Chapter Forty-Three: The Sandy Howler

The Sandy Howler is on the move. She knows where I've gone, must have seen the flames extinguish, and she is coming for us. I wipe my tears and turn to look at her. I need the cold right now. Sorry Varric, we can talk things through after we all survive this.

I take a deep breath and feel the chill in the night air of the desert. Yes, embrace the cold. Walls of ice around my heart. The dragon of fire encased in a mountain of snow. No emotions to feed you. Gone.

"Better," I state, and walk forward toward the Sandy Howler.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Varric yells. "We've gotta get out of here!

I turn my head to him. "Go. I'll handle this. It's better now."

I see the moment when he realized from my tone what I've done, and he shakes his head. Tenebris put a hand on his shoulder. "Let Ferox do this. Toth is quiet again, and I doubt the ancestral guardian of her temple would risk harming her." Varric visibly relaxes, seeming to accept this, but watches from a distance.

I walk toward the dragon, following the trail of glass from before. I look at it dispassionately now that it is done. Cinder seems confused when I walk straight toward her.

"What have you done to Ignifir?" she questions, her tone harsh.

"She is still within me, but quiet now. I protect her soul, as I have always done. You said I was welcome: did you speak true?"

"How did you silence the wildfire?"

"Her soul is not ready. It was corrupted by the darkspawn. I had to silence it for now, because I'm working to purify her soul so that she may one day again be whole."

Cinder stops, looking at me. "The Blight...I had not sensed it, but now that you speak its name, I hear the truth. Toth should remain within you."

The dragon steps back from me and her massive body stoops down low, bending in the middle, her head reaching nearly to the ground. I watch her bow before me without reacting.

"I am sorry, Ferox, carrier of the wildfire, I overstepped my bounds. What would you have me do?"

"I only wish for us to know one another. You have been at your post a very long time. I thank you for guarding it so diligently, but you must long for companionship. Could we not be friends?"

"Friends? With the Destroyer? I...I had not anticipated any such possibility."

"May I enter the temple while you think it over?"

"Yes, of course. It belongs to Toth, so she will always be welcome. As are you, Guardian of Toth."

Guardian of Toth...I think I like that. I realize that I'm feeling amusement already. And what was that about wanting to be friends? The cold didn't last long against the dragon of fire apparently, but I'm happy that Toth is quiet again..

Once inside the temple I'm surprised to see both Tevinter and Dwarven architecture. As far as I know, the dwarves never engaged in dragon worship the way that Tevinter had. Maybe this temple predated the generals, from a time when dwarves lived on the surface in this area, and Tevinter later repurposed the ruins? That theory makes the most sense, but I have to admit seeing the juxtaposition of the Tevinter and surface dwarf elements makes me a little happy, as it reminds me of Varric and myself.

I hope he can try to understand. I don't want this to end what we have, but I can't force him to be okay with the fact that he's been living with an Archdemon waiting to happen. I sigh and venture further into the temple. It's dark, but I see a Veilfire brazier that I ignite with magic and use to light a torch.

In front of me is a statue...of Mythal. A tribute to an Elven goddess, in a temple built by dwarves and used to worship a Tevinter "old god". Will wonders never cease. I examine the figure of my old friend. Fen'Harel had said she was still alive and free on this side of the Veil. I'm a little surprised not to have seen her.

Next to the carving of Mythal is another one. A man, bent at the waist, appearing to writhe in agony, covered in flames. Ah, there's Toth. I reach the final chamber. It's actually a lot smaller than I had expected, with a few chests that appear to hold items, but very little in the way of things that would interest the Inquisition. I make a few rubbings of inscriptions, mostly stories about ancient dwarves, confirming my belief that this place had once belonged to the dwarves.

I clear out the items and put them into my pack. I do see one thing I keep for myself: a lightning dagger. A little blade that also has the storm inside. Perfect. Maybe they did know I was coming, after all. Closing my bag, I walk back outside.

"Cinder?" I call to her. She looks at me, and seeing my full pack, nods. "It is as it should be."

"Have you considered our friendship?"

"Yes, and I think I would like that. Will you visit me?" she asks, and I swear, the hesitancy in her question makes her sound almost shy.

"Toth has returned to visit her temple. I have retrieved what would likely interest the mortals, and they should have little reason to return to this place."

"What are you saying?"

"I release you from your duty. You may remain here, but only if you wish. If you would like, I can help you find another suitable place to nest, but I wouldn't recommend leaving without me. There are other groups out there in the Wastes, mostly humans, and they wouldn't hesitate to try to harm you."

"I...think I will stay here, for now. But you will return? Bring back the wildfire?"

"Yes. I think she would like to come back and speak with you again."

