Chapter Forty-Six: Connected

When I wake in the middle of the night I find that the storm has died down. I also find myself snug in between Varric and Hawke. Damned octopus. Thankfully, I had taken a few precautions last night, tying my hair up out of the way so that he wouldn't end up on top of it like last time, and tucking the blankets in firmly under me. This means that although he was next to me, Hawke isn't touching the lower part of my body directly, at least. I have to admit, though, the storm made things rather cold, and the shared body heat is nice. Determined to ignore Hawke's arm around my midsection, and knowing he would only put it back once he was sleeping again anyway, I let myself go back to sleep.

When next I open my eyes, the light of dawn is peeking in our tent. I tilt my head to look at Varric and see he's already awake. He smiles at me, slow and sleepy, and looks over at Hawke. "Sorry," he whispers. "If he wasn't the best friend I've ever had, I'd be introducing him to Bianca right now."

"Varric, love, if you really meant that, you'd be the one in the middle."

He chuckles. "You caught me. I've traveled with Hawke enough to know what he's like."

To punctuate this point, Hawke shifts in his sleep, pulling me closer. "Bela," he mumbles next to my ear.

"Oh, no," I say, pushing at him. "Not Bela." Turning to look at him, I see his eyes open to half-slits.

"Ferox?" he asks groggily. "Why are we…? Oh."

Varric shakes his head. "Are you done manhandling my girl?"

"Yeah," I add. "Only dwarfhandling is allowed."

They both laugh, and Hawke moves back to his side of the tent, stretching. "I didn't keep you from sleeping, did I?" he asks hesitantly.

"Nah, you're like sleeping next to the fire - cozy warm. In fact, I was thinking about asking Varric if we can move you into our place when we get to Kirkwall."

"Maker forbid," Hawke says.

We all laugh again, cut off by Declan's voice from outside the tent. "It seems the three of you are as lively as ever. Time to get up, we need to get moving."

I sigh. "More riding through the empty desert. Can't wait." I stand up and do a little stretching of my own.

Hawke gathers his things and goes to the tent flap first. He stops, turning to us. "Seriously, I'm glad you two were able to work through things. It's good to see you both happy."

Varric grins. "Yeah, well, I'll take happy."

I smile, remembering saying the same words to him. Garrett ducks, exiting the tent.

Once he's gone, Varric whispers in my ear. "I'd like to make you happy tonight. Think we can get away?"

Instant arousal blossoms. "Absolutely," I reply, and kiss him. I hate that we don't have time for it to be more, but the others are already moving about. We disassemble our sleeping tent, pack up, and join the others. My brothers are already there with Declan.

"That was some storm," Tenebris comments with a knowing look.

I shrug. "We all made it through alright."

"Well," Declan interjects. "We did lose two of the horses in the night."

"Darkforge?" I ask anxiously.

"No, your stallion is fine. But now we don't have enough mounts again. We'll have to-"

"That won't be necessary," Lucis asserts. "We have our own way of traveling. I need to speak with my sister anyway. We can meet you back at Skyhold." So much for my time with Varric. I look to Varric, and he frowns, understanding.

"Tell me about this means of travel," the Inquisitor states.

"It's magic," I explain, surprised my brother would mention it. "Limited trips and only one or two people at a time, but it allows instantaneous travel."

"Then you can return to Skyhold before us. Fantastic. I'll send a copy of the mission report with you."

"I...alright, Declan," I agree. "And who should I deliver it to?"

"Any of my advisors, although Leliana always likes to read them first, of course."

"As any good spymaster would," Lucis comments.

Declan looks at Etiam. "Etiam, you're staying, yes? I'd like to talk to you about our strategy for handling the demons."

"Very well," he says. "I can devise a few tactics to maximize your chances, but I'll need to know more about your available resources."

Declan nods. "Of course."

"Sounds like you'll be busy, Brother. Declan, don't let him talk your ear off about spirits. If he gets troublesome, just send him out with Cole for a while."

"I'll keep that in mind," the Inquisitor replies. "Tenebris, will you be staying?"

