Chapter Six – Two Lost Souls
When Serena awoke the next morning, she found Lillie still sound asleep, cuddling Nebby. Lillie had written in her journal late into the night, and Serena was not at all surprised. She suspected Lillie had never before stared down an advancing tsunami only to be teleported deep into space and back again.
Serena felt an odd sense of relief to have had a nightmare about the experience. It meant she was not becoming desensitized to it. It was not becoming normal for her. She hoped it never would. She sat on the edge of her cot for several minutes, retracing her steps in her head. The wall of water, the distant galaxies, the suffocating alien world. Somehow, the fact that she had been in outer space for a few seconds was the least alarming part of the experience.
Perhaps it was because the image of that wretched creature returned to her every time she had more than a few seconds to think. Its cry still grated her ears. In the middle of the night, she had kicked all the sheets off her cot. They had felt like the creature was wrapping itself around her, enveloping her. She kept her hair pulled back. Wearing it down felt too much like the awful thing was lowering itself to latch onto her head.
She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought. It was all too much to comprehend. As if it wasn't enough already, there was the matter of who saved everyone. Nebby had the curiosity, intelligence, and lack of self-preservation instinct of a toddler, yet it had saved them all. Serena's eyes lingered on Nebby and Lillie, fast asleep. For a moment, she wondered who was taking care of whom.
She rose from her cot, willing to ponder things no longer. Careful not to disturb them, Serena crept past Lillie and Nebby and climbed down the ladder. Once downstairs, she looked out the window toward the ocean. The sun was already up, and so was Ash. He sat on the sand, alone.
Serena went to the door, turned the knob, and stepped outside. The air was cool and damp. A gentle breeze blew toward her from the sea, smelling of salt. The sand was cool on her feet.
She approached Ash. He did not appear to notice her. She sat down beside him.
"Hey," she said.
Ash's eyes were closed. He opened them, startled.
"Hey!" he said.
He looked at her like he had so many questions, so many things to say, and no idea how to say them.
Serena folded her hands in her lap. She stared at them for a moment, then looked at Ash again. His eyes pointed to the ground, and his mouth was drawn tightly shut.
Serena leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled away, Ash held his hand over the spot on his cheek where she kissed him.
"I thought you were mad at me," he said.
"I am mad at you."
"But then, why-"
"Because I'm in love with you, you doofus."
It was the second occasion in less than a day Serena had used that word. Ash looked like he was going to say something, but he shut his mouth, and his voice turned into something between a sigh and a hum. He let his hand fall from his face.
"And yes, I mean it," said Serena. "It's true. That's how I feel about you. I told you so when we had our battle. It's no secret."
Ash stayed quiet. He nodded.
"You don't have to say it, too," said Serena. "Not yet. I know you have good reasons not to want to say it. As long as you're committed to being with me, that's good enough."
Serena sighed. She knew that wasn't true. Not completely, anyway.
"It won't be good enough forever, though," she said.
"Then what?" said Ash.
Serena bit down on her lips.
"I don't know," she said.
There was no sound except the waves for a while. Serena thought.
"For what it's worth, I believe you do feel that way about me," she said. "I know I kind of... went off on you yesterday. I'm-"
Serena paused. She caught herself. She knew what she was about to say, and she knew it would have been a lie. She spoke the truth instead.
"I'm not sorry," she said. Ash's eyebrows raised. "I'm not. You deserved to be yelled at. Honestly, you deserve some more of it."
Serena folded her arms. She drew her lips into a tight line and exhaled sharply through her nose. Ash ran a hand through his hair.
"Yeah..." he said.
"Yeah," Serena repeated. "I'm mad at you. I'm really, really mad at you. I've had enough nightmares about the things you've done."
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?"
A spark lit in Serena's chest. Arms still folded, she turned her head to look at him. She gave him a withering stare.
"Are you really?" she said. "It doesn't seem like it. You said you understood me when I told you I couldn't handle you endangering yourself all the time, and then you go and summon a tsunami just to show off!"
"Well, I wasn't in any danger," said Ash. Serena scoffed.
"Yeah, and I only know that because I've watched you allow yourself be swallowed whole by that move three times now, and you somehow have this weird ability to just sit there through it! No normal person could ever survive that!"
"I-"
Ash started to say something to defend himself, but he stopped. He bowed his head.
"I know," he said.
"Oh?" said Serena. Her arms came unfolded. Her fingers curled into fists. "Is that so? That makes me feel great! What a relief it is to know that you were aware of what you were doing when you nearly killed us all!"
"I... didn't mean to."
"Then what did you mean to do?"
"I thought it would be really cool."
"It would have been if you hadn't endangered us! Couldn't you at least have thought that much through?"
"I... I didn't think," said Ash. He folded his arms and leaned forward. He stared at the sand.
"I need you to think," said Serena. "Can you see why?"
"Yeah."
"Then please, actually do it."
"I'm trying. I'm just really not used to this."
"You have to get used to it eventually. I know this is all new. It's new to me, too, but you can't use that excuse forever!"
"I didn't know things would change so much."
"What does change have to do with this?" said Serena. "Even if I wasn't your girlfriend, what you did still would have been a terrible idea!"
