, "Whatever, Witch-man! It's not like you were any f*cking help."
"What do you mean?" David asked dismayed.
"Hello?!" The boy shouted incredulously. "You didn't notice he was using his weird mind-powers to get me to sign away my f*cking soul?! Are you f*cking shitting me?!"
David sighed at the fuming human in front of him. "I'm sorry, Max. But he's too powerful. I couldn't do anything to help you and even then, I'm honor-bound to not attack him unless in an act of actual war between our regions. Which isn't something that's happening any time soon."
Max huffed angrily, "Great, that's just great. So the only reason I'm not some soulless zombie right now is because of my shitty hoodie."
"Oh, Max, it's not all that bad! I bet you could find lots of fun things here in the land of Oz! Oh, oh, you could go see the Wizard!"
"The Wizard? You have a f*cking wizard?"
"Yes! The Wonderful Wizard of Campbell!"
"Wait," Max backtracked, "This place is called Oz; why isn't he the Wizard of Oz or some shit?"
"Weeellll, (besides blatant copyright infringement) the last Wizard did go by that title. But the last I heard, Ozpin hasn't been seen too much these days. I think he said something about making a school out near the Badlands of the West. Or was it Grimm-wastes? Dark-lands?"
"Yeah, The Wizard of Campbell kinda took over after that. Don't know much about him, only that the last wizard left him in charge." Gwen called out, now retreating back into the next season of Amish Housewives ("We now return to last season's exilerating conclusion!" "Last I heard, old Jedediah's been churning the butter, so to speak, with Mary in the barn we built today" "I found Henry had a book hidden beneath his bedsheets today! It had pictures of girls…with ankles showing!" "We now return to this next exciting season premiere!").
"So, what's so great about him?" Max asked.
"Well, no one's gotten him to do it so far, but they say he can grant you any wish you want!" David exclaimed.
"Any wish, hm?" Max's devious mind whirred with the possibilities. First and foremost, getting the f*ck away from this nuthouse. Then, anything else. Everything else! Incredible superhuman powers. An awesome badass monkey tail! Subjugation of humanity to tend to his every whim! ALL-YOU-CAN-PLAY VIDEO GAMES!
"Um, Max?"
Max was snapped out of his revelry by David's concern, realizing his mouth had twirled into something admittedly way more sinister than an average 10-year-old-could produce. He cleared his throat, reverting to his bored neutral expression, "So… any wish I want?"
"Possibly!" David chirped.
He shrugged, "Cool, how do I get there?"
"Oh, that's easy!" David said, "Just follow the yellow mulch trail!"
He pointed at the ground on the edge of the square. Sure enough, there was a trail of mulch and gravel all tinted yellow leading off into the distance. "Just stay on the trail and you'll find yourself at the glorious Chartreuse City!" He spun in place as he said it. "Where you might meet the Wizard, himself." The look of absolute admiration almost made Max hurl where the tornado hadn't.
"Great. Yeah. Well, so long losers. I'm just gonna go along my way. A minor. All alone."
"Oh, not alone!" David exclaimed, "You still have your friend!"
"My friend?" Max turned confusedly and saw a cluster of worried-looking Dolph-people backing away from a hissing platypus. The animal quickly reverted to its bored, lazy default mode the moment they were all out of its range. "Fine. Get over here, you weird freak of nature."
The second he started towards the creature, it sprung on its tail again, brandishing poison spurs, before waddling quickly into the forest.
"Fine, then! No one f*cking wanted you anyways!" Max shouted after it, a bit stung at abandonment.
"Well… I guess you could just-"
"Look at vhat I have found!" A Dolph-Clone cried out from some wreckage strewn around the town square. A conglomeration of Lilliputs huddled the one and 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed at what he held. David strode over the crowd and took a glance.
"This is perfect!" He exclaimed. Picking up the object and walking over. "This can be your companion!"
He held out a small raggedy bundle of cloth.
Max gasped, "Mr. Honeynuts! I thought I'd never see you again!" His eyes watered slightly as he hugged the worn stuffed toy tightly.
"So, are you ready to go, Max?"
Max didn't bother answering, instead he just huffed and walked down the road, Mr. Honeynuts clenched to his chest.
He turned as he heard the commotion of excited Lilliputs behind him. The tiny Dolph-like townspeople were cheering wildly and as one unified village had given him their gesture of farewell;
A slightly raised right hand in a perfectly straight line.
"Even in this world, huh?" Max muttered. He heard the tiny voices in the distance picking up in some disgustingly perky song.
"Oh, you're off to see the wizard!
The wonder Wizard of Camp
We hear he is a whizz of a Wiz
And a mighty fine manly champ."
He gratefully went over a hill, muting whatever the rest of that song was. Odds are, whoever this "Wizard" was, he'd commissioned it himself. And he was probably an asshole.
He hugged Mr. Honeynuts close to himself as he continued journeying further and further down the road to the Unknown.
AN: I know it might not be the ruby slippers, but not everything is as it seems. As Gwen the Peeved said, it'll make sense later.
For those wondering, I don't like throwing around the f-word, speaking or writing, so I always use f*ck instead... though when it matters, I'm not as opposed to the censoring. You'll see.
Thanks for reading!
-Crow