"Farewell, Destroyer," she says, and sits down in front of the temple. I guess old habits die hard. I sigh, thinking about the questions that await me back on the ridge; but there's only one way to get this over with. Climbing the hill seems to take far longer this time. The emotions have taken a lot out of me and I'm honestly exhausted. My breathing becomes heavier by the time I reach the top.

I pause to catch my breath, and announce, "The dragon is no longer bound to guard the temple, but she says she wants to stay here. I brought what I could from inside the ruins, but I wouldn't recommend trying to get past her, at least not without me. She won't like it."

Cassandra nods, taking the pieces of parchment from me. "Dwarven?" she asks aloud of no one.

"The temple had a mix of things in it. My best guess, it was originally built by surface dwarves prior to the rise of Tevinter in this area. It was later taken over by Tevinter and used for worship of the 'old gods'. The odd bit was a statue of Mythal. It seemed a little out of place to find an Elven goddess among the others."

"Surface dwarves?" Varric asks, glancing at the tracings. "Yeah I think I can read these."

"Can we talk? Privately?" I ask him. He glances at Cassandra, who nods, and he leads me further into the trees. We prop our backs against a rocky outcropping, and I look at him.

"I'm sorry," I tell him.

"Funny part is, I can't even tell what part you're apologizing for."

"I screwed up big time, okay? Both back then, and again today. I just wanted to save the dragons. I never wanted to risk hurting you. Never." I hang my head, having trouble looking at him.

"Come here," he says, sighing but opening his arms. I walk to him and wrap my arms around him. "Are you alright?" his voice sounds next to my ear.

"Yeah, now. What Tenebris did helped."

"I felt so helpless, Firefly. I couldn't do anything for you at all. Some hero I'm turning out to be."

"But you did; you did help. That was the only thing that brought me back from the brink: my feelings for you. Believe it or not, remembering watching you writing your damned stories snapped me out of it. You help, Varric." The tears fall again unbidden, and his strong arms tighten around me.

After a moment, he asks. "So what does this mean?"

"Nothing. I've had Toth's soul for centuries. She's been a part of me the whole time you've known me. I'm still me, the same girl you met, and who fell in love with you. As long as Tenebris is around, we're normally able to manage the corruption. I think I would have been fine if that hadn't been a familiar place to her."

"Alright...but I've decided." He takes a deep breath and it takes him a minute to say the next words. "I don't want your ritual."

I pull away and look him in the eye. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, after today. There's just so much of this magic shit I don't understand. What if something happened to you and you were gone? I don't want to be stuck like that forever if you're not with me."

I nod. "Okay."

"I still I love you, Ferox." He pets some of the wild curls of my hair away from my face.

My breath catches in my throat. "Thank you for not leaving, I know it had to be scary. I love you too, so much. And I meant what I said. I'll stay with you, for your whole life if you'll let me."

"I can think of far worse things that spending my life with the woman who loves me."

"Even one who might one day try to burn the world?"

"I already knew you were the Destroyer," he says, his tone light.

I look at him and a slow smile spreads across my face. I reach for his hand, and we start walking back toward the others.

"Firefly? How old are you exactly?" he wonders.

"That's not a question you ask a lady," I joke. "But I'm over a thousand. Why?"

"Huh," he responds, stunned for a second, then shakes his head as if to clear it. "Wait, I just remembered something you said. You told me that the dragons weren't the old gods, but that they served the true gods of Tevinter."

"That's right," I say, smiling. "The ancient dragons of old were the generals of our armies. It's why when they're affected by the Blight they pull the darkspawn to them. Even though they're lost in corruption and madness, they're still trying to lead."

"How many dragons are we talking about, exactly?"

"There are twelve ancients left that we know of. Two are still buried, waiting for the darkspawn to find them and turn them into Archdemons. We have the other ten safe at home."

"You have dragons who lead armies?! Why in the Void are we not using them against Corypheus?"

"There are no armies, just dragons now. The people forgot about the old powers long ago, and those who try to revive that idea are treated as heretics and fanatics. It would be hard to summon much of a real force of mortals. We've been protecting the generals until the Blights are over and the darkspawn die out. Otherwise, we risk losing them too.

"Remember, each time an ancient dies, its kind of magic dies too. It's why I tried to save Toth. Can you imagine if all fire magic suddenly disappeared from the world? That's what would happen if we had lost her. Using the generals risks the end of magic, and in turn, the end of the world. Corypheus himself will not be so difficult to defeat, once we can get to him. That's assuming that my brother is wrong, and he doesn't have a god backing his power. He's just an upstart magister. His kind have been dealt with before."

"Yeah, by the Maker."

"Yes," I agree, and turn my head away so he doesn't see my smile.

"You believe in the Maker? I thought you weren't Andrastian."

"I'm not. Andraste was just a woman, but the Maker is real enough."

Varric stops walking and stares at me. "Shit, you were alive then, weren't you? I gotta know."

"Later, Varric. I don't think the world is ready to really know about the Maker just yet."