"Yeah, but we would have laughed about it."
Serena's grimace softened. Her lips parted, and her heart skipped a beat.
How many times had she seen Ash do something dangerous? How many times had she been in danger because of him? More times than she could count. Every time, at the end of the day it was nothing more than a fun story to recount over the campfire. It would happen again the next day, and the day after that, forever, and everything was fine. And now, it wasn't fine anymore.
"Love... changes things," said Serena. "Things were always going to be different. Change can be good, though."
"Yeah," said Ash. "I knew it wouldn't be the same, but I want things to be fun again, you know?"
Serena hesitated. To her surprise, Ash spoke again in her silence.
"Everything's been so serious since, well, the Team Flare attack, really," he said. "I just wanna have fun again."
The heaviness of his words made Serena's heart ache. The thought for a moment. She looked away.
"Me too," she whispered.
Everything went quiet for a while. Ash sat hunched forward, supporting his chin with both hands, staring out at the sea. Serena tried to give him some space to think. It was so unlike him, but that was what made the scene so striking. She could not stop stealing glances at him every few seconds. The last time she had seen him so lost in thought, she had thrown a snowball at his face. That had gone poorly, and she knew it would go even worse if she repeated the incident with sand.
In the extended silence, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place in her mind.
"Things really have been weird, haven't they?" she said. "We used to spend every day somewhere new. Now, we keep getting stuck in places."
Ash shifted his eyes toward her. He nodded.
"We're supposed to help Professor Kukui do... something," said Serena. "Study moves, I guess? But we haven't even started yet. We've done nothing but wait."
Ash nodded again. He looked back out at the sea.
"Maybe that's a good thing," said Serena.
"Huh?"
"I know you don't like waiting for anything, but you know how I mentioned we needed to, well, slow down?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe we can use our time here to slow down. We can figure some things out."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean about our relationship," said Serena. "We're both overwhelmed. Maybe we can figure out how to take things more slowly."
"But what does that mean?"
"I- I don't know. Not for sure. But what I do know is that I feel like I could hold you forever and that still wouldn't be long enough. I keep coming dangerously close to losing control when we get a few minutes alone. And, I mean, I kind of enjoy it, but I know it has to stop. For now, at least. I can't be losing my mind over you after just a couple of weeks."
"What do we do, though?"
"I think we need to take a step back," said Serena. "I know I need to. Maybe several steps back. I need to back off on the love thing. And... on wanting to jump you every time we're by ourselves."
Serena ran a hand through her own hair. It was almost embarrassing to admit out loud. Ash looked confused.
"But does that mean we, you know, break up?" he said.
Serena's heart seized.
"No! No, not at all!" she said, aghast. "That's not what I mean! I just meant that we need to, well, kind of take a break."
"A break?"
Serena squirmed. None of what she was saying was coming out the way she wanted it to. It sounded all wrong.
"I mean, we would still be together!" she said. "We would still be boyfriend and girlfriend, but we would take it less seriously for a while. Like-"
Serena scrambled for words. It was clear that Ash had no understanding of this whatsoever.
"We would still do things together and talk and hold hands and stuff, but we wouldn't, you know, make out all the time, or spend every single waking minute of the day together. We would... try to have fun again."
Ash's eyes softened.
"And after we've had some time to figure things out, we can be more serious again," Serena continued. "We can figure out our feelings for each other some more without things being so stressful all the time. And when we're ready, maybe we can go on our date."
The look of doubt on Ash's face transformed into a smile.
"That sounds nice," he said. Serena returned his smile.
"Yeah," she said. "It sounds nice to me, too."
She placed her palms on the sand and leaned back, staring at the horizon. A sense of calm washed over her. Her heart swelled. The doubt and uncertainty which had been there for weeks seemed to fade. Confidence took its place.
She reached for Ash's hand. He looked startled.
"But I thought-"
"Being on a break doesn't mean I don't still have feelings for you," said Serena. "And it doesn't mean I'm not going to show it sometimes."
She gave his hand a squeeze. He squeezed her back.
"I mean, that is, if we're actually doing this," she said.
"I want to," said Ash.
"Me too," said Serena. "Until we've had a real date. Does that sound good?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
She leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
"Hey!" he said.
"I'm still going to do that sometimes!" said Serena. "Just not as much. That's all for now, promise."
She let go of his hand. She placed her hands on her lap. The two of them stared at each other.
Ash's lips parted. Then, he reached for her hand again. He stopped just before he touched her. Serena raised her eyebrows.
Ash exhaled. He placed his hand atop hers, gave it a quick squeeze, and pulled away. He stood up, dusting himself off.
"I'm starving," he said. "Let's see what's for breakfast."
Serena sat there for a few more seconds, admiring him. He was an idiot, but he was trying his best. She wouldn't have had it any other way.
The next two days flew by in what felt like no time at all. Despite Serena's suspicions that he was nothing more than a madman, Professor Kukui did, in fact, have actual work for them – both of them, both her and Ash.
The beach became their workplace. As they discovered, the guest bedroom in which Ash was staying was indeed previously a closet. The mountain of boxes inside it were all crammed full of research equipment, and Professor Kukui kept Lillie occupied by having her search through them for the specific instruments he needed. He was in possession of an amazing number of cameras, sensors, and many indescribable devices, all intended for capturing data about how Pokémon used moves.