"Yes, I think I'll travel with you for now." He gives me an apologetic look. I know, brother, you want to talk to Dorian. I hope you get your chance.

Lucis nods. "The two of us leaving will be enough to make up for the two lost mounts. Get your things, Ferox."

I walk over to where Varric is still standing, talking to Garrett. "Varric, I need to go with my brother for now, but I'll be back, I promise. And…" I lean in to whisper in his ear. "This way, I'll be moved into your room by the time you get back."

He sighs in frustration. "Even with your brother, I wish I was going with you."

"Sorry. I want to kiss you goodbye, but I haven't really talked to him yet, and-"

"It's alright, Firefly. We'll see each other soon enough."

"Yeah, very soon," I reply with a subtle wiggle of my finger. I see that he's picked up on it when he smiles a little wider.

"First round at the Herald's Rest is on you when we get back, then, right?" Hawke asks with a cheeky grin.

I nod. "Why not? See you, Garrett."

Grabbing my things I move to stand next to Lucis. Declan hands me the mission report, and I place it in my bag. "I'm ready," I tell Lucis.

He puts a hand on my shoulder and leans in, "Not going to kiss your dwarf goodbye? You might never see him again." My eyes fly open in shock, and with that, the world blurs away.

The Watcher's Well comes into focus and I know I'm home in the Black City. I turn to Lucis, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. "You might never see him again? What was that about?"

"The sooner you realize the truth the better." Gone is the pleasant smile from before, replaced by his usual serious expression.

"And what truth is that, exactly?"

"That it's all pointless."

What? "What do you mean, Lucis? I'm making a real difference with the Inquisition. I know it wasn't perfect, but I saved an elder dragon."

"You don't need the Inquisition to help the dragons. You don't need him."

Realization dawns on me. "So this is about Varric, after all."

"The dwarf is just one of your little impulses. I'm sure this infatuation with him will pass. They're like insects, here and gone in the blink of an eye...so fragile." There's an edge to his words that grates at me.

"How dare you! You don't understand anything. I love him."

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?!" he shouts, and moves to lean in."I understand better than anyone else could. This is a waste of your time and energy. End it."

"No. I didn't stop you with Andraste."

I don't see it coming, and, had anyone told me it was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed them. My brother slapped me. I stagger back a couple of steps, mouth agape, hurt far more emotionally than physically. Lucis looks at me, and his anger is gone, replaced with helplessness. I see half-formed tears shining in his pale blue eyes.

"Oh no...Sister, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Forgive me." His warm arms wrap around me, and in my shock, I allow it. "You're the most precious thing in the world to me. I just got so scared. I can't imagine losing you. Please don't be angry."

I take a shaky breath. Lucis hasn't said this much about his feelings in a long time. While I'm in no way okay with what he just did, I don't want to lose his open honesty, either. I can feel our twin connection again for the first time in centuries. "I'll forgive you for this, once, but there won't be a second time."

He nods.

"I know you're worried, but you're important to me too, Lucis. Do you realize that today is the first day I've seen you smile in forever? It made me so happy, it was like having you back - the real you."

"I'm sorry for that too," he says. He pauses for a few seconds before adding, "Ferox, I...I wish you had stopped me with Andraste." The last comes out on a choked sob. I pull him in close.

"Oh Lucis...do you want to sit down?" I ask, realizing we're still standing where we'd first entered, surrounded by our things.

"Would it be alright if we lay in your bed, like we used to when we were kids?".

I nod. "Of course. Let me get changed, and you can join me in a couple of minutes."

Some might think it's weird, a brother and sister wanting to lay in the same bed, but Lucis and I had been born together, had shared a womb. It always felt natural for us to be near each other. Many nights we would fall asleep holding hands. When Lucis became distant, I think it might be the part I missed the most.

I change quickly into a set of loose-fitting pants and a long-sleeved shirt, something suitable for resting, before opening the door again. I see that he has also dressed comfortably.

"Thank you for coming back with me," he says, hugging me again, "and for staying."