Although Professor Kukui was most interested in working with Ash and Greninja, he worked with Serena as well, and with all of their Pokémon. He exhaustively documented every single move their Pokémon could use in battle, and when that was completed, he even tried to teach them new moves. He called it an experiment, but Serena was doubtful there was anything to be learned by attempting to teach Sylveon to use Dynamic Punch, or Pancham to use Thunder, or Rowlet to use Flamethrower.
In between their extended training and research sessions, Serena learned that Ash's question about what was for breakfast was a very silly one indeed. The answer was always the same. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were always an Alolan Plate, every day. Lillie confirmed that it was the only dish Professor Kukui knew how to cook.
Only on the third day did they get a reprieve from their grueling schedule. It was raining. Professor Kukui wanted to continue his research indoors, but after much pleading from Lillie, he decided to give it a rest for the day. He went downstairs to the basement to, as he put it, tackle some other work, which Lillie seemed to fear he meant in a literal sense.
There was little to do but lounge around. It would have been the perfect occasion to curl up on the sofa to watch a movie, but once again, Lillie issued a stern warning not to touch the sofa. So, instead, Serena built a makeshift pillow fort in front of the TV with Ash.
Although Serena was content to spend the entire day there, Ash was quick to grow restless, and so were some of their Pokémon. Pancham was incapable of sitting still and took to running around the lab with Rockruff. The two of them became so hyperactive that Pikachu had to step in to keep them under control. Meanwhile, Rowlet was content to roost in the rafters with Murkrow all day, and Sylveon had no interest in leaving the pillow fort.
Given his convenient typing, Greninja was outside by himself, training in the rain. Braixen sat by a window, appearing to make attempts at meditation in between stealing glances at Greninja outside.
By early afternoon, Ash fell asleep from what Serena assumed was pure boredom. Rather than sit there effectively alone, she went to find Lillie. When Lillie was nowhere to be found in the basement, she knew there was only one other option.
Serena climbed up to the loft and found Lillie sitting on the edge of the sofa bed. The scene took her aback. Everything was out of order. Lillie had pulled the floor lamp out of its normal spot and moved it so it was right overhead of where she sat, providing the most light possible. There was an indistinguishable mess of shredded white cloth scattered all over her and around her. In the middle of it all, she sat with a pin tucked into the corner of her mouth and thimbles covering all ten of her fingers, trying to work a needle and thread through the cloth in her hands. Cutiefly buzzed around her frantically.
She looked embarrassed to be found.
"Oh!" she said. The pin tucked between her lips fell out and tumbled somewhere into the folds of the dilapidated lab coat she was repairing. Serena was sure it was destined never to be found again until Professor Kukui inevitably pricked himself with it.
"Sorry!" said Serena. "I didn't mean to startle you. Ash fell asleep, so I wanted to see what you were doing."
Lillie frowned at the mess in her lap. Serena picked up one of the discarded pieces of fabric on the floor, letting it dangle between her fingers. It had once been a lab coat. It bore no resemblance to a coat anymore.
"I have been trying to mend these lab coats so the professor does not end up permanently shirtless," said Lillie.
In almost a week at the lab, Serena had seen nothing to indicate that Professor Kukui even owned a shirt. She laughed.
"I don't think he minds," she said.
Indignant, Lillie snatched the cloth scrap out of Serena's hand.
"I mind!" said Lillie. "It seems I am the only person here who finds a basic ability to dress oneself to be a vital component of maintaining a professional appearance!"
Serena raised her eyebrows at Lillie. Nothing about Professor Kukui was professional.
A high-pitched noise drew Serena's attention to the normally vacant Pokémon bed. Nebby was sound asleep in it, snoring. To the best of Serena's knowledge, Nebby had been asleep the entire time since teleporting everyone to safety. Cutiefly landed on the railing above Nebby's bed and tilted her head.
Lillie sighed.
"Excuse me," she said. "I did not mean to raise my voice."
Lillie let her hands fall slack in her lap.
"I'm no good at mending clothes," she said. "The only thing I have succeeded at is damaging them even further. I am at my wit's end."
"Do you want some help?" said Serena.
Lillie's eyes widened. After hesitating for a moment, she shook her head vigorously.
"Oh, goodness, no!" she said. "I wouldn't dare to ask such a thing of you! This is a job for a professional tailor, I'm afraid."
"I know a lot about sewing clothes by hand, actually," said Serena.
"You do?"
"I've made my own dresses."
Lillie went still. She stared at her thimble-covered fingers.
"I can help if you want," said Serena.
"I- I don't know," said Lillie. "Thank you, though. I think I need a break from this. I'm becoming too frustrated with it."
Lillie tried to untangle herself from the web of thread surrounding her. She only entangled herself further. A lock of her hair fell in front of her eyes. She let out a puff of breath to blow it away, but even more hair fell in front of her face. She groaned.
"This is so embarrassing," she said. "I'm a failure of an assistant. I can't even keep the professor dressed properly."
Serena shook her head.
"You're not a failure. Let's get you out of there."
Serena located a pair of scissors and cut the knot that held Lillie in place. The thread that surrounded Lillie fell away. She sighed again.
"Thank you," said Lillie. "I- I don't know what to do."
Lillie covered her face with her hands. She rubbed her eyes. Serena had the distinct feeling of watching herself in a mirror.
"It's okay," said Serena. "Just relax. Take it easy."
Lillie removed her hands from her face and instead rested her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she exhaled.
"Is there anything you like to do to relax?" said Serena.
Lillie thought for a moment.
"I like to go to the café at the Pokémon Center, sometimes."
After instructing Cutiefly to watch over Nebby, half an hour later, Serena and Lillie arrived at the Pokémon Center in the outskirts of Hau'oli City. Sharing one umbrella the whole way, neither one of them stayed particularly dry, although Serena was glad to have her rubber rain boots from her trek to Pallet Town. Lillie was less fortunate. While Serena's boots squeaked on the tile floor, Lillie's sodden shoes and socks squelched.
When they entered, they were greeted by a wet floor sign. Lillie led the way, taking them toward a secluded, quiet corner in the rear of the center. There were only a few people there. The barista was a large, older man, one who seemed to recognize Lillie.
"Ah, good afternoon, miss," he said as Lillie approached the counter. "The usual?"
Lillie looked at Serena, then back to the man.
"Yes, but… warm, please."
"Certainly. And you, ma'am?"
The man looked at Serena. Serena had no idea what to order. She hadn't even looked at the menu. Lillie seemed to know what was good, though.
"What's the usual?" Serena asked Lillie.
Lillie hid her eyes. Although it always seemed like she looked embarrassed, this time, she really did. She replied so quietly that Serena couldn't hear her.
"What was that?" said Serena.
Lillie looked like she wanted to vanish.
"Moomoo Milk," she whispered, without looking at Serena.
Serena was glad Lillie could not see the expression on her face. Moomoo Milk? That was the usual? And today she wanted it warm?
Serena shook her head. She looked at the menu on the back wall and read aloud the name of the first tea she found.
"Roserade Tea, please."
"Yes ma'am. Will that be all?"
Serena nodded, and so did Lillie.
"On your tab, miss?" the man asked Lillie.
"Yes, please," said Lillie.
Serena scrunched up her face again. Lillie had her usual Moomoo Milk here so often that she had a tab? She kept her thoughts to herself and followed Lillie to a table. She was not surprised when Lillie chose the one farthest away from any other customers. They sat across from each other.
There was an awkward silence. Serena was not content to let it last.
"It sounds like you come here more often than just sometimes," she said.
"It would be more accurate to say I come here often," said Lillie. She did not look at Serena.
"I guess this is the closest place like this to the lab, isn't it?" said Serena.
"Yes," said Lillie, "although all of the Pokémon Centers in Alola have one of these cafés."
"I wonder why we don't have these in Kalos," said Serena. "I think we have more cafés than the rest of the world combined."
"Are cafés popular there?"
"Very. Some people spend hours in them every day."
"I do that here, sometimes," said Lillie. "But here, that makes me the odd one."
Serena shrugged.
"It sounds normal to me," she said.
"Perhaps I would enjoy visiting Kalos," said Lillie.
Lillie continued to avoid eye contact. Serena used the opportunity to take a closer look at her. Lillie was so slight, so slender, so delicate. Her hair and her dress were always perfect. Even though she had just trekked through the rain, she was the picture of beauty and poise.
"I think you would fit right in," said Serena.
"Do you really think so?"
"Yes. You've got the fashion figured out, anyway."
"Oh…"
Lillie looked down at her hands in her lap. Serena did not understand. It was true. Lillie looked like she was dropped into her seat directly from the waterfront of Monego City. She looked like she came from the deck of a yacht, or from the fashion district of Lumiose City. She was more than beautiful. She was elegant.
"Are you not a fashion person?" said Serena.
"Not really."
"I wouldn't have guessed that."
"I… I wish I was."
"It looks like you already have some things figured out," said Serena. "That dress is amazing on you."
"I don't like it very much, actually," said Lillie.
"Really? Why not? You're stunning in it."
Lillie's lips tightened.
"I didn't choose it," she said.
Serena narrowed her eyes.
"Huh?"
"I don't know what I would choose to wear if I could."
"What do you mean, if you could?" said Serena.
"I- I've never picked out my own clothes before. I don't know how."
Serena tried to contain the incredulous look on her face, for Lillie's sake. She leaned in a little bit closer. She spoke in a hushed tone.
"Do you mean your mom picks out all your clothes or something?" she said.
Lillie did not look at Serena. With her eyes still focused on her lap, she nodded.
Serena backed away, straightening up in her seat again. She attempted to restrain her bemused look. She did not succeed.
"I never would have guessed," she said.
"You pick out your own clothes, don't you?" said Lillie.
Serena opened her mouth, but she did not know how to answer such an obvious question. Before she could say anything, Lillie spoke again.
"Of course you do. You said you made your own dresses."
Serena wanted their drinks to arrive so she could have something to busy herself with, any excuse at all not to speak. What had started as small talk had become incredibly awkward. As embarrassing as it was in her position, she knew it had to be much, much worse for Lillie.