We lay down on the bed, facing each other, our hands clasped together. The feeling is warm and nostalgic, reminiscent of countless nights spent in the same fashion. I never thought I'd see this side of him again. "I can feel our connection again," I tell him, smiling, letting him know my thoughts.

"I don't want to shut you out anymore; it was wrong. You're the most important thing to me. I was just trying protect you."

"Protect me? But all I wanted was to be there for you, to help you."

"It was hurting you."

"The distance was worse. I love you, you know." I reach up to stroke his short blonde locks. "I felt like I couldn't do anything, like there was always a piece of me missing."

"Losing her still hurts; I still remember every bit of it. I get so angry," he confesses, and my heart breaks for him.

"You don't have to be perfect. You're not 'the Maker' here. You're just my brother, who lost his beloved. It's okay to not be okay sometimes."

He pulls me closer, and I feel the wetness of tears against my hair. "I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you, Ferox. You've always been the best of all of us."

"The others want to be there for you too," I remind him.

I feel him nod. "Yeah...but I'm glad it's just us today."

I settle my arms around him. "Me too."

We stay there for what feels like hours, just happy to be reconnected, neither one of us wanting to break the silence. After a while, I hear his breathing deepen, and I know he's fallen asleep. The emotions from earlier had probably exhausted him. I should let him rest.

I slip out of bed, and pull the covers up around his sleeping form. He looks so young and innocent relaxed in sleep, the lines of tension gone from his face. I'm happy he opened up to me, but I remember that expression he had when he smacked me, and Tenebris's words come back to me. Tenebris believes Corypheus had help from our family. Could it be you, Lucis? I would have thought Etiam more capable. Shit, am I seriously considering the possibility that one of my brothers is helping the magister? Maybe the generals will know more.

I quickly change, putting on a set of gray armor. It's serviceable, but nothing out of the ordinary. Feeling a bit more confident, I leave the room, closing the door as quietly as I can. With Tenebris and Etiam gone, the corridors of our home seem empty and dark. But, I've lived here for so long I could easily navigate the numerous hallways with my eyes closed. I make my way down a few sets of stairs, to the giant cavern. I send a tendril of magic to the crystal in the ceiling, and the enormous chamber is illuminated. Out of mercy for their forced isolation, we allowed the ancient dragons to take the deep sleep of hibernation. Most of the generals are sleeping at any given time, but at least one remains awake to communicate with us, and to wake the others if we have need of them.

"Ferox?" a voice calls from deep in the shadows.

"Tempestas, is that you? You're awake!" I cry, running forward. She steps forward. She's my dragon and my dearest friend, the ancient dragon of lightning. I've bonded more with her than any of the others, and my heart surges at seeing her again. She resembles the Gamordan Stormrider, with her beautiful white markings, and the purple light of magic radiating from her skin. She lowers her head to look at me.

"You're back."

"Yes, I'm home, for now." I reach up and she allows me to stroke the side of her scaled cheek. I've missed her.

"What troubles you, Ferox Stormbringer?" the ancient dragon asks, tilting her head in question.

Removing my hand, I pace a few steps away. "I'm worried about Lucis."

Tempestas slowly nods her head in understanding, drawing my attention back to her. "He was most distraught about your disappearance. He even sought me out. It was not yet my turn to be awake, but he wished my counsel."

"Did he mention anything to you about Corypheus?"

"The magister? No," she says with a shake of her head. "He mostly asked about you, about how you have fared, and about what I thought would help bring you back."

"Oh," I say. I realize I'm making her look down for too long, and I remember how she used to complain about it making her neck hurt. A low wall hugs the interior of her den, and a small step ladder provides easy access to the perch. I make my way up the ladder and sit in the cushioned seat atop the wall, my short legs dangling over the side before continuing, "He was different when he showed up to see me, more like the old Lucis. He smiled at me. Smiled, Tempestas. But, I don't know if I can believe in it."

"He loves you. That much I know." Her voice is gentle, and I remember her telling me the same thing many times over the years. It hadn't had much impact back then, but today the words are welcome.

I smile. "I know that. And I want to help him too, but, Tempestas...so much has happened since last we spoke."

Her large head moves closer. "Tell me everything," she encourages.