Lillie glanced up at her.
"I- I love the way you dress," said Lillie.
Serena looked down at herself, as confused as ever. Her oversized shirt hung loosely on her frame. It was secondhand. It wasn't chosen for style. She chose it for comfort, ideal for life on the road, on another journey with Ash. If anything, it was the opposite of her style. She chose it out of necessity. Now that they were residing at the lab indefinitely, she wished she had some nicer clothes for daily wear.
A thought occurred to her.
"Would you like to go shopping with me?" said Serena.
Lillie's eyes had wandered to her lap again, but they shot back upward.
"Goodness, I-"
"I can show you the ins and outs, and help you find some things you like," said Serena. "Plus, I want to find some things for myself, too. It'll be fun!"
"I can't ask that of you," said Lillie. She bit her lip. "It's too much to ask."
"You're not asking," said Serena. "I'm offering."
"It's a very generous offer. I don't know if I can accept it."
"Why not?"
"I wouldn't want to be a burden on you."
"You wouldn't be," said Serena. "I love fashion. It would be a good time for me. Hopefully, it would be for you, too."
"I don't know…"
"Lillie."
The two met eyes again. Serena stared at Lillie, with her arms crossed and brow creased. Lillie seemed to both straighten up and shrink in her chair at the same time.
"I'm trying to help you," said Serena. "I'm offering you a gift. Please accept it. You deserve not to hate the clothes you wear."
Lillie briefly opened her mouth to speak, but she shut it and shook her head, eyes closed.
Serena hushed her voice.
"Lillie, please," she said.
Lillie opened her eyes again.
"Please, for once, let yourself have something good," said Serena. "You deserve better than what you allow yourself. You don't have to bend over backward to stay out of everyone's way."
Lillie's mouth opened again. She did not close it this time. Her eyes were fixed on Serena. Serena doubted that Lillie was breathing.
"I know," said Serena. "I speak from experience. I've been there before. I still struggle not to fall back into doing things that way, to be honest. I don't want to see you live that way, too. I say that… as a friend."
For a moment, Lillie looked like she was trying to stop herself from sneezing.
But when she sniffled, it was accompanied by a faint, strained cry. Serena knew the tears welling up in Lillie's eyes were from anything but allergies. Lillie held a hand over her mouth and looked around, frantic. There were no napkins on the table, nor anything else to dry her eyes.
A light switch flipped in Serena's head. She reached into her bag and dug into it. She had just the thing for the occasion.
While she searched, she saw Lillie turn in her chair, reach into her own bag, and do the same, sniffling like mad the whole time, trying her best to keep quiet. It was no use. Serena was certain everyone in the café was looking at the two of them.
Serena felt the familiar fabric between her fingers. She pulled it toward the mouth of the bag. Before she pulled it all the way out, the light hit it, and she paused.
Ash's handkerchief.
In her moment of hesitation, Lillie rose from her seat.
"Excuse me," she said through tears. She ran to the bathroom.
Not long after Lillie left, the man from behind the counter brought their drinks to the table. When he saw that Lillie was missing, Serena explained that she had run off to the bathroom, and he offered to hold onto Lillie's drink until she came back to keep it warm. And so, Serena sat at the table, sipping her tea alone.
The tea was fragrant. She supposed she should not have been surprised. It seemed like everything in Alola had flowers either on it or in it. Lillie was even named after a flower.
Serena pursed her lips and stared at her teacup. While a trail of steam rose from it, waves of shame washed over her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't give Lillie the handkerchief. She knew Ash would have given it to Lillie in a heartbeat.
She stuffed the handkerchief back into the bottom of her bag. Her hand grazed against paper. She knew all too well what she had found. It was Aria's final letter. She pulled it out.
The irony was perfect. Aria was wrong. Serena knew she wasn't selfless. What had just transpired was all the evidence needed to prove it. The whole time, while Aria told her again and again how wonderful she was, Serena knew the truth, but never wanted to admit it. Her generosity only went so far. Her good will had a limit.
Serena unfolded the letter. Her eyes traced the final few lines of it again and again. She was not what Aria claimed she was. If anything, Lillie was. Kind, beautiful, selfless beyond measure. In comparison, what did that make her?
What was she anymore? She had abandoned everything about herself and her old life to be here. She blackmailed a friend for money. She lied to everyone. She finally had what she had always wanted, and it wasn't enough.
The bonfire on the beach felt like it was a world away. So much for being enough. Nothing was enough. Not her, not Ash, not their relationship. Not all the money in the world. Perhaps her own personal fortune was another trick, too. It gave her the ability to make any stupid decision she desired. Truly, a brilliant riposte.
For a fleeting second, Serena considered tearing the letter to shreds. But then, before her mind could spiral further down the drain, she caught sight of Lillie out of the corner of her eye. She folded the letter up again and placed it back in her bag.
Lillie returned to the table. There was an expression on her face that Serena had not seen before. Though Lillie's eyes and cheeks were red, there was something there other than embarrassment.
There was hope.
"I apologize for that," said Lillie, taking her seat.
"Please, don't," said Serena. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Still, I wish I had been able to remain calm," said Lillie. "That was-"
Lillie paused. She looked at her lap for a moment. She exhaled through her nose, lips tight, then looked at Serena again.
"That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," she said.
Serena wasn't sure what to say. All she did was blink.
"So, thank you," said Lillie.
It felt strange to say, but Serena said it anyway.
"You're welcome."
"And, if your offer still stands, I-"
Despite the change in demeanor, it looked like Lillie still had trouble accepting anything from anyone.
"Of course it still stands," said Serena.
"I would like to take you up on it," said Lillie.
"Absolutely, yes," said Serena.
Lillie smiled at her. Serena smiled back. She decided that she had made enough mistakes for one day and that now was the perfect time to get back on track.
In the middle of their silence, Lillie's drink arrived a second time. She gratefully accepted it. She placed her hands around the warm glass, steam rising from it just like Serena's tea. She shut her eyes and sighed.
"I'm not used to this," said Lillie.
"To what?" said Serena.
"To people like you and Ash," said Lillie.
"What do you mean?"
"I've done nothing for either of you, and both of you have done nothing but help me, without me even asking," said Lillie. "I can barely express how grateful I am. I wish I knew how to more appropriately thank you."
"You don't need to do anything more," said Serena.
"I feel like I should," said Lillie.
"Sometimes, it's okay to take without giving in return," said Serena. "I'm still learning that, myself. I know it can be hard. Sometimes, you have to put yourself above others, even if it feels wrong."
"I wish I was better at giving," said Lillie. "I feel like all I do is take."
Serena raised her eyebrows. Lillie did nothing but give.
"The professor tells me I don't owe him anything, but it feels so wrong to me," said Lillie. "He allows me to stay in his lab for free."
"You work for him. You're his assistant!"
"Yes, but I only received that title because I demanded that he let me do something to repay him. I couldn't stand to impose on him without doing something for him in return."
"Wait, what? How did you end up staying at the lab without being Professor Kukui's assistant first?"
"It's… a long story. I'm not sure I should tell it."
"We have time."
"I mean, I shouldn't tell it here."
Lillie pointedly looked in the direction of the other tables with customers. Serena peered over her shoulder. There were only two other people there. Was it really that big of a secret?
Perhaps it was, Serena figured. There was something else for which Lillie was just as protective.
"Is this about Nebby?" she whispered.
Lillie nodded.
"Yes," Lillie whispered back. "I know it must seem strange, but please, don't mention it again. We could easily be overheard in a place as quiet as this."
Serena had to admit that Lillie was right. It was strange. But then, Lillie said something even stranger.
"The short version of the story is that when the professor's wife found out that I needed a place to stay, she convinced him to let me stay in the loft in his lab."
Serena's eyes shot wide open.
"His wife?"
The only reasonable explanation was that Lillie was speaking of some other professor. There was no way that man could be married.
"Yes, his wife," said Lillie. "Professor Kukui is married to Professor Burnet, who works at the Dimensional Research Laboratory on Akala Island."
Serena's brain twisted in a hundred different directions all at once. Professor Kukui could not be married. It was not possible. He lacked basic life skills and basic decorum. He spoke like he was half his age. His cooking skills were limited to a single dish which he prepared for all meals regardless of the time of day or occasion. He demonstrated no ability whatsoever to dress himself appropriately. Serena had no reason to believe he owned a shirt, nor shoes that required tying. His regard for his own safety was nonexistent. The building in which he both dwelled and worked was a singularity of ignored consequences, poor impulse control, and property damage.
Serena's pupils shrank. There was someone else she knew who was just like Professor Kukui.
Ash.
Serena's mind scrambled to repair the cracks in the dam. It was a ridiculous comparison. It was unfounded. Professor Kukui was a professor. Ash probably could not spell professor. Professor Kukui was a lunatic who encouraged Pokémon to attack him. Ash was an accomplished trainer and a hero. Professor Kukui was immature, incapable of being deep or introspective, and undoubtedly incompetent at meeting the emotional needs of a spouse. Ash was…
Ash was pretty much the same.
"Are you okay?" said Lillie.
"Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just surprised."
Serena wanted brain bleach. She wanted to disconnect the dots. She wanted to unthink the thoughts. Ash and Professor Kukui weren't the same. They weren't. They just weren't. They couldn't be. She took a huge swig of her tea. It scalded her mouth. It burned as it went down her throat. It made her eyes water. It brought her back to reality.
"He's very lucky," said Lillie. "Professor Burnet is such a lovely woman. She has also helped me so much since I arrived here. She…"
Lillie took a long drink from her glass. She put it down, even though she was trying to hide it, Serena saw the smile on her face.
"She's been almost like a real mother to me," said Lillie.
Lillie's smile faded. She stared into her glass.
"You must have a nice mother, letting you travel all over the world like you are," said Lillie.
Serena looked at her teacup. It was still almost full, but she didn't want any more. She had too many things to reconsider.
"I do," she said.
Serena was glad that Lillie was content to linger over her drink. There was one more thing she had to do before they left the Pokémon Center, and she needed to do it alone.
She sat at the phone kiosk. Despite the burning tea, she was cold. It was just like the last time. Her fingertips jittered. She could not believe she was about to do this. It was insane. She wasn't sure what she hoped to accomplish, but she figured that something was better than nothing.
She had no idea what time it was in Kalos. She didn't even know if it was the same day. She didn't care. It was now or never. If she lost her nerve, she knew she wouldn't find it again.
Hands trembling, she dialed the number. While the phone rang, she wrapped her arms around herself. She waited.
Then, a click.
"Hello?"
"Hi, mom."
"Serena?"
The video feed came in. Grace stared back at her. She was in the kitchen, dressed in her coveralls. It looked dark all around.
"Serena, is that really you? What in the world are you doing calling so early in the morning? Are you alright?"
So many questions. Serena expected them. She expected many more.
"Yes, mom, it's me. I'm okay. I didn't realize it was morning, though. Sorry."
"You didn't realize?" said Grace. "What? Where are you?"
Serena bit her lip. It was time to bite the bullet.
"Alola."
"Alola? Serena, I-"
"It's okay, mom. I'm doing fine."
"How? How in the world did you get there? And why? You told me you wanted to go to Kanto! What are you doing there?"
"I'm here with Ash. We're staying with a professor who wanted to study Ash and his Pokémon to help with his research. He paid for us to come here."
It wasn't entirely true. Serena hoped it didn't show on her face.
"And I got some help from my friends," she said. She looked up at the brim of her new hat, as though pointing at it with her eyes.
Grace looked like she was going to say something, but instead she exhaled and ran a hand over her forehead. She shook her head, her eyes not visible to the camera.
There was silence. Serena broke it.
"How have you been?" she asked.
Grace looked up at the camera. Her entire face was tight. Her expression softened when she spoke, if only slightly.
"Angry," said Grace. "And worried. I wish you had told me about what was going on sooner. I was concerned that something terrible happened to you."
Guilt. It was so familiar.
"I'm sorry," said Serena.
"I'm just relieved that you're okay," said Grace.
There was more silence. Serena's pulse quickened.
"Mom."
Grace looked confused.
"Yes? I'm here. I can hear you. Can you hear me?"
"I mean it," said Serena. "I'm sorry. I really am."
Grace looked even more confused. She looked as though she were about to say something, but Serena interrupted her.
"I've met someone here," said Serena. "Someone a lot like me, except... I think she had a really bad childhood. She's always afraid of upsetting people. She's so afraid of taking help from anybody. She's not used to people being nice to her. She cried when I told her I considered her a friend."
"I... see," said Grace. Her face fell.
Serena bit her lip. She shook her head.
"And... I think things with her mom are really messed up," she said. "She's around my age, but she's never been allowed to pick out her own clothes. She told me that I must have a really nice mom, letting me travel on my own."
Grace was silent. Serena swallowed.
"I want to help her," she said. "I don't think she's ever had a friend before. I want to be the friend she deserves."
Serena bit her tongue. There was an extended silence.
"Well, I understand why you didn't want to tell me about where you were going," said Grace. She shook her head. "Honestly, I wouldn't have told me, either."
Serena looked directly into the camera. Her mouth hung open.
"I'm sorry, too," said Grace.
Of all the possible outcomes Serena had expected, this was never one of them.
"I've had a lot of time to think," said Grace. "Since the last time we talked, but really, since you left home. We've fought so much over years. It's hard not to think about it, now that it's always so quiet around here."
Serena wasn't certain her heart was beating.
"I feel like I've done nothing but fight my whole life. With my mother, with your father, with other racers, with you. Since you've been gone, this has been the first time in my life I haven't had anyone around to fight with. It made me realize something."
Grace let out a long breath through her nose. She looked into the camera.
"I don't want to fight anymore," she said.
"Mom…"
Serena held a hand over her mouth. She gripped her seat with her other hand, for fear of falling out of it. As if to lighten the mood, Grace pointed at the screen.
"I'm still angry with you, though," she said. "There's no getting around that. I still think you're in over your head, following Ash there. I'm not going to change my mind about that."
Serena's shoulders slumped.
"However," said Grace, "you are still my daughter, and I still love you."
Serena could only imagine what Lillie would have thought of this conversation.
"I don't want you to have to be afraid to come home," said Grace. "I want you to know that you're still welcome here, always. I can't promise you that we won't argue, whenever you do come home, but I want to promise you that-"
Grace paused for a moment, thinking about her words.
"That I will do my best to be a better mother," she said.
"Mom…"
Serena had no idea how she was holding back tears. Somehow, they weren't coming. She supposed she was too stunned, her brain too dumbfounded for them.
"I know it won't be easy for me," said Grace. "It hasn't been easy, seeing you leave. But, you're almost all grown up now. You're practically already out on your own. You get to make your own decisions, whether or not I like it. I'm the one who has to learn to handle that. It's your life to live, not mine."
"Mom, I-"
Serena could barely believe her ears. She struggled to make sense of it.
"I- I promise you I will do my best to be a better daughter," she said. "I don't know when I'm going to come home, but I promise I will, one day. I don't want to fight anymore, either. I just- I just want to find out what I'm supposed to be doing!"
Grace hid a laugh behind pursed lips. She raised one eyebrow and nodded toward the camera.
"Me too," she said.
Serena narrowed her eyes.
"You mean... for yourself?"
"Yes," said Grace.
"But-"
Serena cut herself off. Nothing made any sense at all.
"One of life's dirty little secrets," said Grace. "Nobody knows what they're doing."
Serena's mouth hung open.
"I think what you're doing sounds like a wonderful idea, though," said Grace. "It sounds like this girl really needs a friend."
"I... I don't know exactly what happened to her," said Serena, "but I know she's had a much harder life than me. The more she reveals about herself, the dumber all of the arguments I've had with you feel."
Grace smirked and looked aside.
"If I had known you were going to demonstrate this kind of maturity when you left with Ash, I wouldn't have been so opposed to it in the first place."
"Mom."
"Sorry! Couldn't resist. How are things going between the two of you?"
"Mom!"
"I'm your mother. It's my job to pry."
Serena covered her eyes with her hands for a few seconds. Her cheeks were already red.
"We're doing our best to take things slow right now," she said. "We're both pretty clueless, so we're trying not to get in over our heads."
"Well, that's good," said Grace.
"I just-"
"Hmm?"
Serena hesitated for a moment. Then, the words rushed out.
"I just thought this was what I wanted to do!" she said. "Being with Ash was the only thing I wanted, and now I am, and I thought it was going to be so different! I thought things were going to be-"
Serena struggled and grasped for the word.
"Better," she said.
Grace looked like she had many things to say, but chose to say none of them.
"I thought I was going to be better," said Serena. "I thought I was going to figure things out, but I'm more confused than ever. I have so many thoughts and feelings that don't make sense to me. I'm afraid I'm going to ruin everything."
Grace nodded slowly.
"Love has a way of making people feel like that," she said.
"Is this what love is supposed to be like?" said Serena.
Grace shook her head.
"I'm not the right person to ask," said Grace.
"You're my mom," said Serena.
"And I haven't set a very good example of what love is, have I?" said Grace.
Serena didn't want to answer the question. She didn't have to.
"I wish I had a good answer for you," said Grace. "I think you're going to have to find out the answer for yourself."
Serena stared at the screen, mouth open.
"You really don't know?" said Serena. "You really can't tell me?"
"No," said Grace. "Like I said, nobody knows what they're doing. Certainly not me."
Serena remembered being enraptured by Aria, as she stood beneath the moon, playing the part of the keeper of all her secrets. She hung onto every word like her life depended on it.
What a fool she was.
"I know it's not a satisfying answer, but at least it's an honest one," said Grace. "I wish I could do more to help."
"Well... thank you," said Serena.
"You're welcome, although I'm not sure for what."
"For being honest."
Grace looked like she didn't know what more to say. She looked toward the clock on the wall. She groaned.
"Oh, good grief, the time," she said. "I'm already behind. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I really do need to get going. You know how grumpy Rhyhorn gets when he isn't fed on time in the morning."
"I know," said Serena. She smiled, if only halfway.
"I'm glad you called," said Grace. "I'm not sure how much I can help you, but if you ever need to talk more, I'm right here."
"Thanks, mom."
"I love you. Have a good time!"
At that, Grace waved and turned off the camera. The line clicked off a moment later.
For a few minutes, Serena sat there listening to the dial tone, stunned.
When Serena returned to the café to find Lillie, she had no idea how to explain what had happened. To her good fortune, Lillie did not pry. Serena found Lillie with her nose buried in a book, her glass empty. She appeared taken by surprise when Serena spoke.
"Okay, I'm ready to go now," said Serena.
"Oh! That was quick," said Lillie.
"Not really?" said Serena. "I was on the phone for a while."
Lillie looked down at her book.
"Oh. Hmm. Well, I suppose that's all the more reason we should head home," she said.
"I hope your shoes will be okay," said Serena. "I'm afraid they may never be the same."
The two of them gathered their belongings and headed for the door. All the while, Lillie's wet shoes squelched with every step.
"I like the rain, usually," said Lillie. "I just prefer to enjoy it from indoors."
They stood in the foyer. Serena opened their umbrella.
"I guess it's great reading weather, isn't it?" said Serena.
"Well, yes, it is," said Lillie.
It sounded like Lillie had more to say. Before she could say anything, the sliding glass doors in front of them automatically opened, and the two of them stepped outside into the rain.
They only walked a few steps before Lillie stopped. When Serena realized Lillie was no longer under the umbrella, she hurried to back up and cover her with it again.
But when she did, she found Lillie with her hat off, staring up into the endless gray sky, squinting as the raindrops hit her face.
"Lillie?" said Serena. She extended the umbrella to her.
Lillie laughed.
"Oh, it's so silly," she said.
"What is?" said Serena.
"I used to think this was perfect dancing weather, too," said Lillie.
"Dancing?"
"When I was little, I saw an old movie on TV. There was a man, singing and dancing in the rain. I was so taken by it that I decided to try it for myself."
Lillie stared up at the sky again.
"My mother saw me out in the rain. She ran right outside after me without even bothering to get an umbrella."
Lillie closed her eyes. A distant, bittersweet smile crossed her face.
"And then, she smiled, and she danced with me in the rain."
Serena closed the umbrella.